Author Topic: This time, I have to succeed.  (Read 1248 times)

mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #25 on: September 06, 2020, 02:51:43 PM »
Day 22! I'm still going strong. I had a few cravings today, but nothing serious.

We can do this!

mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #26 on: September 07, 2020, 05:01:58 PM »
Day 23! I can't even remember thinking about porn today. The only time I thought about porn was when I was thinking of logging into RN.


mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #27 on: September 08, 2020, 03:39:46 PM »
Well, the cravings for porn are back, and they're strong. I'm going to quickly update this and switch off my computer.

Day 24! I hate this fucking addiction!

mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #28 on: September 10, 2020, 04:06:10 PM »
Day 26! Still hangin' in there.

mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #29 on: September 11, 2020, 05:01:38 PM »
Day 27!

I'm still flatlining. It's frustrating in one sense because I'd just like to be able to manually get an erection just for the sake of it. On the other hand, it's a blessing in disguise because I just don't feel like watching porn.

I'm almost at the 30 day mark and I feel positive about this reboot.

Good luck everyone.

mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #30 on: September 12, 2020, 02:28:03 AM »
Today is day 28. I am actually very surprised at how relatively easy this has been, especially if I consider that I spend many hours alone in front of my computer due to the current situation with the pandemic. The odd porn thought comes up, but so far it's been easy to push them out of my mind. My previous reboots really weren't like this. I remember it being a constant daily struggle.

My fantasies usually settled on some submissive situation involving a transexual or sometimes men (I'm a straight guy). These have almost completely vanished, even after only 28 days. I'm waking up with erections. I've never had a wet dream in my life, so I don't expect to start having them now. Frustratingly, I can't get an erection during the day, even if I try stroking myself, so I'm technically still in my 'flatline'.

I've started noticing women again. They are just 'flashes' of interest, but this is a huge improvement.

I'm under no illusion that there's still a long way to go, but if the next 28 day are like the last, I think I could finally beat this addiction.

Good luck to everyone trying to kick the habit.

mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #31 on: September 14, 2020, 03:15:26 PM »
I feel good today. Today is Day 30 without porn or masturbation.

I'm still in my flatline. It's still early days, but I think 30 days without has weakened a lot of the connections to go looking for porn. In fact it hasn't even crossed my mind to look at porn for the last two days.

So, a third of the way to 90 days, but I know, because I've done this several times before, I won't really see the benefits until much further down the line. It's difficult, but patience is the key.

Guy53

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #32 on: September 15, 2020, 10:20:23 AM »
Hey man
I'm in flatline too. No morning wood. No random erections. Been off of porn for few weeks. I can manually get myself hard but doesn't happen as it should

mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #33 on: September 15, 2020, 11:11:40 AM »
Hiya Guy.

Last night I had a series of erotic dreams and woke up several times with a raging erection that wouldn't go down. When I finally got up this morning I was walking round with a powerful erection. I haven't had an erection like this for years. I also hardly ever have erotic dreams. I suspect my mind never had to process or produce erotic thoughts because I was watching porn every day. I felt so good this morning knowing that I can still get solid erections that refuse to go down.

It's weird because if I stroke myself I can't get hard. Anyway, I think morning erections are a sign of things getting better. The problem with rebooting is that it isn't linear, so I won't be surprised in the morning erections disappear for a while again.

We've just got to be patient. This is the key! Don't try and rush things and just let our brains heal themselves in their own time.

Well done on being off porn for a few weeks. That in itself is a great achievement! I wish you luck! You will heal. Just be patient.

mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #34 on: September 22, 2020, 03:31:41 PM »
Day 38. I'm just riding the flatline. Everything is calm! Patience is the key.

mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #35 on: September 27, 2020, 03:42:45 PM »
Day 43.

Early on into my reboot I was getting good morning erections. Now, that's all changed. My flatline seems to have become even deeper. This is a bit frustrating because I was full of early optimism that I might just reboot quickly this time. Right now, I think this is going to be a long one. I've said it many times before, rebooting isn't linear, so I might start getting strong erections again in the next few days.

I've tried stroking myself to see if I can get hard, but there is zero life down there. I had some really strong porn cravings on Friday, and they carried on a bit through Saturday. I managed to fight the urges and right now I've got no urge to look at porn.

My partner seems much more interested and tactile at the moment. It's almost as if she can sense there are changes taking place in my body. Our sex life has been non existent for so long that we haven't even tried to simulate each other. She seems more interested in touching and caressing now. I can only hope that this is a sign that perhaps testosterone levels are increasing.

Anyway, day 43. I just have to keep this going.

mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #36 on: October 04, 2020, 06:00:22 AM »
Day 50! No porn! No masturbation!

I'm still flatlining. I've tried stroking myself to see if I can induce some life into my best friend, but nothing is happening. As I've said a few times, it's a waiting game.

I've had a few porn cravings over the last 48 hours, but nothing I couldn't handle.

There is no end to this in sight. It's somewhere over the horizon. This is the last time I'm going to put myself through this shite. I'm finished with porn!

mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #37 on: October 15, 2020, 09:20:02 AM »
Today is day 61!

It's been about 55 days since I last had an erection. My flatline is heavy and shows no sighs of losing its grip. The only positive is that porn cravings are pretty weak. I've had a few, but nothing I couldn't dismiss. I think this is going to be a long reboot. I remain 100% committed to beating this addiction. I know that a relapse can happen when you least expect it so I can't lower my guard.

90 days to recovery is a pipe dream, at least for me. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. Every 24 hours is a victory.

Stay strong!

mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #38 on: October 18, 2020, 04:20:25 AM »
Day 64! No porn, no masturbation, no sign of an end to the flatline.

I really feel the need for some release. I desperately want to masturbate and made the decision this morning to give myself an orgasm. The problem is that I just can't get myself fully erect. I can achieve a 60% erection at best. In my opinion, masturbating with a semi-erection is a very bad idea, so I've decided to give up on the idea of masturbating for the time being.

It's only 64 days. It feels like a lot longer. I feel like I've been going monk mode for years now! This is fucking weird. I just feel completely emasculated. I haven't even had strong morning erection, even when I had the urge to piss. There is just nothing.

I've had some strong porn cravings over the last 48 hours too. I think this was triggered by a YouTube music video I watched. Everything is so sexualised nowadays. I think I can fight the urges without much difficulty. In fact, I think I'm doing really well considering I have a lot of down time due to Covid and I'm on the internet a lot. I just feel like I've had my penis surgically removed, and it's really unsettling.

Guts

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #39 on: October 18, 2020, 09:38:26 AM »
From what you're writing I feel like i'm sensing a relapse coming. I think you've got to nail down not touching yourself Mat. A rule that helps me is this, if you can't sustain an erection without any physical or visual stimulation for several minutes then you shouldn't be touching yourself or contemplating anything involving sex or masturbation.
« Last Edit: October 18, 2020, 09:49:36 AM by Guts »

mousemat1

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Re: This time, I have to succeed.
« Reply #40 on: October 18, 2020, 10:44:02 AM »
Hi Guts.

I suspect your right. I think it's a common pattern, get 60 odd days under your belt and think that it's all plain sailing.

Thanks for the comment. It actually has really helped me to refocus on the long term goal. I agree that trying to masturbate in my current state is a mistake. Sex is right out of the equation at the moment. I had been a bit lax counting my days too, which I think is also an indication that I'm losing focus and a relapse is on the horizon!

Thanks again! This should keep me going a bit longer.