Author Topic: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn  (Read 35696 times)

unchained

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #50 on: December 03, 2014, 09:58:34 PM »
Hey horpio...your quote is certainly more productive than Motley Crue's "Rattlesnake Shake"

...we have to have a bit of humor in this process

lyon03

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #51 on: December 04, 2014, 12:39:12 AM »
I feel so much better about myself today...I feel proud of myself and proud of this road that I've ventured on - cleaning up my act little by little.  8)

Well done brother! This is what it's all about. It's about loving yourself. Once you have that, anything is possible. Without it, I've learned nothing is possible. I applaud (and to be honest am envious of) your 57 days. You're just 3 days from the 60-day milestone. You're a beast! Stay strong.

horpio

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #52 on: December 07, 2014, 05:35:48 PM »
Hey Unchained  ;D I fully agree
Hey horpio...your quote is certainly more productive than Motley Crue's "Rattlesnake Shake"

...we have to have a bit of humor in this process

horpio

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #53 on: December 07, 2014, 05:46:02 PM »
Lyon, thanks buddy. You're doing great yourself.

I'm 60 days PMO free :)
Since I discovered the sensation of dry O's as a little boy, 60 days no MO is a lifetime best for me. I couldn't have done it without all your guys's support. Thanks a million.

lyon03

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #54 on: December 08, 2014, 05:27:35 AM »
Thanks for your post. I look forward to celebrating 90 days and beyond. You're an inspiration.

Pheonix

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #55 on: December 08, 2014, 09:46:36 AM »
Congratulations! 60 days is a huge accomplishment.


horpio

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #56 on: December 11, 2014, 05:46:18 PM »
Thanks Pheonix, Lyon.
My days at work have been really busy and productive. I get little time to think about PMO, which is a good thing. But more than being busy at work, I also think way less about PMO overall. My hobbies and exercise routine are also more worthwhile ways to utilize my time. I find that I have less time and less desire to be 'mischief' if you know what I mean. Even when I'm home alone in the evening or over weekends.
I have stopped falling back on PMO as a crutch to help me through my bad or sad emotions. As we all know, PMO is a delusion and doesn't really lift our spirits. It only takes us to an even darker place. I now go through those bad patches and handle them as any other negative thing in my life, knowing that it too shall pass. 

I'm open minded about allowing a special person into my life, hoping and semi-actively seeking such. I believe that he/she (but more he than she), will somehow show up at the right time when I am ready. 

lyon03

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #57 on: December 11, 2014, 06:05:32 PM »
Great post. We can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Porn (and any addiction really) is a barrier to love, honesty, and intimacy. It wasn't until I was truly honest with myself that I found love. Here is to wishing you the same. But until then, work that body brother! I always enjoy your posts, like have a chat with a good friend. Stay strong. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

2heal

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #58 on: December 12, 2014, 06:46:18 PM »
Well done, Horpio!  You're doing great!


Pheonix

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #59 on: December 12, 2014, 09:58:05 PM »
Your mind is in the right place! You are finding (like me) that the more you fill your life with positive activity, the less you want to fall back on the old behaviors. Keep busy, keep positive, keep winning.

-P


SO Reboot Partner

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #60 on: December 13, 2014, 11:04:52 AM »
Great posts, Horpio, you're tackling this from the right state of mind.

Pheonix

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #61 on: December 17, 2014, 08:45:49 AM »
Hope to hear from you Horpio. It has been a while since you have checked in. I hope you are doing well!


lyon03

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #62 on: December 17, 2014, 09:14:04 AM »
Yea brother! I want to read about Mr. Right (scr*w the Mrs. Right crap). The great thing about being gay is never having to hear, "What are you thinking?" nor deal with lady tears ever again. So I'm clearly rooting for Mr. Horpio....but will be happy either way. 

horpio

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #63 on: December 17, 2014, 05:48:25 PM »
 ;D Hi people

I'm doing fine. Don't always have something to write on my journal. But let me share what I read about cleansing our minds or emptying the 'yank bank'.
I really like these words from Buddha. I think there's a lot of truth in them.
 
“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”
-Buddha
http://eepurl.com/_gjnz
 
I can still report that I don't think of PMO. I sometimes have the urge to MO, especially after a raunchy dream and/or wood. But by the grace of God, I've been able to steer clear of that. No other sexual outlet at this stage  ::) I sort of made a promise to myself that the next time I reach O will be with another person.
I have so much sympathy with teens and younger gents who try to quit this bad habit. I think the urge is so much stronger for them.
May the Force be with you all.

lyon03

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #64 on: December 18, 2014, 02:52:27 AM »
The Force is strong with this one.

horpio

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #65 on: December 22, 2014, 11:29:46 PM »
Wishing everyone happy holidays and a very Merry Christmas. I'm on holiday too and might not check it too often. Wishing all you brothers (and sisters) only the best, i.e. courage, determination, follow-through, love, grace; whatever it is you need to continue on the worthy path you have chosen.

Thinking is destiny. The higher our thoughts the greater our life.

I continue on the path I have chosen. Thanks for all your support, you have made me strong and helped me believe that I can do this. I have to do much more. Recovering and rebooting will be a lifelong process. I am a recovering fapster. And so far it has been worth my while. I feel a better man. Sad days come and go (but they are fewer). Temptations and desires come and go (but they are less tempting and desirous). Lonely moments come and go (but I'm more at ease and content with my own company). I'm a happier person.
I love my new hobby (singing in a choir) and love living a healthy lifestyle (eating healthy and exercising regularly). I love my job and the challenges it involves, spurring me on to grow. A few months ago I hated my job. These are all positive changes I attribute to this rebooting process.

Good luck to all of you out there. Follow your dreams, follow your heart. Blessings.     

lyon03

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #66 on: December 22, 2014, 11:40:48 PM »
This is a very inspiring post so thank you for sharing. It demonstrates that you can completely change your life...but you have to want the change. You recommended a book that changed me. 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People' is something I would have categorized as bullsh*t self-help pseudo science just a few short months ago. But now that I've opened up both my heart and mind, I listen to others and often follow their advice. Well thanks to your kind recommendation I've gone from being a reactive person, waiting like an idiot for my life to change, to being a proactive person. I now understand that in order to change my life, I have to change myself first and change my way of seeing the world. That was the best Xmas gift ever Horpio so thank you. Keep belting out the good juju at your choir, work, and on these message boards. Merry Christmas.

lyon03

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #67 on: December 26, 2014, 09:33:57 AM »
Happy holidays Horpio! Look forward to reading your next post brother. Stay strong: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

horpio

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #68 on: December 28, 2014, 08:15:35 PM »
Thanks Lyon. Jack Canfield makes the statement that our lives will stay the same except for, the people we meet and spend time with, and the books we read. Glad to hear you also find value in the so called self-help literature :-) Definitely better than having only your own experience and wisdom to draw from or those that you've known forever. Doing the same thing but expecting different results - the definition of craziness.

horpio

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #69 on: December 28, 2014, 08:51:44 PM »
Part of my reboot process is coming to terms with, dealing with, accepting (call it what you want) my ability to fall in love with the same sex. Because of my struggle I've been shying away from close friendships with people. Not wanting to share my struggle with them, maybe afraid of the way they will act. Big part of the problem was also that I didn't want to believe that I'm homosexual. Kept on denying it to myself.

However, for about a year and a half now, I've became more honest with myself and slowly started sharing my struggle with old friends and also with new ones I made. It is still not easy. I find it difficult to initiate the conversation but for some reason I always get asked when I'll get married or something of that sorts. Instead of just giving a meaningless answer to that, I now try to use this as an opportunity to start talking about my true feelings. I still choose my 'customers' very cautiously.
Over the past weekend I had dinner with two guys on separate occasions. Both of them straight. I initiated the dinner arrangements because I haven't seen them for a long time and wanted to catch up and also hoped that I would somehow have enough guts to spill the beans. The opportunities came and after lots of hesitation during the conversation I finally did come clean with them and told them that I preferred guys.
I'm so thankful that both of them took this in a very good way. Turns out that both of them know, or have, other gay friends. This in China, where Confucianism and culture is strongly opposed to it. The one guy said that despite having some gay people in his life, I was the last one he expected it from. I remarked that I must have learned to hide it very well then.

As for me, I'm glad I did it and I feel that should we continue being friends, there would be a certain level of trust between us and a much more open and deeper friendship. I'm hoping to build a bigger circle of friends who knows the real me. And I also hope to get through this me, me, me phase. I believe I'm on this planet, not primarily for me, but for others. 
 

2heal

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #70 on: December 28, 2014, 09:30:37 PM »
Good for you, Horpio.  It sounds like you are getting it together.  I'm proud of your accomplishments.  Stay strong, you're making terrific progress.


lyon03

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #71 on: December 29, 2014, 01:33:05 AM »
Well done Horpio! Living honestly and openly is yet another nail in the PMO-coffin. When I first came out, just 2 years ago, I was almost apologetic/ashamed. Eventually you gain confidence and people just react to your beautiful self-awareness. I look forward to following this new journey. Be strong. GAY IS BEAUTIFUL. 

horpio

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #72 on: December 30, 2014, 07:38:19 PM »
Thanks 2H, Lyon. You support and encouragement means the world.

Phase2

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #73 on: December 30, 2014, 10:07:55 PM »
Congrats, man. Live your truth! All the rest will be easier.



horpio

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Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« Reply #74 on: January 05, 2015, 08:51:02 AM »
Got back to work today. Not much to say other than I'm doing fine. I will reach my 3 month goal soon and will then extend. Thanks for all your support and encouragement.
 
I'd like to post this quote by Henry David Thoreau -
"For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root."

The roots are where we have to start hacking to free ourselves from bad PMO habits. FREEDOM!!! Free to live!