Author Topic: Will I be able to get it up?  (Read 6848 times)

rebooterer

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Will I be able to get it up?
« on: April 06, 2014, 01:46:30 AM »
Hello everyone,

I am new to this world and would REALLY appreciate your advice and input. I’ve tried to keep this post as concise as possible. I realize this is lengthy, but I think as a reader you will appreciate the clarity and full detailed info.

To provide a bit of background, I am a 23 year old who has been masturbating since about age 13, and on more or less a 1x/day basis since beginning university at age 18. I would most usually get off to hot facebook photos, and occasionally to video porn, with no real need for escalation of ‘hardcore-ness’ for arousal.

I thought nothing of my habit until January, when I got into bed with a girl for the first time. (I had been shy to approach girls for various reasons, though perhaps the knowing in the back of my mind that I could get myself off with my hand anytime subconsciously contributed to this reservedness.) We were making out and in foreplay for a good while, but at the point of wanting to insert and have sex I could not get adequately hard. I had been drinking (about 8 drinks – shots/beers – over 4 hours), so that could very likely have been the cause of this case of ‘whisky dick’, but I was definitely only buzzed and still totally there mentally (i.e. was quite conscious of not being awkward in my first time), and not hammered. I don’t think it was anxiety-induced ED either as I was with a kind, welcoming girl and it wasn’t like a big buildup of anticipation to the moment of sex…rather, we kind of just naturally got to the stage of penetration but my penis then wouldn’t respond. (Aside: at what level of alcohol consumption does ED generally set in?)

Anyway, we shrugged off the ED in the moment, dismissing it as the booze, but the next day at home I reflected and thought perhaps my ‘excessive masturbation’ could have had a negative effect. I had always assumed I’d be raring to go when the opportunity for sex arose; I am young and very athletic and constantly looking at girls in a sexual light and have before gotten semi-hard and pre-cum just from grinding on girls in clubs. I came across ‘Your Brain on Porn’ online and have read much of the material, seeing many similarities with my ‘symptoms’, many of which I thought nothing of or just as being done with puberty (someone in there 20s shouldn’t be expecting random, spontaneous raging erections like in the middle of 9th grade Spanish class ;).

From the YBOP site’s list, I had been experiencing to varying degrees:
o   Difficulty reaching arousal and/or orgasm with a partner (***first time/alcohol could have been the culprit)
o   Longer time, and if not visuals and least mental imagery needed to achieve erection
o   Less full/hard/durable erections, I think (hadn’t been keeping data on this lol ;)
o   No ‘morning woods’
o   Would quickly have a lot of pre-cum (is this ‘seminal leakage’?)
o   Ejaculating when you are only partly erect, or getting fully-stiff only as I climax
o   In the a) Masturbate to fav porn/images vs b) No porn or fantasy, only sensation test, I could still get an erection with b), so it wasn’t like my penis was not responding, but it definitely took more time/work to achieve and wasn’t quite as strong or durable

I was in to see my doctor regarding something else a few days later, and brought up my ED from that night. I asked if it was possible that my 1x/day masturbating could make my penis tired or create any sort of chemical imbalance, spitting out something embarrassedly about ‘dopamine’. The doc said definitively that my masturbation is healthy, that much of the internet spouts nonsense to try to sell you cures and supplements, and that my alcohol intake that night could definitely have been the culprit. Somewhat comforted, I remained partly unconvinced by her abrupt dismissal of masturbation-induced ED (I hadn’t mentioned PIED specifically). I had recalled occasions where, for whatever reason, I didn’t jerk off for 4 days-1 week and then when I got around to the deed again felt a fuller erection and blew huge loads. So I felt like there was definitely something to be said for letting your penis recharge (unscientific, I know.) Following up on this, the scientific logic on YBOP was so simple – generally, through jerking off and looking at pics so much for an addictive quick dopamine high, I have desensitized myself to dopamine surges, and thus did not get as hard/aroused as I should under ‘normal’ levels of stimulation like real girls/sex. Right?

I have tried to start a ‘no fap’ journey at various points this year since that fateful night, but at first did not get too far. I would average 3-4 days/week where I masturbate (sometimes 1x/day, and an extreme of 5x/day on two occasions). I was conscious of it, though, and, to look at things positively, was ‘weaning’ myself off PMO to an extent.

Since Feb 23, I am 41 days strong into a no-fap/PMO streak, with an initial target of 90 days. I have basically been able to abstain from PMO fully, except for feeling compelled to ‘test’ (to check in on achieving an erection with sensation only or with a photo, and then stopping there….only got to the stage of precum a few times and to what could maybe be considered borderline edging twice). I know this isn’t quite a full hard-mode, but it is pretty damn close and I feel holistically like I am still on the streak of abstention from that need of masturbation/a dopamine hit. The majority of these 41 days have been zero touch.

I am also trying to significantly reduce surfing facebook photos (even if not at all masturbating-related) as much as possible, as this has been such a standard way to kill time – I think for most people in the world! – but I think partially mirrors in a ‘lite’ manner the instant novelty/variety of porn.

I wanted to interpose before getting on to some of my current self-observations in no-fap that I saw my doctor again for a flu-shot and brought up again that I was still worried and had read some compelling material on PIED. She again said alcohol was the likely culprit and that the arousal problems could be psychological, NOT physiological. She didn’t really give any direct disproof of the overstimulation/ dopamine receptors PIED-hypothesis, though, so I remained unconvinced and asked to be referred to an urologist. (Why not, right; better to be too cautious! Great; I’ll get all my questions put to rest, I thought…) The urologist again suggested alcohol as a potential culprit, but when asked ‘at what stage does booze lead to ED’ only said it’s different for everyone – some people 2, some 5, some 16 drinks. He asked how my erections are when masturbating. I replied that I thought maybe somewhat weaker in recent years, and seem to be stronger now in my ‘reboot’/abstinence phase when I test. I asked ‘how do I explain that?…PIED seems to make sense?’ He replied that ‘it is psychological; it’s all in your mind. Some can MO 5x/day and be good in sex, keeping that muscle working; it’s mental.’ He offered a small dose (5mg) of Cialis ‘so that I have a confidence boost’ next time. I guess by that logic he was proffering the tablets as a sort of placebo effect. I said that I ‘didn’t think my problem was with blood flow as I’m super healthy’ (and I don’t want to develop mental dependency on a tablet!). I thought to myself ‘ok, maybe I could buy this in-your-mind notion and I feel more virile now just as part of this no-fap movement’, but, I said to the doc, ‘I was drunk thus not anxious, and I definitely wanted to have sex.’ I quickly described the idea of pixelated overstimulation desensitizing to the real thing and he was implicitly *dismissive* of PIED. Again, like my GP, he didn’t present any directly-refuting logic. I pressed on, saying ‘if I have trouble getting up just to sensation vs to imagery is that a sign of something?...’ He said that’s why we’ll order a blood test (for bioavailable testosterone and prolactin). I welcomed the test, as it’s good to ‘cover your bases’ to make sure all is well, but I didn’t quite follow his logic there either: If testosterone was low, it would affect ALL erections – physically-stimulated or visually-stimulated – wouldn’t it? Anyway, I’m betting I’ll show perfectly normal; I’m an otherwise-totally-healthy high-level athlete. It will be good to see, though, to know for sure. Then I know whether chemical/hormones have had a role in my total lack of aggressiveness/ pursuit of girls, or if it is some combination of natural shyness and secondary effects of PMO.

If I seem so persistent, I want to clarify that, of course, the last thing I want to do is self-infect/diagnose myself with this ED ailment and have myself anxiously believing it to be the case when maybe I’m totally okay and it was just the booze or an unlucky night. But both doctors I’ve seen hadn’t addressed my worry/suggestion of PIED head-on, or even seemed to be familiar with the condition. If they had said ‘no, you don’t have PIED because it entails xxxx and you rather have xxxx’, that would be great. Even if they had said ‘yes, you have severe PIED, but with xxxx treatment regiment it will improve’, that would be great too. Instead, the knowledge and advice they offered left me dissatisfied and unclear.

…Back to where I stand in my no-fap journey - My latest test on Day 40-41:
-   I can look at a relatively softcore pic (e.g. facebook suggestive pic or bikini pic) and get myself up with a couple minutes of fantasy (no touch)
-   I can get up immediately to a NSFW pic (no touch), with just a couple jerks reach 100% stiffness, and as long as I stay engrossed in/focused on the pic/video can keep up the erection without any touch
-   I can close my eyes, fantasize and flex my Kegel muscles and get an essentially full erection within 5-10min, though it becomes soft as soon as I break the mental imagery
-   ***I can get up decently quickly to sensation/touch only (no fantasy), but it doesn’t feel quite as throbblingly-stiff or as long-lasting as an erection with visual stimulation (need to keep jerking to keep it up)

I have seen generally some solid improvements (that I think are real, not just me no-fap-placebo imagining things): 
-   as I said, just by looking at a softcore pic I can fantasize a bit and get essentially fully hard...kind of feels like my mind and dick are more connected, if that makes sense
-   I feel generally more virile/’alive’ – when I’m fully erect I can see my penis pulsing as I guess the blood pumps in sustaining it. I can’t remember having that sort of erection in a long time…and it seems to be correlated with abstention from PMO
-   Another example – messaging with a fallen-through attempted hookup – when I got a text from her that said ‘I wish I had seen this msg’ the next day, I felt a tingling in my pants and was semi-hard and actually had a little precum lol
-   Other than the above case, precum only starts to emerge when I’ve been fully stiff and put in a few strokes. Is this more normal?; it seems healthier than the 'seepage', for lack of a better term, from my M days.
-   Overall, there is still some variability when I ‘test’, but have definitely had some occasions of amazing stiffness/durability from minimal stimulation (either a photo with touch, or touch with no P/Pfantasy)

I’ve read the FAQ answers here to ‘how do I know if my ED is related to my porn use’ and ‘how do you know when you’re rebooted?’ Judging by a lot of Gabe’s check points I'm suspecting I had a mild case of PIED and now am well on my way, though perhaps not fully rebooted. For example:
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=70.0
1: the quality of my erection to sensation-only (as described above) compared to the benchmark using visual stimulus is much better than a few weeks ago (e.g. Day 9 M for 5min to sensation-only – had precum but didn’t get fully hard), though not quite on par. (Should they be literally indistinguishable? Or is it natural that with a pic/video you’ll be slightly more stiff/less fleeting, as it’s an added +1 arousal input?)
2: Yes.
3: Yes.
4: Somewhat.
5. No. (I have only a couple sporadic weak-to-decent morning wood, and no spontaneous erections that I can remember. MWs are only if you wake up during REM sleep, so perhaps I don’t; are they really a necessary sign for being rebooted?)
6. Yes, I think. I don’t know if I had ‘leakage’ before, but, as mentioned, when masturbating pre-cum seems to be more controlled.
7. N/A
8. Yes.
9. N/A
10. N/A

I know there is no single surefire sign/answer, but it seems like success with the ‘sensation only’ masturbation test is the clincher to know if you’re more-or-less healed for ED. Agreed? Because then, in the moment with a real woman, even if the dopamine neurons aren’t super-firing in arousal/imagination/anticipation/fantasy to get an erection, the physical act of arousal/rubbing alone is enough to achieve a strong erection that can do the job.

Anyway, thanks VERY much for taking the time to read this. In summary, I’m interested for any and all input and advice you might have, but specifically:
a)   Do you think, based on my story, I was/am suffering from PIED/a PM addiction? If so, perhaps a mild case (I hope)??? ??
b)   Both doctors have said that the amount of drinks to cause alcohol-induced ED varies by person, which I’m sure is true, but is also the ‘textbook answer’. Does anyone have personal experience/guidelines with ‘drinking and dicking’?
c)   How long should an erection last? (I am encouraged by my strength of erections when testing, but wondering about durability. E.g. if doing sensation only, once you stop rubbing how long should it stay engorged before dying down?)
d)   What does natural libido, as opposed to an MO addiction, feel like? (I don’t know, since masturbating has been part of my life since even before the age where we begin to pursue girls sexually!) Is libido meant to feel like an overwhelming, instinctual, almost-animal urge ‘to stick your dick in something’? I do feel more driven to get out and approach girls now, though I think shyness would still hold me back from being outgoing. Is this ‘flatline’ or ‘weak libido’? Would a natural, strong libido trump all other influences, no shame, and have you thinking, e.g., while in a bar, priority 1 = sex?
e)   Are there professional urologists who do subscribe to or at least have an awareness of the notion of PIED who can be contacted?
f)   Am I ready? Or, as best you can tell, how far along in the recovery am I? I am petrified to get in another situation with a woman and not perform and embarrass myself! Though it will have to happen at some point, as that’s the only way to truly know if you’re healed or not. I want to have sex now (lol), but can wait a bit longer if it means far better odds of ‘success’.

Thanks!!!

Gabe Deem

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Re: Will I be able to get it up?
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2014, 06:12:43 PM »
Hey rogerfaperer,

I took the time to read your very well written detailed post. I'll give you my thoughts.

Quote
I had been drinking (about 8 drinks – shots/beers – over 4 hours), so that could very likely have been the cause of this case of ‘whisky dick’, but I was definitely only buzzed and still totally there mentally

Based on your description I highly doubt that it was whisky dick. Although I cannot say for sure of course.

Quote
I asked if it was possible that my 1x/day masturbating could make my penis tired or create any sort of chemical imbalance, spitting out something embarrassedly about ‘dopamine’.

When doctors here "masturbation" they think masturbation without porn. When they here porn, they probably think VHS tapes and magazines. He is absolutely right to dismiss 1 ejaculation a day being a problem.

Quote
Since Feb 23, I am 41 days strong into a no-fap/PMO streak, with an initial target of 90 days. I have basically been able to abstain from PMO fully, except for feeling compelled to ‘test’

congrats on 41 days man! However, I highly suggest you stop surfing facebook, that very well could be reinforcing PMO behavior and addiction pathways in your brain. You don't have to stay off Facebook forever but just during your reboot that may be a good idea. Also, after reading through your whole post it sounds like you need to stop testing for awhile. I only tested a few times over a year and a half. I suggest only testing briefly like once a month if that. And do so briefly and only to sensation. STAY AWAY FROM THINKING ABOUT PORN or looking at a pic or video. That is reinforcing porn pathways in your brain. You do not want that to happen.

Quote
He asked how my erections are when masturbating.

Docs/urologists always ask this but they don't assume it is always to internet porn. They say if you can masturbate then your fine, but do not think (or even know) that guys with pied have a difficult time masturbating without porn. The guys going into the doc never think to try masturbating without porn. Big problem right there.

Quote
I quickly described the idea of pixelated overstimulation desensitizing to the real thing and he was implicitly *dismissive* of PIED. Again, like my GP, he didn’t present any directly-refuting logic.

He didn't present any logic because he clearly has not learned about PIED, we have seen this hundreds of times by unaware urologists. In his mind when he went to med school he learned that "masturbation does not cause ED." Which is true for young healthy men. But young men wiring their sexual response to a screen was not even on the menu to learn about as this is a brand new problem. He has not idea that "masturbation to internet porn can cause ED"

Quote
I pressed on, saying ‘if I have trouble getting up just to sensation vs to imagery is that a sign of something?...’ He said that’s why we’ll order a blood test (for bioavailable testosterone and prolactin). I welcomed the test, as it’s good to ‘cover your bases’ to make sure all is well, but I didn't quite follow his logic there either: If testosterone was low, it would affect ALL erections

You are a smart man. EXACTLY. He had no idea how to answer your question so he went with we will take a blood test to see, even though that would not explain the problem you just presented. That you can get it up just fine with porn but not as good without. Yes, if you had an organic problem ALL of your erections would be effected. However, since your penis works perfectly fine with pics/videos then that suggests you have conditioned your brain to need porn. And perhaps become desensitized and need a bigger blast of dopamine that porn provides. Great questions you aksed right there!

Quote
I'm suspecting I had a mild case of PIED and now am well on my way, though perhaps not fully rebooted.

After reading all the info you presented I would agree.

Quote
but it seems like success with the ‘sensation only’ masturbation test is the clincher to know if you’re more-or-less healed for ED. Agreed? Because then, in the moment with a real woman, even if the dopamine neurons aren’t super-firing in arousal/imagination/anticipation/fantasy to get an erection, the physical act of arousal/rubbing alone is enough to achieve a strong erection that can do the job.

You nailed it again. If you can get fully erect with touch alone, then you should be able to get fully erect with a partner touching you. Unless there is some anxiety at play.

Quote
e)   Are there professional urologists who do subscribe to or at least have an awareness of the notion of PIED who can be contacted?

Here is a list of porn-induced ED discussion in the media. Many of the articles/links contain urologists who know PIED exists and suggest rebooting to cure it. Scroll down to where it says "porn induced ED in the media:

http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-question

So yes there are many urologists who know this exists. I was just on Global News 16x9 in Canada with a well known urologists who knows it exists. Sadly many doctors and urologists are still clueless to this phenomenon.

Quote
a)   Do you think, based on my story, I was/am suffering from PIED/a PM addiction? If so, perhaps a mild case (I hope)??? ??

Yes, it sounds like mild PIED. A reboot can't hurt to try.

Quote
f)   Am I ready? Or, as best you can tell, how far along in the recovery am I?

Sounds like you are not ready yet. I suggest going a period of time with No O, and absolutely no "testing". Give it a month or two or however long you decide. However, being around a girl and cuddling, kissing, holding each other and enjoying each other can be very beneficial. 

Quote
What does natural libido, as opposed to an MO addiction, feel like?

Very hard to explain. But natrual libido you are drawn to real people, PMO addiction you are drawn to surfing porn to get a release.

Sounds like you are on the right path my man. Keep reading up on YBOP, you are off to a great start in your recovery. Do not be discouraged by the docs answers those are to be expected until this is more well known.

Check all these stories out about what guys going through exactly what you went through with urologists. You might find it interesting: http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-experts-tell-guys-suffering-from-ed

Hope the best for you man. Stay here and keep posting when you need to
Twitter and Instagram @gabedeem

rebooterer

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Re: Will I be able to get it up?
« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2014, 07:28:47 PM »
Thanks very much for the reply. Really appreciate it.

I'm putting here in writing, to hold myself accountable, to go the rest of April (24 days) without testing and without Facebook (messaging and brief readings on my newsfeed allowed, but no photo surfing), which will hopefully consolidate my progress and have me 'ready' soon.

Will write again if I have more questions. The answers here were clear and helpful.

Thanks.

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Re: Will I be able to get it up?
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2014, 08:51:46 PM »
All a professional Urologist can do is test your
testosterone levels or if you have a bloodflow problem. That's when
dick pills can help but it sounds like your problem is the same as the rest of us.
I too visited a Urologist and he, just like my primary care physician dismissed
the idea that to much porn can give you limp dick.
By no means am I saying that all doctors believe that but it's safe to say
most do.

Judging from how large the membership on this board is getting by the day,
they can't ignore it for long.

rebooterer

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Re: Will I be able to get it up?
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2014, 03:17:06 AM »
So I PMO-ed last night. I’m shocked at myself for this relapse 56 days into my reboot, as I felt I was quite unattached from artificial imagery/video and masturbation… the thought of it/habit had seemed to have really lost its pull/appeal lately. I was going so well in my routine and didn’t see me falling back anywhere on the horizon, so don’t know what to make of this. I immediately felt terrible afterwards for breaking my streak and lack of restraint.

To put a positive spin on the event, it was natural stimulation that made me horny in the first place… I was out at a bar drinking Saturday night for the first time in a while, having been busy studying. I spent a lot of time chatting with our group of friends and a girl I definitely could’ve brought home, but didn’t go for it. I got back to my room and, even though I pledged not to ‘test’ for all of April on a previous post here, I guess self-control is a bit reduced when drunk (lol) and I tested to sensation-only, sort of with the motivation being to see if I would’ve been able to perform had I picked up the girl from the bar. To my delight, I got it up to full 100% erection with decent ‘staying power’/durability once I removed my hand. (How long should it stay up for someone who’s fully functioning/healed???)

I was still thinking about that girl/chance for some action today and just started feeling myself a little bit, again got it up strongly to I guess a sorta mix of sensation only/slight fantasy, but then things escalated from me giving myself a few strokes into looking at a few pics/vids and edging and then accidentally going over the edge and cumming. (Could it mayyyybe be construed as a good thing that whereas other times over the course of the reboot where I have begun to touch or look online I was able to via willpower shut it off quickly, here maybe I just needed a sexual release, brought on by my interactions with this real girl last night?) Having PMOed, I thought to myself ‘damn it, at this stage if I already came, let me just see if I can get it up sensation-only right after cumming, a tough test of virility…’ (dangerous thought of having failed/potential to binge, I know.) I was able to get fully hard, though the erection didn’t last too long once I took my hand off, which I guess is expected right after having already cum…but then I let that escalate into opening some pics again and cumming for a second time. A few hours later in the night I opened a video and quickly got fully hard again and came once more.

So after 56 days, I had a quick three PMOs in the span of about 3 hours. With some relatively successful sensation-only ‘tests’ the night prior and a couple weeks ago when I first posted here [I’ve done well to go total cold turkey since then], perhaps I let my guard down thinking I’m more or less healed, and lapsed. I need to stay strong.

What do I make of this ‘relapse’? I’m disappointed at my lack of discipline to let nearly 2 months of focus and effort go down the tubes in 30 minutes. I have a fair amount of worried self-hate that I did something seriously bad for my reboot. I just desperately want to know things will function properly in the moment ‘down there’ so I can get on with that side of life, and am scared I’ve screwed up the reboot process. But I’m also encouraged that my immediate natural reaction to having done this, as I’m writing here, is conscious disgust and that I prefer the feeling of having the self-control of managing my arousal as I have for the first 56 days of my reboot.

So, I ask you guys, what does this relapse mean for me? Does it set me back in the reboot process? From reading an article on YBOP, is my “behavior reactivating sensitized addiction pathways”? – In that moment, yes, but I am confident I can again abstain. Am I “overstimulating my already numbed dopamine system”? – Yes.

I can’t imagine I would have lost all my progress from one session, right? Does the fact that I’m seeming to have pretty solid results with the sensation-only baseline test (Day 40, Day 56) mean I may anyway be ‘ready for action’?

Mart71

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Re: Will I be able to get it up?
« Reply #5 on: April 23, 2014, 06:53:57 AM »

[...]

What do I make of this ‘relapse’? I’m disappointed at my lack of discipline to let nearly 2 months of focus and effort go down the tubes in 30 minutes. I have a fair amount of worried self-hate that I did something seriously bad for my reboot. I just desperately want to know things will function properly in the moment ‘down there’ so I can get on with that side of life, and am scared I’ve screwed up the reboot process. But I’m also encouraged that my immediate natural reaction to having done this, as I’m writing here, is conscious disgust and that I prefer the feeling of having the self-control of managing my arousal as I have for the first 56 days of my reboot.

So, I ask you guys, what does this relapse mean for me? Does it set me back in the reboot process? From reading an article on YBOP, is my “behavior reactivating sensitized addiction pathways”? – In that moment, yes, but I am confident I can again abstain. Am I “overstimulating my already numbed dopamine system”? – Yes.

I can’t imagine I would have lost all my progress from one session, right? Does the fact that I’m seeming to have pretty solid results with the sensation-only baseline test (Day 40, Day 56) mean I may anyway be ‘ready for action’?

You haven't lost your progress. The important thing now is not to binge. Just keep going with your reboot, you are not back to square one.

Try to learn what triggered it and prepare for the next time the trigger might come up. Have a strategy what to do, when it comes up again.

Also don't connect feelings of guilt or disgust to your sexuality or this relapse. You may be disappointed or surprised about how you could not stop yourself. But beating yourself up over this is not healthy and not productive. Negative feelings will just hold you back and slow down your reboot (more than the relapse itself). The faster you disconnect yourself from your old porn-using self, the faster you can consider yourself recovered. That includes forgiving yourself for a relapse and not seeing it as something that holds much power over you.

rebooterer

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Re: Will I be able to get it up?
« Reply #6 on: April 25, 2014, 09:11:58 PM »
So I PMOed again today, five (clean) days after my first relapse. Maybe I let myself slip feeling overconfident/safe/comfortable from having full, hard erections once or twice this week while just lazing around in bed and having sexy thoughts (no touch), even after the first relapse.

Anyway, that was this morning. I 'tested' tonight M to sensation-only to see erection quality and I couldn't really get it up to full; it was like 80% and subsided quickly. Shit! Maybe it was a one-off poor test because it was shortly after my last O (12 hrs) and so I was satiated? If not, this may have set me back to like reboot-day-20 quality test results. Ahhh!!!

Gabe Deem

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Re: Will I be able to get it up?
« Reply #7 on: April 25, 2014, 09:34:45 PM »
@ rogerfaperer
Quote
I 'tested' tonight M to sensation-only to see erection quality and I couldn't really get it up to full; it was like 80% and subsided quickly. Shit! Maybe it was a one-off poor test because it was shortly after my last O (12 hrs) and so I was satiated? If not, this may have set me back to like reboot-day-20 quality test results. Ahhh!!!

Hey man, brush the relapse off and get back on the no PMO train.. you will be fine. It sounds like you are over thinking everything right now, which is completely understandable by the way, but you have to relax and give it time. You cannot change the past so keep pressing forward.

Some advice --> Stop testing frequently. I personally let months pass before I tested again. I suggest the same for you, or at the very least a few weeks. Let it rest, focus on every other area of your life for now. Your brain needs a time out for a bit. I would stop thinking about whether or not the test was at a good time, if it set you back etc.... all pointless. I promise you this was true at least for me during my reboot, I over thought EVERYTHING.... I just needed to breath. The heightened anxiety I experienced at times felt like it was going to literally cave my chest in. I literally couldn't enjoy a single moment of the day because my mind was always thinking things like "will I ever recover?"... "oh my I started watching porn so young I am screwed!"... "Should I look away from this victoria secrete commercial?".. "WHY ARE THERE GIRLS IN UNDERWHERE ON TV RIGHT NOW FOR EVERY LITTLE BOY TO SEE!" etc... etc...

You see, those are legitimate thoughts, but one thought led to another... and before you know it, it was time for sleep and I was still pondering thought on thought. Eating me up inside and out.

I just needed to relax. Once I learned more about the brain and continued to read success stories I began to feel confident about the process and had a peace about rebooting. Coincidentally, shortly after this my libido started to turtle walk back into existence.

You might be in a similar situation, just keep busy on healthy things and being productive and let some time pass... keep truckin.

TL;DR Learn from your mistakes and keep going. You will be fine!
Twitter and Instagram @gabedeem

rebooterer

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Re: Will I be able to get it up?
« Reply #8 on: April 26, 2014, 12:22:27 AM »
Thanks for the replies, guys.

I am definitely overthinking. It’s hard not to. Need to have that trust to stay on it and know that I definitely did have progress over the course of my first streak and am, I think/hope, close. The PMO’s this week probably set me back a bit, but what’s done is done.

I guess Im just super antsy to put this issue behind me and get on with the sexual side of my life. That’s probably even more so given my lack of experiences before a few months ago and that creating an itch to get in on what I’ve been missing all these years.

I agree on avoiding testing. Given my anxiousness ^^ to get some action and my eyes on lookout now to possible hookups, it’s hard not to. I’ve tested to see where I’m at / if I could confidently pursue fully-functioning “real” sex. Given my prior failure to perform, I am a bit paranoid of it reoccurring…e.g. even having seen improvements when testing, the worry definitely factored into my mind in not making a move with the girl that night before I relapsed.

Maybe I just need to take a couple weeks and think it’s just about healing – no possibility/pressure of a hookup.
(I mean like in these 60 or so days I’ve tested and got stressed over potential hookups on the horizon – some very possible, some just the faintest chance lol. And didn’t end up doing anything lol. So if I had just thought of that as 60 days in pure recovery mode i.e. no testing I’d probably be further along.)

rebooterer

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Re: Will I be able to get it up?
« Reply #9 on: April 26, 2014, 11:12:45 PM »
Can't believe myself right now. After explicitly telling myself and writing down rationale ^ to totally lay off, I let random sexual thoughts that came into my head get the best of me and PMOed 3x today to fantasy. Must be the subconscious chaser effect, which I knew could arise and thought I'd prepared for by thinking just say "NO"; what an embarrassing lack of resolve! Too much activity 'down there' >> posting too much here... should've put this in the journal section, sorry!!  ;) Need to absolutely bear down... no news is good news. Hopefully I haven't reopened old habits/pathways too much. Crucial long rest now if I really want to reboot.

SETI

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Re: Will I be able to get it up?
« Reply #10 on: May 03, 2014, 03:55:34 PM »
Hello!

The only way to truly know if you will get it up with a woman is to be with a woman, in my opinion. No amount of "testing" with or without porn will ever prove anything. Deep down we know this. And "testing" could just be addiction landing a punch while we are weak.

I say, stay away from your dick and pictures of girls. Period.

In your last post you say "if I want to reboot"... that to me implies you might not be convinced about this reboot thing? Voice your doubts and read up on the science, is what I think would be good. I believe my problem is PMO. Its what has caused SO much suffering in my life and I can't see any other logical way to solve it without a proper reboot. However long it takes. I don't demand being a sex beast at the end of it, but sitting at home looking at porn sucks! It sucks so much. Think about it dude!

Also, you are awesome for writing here and addressing your problems. Much respect!

rebooterer

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Re: Will I be able to get it up?
« Reply #11 on: May 07, 2014, 10:53:28 PM »
Hello,

What are your experiences/what do you make of a ‘wet dream’ in a reboot?

I read this page (http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/wet-dreams) and see that guys interpret them differently. I just had what might have been the first in my life, after a 56 day streak - a week of relapse/chaser - now into an 11+ day streak.

My first instinct is to interpret it as a positive, healthy sign of progress. The logic being that cutting out PMO allows body to reorient itself to natural functions-processes-stimulus-etc. That I had a wet dream (something I can’t even remember ever having before – maybe zero or once or twice in my life) is a clear sign that transformation is taking place/that my change in routines is having an effect.

...Tonight I came back after work, stumbled upon an article I was reading that had some sexual references, got hard, then touched myself with literally just 2-3 strokes (first touch in this great 11 day streak), and had some slight precum a minute or two later. I passed out for an hour nap then woke up with my sheets under me quite wet with what I believe to be a wet dream. (It wasn't totally out of nowhere as I had these sexual thoughts/slight bit of arousal prior to nodding off, but wow, nothing that would have me ever expecting that!) Wet dream!

Mart71

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Re: Will I be able to get it up?
« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2014, 03:49:36 AM »
Hello,

What are your experiences/what do you make of a ‘wet dream’ in a reboot?

I read this page (http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/wet-dreams) and see that guys interpret them differently. I just had what might have been the first in my life, after a 56 day streak - a week of relapse/chaser - now into an 11+ day streak.

My first instinct is to interpret it as a positive, healthy sign of progress. The logic being that cutting out PMO allows body to reorient itself to natural functions-processes-stimulus-etc. That I had a wet dream (something I can’t even remember ever having before – maybe zero or once or twice in my life) is a clear sign that transformation is taking place/that my change in routines is having an effect.

...Tonight I came back after work, stumbled upon an article I was reading that had some sexual references, got hard, then touched myself with literally just 2-3 strokes (first touch in this great 11 day streak), and had some slight precum a minute or two later. I passed out for an hour nap then woke up with my sheets under me quite wet with what I believe to be a wet dream. (It wasn't totally out of nowhere as I had these sexual thoughts/slight bit of arousal prior to nodding off, but wow, nothing that would have me ever expecting that!) Wet dream!

Please remember, that you should avoid all artificial stimulation during the reboot. If an article with sexual references gets you so exited you want to touch yourself, you need to be careful.

rebooterer

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Re: Will I be able to get it up?
« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2014, 06:49:24 PM »
Going out and interacting with girls seems to be my trigger! LOL. What to do about that???

... it's a bit of a catch 22 b/c I need to be out there to try to rewire, but if I don't actually get action then I'm still thinking about it!! It's like the possibility of a hookup gets me honry and fantasizing about sex even when I get home/the next day, and puts me in danger of relapsing.

Recap - after my first 56 days rebooting I relapsed the day after going out to a bar thinking about a girl could've picke dup. Had some chasers. ...Then got back on the reboot with a really good 21 days til now. After week 1 w zero touch/zero artificial stim whatsoever I was getting decent morning woods any day I woke up without an alarm, had a wet dream for maybe the first time ever, and a pretty decent test result to sensation-only after 2 weeks. Went out to a bar last night for the first time since my last relapse and like the exact same thing!!!...today couldn't help myself, was edging a bit, went over the edge accidentally, then followed that up with two chasers - a fantasy-m-o and facebookpic-m-o.

Hopefully even though I haven't been able to get to 90 days yet the solid streaks I'm putting in are like '3 steps forward 1 step back' and so maybe with another month or so clean I'll be good to go for summertime, given the observations I was having in this most recent reboot.