Author Topic: 5 YEARS PORN-FREE!  (Read 168591 times)

seneca

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Re: TWO YEAR UPDATE
« Reply #650 on: October 30, 2016, 02:34:12 PM »
Congratulations   You are an inspiration.

lyon03

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Re: TWO YEAR UPDATE
« Reply #651 on: October 31, 2016, 08:11:24 AM »
Thank you for your kind messages of support. I've received a number of private messages asking about 'the secret' to my success. Mine was a 20+ year addiction that would have killed me. Here is how I made it this far: hit rock bottom October 28, 2014; set a goal (a life without porn) October 29, 2014; posted here daily for my first year; joined a 12-step program for porn addiction (www.pornaddictsanonymous.org); brutal honesty with myself and others; no more isolation/hiding by encouraging fellow rebooters; read EVERYTHING about porn addiction, addiction, and self-improvement; and attacked my addiction from every f*cking angle until I prevailed. There is a member of my 12-step program who also stopped watching porn. Why? Because the police caught him with child pornography and all of his online time is now strictly supervised. This man ended his porn addiction because to relapse would mean going to jail. Why am I sharing this? My addictions to porn, sex, and masturbation almost drove me to commit suicide. So for me the stakes were very clear: porn = death. For my fellow rebooter: porn = jail. We both chose freedom because we didn't have a choice. If you are still struggling with porn addiction, it's time to get very clear about how porn is killing both you and your loved ones. I got very clear in October 2014 and understanding the consequences of my addictions forced me to deal with them. My 'secret' is that I had two choices, live a porn-free life or die fapping in front of a computer screen. I'm glad I chose life my friends. I hope that helps someone get just another minute, hour, day, or week porn-free.  PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
« Last Edit: October 31, 2016, 08:13:01 AM by lyon03 »

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Re: TWO YEAR UPDATE
« Reply #652 on: October 31, 2016, 04:17:21 PM »
So it was "Live free or die"  New Hampshire state motto.  A good one if I must say so.

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Re: TWO YEAR UPDATE
« Reply #653 on: November 08, 2016, 03:09:16 PM »
Always good to read your posts. Thanks.
NGU

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Re: TWO YEAR UPDATE
« Reply #654 on: November 25, 2016, 12:03:52 PM »
Wow, Lyon03, great journal/journey! Thanks for sharing. I'm a little over 30 days clean with PMO, but I'm struggling with M/MO. Any advice in that department? Was this something that naturally just fell away for you, or did you struggle with it at some point? Getting to the point where I choose to M once a month sounds like a great thing to aspire to, but I'm just not sure how to go about it. At the moment I seem to only make it abut 4 days before falling back into M/MO, often even before I'm fully aware of what I'm doing because it is so automatic at this point. Would love to hear your take on this.

lyon03

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Re: TWO YEAR UPDATE
« Reply #655 on: January 05, 2017, 01:39:19 PM »
Happy New Year Reboot Nation! I wish everyone a happy, healthy, and addiction-free 2017. It's been a while between posts so I'm thrilled to provide an update. Tomorrow marks 800 days porn-free for me and life is so much better addiction-free. By way of background, I was a gold-star 20-year porn addict. Before my reboot, which started on October 29, 2014, I would PMO (porn, masturbate, orgasm) three to four hours daily, if not longer. I was addicted to porn, masturbation, and sex (mostly hook ups). While addicted to porn, I suffered from severe erectile dysfunction, insomnia, depression, anxiety, bouts of anger, and a whole host of porn-related problems. While I haven't watched porn for 800 days, in early reboot I struggled with my addictions to masturbation and sex. Now 800 days later, I'm a changed man. I probably MO about 5-6 times a year, most often the day after very passionate sex which I guess is my own form of chaser effect. Most of my life I used masturbation as a stress reliever and quite honestly now I find it pretty boring. I'm also in a long-term and loving relationship with my boyfriend of 4.5 years. While we have an open relationship, as many gay couples do, sex without intimacy is a bit like masturbation...not really worth it.

What I'm about to share is my own personal opinion, based on my own experience. There is no perfect way to reboot in my opinion because we're all different. Now 800 days porn-free, I believe there are two types of recovery from addiction: people who are simply overcoming bad habits like watching porn, drinking, doing drugs etc; and people who use addictions in order to cope with underlying emotional issues. I fall squarely in the latter category. I used porn to hide my homosexuality and I believe my reboot was successful because I'd come out, separated from my wife, and got therapy all before joining this forum. In my case, rebooting would have been impossible had I continued to deny my homosexuality and remained unhappily married to a woman. Once I came out, I'd mostly dealt with the emotional cause of my porn addiction...or I should write gay porn addiction. This then freed me to deal with my porn-induced dopamine addiction starting October 29, 2014.

The other thing I've learned is there is no failure until I give up. While I stopped watching porn in October 2014, my addictions to masturbation and sex took a little more time to overcome. I white-knuckled and went about 100 days (I think) without masturbating and about the same amount of time without hooking up with guys outside of my long-term relationship. It's proven science that we need between 90 to 120 days to break the cycle of addiction so I'm a firm believer in doing at least a "hard 90" to stop an addictive behaviour. However, it took me a while to learn that masturbating or hooking up from time were simply part of my journey, not failures. I could have easily struggled with porn relapsing time and time again but as long as I have a goal and I'm trying, I firmly believe I'm winning. What knocks so many people off the wagon and perhaps off this forum, is the shame associated with relapse. So please don't give up if you're relapsing. Just keep sharing here and attacking your addiction from every angle possible. You'll inevitably prevail. 

One final point I wanted to make is this journey was never about my d*ck. Yes I started my reboot to have lots of porn-like sex, powerful erections, and geyser-like orgasms. Porn conditioned me to see sex the wrong way. How can I explain this? It would be like learning to drive by only watching car chases in action movies. Porn sex and porn bodies are about as close to reality as Hollywood car stunts are to my daily drive. Porn is unattainable fantasy. What I needed was intimacy. Now when I'm having sex, I don't even think about orgasm because I'm enjoying myself so much. Intimacy is about touch, laughter, eye contact and being present among other things. While addicted to porn, I was too focused on body parts rather than intimacy. So my reboot was never about my junk. It was always about my brain.

I'll close this rambling post by sharing that porn was like pea-soup fog. While a porn addict, I was lost and couldn't see anything clearly. Quitting porn was like a fog lifting. But that only exposed the broken landscape of my life. When I started to see my problems more clearly, I could have run back to porn for cover...but didn't. So I guess my closing argument is that quitting porn was just the beginning of a journey to better myself. But ending my addictions put me on a clearer path in life. I recently went back through some of my previous posts. This forum was a huge help in overcoming my lifelong addiction to porn...both through sharing and supporting others. So please keep posting and supporting others no matter what. Your fellow members learn from both ups and downs.  Thanks for reading friends.

PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2017, 01:42:21 PM by lyon03 »

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Re: 800 DAY UPDATE
« Reply #656 on: January 05, 2017, 02:05:55 PM »
What a nice summary of where your journey took you! It certainly gives hope to me and many others too. I am pleased to hear that I am not alone in looking for the "chaser effect" as you call it. Thank you for sharing.

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Re: 800 DAY UPDATE
« Reply #657 on: January 07, 2017, 08:44:31 AM »
Yay! This so good to read!  The car chase example is so true.  And when you talk about sex not being about orgasm, that is so true.  Now that we, husband and I are along in the journey, I get my whole body touched!  Amazing!  And what a turn on.  If I was a cat, I would purr.  (No female anatomy jokes necessary, lol)   

Good to hear from you!

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Re: 800 DAY UPDATE
« Reply #658 on: January 09, 2017, 04:59:54 AM »
Thank you for posting and setting an example lyon. We sure need guys like you leading the way and showing that quitting for good is possible.

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Re: 800 DAY UPDATE
« Reply #659 on: January 11, 2017, 09:24:32 PM »
@ Lyon03.  I love this place.  It only lacks a "like" button.  Like. Happy New Year to you.  And many happy returns.  Thanks for inspiring all of us. 

Keep broadcasting.  Newbies are born everyday.  There will come a time when our power goes out.  We, The Nation, need to train our replacements.

Much love, and admiration. You have inspired me.  You have inspired many.  You have told them something the addiction wants to keep quiet:  They can be free.

WilliamOneAndDone.

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Re: 800 DAY UPDATE
« Reply #660 on: January 18, 2017, 03:27:50 AM »
Wow thanks everyone. I'm thrilled to get a shout out from you William. You're like the Yoda of reboot. Be well my friends. I'm counting down to 900 days porn-free and will likely check back in at that milestone. Until then, please keep sharing, encouraging others, and living life to the fullest. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

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Re: 800 DAY UPDATE
« Reply #661 on: January 18, 2017, 07:58:02 AM »
I too will add to the chorus in thanking you for sharing your experience. The example of guys that have successfully rebooted are a tremendous inspiration and resource for this forum. Please continue with the periodic updates.

TK-421
I never use porn or masturbate Now.  I am in charge of my life.

lyon03

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900 DAY UPDATE
« Reply #662 on: April 18, 2017, 12:08:53 AM »
Good day nation! I'm writing with a 900 day update. I haven't watched porn in 900 days, or roughly 29.5 months, or just about 2.5 years. Here is my first post (Nov 21-14) on this thread:

"On October 30th, I finally said "f*ck this". I've not watched porn since and never will do it again."

Amen to that. I know that my addictions to porn, masturbation, and sex would have led to suicide. So for me reboot was more than just giving up a PMO habit. It was a life or death choice. For anyone struggling with porn addiction, there is hope. There was a time when I couldn't go three minutes without a porn hit. I know because I timed it. And not too long after realizing I couldn't go three minutes without watching x-rated videos on my computer, I stopped watching porn forever. 

Addictions are like rusty bolts...the older and rustier they are, the more effort it takes to wrench those f*ckers loose. Looking back, I have had an addict brain all of my life. My addictions were the unnatural results of my screwed up thinking. There was a time when I needed to post 2-3 times a day here. Why? Because it took that level of effort to learn how to live addiction-free. It was like undoing all of those years I wasted my soul in front of a computer screen. When posting wasn't enough, I joined www.pornaddictsanonymous.org and worked their 12 steps. When that wasn't enough, I got a sponsor. When that wasn't enough, I attended weekly 12-step meetings. When that wasn't enough, I joined a gym. When that wasn't enough, I got therapy. When that wasn't enough, I read everything I could about my addictions. When you're fighting for your life as I was, you don't bring a dull butter knife. You bring a f*cking bazooka.

So I didn't just stop watching porn, I made recovery/reboot my obsession. I adopted a "porn is not an option" attitude and worked my ass off to live porn-free. I blew all of my addictions and my addictive thinking to smithereens. I've spent the last two years breaking myself down and methodically rebuilding myself into an honest, addiction-free man. Why? Because life is too short to live it virtually.

So how are things today? Much better thanks. I'm not going to lie to you. Reboot isn't some magical band aid to change your life. Most people who have spent decades fapping to internet porn don't have the best lives. In fact, my life was pretty sh*tty (just read my thread if you don't believe me). Porn is like a fog and once you stop using porn, yes the fog lifts but only to expose a broken landscape of a life. Then begins the real challenge and we're faced with two choices: go back to porn for comfort or start fixing our lives. I chose the latter.

My life isn't perfect and yes it still has its challenges, but I'm much more capable of facing my problems without having to jerk to internet porn every day just to feel normal. My health is better; I can concentrate; I work harder; I sleep better; sex is much better without a porn movie playing in my head; and I'm more engaged and engaging with people because I'm not giving off a pervy "I watch porn all day long" vibe. 

So that's me at 900 days my friend. If you're still struggling, adopt a "porn is not an option" stance, and keep attacking your addiction until you prevail. Addiction never makes anything nor any relationship better. I hope that helps my friends. Love to all.

PORN IS NOT AN OPTION AND IT'S NO LONGER PART OF MY LIFE.

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Re: 900 DAY UPDATE
« Reply #663 on: April 18, 2017, 07:37:43 AM »
Hey Lyon, Great to hear from you and I'm so happy you're doing well. You're an inspiration. Thank you and many more happy porn-free days for us all!


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Re: 900 DAY UPDATE
« Reply #664 on: April 18, 2017, 02:21:28 PM »
Glad you're coming back to update, we all need reports from people that have made it to the next level.  There's definitely a series of levels and break throughs, life will never be perfect but at least we're not adrift in the fog.

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Re: 900 DAY UPDATE
« Reply #665 on: April 18, 2017, 03:46:29 PM »
Cheers Lyon! You inspire me, and I'm quite sure (and can see) you do many others. What a legend. So happy to hear you are well clear, and have improved all areas of your life! and thanks very much for coming back to encourage :) Thank you for posting in my journal the other week too - and yep, currently looking at how I am and can do things differently this time around. Some positive changes are coming from work I do in therapy, just to share with you, and from being more present in friendships/relationships (little by little) whilst also seeing how others are present and vulnerable in their interactions too. Scary in some ways, but inspiring (people are!) Anyways! Cheers man.
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

workinprogressUK

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Re: 900 DAY UPDATE
« Reply #666 on: April 19, 2017, 10:22:39 AM »
Great post, Lyon. The positive energy is fizzing off you and I soaked it up like sunshine. You just improved my day. Thanks for that. And porn? It's not an option  :D

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Re: 1000 Days Porn Free
« Reply #667 on: July 25, 2017, 01:26:33 AM »
Good day forum. I'm writing with a 1000-day update. I've now gone 2 years 9 months without porn which is about 1000 days. As I have often shared here, there was a time when I couldn't go three (3) minutes without a porn/screen hit. I know because I timed it. I don't have a great deal of advice to share because each journey is different/unique but I can share that I'm much happier without porn in my life. If you haven't read my thread, here is a brief summary. My dopamine addiction started in my 20s and would have killed me. Before joining this forum and www.pornaddictsanonymous.org, a 12-step programme for porn addiction, I was addicted to porn, sex, and masturbation. I would surf porn for 3-6 hours every day and masturbate daily, often twice daily. In addition to the porn and masturbation, I was also addicted to sex (and a gay sex app called Grindr) so I'd have 1-2 hook ups with men a day. I suffered from severe erectile dysfunction, depression, insomnia, and anxiety to name a few. I was also suicidal. Had I not overcome my addictions, I know for certain that they would have killed me. So reboot/recovery wasn't a choice for me, it was a question of life or death.

When reading over my early posts, it feels a bit like reading a diary from high school. I'm now at a place in my recovery where I'm learning honesty, authenticity, and a self-awareness that I never thought possible. In the past, porn conditioned me to believe that unless I had a perfect body, massive penis, and face of a model, I was somehow unloveable or perhaps undeserving. How sad. Now that I've thrown off the completely false notion that I have to look like a porn star and have sex like a porn star, recovery has allowed me to develop an incredible sense of inner peace and self-awareness. This allows me to connect with people almost instantly. Case in point I've had countless people just say to me spontaneously, "You're a good man" or "I've never worked with someone like you" and so on. I find that complete strangers now grab my hand or touch my shoulder when speaking with me because they somehow feel comfortable around me. Rather than feed my ego, I now get that people are drawn to who I am as a person rather than some false sexual identity I'm putting out there. This is all new to me and a wonderful experience that's spilled over to my love life as well. I've been with the same boyfriend for over five years and our relationship has improved as well. Up until last September, he was closeted with his family and told me he wanted to remain closeted. I told him that I disagreed but respected his decision as I would never live in another man's closet. I left him in June 2016, he told me he wanted to get back together and I did so because I loved him...but on the condition he come out in 90 days (his family all knew anyway). He's been out since last September and we recently went to a family reunion where he put me on his family tree as his partner. I was floored because none of this would have been possible had I not had the self-esteem to stand up for honesty and authenticity in my relationship.

I'll now end this rambling post with my favourite TS Eliot quote: "We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." This is where I am today. I have and always will be me. For a time, I needed my addictions to porn, sex, and masturbation to cope. Reboot taught me the skills to live porn-free, but that was just the beginning of my journey. Porn was nothing but a distraction. What I needed to do was find out why I needed porn and then fix that. It's taken A LOT of time and effort to reach the essence of who I am and, most importantly, to truly love that person. I now truly love myself and this beautiful, authentic, and honest self-awareness allows me to connect with the beautiful people in my life, while deftly avoiding those who would put this hard-earned serenity at risk.

Porn was simply the tip of iceberg my friends. What got me to 1000 days porn-free was understanding the 9/10ths of my problems that were under water and dealing with them. Thanks for reading my rambles friends. I wish you all a happy and healthy day porn-free. Love Lyon. 
« Last Edit: July 25, 2017, 01:29:15 AM by lyon03 »

TakeActionNow

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Re: 1000 Days Porn Free
« Reply #668 on: July 26, 2017, 05:26:15 AM »
lyon03,

I cannot begin to describe how important your message is to all of us.
There is hope and the journey is worthwhile.

thank you so much for being the shining beacon for all of us
« Last Edit: July 26, 2017, 05:56:39 AM by TakeActionNow »
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Re: 1000 Days Porn Free
« Reply #669 on: July 29, 2017, 03:05:33 AM »
Hi Lyon03
So good to see and hear that you're on the good path :-) 2 years 9 months. That is awesome

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Re: 1000 Days Porn Free
« Reply #670 on: July 29, 2017, 07:22:24 AM »
Hey friend, hope you are reading the replies to the posts.  We have known each other a long time.  We are doing fine in my life.  The one thing I can say is that we are so close.  The other is I am surprised at the depth and breadth of the hurt for the partner.  It truly is one day at a time.  I am so thrilled that things in your life have come together.  I wish more people could realize porn is a false need that obscures the real need for attachment.

Good for you for realizing that!   

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Re: 1000 Days Porn Free
« Reply #671 on: September 08, 2017, 09:21:56 AM »
54 days until 3 years porn-free: Thanks for the shout out Gracie. I'm coming back to RN for the countdown to three years porn-free. Why? While I haven't relapsed I can still feel myself falling back into bad porn-like screen habits such as too much social media and watching trashy reality TV. Best to nip that in the bud before it becomes a real problem which is why I'm back. This addiction is a slippery slope. So I'm going to post here daily until three years PMO-free to remain accountable, while also encouraging others. Glad to be back and thanks for reading friends. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.   
« Last Edit: September 08, 2017, 10:48:20 AM by lyon03 »

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Re: 1000 Days Porn Free
« Reply #672 on: September 08, 2017, 10:14:07 AM »
Whew! I've just posted on a whack of other threads. I just wanted to share that one of the greatest tools aiding my recovery was this forum. But none of us are islands, so I'd encourage you to post as well as encourage fellow Rebooters. My porn addiction isolated me from both friends and family alike and I found great support in sharing with like-minded people here. Posting on someone else's thread makes their day and encourages them to follow you. It's win-win. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
« Last Edit: September 08, 2017, 10:49:27 AM by lyon03 »

lyon03

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Re: 1000 Days Porn Free
« Reply #673 on: September 11, 2017, 06:52:14 AM »
Good day team. 51 days until 3 years porn-free / 1 day since watching Youtube. I'm also going to start a YouTube free counter because I'm using it like a type of g-rated porn sub. I have to get back to work so I'll check in again tomorrow. Be well my friends.

TakeActionNow

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Re: 1000 Days Porn Free
« Reply #674 on: September 12, 2017, 12:40:16 AM »
Lyon,

life is good for you and i am very happy for you.

Thank you for coming back too even when you have been successful for so long.

it is so admirable that you remember your roots , and come back to show us that it is possible.

thank you
thank you
thank you
Self Worth, Self Respect, Self Love
Purpose before Person

negativity > depression > ACTION > non-self pity > Goals > growth > STRENGTH > REALITY > Attention > Interests > Challenge > Choice > COURAGE > I LOVE MYSELF > Masculinity > UnBlock > selfheal