Author Topic: 5.5 YEARS PORN-FREE!  (Read 197829 times)

Dharmabum

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 276
  • Personal Text
    You are the sky. Everything else is just weather.
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #275 on: January 29, 2015, 06:26:15 AM »
Congrats on the new and substantial changes, Lyon.  From making the divorce amicable to working your way through your panic attack instead of acting out - that's all huge.

Sounds like you're wisely getting your business plan in order as well. 

Keep going, and keep coming back to share, celebrate, rant, whatever you need.  We're here, my friend.

lyon03

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1364
  • Personal Text
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT VIRTUALLY
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #276 on: January 29, 2015, 03:38:40 PM »
Thanks brother! Day 3 Career/Life Reboot (cont'd): Well I was successful in several ways today:

1. No Youtube surfing at all.
2. Focused although family/kids/ex-wife ate up most of my day.
3. Did my (home)work through completing the dreaded paperwork.

While I wanted to focus all day on work issues, that didn't happen. I watched my kids before school at my ex-wife's house this morning, then had a much too long lunch with a friend, followed by babysitting the kids again tonight. It was actually my 10-year old daughter who said, "Dad, you're just around too much. Are you two divorced or what?" I laughed at that. Reminds me that it can be confusing for the kids if we get along too well.

So while the work day was a bit of a wash, my concentration is getting much better. The parallels between my PMO addiction and my inability to focus/concentrate are interesting. Just like the midpoint of my 90-day reboot, I am finding it easier to reboot my concentration/focus which I started roughly 45 days ago. Like my PMO reboot, I'm going to keep posting twice daily about my career/work reboot until I feel I've healed. But there is hope because now when I start working, my PMO mind doesn't dart around looking for a screen fix through Youtube vids or mindless surfing.

Onward and upward my friends! Thanks for reading.

lyon03

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1364
  • Personal Text
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT VIRTUALLY
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #277 on: January 30, 2015, 01:47:16 AM »
Day 4 Career/Life Reboot: I forgot to post last night that I had a heart-to-heart with my son, 12. While I get along well with my ex-wife, I LOVE no longer living with her. As comedian Louis CK says:

"Divorce is FOREVER. Marriage is for how long you can hack it. But divorce just gets stronger like a piece of oak. Nobody ever says, 'Oh my divorce is falling apart.' If you're in a good marriage, stay in it....I'm just saying if you got out, it would be better."

Amen. My ex-wife was raised in an angry household and too often turned her acid tongue on me. I am not an angry person. But after 20+ years of verbal abuse, a move to her hometown in Europe, and spending too much time with my angry in-laws, I became a frustrated and angry man. My addiction simply grew with (our perhaps out of) this anger. Now free of my in-laws and my addiction, I'm much happier but I do worry about my kids as she has primary custody. 

I was talking to my son and he started crying because it seems my wife has now turned her acid tongue on him. The scene was heartbreaking: my son had written me a birthday poem and wanted to read it to his mom. He interrupted a conversation she was having with my ex-mother-in-law. My ex-wife apparently went off on him. He then fled to his room and cried. I wanted to KILL her. But when she got home, I let my son take the initiative of talking to her. She apologized but then strangely started with the voice, which is her angry self taking over. When she finished, I said: "Unfortunately I didn't hear anything you just said because all I heard was anger." The kids agreed. Rather than run from the situation, as I would have in the past, I think I'm going to open up to her about my addiction and suggest some tools for dealing with her anger issues. But I have to walk a fine line between helping and getting sucked back into our toxic relationship. There are a lot of very good techniques I learned from 'Breaking the Cycle' by George Collins. I have recommended this book so many times I should receive freakin' royalties. I'll keep you posted.

On the career reboot front, I'm happy because today I have all day to work on the sh*t I didn't finish yesterday. No need to go into the details of what I want to accomplish today as it's essentially yesterday's list. But I will write this: I am really making an effort to listen and understand what both clients and potential clients are asking. Before I was simply trying to sell them rather than building a long-term relationship. It's working. There was a good example yesterday when I received a client email. I got all up in arms because I found the tone too familiar while at the same time demanding. I took a moment, calmed down, and re-read the message...only to realize it was addressed to his colleague and then copied to me. It's amazing how perspective changes everything.

Thanks for reading nation! I'll check back in this evening with a workday post-mortem. Stay strong. WASTEFUL INTERNET TIME IS NOT AN OPTION.   

 

 



« Last Edit: January 30, 2015, 01:53:48 AM by lyon03 »

ready2go

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 352
  • Personal Text
    Former PMOer since 2015
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #278 on: January 30, 2015, 02:02:06 AM »
Anger is a hard place to live in.  It sounds like porn never even crossed your mind in any of this.  Right on!  Awesome reboot!


u=496865

lyon03

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1364
  • Personal Text
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT VIRTUALLY
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #279 on: January 30, 2015, 02:42:32 PM »
Day 4: Not my best day work wise as I felt myself coming down with my son's stomach flu. But not getting down on myself because I'm seeing a huge improvement in my concentration and focus. (I am bit of a princess when it comes to my health...my father is the same way.) So I took a 1 hour nap as my office and apartment are on different floors of the same building. I awoke with a raging hardon and proceeded to dry hump a pillow. Charming! I then graduated to full on missionary humping before I thought: "I'm f*cking a throw pillow. And I look ridiculous!" This made me laugh which broke the horniness spell...although I'm very happy to see the BF Sunday. Until then, there was work to done so I dressed, felt better, and got back to work. It's now nighttime in Euro-land so I've got the fires blazing, audio book ready, and I'm going to whip up a salmon dinner. Will check in tomorrow nation. Be well. DRY HUMPING IS NOT AN OPTION.   

lyon03

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1364
  • Personal Text
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT VIRTUALLY
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #280 on: January 31, 2015, 01:08:28 AM »
Day 5 of career/life reboot. Wow lots to write this early morning in Europe before I hit the gym. I'm still focusing on my goal of a 30-day career reboot and, come hell or high water, will f*cking make it. I was feeling down yesterday and couldn't put my finger on it. Or should I write, "I couldn't hump the meaning out of a pillow" (read above). This week I was confronted with a number of challenges, namely:

1. Reaching 90 days PMO-free
2. My birthday.
3. Signing divorce papers on my birthday.
4. My ex-wife's seething anger and, in my absence, her nasty habit of lashing out at our son.
5. The daunting task of rebooting my business/career/life and not really knowing where to start.
6. A business transaction went south yesterday.

Yesterday was a wash work-wise, despite my high intentions. I could feel myself going down a familiar porn-like path:

1. Isolation (Cutting off from others).
2. Self-pity ('I'll never achieve my goals').
3. Neediness ('Why hasn't my BF texted me?').
4. Looking for a sexual fix (pillow humping).
5. Wasting time on the internet (Youtube!).
5. Blaming (my ex-wife for her anger issues).

Something happened yesterday that put things into perspective. One of my goals this week was to reach out to a business mentor. I emailed a former client who is a very successful entrepreneur. She and I have always had a brother/sister-type relationship. I was very nervous while coming out to her because I feared rejection. She took the news in stride, if not a little cooly. Just when I started to get self-centred, she hit me with some big news. She mentioned her brother, who I know very well from several business trips together in Europe, was diagnosed with stage 4 skin cancer in late October. He was given 6 weeks to live, then was terminal over the holidays, started a radical and new drug therapy in early January, and is in now apparently in complete remission. I was only thinking of myself and realized her detachment was likely because of her brother's near death just weeks ago. She was in shock. Just like my chat at the gym earlier this week with a kid who survived a near-fatal motorcycle accident, I will again reiterate that most of my problems are imagined.

So rather than scurry away to pornville or my other favourite destination: self-centred-land; I'm going to counter my inner demons with a few changes today:

1. Isolation will become quality time with my son.

2. Self-pity will become planning my coming work week.
 
3. Neediness will be replaced by doing something for my BF who had a tough work week. I'll see him tomorrow and in addition to rocking his world in the bedroom, I think I'll bring over his favourite dish. 

4. Looking for a sexual fix will be replaced by a gym fix this morning.

5. Wasting time on the internet will be replaced by following up on some business leads. Even if I do an hour or two today, I'll feel a sense of accomplishment.

6. Blaming my ex-wife and running from her anger issues will be countered by sharing about my 90-day reboot, letting her know we're in this together, and offering to help in any way I can.

I had a dream last night that I was so desperate, I robbed a local convenience store and (get ready) made my getaway in a pink/purple 80s-era Corvette. I woke up in a bit of a panic, but then realized it was just a dream. The dream made me realize I'm done running from my problems...even in such a fabulous vehicle. I'm done running from life's challenges and/or using porn, sex, or any other addiction to dull the pain. I have to be strong for myself and for my family. I'm ready to start my day. Thanks for reading everyone. LIFE IS AN OPTION, PILLOW HUMPING IS NOT.
« Last Edit: January 31, 2015, 01:24:12 AM by lyon03 »

Patrick

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 331
  • Personal Text
    PORN HAS TO GO NOW!
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #281 on: January 31, 2015, 01:42:59 AM »
Go lyon03!!! Your posts inspire me a lot. I've been to pornville and self-centred-land...and I don't want to go back there or browse their catalogues. What really intrigued and moved me was what you wrote about caring for your BF. That's so sweet. I'd melt if my (as yet non-existent) BF did something like that for me. Sexy! Being friendly to your "enemies" is so rewarding and compassionate. Be well, brother, and have a great day. We can do it!



ready2go

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 352
  • Personal Text
    Former PMOer since 2015
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #282 on: January 31, 2015, 02:31:42 AM »
I really appreciate, Lyon, how you go through the process of evaluation, crticism, and synthesis to come up with a coherent plan on how to execute your strategy of being porn free, wired to the man of your dreams, owning and running a successful business, loving and supporting your family, and caring for us.  The brutal honesty you use to approach your life and what you think goes well and what doesn't, and hold it up for all of us to see - it's an incredible resource me.  Thank you man.  Keep going you're awesome. 


u=496865

chiefmitch88

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 317
  • Personal Text
    We ourselves must walk the path -Buddha
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #283 on: January 31, 2015, 09:49:43 AM »
I display those 6 habits every day myself Lyon. You are unique in many ways but those 6 avoidance behaviors are typical of many men here I think  ;). As you told me, you have the solutions in front of you. Next step is to execute. Start driving that fabulous corvette towards your dreams rather than away from your fears and failures. Not sure if you have heard of The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson but it is a helpful tool. I'm usually not the self-help book type but i think thats only because of the stigma I placed on them before I actually gave them a chance. There are some really useful exercises to break down those goals you have into even more manageable tasks. Love and Peace to you this weekend.


lyon03

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1364
  • Personal Text
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT VIRTUALLY
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #284 on: January 31, 2015, 02:43:44 PM »
Day 5 of career/life reboot. Thanks everyone for your kind posts. Just an update:

1. Isolation will become quality time with my son.

Had my eldest son over for some bonding time. He helped me repaint a bathroom, followed by lunch, then I sprang for Lasergame with his friends. Talk about the most stressful 30 mins of my f*cking life! There is nothing scarier than having a pack of 12-year-old boys hunting you. 

2. Self-pity will become planning my coming work week.


Will do tomorrow evening.

3. Neediness will be replaced by doing something for my BF who had a tough work week. I'll see him tomorrow and in addition to rocking his world in the bedroom, I think I'll bring over his favourite dish. 


Bit late to cook now so I'll just bring a care package with his favourite sugar fixes: chocolate; cranberry juice; and his favourite blackberry jam.
 
4. Looking for a sexual fix will be replaced by a gym fix this morning.

Done. Today worked chest and worked out very very hard. Great stress reliever. Impressed with my results which elicited a "damn!" when checking myself out in the lockerroom mirror before my shower.

5. Wasting time on the internet will be replaced by following up on some business leads. Even if I do an hour or two today, I'll feel a sense of accomplishment.


Done.

6. Blaming my ex-wife and running from her anger issues will be countered by sharing about my 90-day reboot, letting her know we're in this together, and offering to help in any way I can.


Done! We've planned a longer chat Wednesday morning to talk about this and some other things such as finances, kids' educations, etc.

So I go to bed feeling I've accomplished something. Be well nation. SELF-PITY IS NOT AN OPTION.

lyon03

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1364
  • Personal Text
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT VIRTUALLY
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #285 on: February 01, 2015, 02:58:30 PM »
Day 6 of career/life reboot. Still PMO free today (95 days). This is the first time that I had to check how many days it's been...porn is now officially on the mental back burner! Had a fun day enjoying lunch with my BF, his wonderful friends, and their young kids today. I was running late so no sex this morning which should have been disappointing because it's been a week and I'm a VERY sexual person. But strangely I'm ok with it. My former modus operandi when I didn't get my way, be it with sex or with anything else, would be to withdraw, resent, and generally be a whiny b*tch. I also drank a bit at lunch which I've learned is one of my triggers. So rather than go down addict's lane again, while driving home I worked through why I was disappointed and understood that going another week without an orgasm isn't going to kill me. I then stopped at the gym on the way home and worked off my sexual energy doing cardio and back exercises. And now I'm going to participate in a Skype 12-step meeting with Porn Addicts Anonymous "PAA" (www.pornaddictsanonymous.org). I guess the point of this post is while my inner addict started acting up today, I countered it with steps I've learned through my readings, posts on this website, and working the 12 steps of PAA. PAA meeting is just starting so I'll sign off. Thanks everyone for reading, for your kindness, and support. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION. 
« Last Edit: February 02, 2015, 03:41:37 AM by lyon03 »

ready2go

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 352
  • Personal Text
    Former PMOer since 2015
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #286 on: February 01, 2015, 03:16:57 PM »
You are just one awesome dude Lyon;  a success by any measure.


u=496865

ntg

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 273
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #287 on: February 01, 2015, 09:23:11 PM »
Awesome you're making that shift lyon.  This is the point I really am trying to get to myself as well, to be able to rationally understand what I'm feeling, and then to ask myself why, and then to deal with it, before the need to self-soothe sets in.  Awesome progress man!  You're an inspiration bro.  Is PAA solely online?  Is it like a classroom format?
There’s one thing that is guaranteed to increase your feelings of control over your life: a bias toward action.  - Mel Robbins

Feetfirst

  • Guest
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #288 on: February 02, 2015, 02:36:42 AM »
Well done Lyon, your dedication to the cause is an inspiration to me. FF

lyon03

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1364
  • Personal Text
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT VIRTUALLY
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #289 on: February 02, 2015, 04:50:11 AM »
Thanks for your kind posts boys. They're like fabulous glitter on my gay soul.

Day 7 of career/life reboot. 96 days PMO-free. On the work front, today I tried a different technique. I started working straight away, rather than my normal start: aimlessly surfing the internet. It seems to have helped so I've got about 2 hours of work done before I came here. I'll try this again tomorrow because it seems to warm up my work engine so to speak. This past weekend, I had a few epiphanies that I'd like to share again:

1. Not having an orgasm doesn't kill me.  Yesterday I was on a mission to have sex with my boyfriend. But it didn't happen and, shocker, my d*ck didn't fall off. I had a tough week (signing divorce papers for example) and wanted sex for all the wrong reasons: namely to drug the pain. I felt myself going into addict mode but overcame those feelings with the tools/techniques learned through reboot and reading about addiction. I find I'm getting better at catching myself before having a full-on crisis.

2. I dreamed about porn. I had a very f*cked up dream Saturday night. I dreamed I visited a porn studio in Akron, Ohio of all places. Walking up to the studio, I saw row upon row of motor coaches with tinted windows used for 'on-location' porn shoots. Adjacent to the studio was a pavilion where people were apparently dancing and having fun. When I visited the studio, there was a young shirtless guy in the elevator getting ready for his scene. He was high and drinking alcohol straight from the bottle. He blathered on about how great his life was but was so drunk he wasn't really making any sense. I then found myself in a living room with two male porn stars, both doing drugs, and a tired female porn star just staring off into the distance. I interpret this dream as my goodbye to porn. While I enjoyed it for a time, the pavilion/dancers, the seedy underside of the industry and its narcotic effect on me were apparent. There is nothing good that comes from the porn industry. I'm moving on.

I think I'm now ready to deal with life on life's terms. This includes the next step, or my career reboot. As I've often written, porn for me was just the tip of the iceberg. Nine-tenths of my problems were under water. I've identified and continue to deal with the past issues that made me an addict. I get it now. Porn/addiction represent an escape. I am now ready to:

1. Accept the consequences of my homosexuality/addiction: namely my divorce.
2. Deal with my past history, live in the present, and work soberly through the daily challenges life throws at me.
3. No longer seek to escape #2 through any addiction/compulsive behaviours.

I feel better now that I wrote that. Thanks for reading my friends. LIFE WITHOUT PORN IS AN OPTION.

lyon03

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1364
  • Personal Text
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT VIRTUALLY
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #290 on: February 02, 2015, 03:16:49 PM »
Shared this on Patrick's thread and liked it so much (if I do write so myself) I thought I'd re-post it here:

"Thanks for sharing Patrick. I'm not that far ahead of you in reboot so please take my comments accordingly. I feel that porn addiction and the emotions/habits that result in a porn addiction are a bit like a first language. For example, you can spend your whole life living and working in English, but you'll always have an accent. And if you get stressed or angry, you'll revert back to your first language: German. The same applies for addiction I believe. Our first language/habit is addiction: PMO. We can spend our entire lives in recovery, however, when stressed our coping mechanism will never change. I wouldn't get too upset about what happened yesterday because you just fell back on old habits, or your first language so to speak. Like you, I too am in early recovery (96 days). This is a relatively short period of time for me to live PMO-free given my almost 15-20 year porn addiction. My old habits die hard. For example, yesterday I was on a mission to have sex with my BF but it didn't happen. I started down the familiar path of isolation, resentment, anger etc. Through reboot, I've learned several valuable lessons:

1. I cannot hide nor run from life's pains through my drug of choice (a sexualized screen).
2. I have identified the memories/emotions that led to my addiction.
3. I now cope with these feelings immediately before I walk down the path to relapse.

So what am I trying to say? If you are a like me, you need to identify what you were feeling before you did this:

"I had the fantastic ??? idea to write back to a guy who had contacted me via couchsurfing.org (BTW this site has enabled me to have semi-anonymous one-night stands with my hosts, and I can see that I can act out my addiction anywhere.) Anyway, the whole set-up around maybe meeting this guy for a night out got me REALLY excited, mixed with a desperate feeling of "Will I ever find someone for rewiring" and "Everybody has sex, and I don't. I need to be better, more attractive, time's running out, I'm 45 and need to get laid blah blah blah..." BAD start into the day!"

I'd recommend reading "Breaking the Cycle" by George Collins. He has specific techniques to work through what you're feeling before you act out. Again, I am no expert brother. I'm just sharing what worked for me. For example yesterday I was HELL BENT on having sex with my boyfriend. But it didn't happen. My inner addict starting acting up so I worked through what I was really feeling. I know I won't die if I don't have an orgasm, but sex/sexuality are my first languages. So I reverted to "He doesn't love me." which deep down represents feelings of self-hatred, inadequacy and isolation. You reached out to friends to deal with the core problem. That's a victory my friend! I dealt with my problems by mentally working through them, then hitting the gym, and finally posting here.

So in conclusion, I'd simply reach out to your friends before you start using a screen for a dopamine hit. By getting ahead of your triggers/addiction, you'll feel a whole lot better.  You've got the tools, now just remove the screen time as your coping mechanism. Be well my friend. SEMI-SEXUAL WEBSITES ARE NOT AN OPTION."

lyon03

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1364
  • Personal Text
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT VIRTUALLY
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #291 on: February 02, 2015, 03:24:53 PM »
Day 7 of career/life reboot. 96 days PMO-free (cont'd) Mixed day on the career Reboot front. I'm still aimlessly surfing too much and losing focus. Tomorrow I'll try my no-PMO technique of reading rather than surfing when I get distracted. I wrote about it this weekend but have yet to try it. But on a more positive note, when I work I lose track of time as well. It's what I used to refer to during my previous career in finance as 'the burn'. So today was about 50/50 on work/surf time. Perhaps I should just accept I'll always be a bit of a dreamer, I always was during school, and then work accordingly. I'll think about it tonight. I can't forget of course that just over 3 months ago, my idea of a work day was about an hour of work followed by an entire day edging to femdom videos. And just 2 months ago, I would shake myself awake from a dead sleep because of withdrawal. So I can't expect to become lord of the universe in just a few short months. With that thought, I'll sign off my friends. Thanks for your posts, honesty, and support. PORN IS NO LONGER AN OPTION.   
« Last Edit: February 03, 2015, 06:44:07 AM by lyon03 »

ntg

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 273
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #292 on: February 02, 2015, 09:57:03 PM »
I think I'm now ready to deal with life on life's terms. This includes the next step, or my career reboot. As I've often written, porn for me was just the tip of the iceberg. Nine-tenths of my problems were under water. I've identified and continue to deal with the past issues that made me an addict. I get it now. Porn/addiction represent an escape.

This is fantastic bro!  I think that porn is just an escape as well.  After reading Underdog's post on YBR, my whole mindset changed about this whole addiction, from one of abstinence to one of wholeness.  I'm in the same boat as you man, I know I have some issues still that were the catalyst for me turning to porn in the first place.  I have a theory though man, I think once we take care of all the "underwater stuff", porn will not even be a temptation anymore, especially if we're in a loving relationship, and know the realness of true intimacy.  It's like refusing a chocolate bar when we're starving, in order to get a 5 course meal at a fancy restaurant, no comparison whatsoever, in terms of sustenance.

Note: Underdog's post: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0

Mixed day on the career Reboot front. I'm still aimlessly surfing too much and losing focus. Tomorrow I'll try my no-PMO technique of reading rather than surfing when I get distracted.

I did IT for a few years before joining the military, and I was in front of a computer a lot, and I absolutely hated it, because I felt I was just wasting so much time.  It's so easy to just lose track of time because there are so many distractions out there.  I would say it's kind of like the grocery store...if you go there with a list of items to get, you get them and get out; if you go there to "browse", you stay there forever.  Maybe make a list of what you want to accomplish before you start surfing, and stick to it, and see how that goes.  That's the direction I was leaning to when I quit, but the call to learn guns was way more inspiring to me lol.  Peace man.  Hope this helps.
There’s one thing that is guaranteed to increase your feelings of control over your life: a bias toward action.  - Mel Robbins

Leon

  • Guest
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #293 on: February 03, 2015, 12:06:53 AM »
I'm still aimlessly surfing too much and losing focus. Tomorrow I'll try my no-PMO technique of reading rather than surfing when I get distracted. I wrote about it this weekend but have yet to try it. But on a more positive note, when I work I lose track of time as well. It's what I used to refer to during my previous career in finance as 'the burn'. So today was about 50/50 on work/surf time. Perhaps I should just accept I'll always be a bit of a dreamer, I always was during school, and then work accordingly. 

Focus is so important, as to simply drift is a way to haplessly drift into old patterns of thinking, as is true of me. While one can be overly focused so as to obsess, and hence still be thinking about porn albeit in a negative sense (one is still thinking about it), still, one doesn't want to be careless or lack diligence, especially when it comes to what we're coming out of.

In writing my book, or working on my own ventures, I have to watch how much time I spend on Facebook. While what I'm (usually) doing there is helping others, still, it's a time-killer. So, I'll come up with a strategy where I'll only come on when there's 5, or 7 and above notifications. If not, then I'll focus on what I'm to be more productive toward.

Either way, sounds like you have a plan in the works for that, right? Good luck with it.

ready2go

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 352
  • Personal Text
    Former PMOer since 2015
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #294 on: February 03, 2015, 02:01:57 AM »
Yeah guys, I think I need to stay off Facebook too. I've come to the realization that as much fun as it is having my opinions heard and liked, actually no one gives a fuck about them.  I'm clear on the fact everyone has their own lives going on and they are escaping to FB, porn, whatever the cruise and pickup dating sites are I've heard about, etc. 

So Lyon you are doing so well, one day of drifting about in no represents failure.  It's good you're paying attention and observing.  What I observe is maybe it was a day you needed to take off and do something different than try to work  Some days despite our upbringing about productivity for the industrial economic machine, we just need to be human and go do something different and recharge the batteries.  Boredom is a symptom of that I think.

You sounded a bit hard and harsh with yourself buddy.  Not a lecture, not advice, but coaxing and nudging:  do something else.  Take a day or three off and (I don't know where you are exactly) but you know, if you're in Portugal, head for the beach.  if you're in Switzerland, take a tram to the top of somewhere and have hot chocolate.  Go by yourself.  You'll meet interesting people on the way if your SOs can't go with you.

Just saying, get to the bottom of your shit when you can.  In the meantime just do what makes you feel better.   

You're doing awesome and are inspirational.  By the time you wake up and get going today, this will all probably be past anyway.  Cheers!


u=496865

lyon03

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1364
  • Personal Text
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT VIRTUALLY
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #295 on: February 03, 2015, 03:35:16 AM »
Day 8 of career/life reboot. 97 days PMO-free. Thanks boys for the encouragement, links, and kick ass positive juju. What I take away from your suggestions is that I have to change my focus. I'm wrongly focusing on working like I did in finance years ago: suit, tie, 12-14 hour days, big transactions, power lunches, lots of pressure etc. Living in a small town in Europe has killed my former financial career. But I still have a kick ass business and wonderful employees. So today I'm focusing less on the past and more on what I want to accomplish in the present. While I took a moment to post here, I woke up much more motivated today (and with a raging hardon). I agree with the link you provided NTG that beating PMO addiction shouldn't be about pure abstinence, but rather about building a better life. Likewise, today I'm trying to reboot my business rather than simply relive glory days, work a certain number of hours, or just make money. Your posts were very helpful so thanks brothers! Still absolutely no need/urges/drive to watch porn. Quick post as I have to get back to work. Will check in at the end of the day. Be well nation. LIVING IN THE PAST IS NO LONGER AN OPTION.   
« Last Edit: February 03, 2015, 02:24:55 PM by lyon03 »

lyon03

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1364
  • Personal Text
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT VIRTUALLY
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #296 on: February 03, 2015, 02:22:01 PM »
Day 8 of career/life reboot. 97 days PMO-free (cont'd). Success! This is the first day where I feel I've accomplished a lot. It's a great feeling and not surprisingly, an old law school classmate just called me out of the blue. How's that for good mojo? Today felt like day 1 of my PMO reboot, but without the c*ck obsession of course. The details are too boring but I now understand why I was freezing on a web redesign project that has dragged on for almost 10 months. I was pitching what I wanted and sticking to my plan rather than giving clients what they want. It's about letting go to let my business grow without me. So in essence my business was like my marriage: drowning but I refused to let go. It's like switching from porn to hookup sites; it's all the same problem. Thanks boys for helping me work through this. Your posts and encouragement were insightful, helpful, and motivating. On the PMO front, today my morning wood wanted some pillow humping (see earlier posts), but I just laughed that off because, after all, that would mean me having sex with a throw pillow which is absurd. I can wait until Saturday when I see my BF again. And as I told him on the phone, he better rest up Friday night. I'll leave you with that gay visual my friends. Be well. HUMPING INANIMATE (YET SOFT) OBJECTS IS NOT AN OPTION.   
« Last Edit: February 03, 2015, 02:25:23 PM by lyon03 »

Feetfirst

  • Guest
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #297 on: February 03, 2015, 05:46:50 PM »
Ha ha Lyon. That is very funny! It is good to laugh! We have much to be merry about. Glad to hear you are starting to resolve things on work front. Much as we compartmentalize life. In reality its not really like that. Everything affects everything else. I expect as your mind clears from the porn haze you are able to make much clearer judgement on other unrelated aspects. Nice one. Welll done. Have a humping good weekend! ;)

ready2go

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 352
  • Personal Text
    Former PMOer since 2015
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #298 on: February 03, 2015, 06:31:06 PM »
Some things you just cannot unsee. 


u=496865

avesraggiana

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 98
  • Personal Text
    Longterm Flatliner
    • View Profile
Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #299 on: February 04, 2015, 12:00:33 AM »
Some things you just cannot unsee.

I know it! But it's so much fun being titillated by lyon3's antics.