Author Topic: 43 year old, addict since 13. Finally unchained from slavery to porn  (Read 64973 times)

Leon

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Re: 41 year old, addict since 13. Finally unchained from slavery to porn
« Reply #325 on: February 15, 2016, 05:08:53 PM »
Neither am I into the 12-Step approach, Unchained. But an SA meeting, if you can weed out the defeatist or disempowering philosophies, the fellowship and support would be no doubt beneficial.

Yes, fighting by oneself, where not many seem to understand the struggles we face, can make one feel pretty isolated.

Hope the SA group is helpful in that respect.


harry

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Re: 41 year old, addict since 13. Finally unchained from slavery to porn
« Reply #326 on: February 16, 2016, 06:08:48 PM »
Hey unchained,

I’ve been in 12 step programs for years, and they can be challenging and/or irritating. Sometimes, 12 steppers don’t realize there are other ways to quit a particular addiction.

As an atheist, I am not able to work 6 of the steps because they have God or higher power in them. This issue caused me some difficulty early on until I realized the core principal of 12 step programs is this -

Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail.

Today, the fellowship is very important to me, and it’s a big part of my support network.

It’s helpful when I remember the things I learn in AA are suggestions, and I can try them, use them, or discard them as I see fit.

Best of luck to you.


unchained

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Re: 41 year old, addict since 13. Finally unchained from slavery to porn
« Reply #327 on: January 05, 2018, 01:35:47 PM »
Hi again everyone.  I've been gone for a while but see a few familiar names are still active.  I hope everyone is making progress in their recovery.

For me...I've basically fallen into a cycle of abstaining a week or two here, maybe several weeks and then slip into 2-3 pmo sessions in a week and then start over again.  It is a cycle that I am tired of.

I managed to find ways around some of the things I set in place to keep me away from porn.  Some are still in place and effective and are most likely the only reason that my pmo habit has been limited to a couple of times a week.  My opportunities to act out are limited but still present none-the-less.

Basically, it seems apparent that I am stuck in a quagmire of half-heartedly quitting porn while at the same time trying to keep it in my life as well.  All the while I worry about PIED creeping back in.  While it hasn't been an issue yet I must admit that there have been times I have chosen not to pursue sex with the wife because I was afraid that it may be an issue.

I feel the need to rededicate myself to the active pursuit of recovery, not just trying to abstain.  Part of that pursuit will be journaling here.  I also feel that a big missing piece from my plan has been getting involved in a group.  My approach has always been to try to solve all of my problems alone.  I see now that doing this all alone will probably not ultimately be successful for me.

Anyway, I just wanted to drop a note to say that I'm back.  There's more to say, but I tend to get long winded.

BTW...where did all the counters go?  I'm at 8 days and counting.

Jimbodel

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Re: 43 year old, addict since 13. Finally unchained from slavery to porn
« Reply #328 on: January 05, 2018, 03:54:33 PM »
Hey;  I am in the same boat, I went 2x35 days and since then I would go a few weeks, get bored and watch P.  I have noted what my triggers are and am curbing that area.  I have also set up a desk top popup that each boot in the morning pops up and reminds me to come here and read some stories as reinforcement as to why I don't want P in my life anymore.  I am also using opendns with family filter to make getting to porn a bit of a pain in the ass.

Stick with it bro; best of luck.

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Re: 43 year old, addict since 13. Finally unchained from slavery to porn
« Reply #329 on: January 09, 2018, 12:26:32 AM »
Wow... it sounds like you are writing most of my story there.... It takes courage to confront the harsh reality of what we've done to ourselves and our families over all this time. Well flippin done for making a stand. I'm with you Bro.

There's an interesting resource I came across that might be worth getting... It's a book by Seth Taylor called Feels Like Redemption.

I've also tried to quit & rationalized PMO so many times I couldn't even count. I'm on day 2. Happy to be on the journey with you. If you screw up on the way, just remember to get back up. Jesus loves you intensely.

unchained

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Re: 43 year old, addict since 13. Finally unchained from slavery to porn
« Reply #330 on: January 09, 2018, 11:55:18 AM »
Thanks for the replies guys.  I'll look into the book you suggested TruthSeeker.

Today is day 12 and things are going pretty good.

I've made some changes to the devices I have available to me and it has helped.  My only available access to porn at this point is a PS4 and I plan to install OpenDNS on my router tonight to block all adult sites on any devices at my house at the router level.  All other devices have Covenant Eyes installed, but they don't have a version for the PS4.  The PS4 has tripped me up quite a bit in the past, however it is in my bedroom and obviously I could only act out when the wife was not at home.  My wife works 2 days a week and leaves the house early on those days.  As such, I would tend to act out in the past every Monday and Tuesday morning.

Aside from securing my devices with accountability software, I've restarted doing some of the things that truly help me in the past.  So far I've done the following:

* Got back on the cold shower routine.  This one has been rough...it's cold here in January and the water is crazy cold.
* Journaling here.
* Exercise.  I've began running again.
* Spreadsheet.  I track moods, feelings, days without PMO, record exercise & note anything of relevance to how I feel.
* I have downloaded all episodes of Pornfreeradio and listen to them in my car on my commute to work and on the way home in the evening.

I plan to change my morning routine up a bit and start meditating again tomorrow.  I also plan to go back and revisit some of the books that have helped me in that past, both on the science of addiction as well as those about putting plans into practice that help to overcome addiction.

I also want to join a group.  I've not done this in the past and feel that it would help immensely.  Evidently, there are either no active porn recovery groups in my area or I've not been successful in locating them.  Instead I plan to reach out to one of the online groups that are out there even if it costs a little bit of $$.

For now, I'm optimistic and feeling pretty good.  I usually start this process with tons of energy and run on adrenaline for the 1st few weeks.  This time around I just decided I'm not happy with my direction and want to change it.  I'm ready to do the work to get some distance between me and my old habits.

unchained

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Re: 43 year old, addict since 13. Finally unchained from slavery to porn
« Reply #331 on: January 11, 2018, 07:37:56 AM »
Woke up this morning and I'm back to two weeks

Jimbodel

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Re: 43 year old, addict since 13. Finally unchained from slavery to porn
« Reply #332 on: January 11, 2018, 02:01:00 PM »
Hey we are on the same time frame, 2 weeks for me too so we can encourage and track each other.  Opendns can be defeated by resorting to default dns, but it is a pain editing the router and rebooting unlike software if you know the PW.

unchained

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Re: 43 year old, addict since 13. Finally unchained from slavery to porn
« Reply #333 on: January 13, 2018, 11:22:49 AM »
30 degrees...snow on ground outside...just got out of cold shower...as cold as it would go for a full 5 minutes.  At this moment I can take on anything and everything.

bob

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Re: 43 year old, addict since 13. Finally unchained from slavery to porn
« Reply #334 on: January 13, 2018, 03:01:21 PM »
Stick with it and allow the thoughts to pass you by.

You are not, nor should you ever think that you are past behaviors. We move forward together in the mindfulness of a new life. I believe we can do this.

Peace



unchained

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Re: 43 year old, addict since 13. Finally unchained from slavery to porn
« Reply #335 on: January 18, 2018, 10:13:25 AM »
Thanks for the encouragement Bob.  Good to hear from you again.  I posted in your journal.  Let us know how you are doing.

I'm back to 21 days today!  It's been a while since I've been here.  Still PMO free for 2018.

unchained

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Re: 43 year old, addict since 13. Finally unchained from slavery to porn
« Reply #336 on: January 25, 2018, 10:11:38 AM »
Four weeks today.  Feels good to have a little distance between me and porn.

The restlessness, jitters and anxiety seem to have subsided for the most part.  The cravings still come and I feel a slight but constant desire to seek out my favorite porn.  There is a draw to go back to my favorite sites to see what new ladies have been posted in the last month that I have been away.  For the most part, I've been able to recognize those thoughts and have been successful in focusing my attention elsewhere.  However, I also recognize that there have been a couple of times that I probably would have slipped if it wasn't for Covenant Eyes on all of my devices.  I use no filters at all but the knowledge that my wife gets the report of all sites I visit was enough to keep me clean in those instances.  I take heart in the knowledge that the accountability software has helped me make the right decisions, but at the same time feel a little discouraged when I reflect on my own weakness.

Also, I think that I may be in a flatline at this point.  My dick seems small & lifeless and my balls are small and scrunched up all the time.  They basically look like I've been swimming in cold water.  I know this is part of the process, but I'm ready for it to be over.  Initially after quitting I had consistent MW but that has basically gone away for the last week or two.

Overall I feel pretty good.  I've lost 6.5 pounds by eating healthier and exercising.  I've been sleeping better.  Hopefully the flatline will be short-lived.  In the past, when I've had success staying away from porn, my wife and I were very sexually active.  Mentally, I feel ready to be there again, but I don't trust a dick that looks like it is trying to shrink itself back into my body...lol.  Oh well, I still have faith in the process but I sure wish it would heal quicker rather than slower.