Author Topic: 5.5 YEARS PORN-FREE!  (Read 197834 times)

horpio

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #50 on: December 07, 2014, 05:26:01 PM »
 8) Sounds great lyon3. Life is good.

lyon03

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #51 on: December 08, 2014, 04:56:49 AM »
Day 40!!! For all fellow Christians out there, this is a very symbolic number. 40 days and 40 nights no PMO. While surprised I've made it this far, I worked harder at killing my addiction than I have on anything else. While still a newbie, I can sum up my baby steps of sobriety in the following phases:

PHASE 1: WTF! I had quit many times before so this phase felt a bit like anticipation.
PHASE 2: Withdrawal/education. My brain started f*cking with me to get its fix, but I beat that down by learning everything about porn addiction. Knowledge 1 / Withdrawal 0.
PHASE 3: Drunk chick at prom. This was an emotional roller coaster. I went from euphoric to crying at Sia's 'Chandelier' (at the gym no less.) Very very angry at the addiction.
PHASE 4: Early recovery. I started to gain confidence and reconnect with people. Post-withdrawal, I realized the extent of my addiction and the damage it had done to my life. This is a more reflective stage. Life had colour, taste, and texture again.

So that's where we are today. Happy, somewhat nervous, but every day gaining the strength and confidence to rebuild a life without the porn addiction. I'll keep posting daily until at least 90 days and hopefully will drop my crutches and run again. Thanks for reading and stay strong. PORN IS NOT A F*CKING OPTION.

SO Reboot Partner

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #52 on: December 08, 2014, 07:24:38 AM »
Dear Lyon03 -

I am gobsmacked with your journey. You, my out-and-living-an-authentic-life-of-honesty-and-acceptance-of-ALL-your-beautiful-faults have got your sh*t if not together, at least in small accountable piles.

Addicts are, in my single-subject research experience, willful and narcissistic selfish beasts when it comes to demanding everyone hold their secrets or at least endure the secret-protecting boundaries of behavior that fortify the entitlement of the addiction and thus keeping true and authentic recovery in the future rather than in the here and now. That may be too long and grammatically manky for embroidery on a dish-towel or a snappy quote line, but I believe it to be true after about 500 days as a recovering SO.

Here are the highlights that I admire about you -

You understand that honesty is the only path to true intimacy. Coming out to your wife and the significant people in your life wasn't easy I imagine, but you recognize the cost of keeping secrets for yourself and others. You have bulldozed through the secrets, for yourself and your loved ones, a pathway for honest relationships. Many addicts will keep their secret life secret (often poorly), leading to mistrust and poor or non-existent intimacy (both sexual and non-sexual). Many will defend not telling the SO and then blame the SO for not engaging. The people you care about might not understand now what a gift honesty is, but that is what it is - a rare gift.

You have claimed ownership of your own spirituality. Your being, the way you choose to relate and accept other beings in the world is powerful. In this regard you shine on, you crazy diamond.

You are courageous in your love and respect.
I read one of your posts and was blown away with the compassion and brutal honesty you offered to another wounded person. I ache for all to have this level of courage. Walking on eggshells got most of us here. Too many of us, addicts and SO's alike, think that kind of delicate dance is respect for others. Walking on eggshells or around the truth is not respect; it sure isn't love.

That's all for now, because I don't want to seem like I'm blowing sunshine here or starting a fan-cult. I just hope you sprinkle that good ju-ju around.

Have a great week.
SORP

lyon03

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #53 on: December 08, 2014, 07:46:46 AM »
As I just messaged, thanks sister. I am a bit self-conscious for two reasons: first, I've actually become a cautionary tale; and second, your post is longer and more eloquent than anything I've ever written here. For your next share, please use more profanity, CAPS, and my favourite expressions like 'rub one out.' As you and others have long written here, recovery has two speeds: f*ck it ALL CHIPS IN or fold. Forty days ago, I was such a different person my journey is nothing short of a miracle. But you have to want the miracle, work for it, and stop bullsh*tting yourself. Addiction is nothing short of the longest, nastiest, and most pathetic death possible (akin to being beaten to death by a gang of French mimes). By challenging and beating addiction as you two courageously have, we choose to live, love, and perhaps hurt. But now I'd choose life's most exquisite pain to wasteful wanking to another badly-acted porn video. Keep spreading the word and good karma. Signed, your crazy diamond.   
« Last Edit: December 08, 2014, 08:04:57 AM by lyon03 »

SO Reboot Partner

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #54 on: December 08, 2014, 07:59:58 AM »
I'm no brother, brother.

lyon03

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #55 on: December 08, 2014, 08:03:26 AM »
Noted and corrected above. Thanks sister.

lyon03

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #56 on: December 08, 2014, 03:57:16 PM »
Day 40: Just about to call it a day here in Europe. While business was good, I'm still struggling with getting to my 8 hour workday. BUT I WILL CONQUER!!! And it's starting to seriously piss me off which is usually when I take action. Will keep posting about this latest struggle. When I get pouty, I unfortunately tend to offload (either virtually or in person) on my ex-wife which is the oldest trick in the addict's playbook. But now I've learned to just walk away. She too needs to heal after years of abuse and neglect the poor thing.

This is a note to all married Rebooters:

1. Your wives are not responsible for your porn addiction so stop blaming them.
2. Her (insert strange medical condition) preventing her from having sex with you is bullsh*t.
3. She made up the (insert strange medical condition) because women don't find porn addict husbands desirable.
4. Accept full responsibility for your addiction, tell your wife everything, apologize genuinely and profusely, get a sponsor/accountability partner, post daily, stop PMOing and heal.

I know from experience. No one is a better liar than I was: a closeted gay husband with a porn addiction. With a resume like that, who wants me over for Christmas dinner? I worked in mistruths like Renaissance painters work in oils. Here is another secret: your wives can smell the bullsh*t a mile away. But the glass houses rule certainly applies. A divorcing gay dad and former PMO addict shouldn't be throwing any stones.

So I'm going to read a bit and then get a good night's sleep to try for my 8-hour day again tomorrow. I have to admit, today was a struggle. Dealing with the kids, the ex, their impending move, my daughter's morning tears all tested me today. But I didn't give in because PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

Thanks for reading!


 

 




« Last Edit: December 10, 2014, 03:01:05 AM by lyon03 »

johngalt75321

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #57 on: December 08, 2014, 06:27:45 PM »
Hey Lyon,

I got behind over the weekend on reading your post but sounds like a lot has happened! But, for what it's worth, the most pressing thought that comes to mind is about the focus issues. After 40 clean days, my gut feeling is that the brain fog should have cleared (and I'm sure a lot of it has). But I do have one question: how's your diet? For me personally, I can't focus/work for shit if I'm loaded with carbs. If your diet is okay, it makes me wonder if you have adult ADD (I have ADD, so not casting stones here). When I'm off my meds, I can't get shit done! Just a thought-I hope this doesn't offend you. I only hate to see you beat yourself up if it's a medical issue.

The other thing that blew me away is your Christianity! I know I'll get some hate for this, but it always shocks me to find gay Christians, considering what the church has done (and still does in many cases) to our kind. I know this isn't true of all Christians, but it is certainly true of Catholics and most Protestant demoninations in the US. It's a little bit like an African American joining the KKK (question: are "African Americans"/black people called African Americans in Europe???). Anyway, not trying to start some drama, but would love to hear your response to this (and sorry for deviating from the focus of this forum)!

Oh, and the other thing that really hit me was your statement "As you and others have long written here, recovery has two speeds: f*ck it ALL CHIPS IN or fold." That is so true! And it scares me, because you can be all hardcore and then boom, you fuck up. So fast. But this isn't something that lends itself to half-adding it, so all we can do is move forward.

Btw, despite your résumé, I would invite you to Christmas dinner. :)

GRINDR IS NOT AN OPTION!

chiefmitch88

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #58 on: December 08, 2014, 08:20:23 PM »
I appreciate that you can be an inspiration to others (myself especially included for the PAA suggestion) even in the midst of a rough day. Glad to see you made it through. I suppose it helps us to get out of our self-centered minds to come and post on other rebooters' journals. Shared experiences bond us together.
"We happy few, we band of brothers."


lyon03

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #59 on: December 09, 2014, 01:24:28 AM »
Day 41: Morning all! That's it. Today is the day. Today will be my 8-hour workday even if I have to kill someone. Yesterday I was starting to relapse into b*tch mode. I now understand that my triggers are guilt and isolation. Not going to go down that road anymore. My ex-wife, lovely woman that she is, got out the snippers and made a play to cut off my b*lls yet again but I've miraculously grown them back overnight. She charged up her arsenal of tears, guilt and shame (or 'TGS' as I call them) but I survived. So the no-PMO warrior has returned! Three weeks until my solo trip to Israel and everything is planned. 3 nights Jerusalem (including New Year's), 3 nights in the Red Sea resort of Eilat for scuba diving, kite surfing, and poolside drinks, and a night in Tel Aviv (Israel's gay capital) before flying back home. Can't bloody wait. Love and prayers to all. Stay strong. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION!   

lyon03

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #60 on: December 09, 2014, 04:58:17 AM »
Just wanted to respond to Johngalt:

1. Religion/Faith: I'm no bible-thumper brother. I'm actually a lapsed Catholic who loathes going to church....too boring. But through another program, I've understood there is a higher power and that by giving over to God/community/others, you battle the selfishness that feeds addiction. Unfortunately, faith is linked to conservative (read: anti-gay) politics in the US but not so in most European countries like where I live. So while I talk the talk, I'm no evangelist (I hope!) but realize that being gay is a gift, and that my God loves me. This helps me love myself. 

2. Diet: I'm a healthy eater and now exercise freak. But you got me thinking. I did have a rather boozy and sleepless weekend with my BF and a group of friends. So I'm going to cut down on the booze, or perhaps give it up, and get lots of rest. I caught up last night and feel like a new man.

3. Xmas: I accept your invitation. But only if you stay off Grindr.

Love D.

lyon03

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #61 on: December 09, 2014, 04:14:02 PM »
Day 41: Ooohhhhh so close. I made it to about 6.5 hours of continuous work before stopping. I have another rule of shutting down the screens/work/internet around 10 p.m. so I can relax for an hour before heading off to bed. But I'm still pretty happy with the results. Just a few weeks ago, I could only concentrate for 3 mins without clicking around the internet...indirectly looking for a porn fix. I now find my concentration has grown by leaps and bounds. While I still have yet to reach my holy grail of 8 hours, I'm no longer white-knuckling it with eyes riveted on my stopwatch. But I'm only 1.5 hours away. Actually I'm happy to concentrate on something else, namely work, other than my porn addiction. In other news, had a great (and private) lunch with the kids at my place, they are so sweet and well-behaved, then super workout at the gym (although I overworked my shoulders) and then some strong sales back at the office. Is this what normal feels like? Thanks for reading everyone. Stay strong. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

lyon03

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #62 on: December 10, 2014, 12:11:49 AM »
Day 42: Good morning Reboot nation! Fitful night's sleep last night. Had divorce on the brain and couldn't fall asleep which is the first time in almost a month that I didn't just doze off. (I'm currently separated from the mother of my 3 wonderful children.) But even after just 5-6 hours sleep, I have tons of energy this morning. That's what happens I guess when you don't feed your brain a steady diet of porn, junky reality TV, and guilt. However, I do feel guilty about going off on another Rebooter in a post yesterday. In retrospect, I was really posting/yelling at my former self rather than encouraging this poor man who is in the early stages of recovery. I was rightfully reprimanded by the website's moderator and will now send a message of apology to this guy. Anger is the tip of relapse so I don't want to go there. On a more positive note, it's my boyfriend's birthday today so we'll be having lunch together....and hopefully some post-lunch dessert together at his place as well. Enough dirty talk. I'm still committed to working my solid 8 hours at the office today. I made it to 6.5 hours yesterday and won't give up. I've tamed the PMO, now I need to get back to work. The countdown has also started for my trip to Israel: just 3 weeks to go! Can't wait. Be well everyone and thanks for reading. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.   
« Last Edit: December 10, 2014, 02:57:34 AM by lyon03 »

lyon03

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #63 on: December 10, 2014, 03:39:33 PM »
Day 42 (cont'd): Damn great day. GAY SEX ALERT Still haven't reached my elusive goal of working 8 full (and timed) hours at the office but I'll get there...even if it kills me. Had a nice interruption to my work day by having lunch at my BF's apartment to celebrate his birthday. He's just turned 18. Gotcha! He's actually 43 (I'm 42). He's such a great guy: honest; handsome; and very very good to me. While I'm still PMO-free and committed to living a life without XXX-vids and death-grip masturbation, I now have another incentive: PMO-free sex is the best thing ever. While in the depths of addiction, I cringe to write that I treated partners a bit like computer screens: it was all about me; mental porn fantasies to stay hard; and of course my orgasm obsession. Natural sex is a bit like eating chocolate for the first time, a delicious and sensual delight. It's wonderful to take your time, focus completely on your partner, forget about your wood, and just enjoy. The result was the strongest orgasm I've ever had. I was almost embarrassed at the strength, quantity, and my volume level. "You almost knocked my picture off the wall," said the BF. I could have high-fived myself. It had been a very long time since I'd felt such an intimate connection with someone. Mild post-sex chaser with a strongish urge to masturbate this evening but then decided to post here. All in all a great day and hope you are having the same. While I had a fun day, my thoughts go out to all the other members struggling with this terrible addiction. I'll make a point to reach out to a few of them before I call it a day. Stay strong brothers. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
« Last Edit: December 10, 2014, 03:41:54 PM by lyon03 »

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #64 on: December 10, 2014, 04:05:09 PM »
Ive had the same experience lyon. The volume of and power of my orgasms is shocking (and surprising to my partner!). One of the nice things about having real sex and leaving the fake stuff behind.


lyon03

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #65 on: December 11, 2014, 12:41:46 AM »
Day 43: Good morning Reboot nation! Just my morning check in from Europe. I finally caught up on my sleep and feel like the worst days of porn-induced insomnia and TV addiction are behind me. During the darkest days of my addiction, I'd scurry around the internet all day at work, edge/masturbate for an hour or two a day, and then feel guilty about it. Then to wind down, at home I'd watch some mindless soft-porn reality show like 'Gigolos' and finally fall asleep at 2-3 a.m. only to re-start the whole messy process the next day. I am astounded at how many years I wasted in this mode. I have come to understand my porn triggers: alcohol; lack of sleep; anger; and poor self-esteem. Alcohol and lack of sleep I can control. While there is alcoholism in my family on my mother's side, I've never been a heavy drinker which is why when I do indulge like I did last weekend, it knocks me on my *ss. So I'm going to cut down on that. As for sleep, I now shut off the screens promptly at 10:15 p.m., read for 45 mins, and then bed at 11. I then wake up without an alarm at around 5:45 or 6:00 a.m. as I did today. Anger I now understand is largely caused by resentment for those who have hurt me in the past. As for my self-esteem, I also understand that my confidence issues are my responsibility. Full stop. I hated myself and chose to let people mistreat me in my daily life (like the ex-wife who I've posted about too much I admit). While there can be cruelty on the part of others, I have to accept I wrote, directed, and casted the play that was my former porn-soaked life. So blaming these actors is absurd. Through my actions, I more or less wrote their lines. They were just playing the parts I gave them. I understand that now and accept 100% that self-esteem starts with me. You teach others how to treat you. I now respect myself and will demand no less of others. Stay strong nation. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

chris73

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #66 on: December 11, 2014, 02:57:40 AM »
Great post, lyon! You made me think that I also have been tired of my routine of an internet addicted - especially when I moved to the new country and bought a smartphone. After that, internet started ruling my life.

You said that people were only playing the parts you gave them. Wisdom words, I learned from it. People just mirror and react to our behavior, whatever it is.

Keep going bro, and congrats for the 42nd day! This too shall pass!

Pheonix

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Re: 30 days porn free. F*ck that was hard.
« Reply #67 on: December 11, 2014, 03:12:47 PM »
Day 31: Natural horniness like today is a gift. I didn't want to MO so I worked out...hard. And given the looks I got in the weight room, my muscles are growing nicely. Can I put another counter on my profile: stop being a total p*ssy? I cringe at the years I wasted with the "poor me" attitude. I used to be a strong willed and confident man. Porn reduced me to a limp dicked little boy. NO MORE. I am more that my addiction, wasting time tugging it in front of a computer screen. Is it wrong to hate my former self? Maybe but it motivates me. But I've moved from the piss and moan stage to getting really f*cking angry at my former addiction. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION. Goodnight and thanks to everyone for your encouragement.

Hey Lyon - Great perspective. I feel the same way. I realize what a waste of a life I was living. I was a limp dicked pussy and it spread into my day to day life and took over my persona. Now I am strong, working out regularly, walking upright and confident, coarsing with testosterone, big fucking balls swinging. I know people notice me now and recognize my transformation. I am glad to be a man again.


lyon03

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #68 on: December 11, 2014, 05:14:26 PM »
Day 43 (cont'd): Pheonix please watch both your language and big ball references lest I relapse. Just kidding brother. Let 'er rip! All clear here in Euroland as I wind down for bed. Another nail in the coffin of my porn addiction. Great day today with gym, work and the kids all to myself. Went to shower at the gym and was like, damn nice pecs! I'm not sure if others have experienced the same but I can only assume the no-PMO is helping with my body chemistry and muscle growth. I looked hot, that is until a guy walked in and saw me bare-*ssed checking myself out/flexing in the mirror like some Jersey Shore jack*ss. Still short of my 8-hour work goal for today but I'll fight that fight again tomorrow and the next day until I win. I'm doing a better job of disengaging from my ex and our toxic relationship so the kid exchange was all business today. Then home for dinner with the kids, bedtime stories, and card tricks: it was like something out of a Disney movie (albeit with a gay father). So nice to have the kids to myself and I find they're more relaxed without the elephant in the room when my ex and I are eating at the same table. So life/happiness 1: porn 0. Although I like to keep it light, I just want to send my love and prayers out to all those suffering through porn addiction. I hope my posts have helped others as much as your sharing/honesty has helped me. Stay strong. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2014, 02:34:20 AM by lyon03 »

horpio

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Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« Reply #69 on: December 11, 2014, 06:14:18 PM »
Hey buddy, I'll catch up on your journal over the weekend. There's a lot of stuff  ;D Have a great day.

lyon03

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LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
« Reply #70 on: December 12, 2014, 03:04:02 AM »
Yes I'm a rather prolific writer...Reboot's own Oscar Wilde. Day 44: Just 1 day shy of the very symbolic mid-way point of my 90 day (now 1 year) Reboot. My counter says I'm 12% of the way to a year without porn but how can you quantify getting your life back? Every day we are faced with choices, or perhaps forks in the road. Bad decisions lead you down the wrong path. A lifetime of bad decisions led me to contemplate suicide just last December. What a difference a day, 44 days, or a year makes. I now understand that porn wasn't all that was wrong in my life. It was simply the manifestation of a state of mind. I started the path of healing last year. Along the way porn, anonymous sex, a broken marriage, and toxic people simply didn't fit. Last spring I started to feel the disconnect and looking back that was when the real healing started. Unlike the younger guys posting on this website, while we 40+ PMO addicts may get our boners back more quickly, I think we have a lot more emotional damage to deal with once the porn fog lifts. I'm navigating this minefield now. It's like backtracking along the path to your starting point. We have to go back through all of our wrong decisions and deal with them. I'm now back where I started 20 years ago and understand all of my problems stem from denying, hiding, and lying about my sexuality. Incredible that this one wrong decision led me down the path of addiction and shame. I'm ready to walk the path of truth. Yes there will be wrong decisions and wrong turns, however porn will no longer obscure my destination. At every wrong turn, I'll detect and correct it more quickly and honestly without the porn fog. This will ensure I follow the right path to a shining life of happiness and fulfillment. Yes I'll lose my way from time to time, we all do, but I'll never go back to the person I was. So I'm going to focus a bit less on my d*ck, the counter, and avoiding PMO, I'd rather keep my eyes fixed on the horizon, following my path to enlightenment. Wax on! Stay strong everyone. DARKNESS IS NOT AN OPTION. 

« Last Edit: December 12, 2014, 03:12:04 AM by lyon03 »

lyon03

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Re: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
« Reply #71 on: December 12, 2014, 03:06:17 PM »
Day 44: End of the day here in Europe. This was a rather ho-hum week. I had a mild urge to PMO this afternoon but just danced in my office to loud music to ward it off (don't judge!). I think that was a chaser from all the hotties at the gym today. I swear I go to the gym just to eye-f*ck. I also got hard thinking about my BF while showering at the gym but left it untouched as I'm committed to no-fap forever. (In Europe they have individual rather than communal showers so I wasn't sporting wood in front of anyone else.) I'm a complete hypocrite for referring to my junk so much in this post but I do have a point. Just over a month ago, nothing short of a crane could sustain my erection so getting a spontaneous boner thinking about someone I love was a welcome development. Yea phallus! In other news, I'm still not getting any liftoff for my 8-hour/day work plan. Continued failure in this department was making me a bit b*tchy so I'm going to shake it up next week by: 1. Planning my week down to the minute; and 2. Setting smaller goals: working 4 hours Monday; 4.5 hours Tuesday; 5 hours Wednesday; 5.5 hours Thursday; and 6 hours Friday. Once I work an entire week 6 hours/day, I'll then up it to 7, then 8. If anyone has tips, books, or Youtube vids you can recommend about concentration/motivation, I'd love to hear from you. Anyhow Rebootnation, that's it for me this week. I wish everyone a happy and PMO-free weekend. Stay strong. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.



 

johngalt75321

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Re: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
« Reply #72 on: December 13, 2014, 11:16:23 AM »
Hi Lyon,

Sounds like you are crushing it with no PMO! Glad to here that your junk is making progress. ;)

Regarding your 8-hour work day goal, does that include lunch/breaks? Or are you trying to work a solid 8-hours straight (with no interruption). When you say you are failing at your goal, what do you mean? Are you messing around in the Internet, talking to co-workers, etc.? Regardless, I've heard a lot of people talk about meditating really helping focus and discipline. If you don't already, this might help (can't speak from experience, it's a goal of mine, but I haven't committed to it yet).

Take it easy!

SO Reboot Partner

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Re: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
« Reply #73 on: December 13, 2014, 03:47:17 PM »
Day 44: End of the day here in Europe. This was a rather ho-hum week. I had a mild urge to PMO this afternoon but just danced in my office to loud music to ward it off (don't judge!). I think that was a chaser from all the hotties at the gym today. I swear I go to the gym just to eye-f*ck. I also got hard thinking about my BF while showering at the gym but left it untouched as I'm committed to no-fap forever. (In Europe they have individual rather than communal showers so I wasn't sporting wood in front of anyone else.) I'm a complete hypocrite for referring to my junk so much in this post but I do have a point. Just over a month ago, nothing short of a crane could sustain my erection so getting a spontaneous boner thinking about someone I love was a welcome development. Yea phallus! In other news, I'm still not getting any liftoff for my 8-hour/day work plan. Continued failure in this department was making me a bit b*tchy so I'm going to shake it up next week by: 1. Planning my week down to the minute; and 2. Setting smaller goals: working 4 hours Monday; 4.5 hours Tuesday; 5 hours Wednesday; 5.5 hours Thursday; and 6 hours Friday. Once I work an entire week 6 hours/day, I'll then up it to 7, then 8. If anyone has tips, books, or Youtube vids you can recommend about concentration/motivation, I'd love to hear from you. Anyhow Rebootnation, that's it for me this week. I wish everyone a happy and PMO-free weekend. Stay strong. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
 

LOL, "watcher getting too chummy with that thing, Harry, it will lead you on terrible adventures!" I know your name isn't Harry, but it sounds better than Lyon when I read that sentence aloud. Forgive me, I do not have a penis, but I do have ears to hear myself read aloud. I suspect you have two ears and some squishy matter between them and that is probably very notable too, if we are praising body parts.

Anyway, I think every man should be friends with his member, but steer clear of any kind of financial or directional advice from the dang thing. You two have been friends for much longer than you and the ex-wife or the current bf and it is perfectly natural to be proud it is behaving like a proper friend with prickly leather baggage. Just don't get into a co-dependent friendship with the thing. It will borrow money, visit you at work or odd hours and drink all the good liquor (or at least the feel good drugs from your brain) AND expect you to lie and make excuses. You are so much smarter than that, Harry.

You seem like a good dad and that has nothing to do with your penis, everything to do with manhood.

I am listening to "Paddle Your Own Canoe" by Nick Offerman on audible and laughing a lot. I listened to "Six to Eight Black Men" read and written by David Sedaris (it's on you tube) as my holiday treat and laughed my self silly. I love David Sedaris. I'm not going to make any penis/reboot suggestions because you can't paddle a canoe with one of those and frankly, that topic isn't as funny as David Sedaris. Live a little.

Kind regards,
SORP

lyon03

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Re: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
« Reply #74 on: December 13, 2014, 04:49:32 PM »
Day 45: Well hot damn I'm mid-way through my 90-day reboot! I have to agree with other Rebooters that while the first 30 were truly white-knuckle and somewhat reminiscent of the withdrawal scene from 'Trainspotting' (check it out), time really flew from 30-45. I can only hope to maintain the same momentum through 60, 90, and beyond. While at 45 I'm still a relative newbie, I am committed to remaining PMO free for the rest of my life. With me it's not maybe, although I've done that many many times before, this time it was a question of life or death. When I think of myself a year ago, I am both scared and humbled that yanking in front of a computer screen had so f*cked with my brain that I actually contemplated suicide. It feels like another person. So while I will forever be a recovering PMO addict, I am no longer porn's b*tch. And to prove it, I survived the ultimate temptation today. I was surfing some gay-related newspaper articles earlier today when a large number of borderline pornographic images suddenly appeared on the right side of my screen. It had zero effect. I simply shut down the page and went on with my day. Me 1 Porn 0. Here is a quick list of positive changes I've seen over the last 45 days of no porn, no masturbation, and no TV. 

- Much happier and, most importantly, feel I deserve to be happy
- Sleeping better
- Concentration getting better (see below)*
- Working harder/more motivated
- Brain more hungry for knowledge to the point that I now find movies (I've watched 2 in the last month) boring compared to books or stimulating conversation
- No more video games (just another form of porn-like stimulation)
- Less cellphone addiction (I no longer obsessively text or check my texts, less texting at the wheel and put my phone away at the gym)
- More confidence
- Better listener
- Healthier diet and better skin
- More sociable and in tune with other's emotions
- I engage in conversation with people now and ask their names
- Patient with my kids and just there for them
- Less conflict/blaming with my ex-wife
- Less of a self-centred and whiny b*tch than before
- Less of a need to please others at all cost
- Much better at avoiding or removing toxic people from my life (scraped off the negative in-laws for example)
- Muscle growth at gym has taken off which I can only attribute to perhaps more testosterone
- Erectile dysfunction gone
- Very intense orgasms (almost embarrassingly so)
- Greater intimacy during sex as I am more in tune with my partner
- Absolutely zero pressure to maintain erection nor orgasm during sex making it more carefree and enjoyable than I can honestly remember

So I can write that I like myself more PMO-free. There are however areas that I still need to work on:

- Concentration/motivation: Porn killed both so I'm trying to rebuild my work ethic day by day. This is still a work in progress and is my next challenge. Just to clarify, my goal is 8 hours/day of timed work. Not scr*wing the dog at the office. But actually hours worked. 
- Still have tendency to blame others, namely my ex-wife, which is a classic addict's tool. Also have a minor blips of "why me" after years of porn addiction.
- Working to not talk over people via interrupting or saying in my head: "Come on and finish!" so I can make my point as quickly as possible.

So on the whole, I feel like I'm getting there. Porn takes away self-esteem. I now understand that loving yourself is truly the key to everything (confidence, success, intimacy). Hate yourself as I did and you just invite hateful people into your life. So that's me so far. Thanks for reading. Stay strong nation. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
« Last Edit: December 13, 2014, 05:12:35 PM by lyon03 »