Author Topic: 22 year old, desperate to resolve this  (Read 1488 times)

dovedman

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22 year old, desperate to resolve this
« on: October 14, 2014, 12:22:56 PM »
I have been watching porn since before I could masturbate and the porn I have been watching has gradually become more extreme. Not even just more extreme it seems to constantly morph and has included; cartoon-sex, voyeurism, rape, incest, transexual-porn, gay-porn...I even looked for bestiality at one point  this is the first time I have ever admitted to any of this but after researching it became clear I was not just some complete weirdo, that this follows a set pattern of behavior. I would never engage in any of the kind of sexual activity a lot of the porn I was watching depicts and am 100% hetero-sexual..my difficulty hasn't even been ever present, I had problems from the ages of 18-20 but still managed to sleep with a couple of women, I then had a year long relationship with no problems at all.
She cheated on me so we broke up and then a year later I met a girl I liked and was unable to maintain my erection. I had sex with her successfully several times over the course of 9 months of seeing her, and she was very understanding of my difficulties yet I still think it is this which stopped us from ever being together as a couple. I would sometimes be capable of performing but sometimes would go limp, is this consistent with porn induced ED? I think the initial problem caused even more anxiety  which in turn resulted in more problems including PE to add to my problems.  I was destroyed when I saw her this weekend and completely reverted to being a flop. It feels so pathetic. The worse thing is looking back on my 9 months with this girl who was amazing and perfect for me in everyway is that I have to admit she was so patient and understanding, and at the end of the day if i was in her position, I wouldnt want to be in a relationship with someone incapable of having regular healthy sex. I've completely accepted Ive lost her for good which kills me and tbh cant bear the embarrassment of even trying with her again. This wouldnt be a problem if I wasnt terrified of the same thing happening again in the future with a less understanding, different girl.  I have been watching porn at addict levels for years now, I guess my question is has anyones ED come about almost randomly after long periods of excessive porn use? I used to blame my ex cheating on me for the development of ED which makes me wonder if it is infact porn related. Regardless I am trying to reboot now as even if it dosent help with my ED (which Im praying every day it does), the kind of porn I have been watching in recent years is frankly disgusting and I often feel disgusted with myself afterwards. Anyway after "being weak" twice already today(I am very down following the weekend) I am deleting all porn from my computer and starting my reboot tomorrow. I shall try to update on here and hope it will keep me on this path. I plan to exercise (jog/go gyym) to deal with cravings but am worried as I am  trying to quit smoking at the same time.


djw92

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Re: 22 year old, desperate to resolve this
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2014, 10:03:20 AM »
Im really sorry to hear that. You have an interesting story, buddy. Would love to hear how you go.

Im 22 years old as well and have been watching porn for donkey ages. Ive just started a few days ago as well. Lets get through this together, buddy :)

You got this man.

D

dovedman

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Re: 22 year old, desperate to resolve this
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2014, 01:04:16 PM »
Well Ive completely failed, and havent even really started yet. Im in quite a bad place atm after losing this girl who I still cant stop thinking about(yet feel too humiliated to text), and I think this is whats going to be hardest....staying away from internet porn when im down and lonely. I am restarting from tomorrow but have decided to remove all pictures of women from my wall in place of photos with family and friends and put a sign next to my bed simply saying DONT (any better ideas for messages that arent too obvious would be appreciated). I hope this is going to discourage me in future. You really dont realise how bad your addiction to either porn or masturbation is until you start trying to deprive yourself of it.

Thanks for the support though man I appreciate it, this is going to be very long and very hard. Im hoping that eventually writing on here will serve as motivation. All I really want right now is to be in a normal healthy relationship.


griffingw1

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Re: 22 year old, desperate to resolve this
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2014, 01:36:38 PM »
Don't get too down on yourself! Recognition that you need to change, and deciding to make that change is good progress.  Slip ups are only natural.  Keep plugging man!

dovedman

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Re: 22 year old, desperate to resolve this
« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2014, 11:42:43 AM »
Cheers mate, I feel determined now whereas at the start I was researching and trying to ascertain if I really was addicted to porn and if this really was causing my ED. Through looking at some of my behaviour I've realised I am definitely addicted to porn, just hope quitting will end my ED nightmare.

Was just wondering, I've been a heavy weed smoker for years now (all through Uni) and when Im high my porn addiction is at its worst, has anyone else experienced this? Anyway as a result im kicking that too which makes it more all the more difficult.


Irvin

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Re: 22 year old, desperate to resolve this
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2014, 11:55:34 AM »
I'm 21 and its day 3 of my reboot. Dont give up, realizing you have a problem is a big step toward resolving it!

Believe! Remember that internet porn got you where you are now, and you have to get back on track!

dovedman

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Re: 22 year old, desperate to resolve this
« Reply #6 on: October 23, 2014, 05:44:10 PM »
Cheers bro I appreciate any support I get. Thought it was time to update this; Im 8 days in now but it feels like a lot longer. Seriously flat-lining, like sex dosen't even seem appealing to me atm but have been getting morning wood and dreaming about sex scenarios. I literally have no libido at the moment, really hoping that will come back if I keep this up...I used to crave sex all the time, really missing them days. K9 is a blessing and would recommend it to anyone...without it almost certainly would have fallen back into the same routine. I have been excising daily because if I dont i get really down and grumpy/horrible to be around, but going for a 20 minute jog seems to help. Havent really noticed any positive impact on my life yet but am hoping that will come with time.