Author Topic: Getting my life back  (Read 2453 times)

Freddy

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Getting my life back
« on: October 30, 2014, 04:32:28 AM »
So I´m 33 years old and I have been PMO:ing probably for at least the past 10 years, probably a bit more. Prior to that it was more MO at a rate of perhaps 1/day since I was ~14.

I´m a social guy who would typically have a lot of things going on and have basically always had a gf, except for some shorter periods(the longest being one year). In the relationships sex would typically play a part in the beginning but with time there would be less, down to a frequency of twice a year or similar. I would blame the boring relationship for that normally and never cosnidered that PMO had anything to do with it.

So 2,5 years ago I met my wife and she already after a couple of months caught me on my ED, she could not understand why I would not like to have sex with her all the time and why I would have ED from time to time. Frankly, neither could I, I had never considered that I was suffering from ED, just thought that I was not having sex in my previous relationships due to them(relationship and gf) being boring.

At that point I realized I had a problem and went to the doc who basically prescribed me Viagra + Cialis. These actually worked quite ok for some time but stopped working after a while as they actually need arousal(something I only got from P) to work. I then investigated if I would have some other medical condition but except for slightly low Testosterone levels I was found to be very healthy.

Last spring sometime I found YBOP and this forum and realized that PIED was probably my problem. I had a go at a reboot during summer and managed for something like 30 days and actually had some quite nice sex without any pills during summer. Stress and other problems however got me back on PMO track. During this time I was first suffering from DE(really had to work for it) and occasional PE later(I have the feeling that I am more sensitive when not completely hard).

Now I´m back on the narrow reboot road and have done 16 days without any PMO and am currently flatlining... My wife is currently due to hormonal(pregnant due to our summer activities) reasons not very interested in S so I have some good time to without any pressure reboot and am committed to doing it.

The reason I am writing here is to give me yet another reason not to give in to the urges and mindgames. I just want to get back the feeling of being horny and able to have sex whenever I want without being afraid of ED, DE or PE. Our relationship has until now suffered due to the S problems but so far we have managed anyway.

I´ll try to give you updates(hopefully about my progress) once in a while if you have any questions feel free to ask me!


Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2014, 04:25:56 AM »
One more day behind, still flatlining and expecting that to continue for some weeks still. Energy levels are quite ok and work is rolling forward as normal, getting quite a lot done.
Night wood was present in the first week but hasn´t been there lately.

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2014, 01:24:20 AM »
Almost relapsed, had a quick look at some porn, but stopped and deleted everything. Still on track according to my own principles but need to watch out more in the future or I will relapse at some point.


Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2014, 02:15:45 AM »
The urges to check out if there is some new and interesting P out there are getting stronger by the minute. Any good ideas on how to get those thoughts out of my head?

No PMO yet but I feel like my energy levels are really low, perhaps cold showers could help with that? 20 Days in now and currently flatlining. I really don´t know what to expect, when will my "normal" libido be back, a week, month or year from now?

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #4 on: November 04, 2014, 04:30:52 AM »
Three weeks in now, and in comparison to the last days my energy levels are up a bit and I am getting stuff done at work. No relapsing going on. Still no change(increase) in libido.

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #5 on: November 06, 2014, 12:31:09 PM »
So, had a very brief relapse due to a trigger I had not anticipated. Will avoid that in the future.

Anyway, feels like I am well on my way towards some kind of recovery although my counter is reset.

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #6 on: November 12, 2014, 02:03:12 PM »
No relapses lately... What I am noticing is that after 4-5 days without PMO sex dreams start appearing and libido is up somewhat, same as in my last streak of 22 days. So far no major urges other than that O with wife might be nice.

I am expecting to flatline the coming weeks if this works out like the last time around.

Otherwise nothing noticeable, some NW/MW but that I am getting use to already. Thinking about starting to exercise, perhaps gym or running but haven´t made up my mind yet and I do honestly not know if I have time. Working, traveling(work) and my 11 months old daughter takes up a lot of time.

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #7 on: November 13, 2014, 02:47:27 AM »
Puh, woke up at 5 am with a stonehard NW which would not go away. Felt nice and different. Still expecting to start flatlining again soon.

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #8 on: November 14, 2014, 05:00:58 AM »
Nothing new going on here, still having sex dream every night... No wet dream yet though.

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2014, 08:39:00 AM »
Still hanging in there although the urges to watch P are back once again.

neon tiger

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2014, 09:48:23 AM »
The urges to check out if there is some new and interesting P out there are getting stronger by the minute. Any good ideas on how to get those thoughts out of my head?

Ugh! I get those curiosity urges all the time. There was one site in particular that never failed to deliver what i enjoyed. I would wander but always go back there. what to do?  I don't know really, but last time i thought about it, i remember telling myself "listen dude,. there will always be a fresh supply. Get over it. Its all porn, it will all lead you back to the same feelings and problems you are walking away from"  I reprimanded myself! Talking to myself in third person in these situations makes me realize that those thought and urges come from a part of my brain that is not synched with the other. 

I have a well established workout and exercise habit in place, which i developed while kicking another addiction a few years back.  Its a life saver. I can see how complicated things are with work and a baby, but a 20-30 minute run around the house (if you live in a warmer climate) will go a long way.  Having to go to a gym would complicate it for you i guess, but again, you dont have to go the hardcore 90 minute workout session to reap the benefits.

Best,

Rob


Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #11 on: November 17, 2014, 09:21:09 AM »
The urges are still there and some light peeking has occurred but no deep relapses yet, trying to stay focused!


Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #12 on: November 20, 2014, 06:44:18 AM »
Still hanging in there. It seems though like I really need to have sex soon, fantasies are all over my brain and cannot get them out. I´ll see what I can do about that, feels like my libido would be sufficient for not having ED problems. Probably PE might be an issue due to the long time of obstaining from O.

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #13 on: November 24, 2014, 01:34:09 AM »
Had a busy weekend with a birthday party to arrange and putting up christmas decorations. Still hanging in there and my current streak is 18 days without PMO. In total now 40 days with one PMO. I am indeed literally feeling my libido return but I want it to be 100% back before trying any S, I definitely do not want any problems when I decide to go for it. However lightly touching my wife seems to be enough to get a 50% E nowadays so something has definitively changed from before when I could not get it up even with a lot of stimulation.

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #14 on: December 01, 2014, 02:12:45 AM »
Had some nice S with my wife a couple of days ago, libido kind of disappeared afterwards though. Let us see how long until it returns, probably around a week or so without PMO is needed... But I will try to continue rewiring in this way, hopefully it works and I can keep my libido nice and high.

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #15 on: December 01, 2019, 01:00:45 AM »
So, some years later still in the same boat although somewhat less problematic now since I manage longer streaks without and my ED is better. PE is still there though to some extent but I feel now is the time tonget rid of that as well by totalling end this PMO shit. I thought using this forum again might help me out. Let us see, day 3.

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #16 on: December 02, 2019, 03:24:35 PM »
Day 4, nothing special going on, expecting difficult times to hit at about day 7-8.

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #17 on: December 03, 2019, 05:00:26 AM »
Day 5, business travel today with stay at a hotel. Need to watch out for old PMO habits related to this.

jixu

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #18 on: December 03, 2019, 08:32:23 AM »
Interesting time gap in your journey-looks like you have greatly reduced your viewing time and are now moving in for the final kill shot.  Best wishes as you enter into the terminal eradication phase.  Stay vigilant during your travel !

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #19 on: December 04, 2019, 05:14:38 AM »
Thanks!

Day 6, back home and no problems so far. Quite dead down there.

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #20 on: December 05, 2019, 08:30:45 AM »
Day 7, holding out. No urges

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #21 on: December 06, 2019, 08:53:00 AM »
Day 8. Everything stable, urges for real sex today, might need to do something about that. PIED and some PE(in comparison to years back).

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #22 on: December 07, 2019, 01:21:49 PM »
Day 9, merting up with a friend family with the kids. A bit sick and lying in bed yesterday, felt tempted to PMO.

quitforeverthenwin2

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #23 on: December 07, 2019, 02:31:14 PM »
Welcome back man! At first I didn't notice the time lapse. Man, go all out in finishing this addiction off! It's been long enough dealing with it. Kill it fully. I just read your whole journal, including that first post from 5 years ago. This addiction took a lot from you! Imagine how much better those relationships could have been if it weren't for this addiction. Don't let it take anymore of your time! Keep it up! You're sick, but you know what is worse then being sick in bed? Being in sick in bed AFTER relapsing! So get through it. Do what ever you have to do, enough is enough with this PMO shit.

Freddy

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Re: Getting my life back
« Reply #24 on: December 08, 2019, 08:14:11 AM »
Thanks mate,
I agree, although I have made progress over the years, now it is time to get rid of this pain forever.