Author Topic: 6 YEARS PORN-FREE!  (Read 201469 times)

ready2go

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Re: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
« Reply #250 on: January 25, 2015, 04:38:35 PM »
Awesome Lyon.  Keep it going man.  You're keeping me motivated. 


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lyon03

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Re: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
« Reply #251 on: January 26, 2015, 07:59:31 AM »
Day 89: WTF!? Here I am on the eve of my initial 90-day goal and I'm surprisingly calm. I have to give a shout out to Gabe Deem...or should I call him "Babe" Deem because man is he fine! His courage, honesty, and this website saved me. Reboot has changed my life for the better. I'll do a longer post tomorrow in the 'success' section but I have to credit Deem, author Gary Wilson, and most importantly all the RN members who have encouraged me. This community was a lifeline for me. During this painful process, I was never judged, talked down to, nor criticized. Your love and understanding taught me to be more open, honest, and generous with others than I'd been in decades. Reboot is like seeing life in colour for the first time. There is no going back to the black/white graininess of my porn addiction. Porn is no longer an option. With the exception of tomorrow, I'll probably post more about my career/business reboot. I'm giving myself 60 days to reboot professionally. Thanks for reading my friends. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.
« Last Edit: January 26, 2015, 08:03:27 AM by lyon03 »

Poker

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Re: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
« Reply #252 on: January 26, 2015, 12:27:32 PM »
Congratulations....   this is a big deal.   And I want to thank you, for your openness, and honesty.  Your ability to trust and let us know from the place you're coming from has allowed us to understand exactly haw far you have travelled.   

You haven't just tried to change one area of your life....   You went after everything you didn't like.  I like that you were very detailed, and explained the "why's" and "hows."  You shared what worked.   Mostly though, I like that you gave back.  You were learning, growing, and bursting with an enthusiasm to not just change yourself, but everyone around you too.  You're fucking inspiration, and a great friend.  :)

Look at what you have accomplished in 90 days.....   from where you were, to now.   And you're not even done.  You've merely put yourself in a position where you can now begin to live a life free from all the garbage that once consumed you.  You can follow your true dreams.  Not small desires.  Dreams.   

You've had a lot going on in the last year....  and you made some commitments to change.  I can't wait to read 20 years from now what other commitments you decided to pursue and accomplish.....  because if you can do all this in 90, I can only imagine what the rest of life has in store.

Great job my friend.

Cheers,

p.

p.s.  "Babe Geem"  [Poker lowers his head, puts his hand to his forehead and shakes it....]

ntg

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Re: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
« Reply #253 on: January 26, 2015, 01:36:55 PM »
Great job lyon!  90 days bro!  I know you're going to be able to do the career reboot no problem as well.  As we've all said at one point or another, this is a life reboot, not just a porn reboot.  Stay strong man, I'm going to be posting in that success forum part soon too.
There‚Äôs one thing that is guaranteed to increase your feelings of control over your life: a bias toward action.  - Mel Robbins

Jaystock

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Re: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
« Reply #254 on: January 26, 2015, 11:49:00 PM »
Congratulations  lyon . You are such a positive influence  on everyone in this forum. I'm so very proud of you. Stay strong

lyon03

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Re: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
« Reply #255 on: January 27, 2015, 03:35:28 AM »
Day 90! I just posted this on the 'success' board. Happy reading my friends and, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for your love and support. I couldn't have done this without you.

Me Pre-Reboot: Here is a snapshot of me on October 29, 2014, before rebooting:

- Porn, masturbation, sex addict
- Depressed
- Suicidal
- Severe erectile dysfunction and drippy ejaculations
- Insomnia
- Broken marriage
- Unhappy children
- Pathological liar
- Completely unable to work (my attention span was 3 minutes)
- Addicted to fleshy reality TV
- Addicted to video games
- Suffered from paralysing migraines
- Complete *sshole: angry, full of resent
- Isolated and alone, very anti-social

Me Following Reboot:

- No porn nor masturbation
- In a serious and monogamous gay relationship
- Gaining strength and happiness daily
- Junk works just fine and geyser-like ejaculations
- Insomnia cured: for the first time in my life, I fall asleep when my head hits the pillow and wake up exactly 7-7.5 hrs later
- Divorcing but have a wonderful relationship with my ex-wife
- Kids living with their mother in a nearby town but they are safe, happy, and well-adjusted
- I see the kids all the time and eat at my ex-wife's house 3-4 times a week
- I am brutally honest with myself which helps me be honest and genuine with others
- Getting back to work (career reboot started a few days ago)
- No longer watch TV (prefer reading)
- No longer play video games
- Migraines gone
- Anger gone
- Very social, gaining in confidence (but not arrogance), and feel a real connection to people

My Story: Tomorrow I'll turn 43. Rebooting is the best present I've ever given myself. I felt the tingle of porn addiction as a pre-teen, then started masturbating compulsively at around 14, then graduated to magazines, VHS movies, and eventually the heroin-like high of high-speed internet porn in my early 30s. So I have been a PMO addict for roughly 10-15 years. I married a wonderful woman in 1999, am the father of 3 terrific children, and own my own business. This idyllic life was almost destroyed by a daily porn addiction that I know would have killed me. I used porn to live a virtual closeted life. As a gay father/husband, porn was my only gay sexual outlet. But it gets worse. As many of you know, the brain needs novelty to get the same dopamine high. As such, I graduated from straight porn, to gay porn, to hard-core porn, to deviant pornography. When that no longer worked, I gravitated to the dangerous world of gay hook up sites like Grindr, followed by a string of meaningless hookups and affairs. I came out to my wife in May 2012, f*cked my way through every guy in a 40-mile radius, and still continued to surf porn and masturbate daily. In December 2013, my world came crashing down and I contemplated suicide. On October 29, 2014, 90 days ago, I decided to make a change.

How I did it: Before starting my reboot, I decided to make a complete break with the past. With this in mind, I made the following resolutions: 

1. Lying was no longer an option.
2. Porn was no longer an option.
3. Masturbation was no longer an option.
4. Hook-ups were no longer an option.
5. TV was no longer an option.
6. Toxic relationships were no longer an option.
7. I could not beat this alone.

I had tried, and failed, to stop my chronic PMO habit in the past. The reason I failed was simple: I didn't want to stop. I would stop with the porn for a few days but would creep XXX Tumblr photos. I'd stop for a few weeks but erotic literarture was ok. Rather than surf porn all day, I'd surf a gay hook up site called Grindr. Hookups weren't porn in my mind. I was seriously f*cked up. I call this 'lite beer syndrome'. An alcoholic is an alcoholic even if she switches to lite beer. I was essentially a porn addict but rationalized I had quit because I was f*cking a guy, reading pornographic literature, or jerking to still photos rather than videos. I was lying to myself. My reboot had four distinct phases which I'll now detail.

Phase I: Rock bottom/time for a change: Caution graphic content to follow. There is a great passage in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous which I will paraphrase. The passage reads something like, you can't help an alcoholic until he first wants to help himself. And to do so, he has to hit rock bottom. Two episodes made me want to change my destructive life. The first happened last summer during another day just surfing porn at the office. I was on tumblr and was looking a photos of gay group sex. I stumbled upon a photo of gay men in a 'scat' orgy. This was a picture of naked gay men, arm-in-arm, covered head-to-toe in their own sh*t, following a bareback orgy. I almost vomited. I was a father, husband, and respected business owner looking at filth on my computer. I looked at the picture of my three smiling children and felt an overwhelming sense of shame. Rock bottom for me had two parts. While the revolting picture struck a chord with me, I was still 'enjoying' gay hook ups. My second revelation was just another Saturday at the gym. While I told my wife and children I was at the gym, I would from time to time have a threesome with a gay couple about 30 mins' drive from my house. During our last (and final) encounter in October 2014, we were f*cking away when I caught a glimpse of myself in their floor-to-ceiling closet mirror. I thought, "What the f*ck am I doing?" For me, I needed these epiphanies, these life-changing moments, to change. My point is this: you need to be 100% committed to reboot, otherwise you will fail. In my case, I needed an overwhleming reason to break with the past and the above episodes did just that.

Phase II: Early Reboot/Withdrawal: On October 29, 2014, I joined Porn Addicts Anonymous "PAA" (www.pornaddictsanonymous.org). By joining, I accepted I had an addiction, could not control it, and needed a community to beat it. This was no easy realization. I posted on their website daily, participated (nervously) in weekly Skype meetings, and in mid-November joined Rebootnation. My porn/sex/masturbation habits felt both obsessive and strangely omnipotent. This was then followed by an obsessive need for recovery. What saved me in early reboot was reading everything I could about porn addiction. Gary Wilson's book, "Your Brain on Porn" was a lifesaver. Understanding the science and brain chemistry of my addiction helped me fight it. My judeo-christian programming wrongly made me see my addiction through the fog of catholic guilt, shame, and a lack of moral conviction. Thankfully these were replaced by a deep understanding of dopamine, pleasure centres, DeltaFosB, etc. Through my research, I could better understand and accept withdrawal: my shaking hands and feet; head rushes; flu-like symptoms; aches/pains etc. Knowledge gave me the strength to understand that withdrawal and flatline were healing. They were part of the process rather than permanent. This saved me. But nothing could prepare me for the third stage of reboot.

Phase III: Emotional Reboot: Only when the porn fog lifts do you see the full devastation of your life. I now understand something about addiction: all addictions are an attempt to avoid pain. In my case, I first used porn to hide my homosexuality. Then it became an outlet to avoid all pain, including mundane work-related tasks. I couldn't go 3 minutes without looking for a porn-fix (I know, I timed it). I think this is why so many people relapse when they feel the pain of withdrawal, the uncertainty of flatline, and the crushing reality of our sh*tty lives without the porn fog. Following withdrawal and flatline, both physical, I started the longer and more difficult process of dealing with the emotions, memories, and habits that resulted in my addiction. I posted obsessively on this website and on the PAA website. I got a sponsor/sobriety partner. I read several books about addiction but the best by far was "Breaking the Cycle" by George Collins. In my case, I needed to soberly deal with the memories and episodes in my life that triggered my addiction. I won't go through them all but I had to deal with: traumatic childhood memories; my toxic, co-dependent marriage; a painful firing in my early career; and so on. "Breaking the Cycle" gave me the strength to no longer run from my pain. This part of reboot was the most challenging and it took me almost two months from day 30 through today to identify, confront, and eventually conquer the fear, self-hatred, isolation, and guilt that all fed my PMO addiction. I could not have done this alone.

Phase IV: Early Recovery/Career Reboot: I never in my wildest dreams thought my life could change so much in just 90 days. I went from suicidal to self-posessed. Before reboot, I hated myself so much I wanted to take my own life. How selfish and f*cked up is that? Now I am filled with hope and an incredible sense of purpose about who I am and what I want to accomplish. I devoured the book '7 Habits of Highly Effective People' recommended by a fellow rebooter. And I finally had the courage to write my own obituary just a few weeks ago. Did I want people to eulogize about my d*ck and show photos of me hunched over my computer, fapping away? Hell no! I want a life filled with love, memories, the arts, literature, success...a life filled with happines. Through reboot, I have accepted I am not my mind, nor my sad memories, nor some gay deviant. I am a wonderful person who has so much to contribute to my family and community. Reboot gave me my life back.

Where I am now: Symbolically, I sign my divorce papers on my birthday tomorrow. This will mean freedom from the pain of my toxic marriage. It also frees my ex-wife to find true love and frees our children from living the daily pain of our broken relationship. My ex-wife and I remain close: like a brother and sister. We continue to raise our 3 children together even though she has primary custody. As with any family, there will be struggles but I'm no longer running from life's challenges. One of my hookups actually turned out to be more serious than I thought. So I have found love and have been seeing the same wonderful man for 2.5 years now. We have no secrets and he supports me which is wonderful. We have an amazing sex life and I enjoy an intimate connection with someone rather than my former laser-like focus on mechanical things like erection and orgasm. Through the love of others, I am learning the strength to love and be myself. My business has slowly rebooted along with me. Symbolically, yesterday was one my best sales days ever. I am slowly re-learning how to manage my employees, re-connect with my clients, and set meaningful goals. My goal is not to be rich as this is a hollow aim, but I want to be richly happy and fulfilled by both my professional and personal lives.

So thank you Gabe Deem, Gary Wilson, and the entire reboot community for giving me the tools to take back my life.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2015, 03:37:40 AM by lyon03 »

lyon03

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PS - Just when you think you couldn't appreciate your life anymore, something wonderful happens. Shortly after posting the above message, I hit the gym as I do most mornings (I live in Europe). Three years ago before rebooting, I decided to get back into shape. I can see this was a necessary and integral part of my recovery although I didn't mention it above. I've been working out religiously for the past 3 years and with an almost fanatical intensity since starting my reboot. In short, I went from a pear-shaped slob, to a v-shaped gym bunny. This young guy was looking at me today, then followed me around a bit, asked a few questions, and so I started to chat with him. He's 27, walks with a pronounced limp, has a partially paralyzed right arm, and told me he suffered brain damage due to a motocross accident a few years ago. "How do I get a body like your's?" he asked rather sweetly. "Your pecs are huge." I was speechless. I almost looked behind myself to see if he was really talking to me. He said that the day after he'd graduated with a commerce degree, he felt invincible and so did some reckless things on his motocycle. After crashing, he was in a coma for 7 weeks, then wheelchair for 2 years, then crutches for 6 months, and is now working out to regain his lost mobility. This put things into perspective for me. I have no problems. Or what problems I do have are of my own creation or are largely imagined. This chance meeting reminded me to be thankful, to stay hungry (for happiness, success, friendship, love etc), and most importantly to be kind and caring towards others. So during my next work out, I'm going to help this brave kid in any way I can. He gave me the best gift ever today: he reminded me that while I too often take things for granted, someone, somewhere is dreaming about and hoping for what I already have. Thanks for reading everyone. Be well. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

Bestyear2015

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Thanks for sharing your amazing story. There are no limits to how good life can get!!

avesraggiana

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Bravo, lyon3!  I'm at your feet, with my hat off to you. 

I have loved following your story and reading about your eventual success.  You remain an inspiration and source of hope for me. 

Thank you for describing in detail what your recovery process was and what steps you took to make everything happen.  Your last post is both a success story and a game plan.

Be well and and enjoy yourself, whatever you're doing.

Love always.


chiefmitch88

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So proud of you Lyon! Congratulations on this humongous milestone in your life. This is the most important thing you have ever done for yourself and I am sincerely happy for you. Your strength and leadership have been an incredible source of inspiration to me and many others when it felt like we couldn't go on. I consider myself fortunate to have someone like you in the trenches next to me. Thank you for grabbing me by the arm and dragging me along when I needed it. I pray your life is blessed with all the happiness and fulfillment you deserve. Keep earning it brother!


Poker

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Great job Lyon....   very proud of you....  and very happy for you my friend.  Happy Birthday.

Cheers,

p.

Phase2

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Congrats Lyon! I'm very happy things are working out so much better for you.

Its a shame to think there might be so many other guys out there who are suffering/suicidal who have no idea that porn is messing with their heads. I can honestly say, even though I was a long term PMO porn user, I thought it was 'healthy' and didn't have an inkling that it was causing problems. I stumbled upon YBOP and Gary Wilson's TED talk totally randomly. But once I delved into it my eyes were opened. We all need to help spread the word. Knowledge can help change lives.



savingmysoul

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Grats on 90 days.

I never doubted you - you have been a crucial support for many of us.  You are inspirational, you are strong!

For many who are only acknowledging they have an addiction, to find this site and see your success story - it can only continue to bolster others to fight through and also be successful.

Well done my friend.

Peace.

SMS

lyon03

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90 DAYS CHECK...TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #263 on: January 27, 2015, 04:00:31 PM »
Day 90 PMO free (cont'd): All clean/sober on the PMO front. I'm now going to start posting more regarding my business reboot. Day 2 Business/Career Reboot: Have had record sales yesterday and today and felt really motivated but then things fizzled this afternoon. I now know the pattern. Like my highs/lows in early reboot, I am experiencing the same professional highs (sales) and then lows (mindless internet surfing). I am getting better about focusing on my priorities and delegating the smaller tasks to my staff. This is freeing up my time for bigger-picture tasks. However, I'm still sabotaging myself with client contact, promising and yet not delivering. I'll have to think about that more and work on it tomorrow. Goodnight nation! Thanks for reading.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2015, 04:02:23 PM by lyon03 »

ready2go

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Re: 90-day Reboot Complete: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #264 on: January 27, 2015, 05:01:52 PM »
We are so much alike in business, its crazy.  But then we are all connected and all far more similar than different.  All this difference and uniqueness is some sort of propaganda.  Keep going Lyon.  Your story and your day to day experience, is so inspiring to me.  And Happy Birthday!!  (I'm right behind you with that).  Aquarians Rule!!


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Re: 90-day Reboot Complete: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #265 on: January 28, 2015, 03:25:13 AM »
Hey lyon03, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAN! Hope you're having a smashingly awesome day with all your friends, family, and SO. So glad you're here with us and thank you for your amazing recovery report. Much appreciated and super-interesting. It gives me loads of hope. Keep on truckin' my friend. Looking forward to your new posts and updates and following your journey.


lyon03

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Re: 90-day Reboot Complete: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #266 on: January 28, 2015, 04:18:47 AM »
Day 3 of Career/Business Reboot: Thanks everyone for your kind posts and messages. Today is indeed my birthday: 43! So this is what I consider mid-life for me and today I'm committed to making the second half of my life even better. With this in mind, I'm switching my focus from PMO reboot, to a career/business reboot. This doesn't mean that I believe I'm 'cured' from my porn/sex addiction. Far from it. However, I am at a stage where I believe I've written all I could about my life history and addiction. I simply don't want to make reboot my new obsession, so I've decided to focus on a new reboot with a practical/tangible aim. So starting with the end in mind, my professional mission statement is:

1. To be happy and prosperous in my professional life
2. Happy, fulfilled, motivated, loyal, and committed employees
3. To be a better leader and motivator for my staff
4. To continually improve my businesses (namely my websites)
5. To accept my failures quickly so as to fail my way to success
6. To work in a more focused manner
7. To create a business and lifestyle my three children can inherit
8. Share more through: asking for help; really listening to others; and learning from other's mistakes
9. To define business success as achieving the above, rather than simply numbers in a bank account.

Now that I have defined my overall professional mission, I want to achieve the following goals in the next 30 days:

1. No more wasteful internet time (no more Youtube and not more than 30 mins/day on the RN website).
2. Meet or exceed my sales goals.
3. Go live with a website (currently under construction) that will set the bar for my industry.
4. Share my 1, 2, and 5-year plans with my employees so we're all working towards the same goals.
5. Develop relationships with my clients through: listening; a 'win/win' business ethic; exceeding their expectations; and keeping my promises.
6. Find a business mentor (like a sobriety buddy but for business)
7. Stop trying to please everyone (staff and service providers) which only frustrates me and spoils them.
8. Pay all bills in a timely manner.
9. Post my progress twice daily on the RN website (but without violating goal #1 above). 

I may add to the above from time to time as necessary. Now it's time to get to work! Thanks everyone for reading and stay strong. PORN IS A WASTE OF TIME, AND ULTIMATELY A WASTE OF A LIFE.

« Last Edit: January 28, 2015, 04:21:32 AM by lyon03 »

avesraggiana

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Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #267 on: January 28, 2015, 05:59:46 AM »
Happy Birthday!


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Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #268 on: January 28, 2015, 06:00:46 AM »
Dude!  You did it! 

Congrats!  Keep going, and keep inspiring us all with your massively empowering life reboot!

lyon03

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Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #269 on: January 28, 2015, 10:11:52 AM »
Day 3 of Career/Business Reboot (cont'd): Thanks boys! Back from the lawyer's office and I am officially divorced! We are divorcing by mutual consent, rather than through legal warfare. A judge still has to sign off on our divorce, likely in June, but the effective date will be today: my birthday coincidentally. I had a mild panic attack on the drive home. I am mostly worried about money...aren't we all? But I had a brisk walk outside, worked through the fear, and now feel ready to get back to work. Speaking of which, I had a mixed morning with results. In hindsight, this was probably jitters about signing the divorce papers. But I'm going to apply a few PMO-reboot techniques to stop wasting time. So when I feel myself getting distracted, I will trick my brain by:

1. Read 'The Motivation Manifesto' which was recommended by a fellow rebooter
2. Do work-related things, but which I consider less admin and more 'fun'
3. Jerk off....just kidding brothers. Wanted to make sure you were reading!

Yes I hit 90 days but I've given up P and the MO for life. I find sex is much more intense when I don't masturbate at all. I'll likely update again this evening my friends. Thanks for your love and support. It helps! Be well. 


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Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #270 on: January 28, 2015, 11:26:51 AM »
lol....  I was reading.

Cheers,

p.

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Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #271 on: January 28, 2015, 04:04:24 PM »
your birthday is the 28th of January?

lyon03

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Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #272 on: January 28, 2015, 04:18:39 PM »
Yep. Why? We're twins? Day 3 of the career/reboot. Mixed bag as far as the drifting through cyberspace but I'm getting over my fear of success as evidenced by sales. I'm also taking the time to listen to my clients, rather than wait for the pause at the end of their sentences to continue what I was saying. Listening and reacting seems to be working. My whole work paradigm has changed. For too many years, I thought working was something I did sloppily between PMO sessions. Now I'm focusing more on work, on details, and less on scurrying around on the internet. But my main enemy is Youtube. My brain still aches for screen stimulation which is I guess the after effects of prolonged porn abuse. Any advice on how to work through a cyber (not porn) addiction would be most welcome. Goodnight nation. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

ready2go

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Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #273 on: January 28, 2015, 04:34:35 PM »
I'm no where near taking it on yet, but I too have internet addiction.  Cold turkey is all I can think of.  Later on that one for me, but it will happen. 

My problem is the industry in which I work requires online reporting and billing so I'm saddled with that for now.  But I will hire some of it out and that will cut down on my time needing to be online. 

Just don't turn em on.  Get a book, learn to cook, spend time in bed with your boyfriend, take more walks, check out a museum and a classical concert.  You guys have those amazing cathedrals over there.  Go tour those things.  Lots of stuff to do besides youtube.

Keep going man.  You're just fucking awesome.


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lyon03

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Re: TIME FOR A LIFE/CAREER REBOOT
« Reply #274 on: January 29, 2015, 05:34:09 AM »
Day 3 of my career/life reboot (again): CAUTION GAY CONTENT. If you are homophobic, please understand that what I do with another man in privacy of my bedroom will in no way make you (or your family) gay. Thank you for reading. Signed, Reboot Nation's Pink Army.

My counter is off by a day so rather than obsess about it, I'm just going to get my text in sync. I can do anything...it's my thread! Still PMO-free but lots of spontaneous erections when I think about my BF and everything we're going to do together Sunday morning. Grrrrrr. On the career/business reboot front, I worked non-stop last night before bed. It felt great. I finished around midnight, pleasantly surprised at what I had accomplished. I also set up an apartment in Spain, where I do a lot of business, so that starting in March I'll spend 1 week/month there getting immersed to finally learn the language. One of my goals for 2015 is to improve my Spanish so that felt like a good first step. Today I'm going to:

- Try to understand what potential clients want before selling to them
- Follow up with all sales leads in a friendly, "We want your business. How can we make this work?" manner
- Follow up with all outstanding admin work, namely paperwork (which I hate with a passion), and if I get angry/stuck: delegate!
- Work on the so-long-overdue-and-over-budget-I-want-to-scream-into-a-pillow website redevelopment project but first I'm going to reach out to a trusted contact with web design savvy and chat with a trusted employee. Their input should help me get unstuck.
- NO YOUTUBE! If I feel the urge, I'll read, work on my Spanish course. I'll trick my mind into being productive.

Thanks for reading everyone. Be well. YOUTUBE IS NOT AN OPTION.