Journals > Ages 30-39

The Final Cut

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Conan:
Hi, all. I'm 30 years old and my story isn't that different than most of people here or on other forums. I started masturbating at 8, discovered porn at 13 and high speed internet porn at 18. My erections and libido were great when I was younger, i distinctly remember waking up with rock hard morning wood and balancing a towel on my erections after shower. Gradually, over time, due to excessive porn the erections weakened tremendously and my libido basically disappeared. I haven't had a proper morning wood or a rock hard erection in at least 12 years. Also, my porn addiction got worse over time, escalating into genres that would disgust me in real life, but it was the only way to get that dopamine rush i needed so much.

Physically I'm as healthy as one can be, exercising regularly in the gym, eating healthy, and I have no physical issues down there or any issues with the hormones, I did all the checks with the doctors and the urologist. I just never found sex nearly appealing as porn so my problem is definitely PIED, and I suspected that even before I found out about yourbrainonporn and forums similar to this one.

Regarding sex, luckily I can still have it, I get decently hard from kissing or cuddling with women and my erections are hard enough to penetrate. However they are NEVER rock hard and they don't stay long without constant physical stimulation which means I can often lose them when changing positions. Also, I can rarely go more than once per night and some days I just have no desire for sex at all, and in those days I just can't have sex no matter what I try (classic flatline symptoms). So as you can see, my story is mostly a school example of PIED and similar stories you can find on other websites or forums.

I plan to use this thread as a personal diary and chronicle my journey. I don't plan to write about every singe day, instead focusing only on days when something significant happened. Also, I don't expect a fast reboot, I'm currently on day 62 of no PMO and so far have seen little improvement on libido and EQ, mostly it's been 62 days of complete flatline with occasional night wood and wet dream. However I have seen many improvements on other departments, my mood is generally a lot better than before, my dreams are now so vivid that I can almost feel them and I also dream every night without exception. I have also noticed that women check me out much more than before, and it's not just in my head, other people have told me that as well, some women even approach me first, I am a pretty good looking guy, but it was never like this before the reboot. All in all, the improvements are definitely there, but I don't expect a complete recovery without at least a full year of reboot (and if I'm unlucky maybe even more).

That being said, let's begin.

Conan:
DAY 62

Had a wet dream last night, second in a row, since I also had one on day 61. It's the 4th or 5th one since I started the reboot. I don't feel any different from it, no chaser effect or loss of energy, to me wet dreams are just a way for my body to get rid of dead sperm cells since I don't orgasm in any other way. They don't hinder or improve the reboot.

However something else happened as well, a few hours after the wet dream I woke up during the night and I had a pretty good night wood, I would say around 70% hard. It didn't last long, went down pretty fast after waking up, but it was the hardest night wood I had in at least 12 years, so definitely some progress there.

Conan:
DAY 65

Woke up with the morning wood that was about 70% hard, could be more, not really sure about the percentages but it was decent. The best thing is it didn't go down immediately  when I woke up but stayed for 2 or 3 minutes without any stimulation on my end. I literally can't remember the last time this happened so a huge step forward for me for sure.

On another note I still dream vividly every night, but I'm starting to have dreams about relapsing, I guess my brain is desperate for that quick fix of dopamine that it's no longer getting. Also it could be that I have been reading too much stories from other people on this and similar forums and it reeeealy put me down, that's something I'll stop doing from today, most of them sound the same anyway. All in all, things are improving.

EarthWalker:
Wish you good luck on your journey. Thank you for sharing.

EW

Chris1986:
Hey man hope your battle is still going your way.

What have you put in place to help you duing your reboot? Spoke to anyone close to you about it?
Have you identified your triggers?

Also do not get heartened by reading about people relapsing or having a bad time. We all go through up and downs but we are all hear to share and help each other. We are all brothers in arms.

Cheering you on.

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