Author Topic: 33 yo gay virgin with PIED. Please help...  (Read 255 times)

linton170

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33 yo gay virgin with PIED. Please help...
« on: July 16, 2020, 11:53:21 AM »
Hi All,

I have suffered from ED for as long as my first sexual encounter (I didn't really give it too much thought then, as the bigger picture of what was happening was too overwhelming... I was 21.)
Later, I started to notice that my erections weren't normal. Sometimes, as soon as I put on some porn, I would get that instant, strong erection, that would slowly fade until I involved my hands. Other times, it couldn't even get hard even if I felt aroused while watching porn, so I had to keep stroking and squeezing so it would get hard enough for my to climax, then go flaccid once again.

As the years went by, this "thing" started to take up a bigger space in my mind as I started dating and hooking up. My date, as well as myself, would find strange that, during foreplay and beyond, my dick wouldn't get hard, or partly, or that I'd start using my hand to masturbate it, even in its flaccid state, and that wasn't the best of feelings. Later, as a gay man, the only option left for me was to bottom, as I couldn't get it hard enough to top; Tried getting into a relationship, and ended up being cheated on, and then left. This did tremendous damage to my self-esteem and overall state, considering the other things that were happening in my life.

It is worth mentioning that i had been operated on my scrotum (I basically work with one testicle now, as the second one is not really functional) but the doctors said that everything was fine and that I could lead a healthy, happy life with only one ball.

Then I drowned in a tsunami of self-doubt, questioning and confusion, which required me to start taking the issue seriously. I couldn't possibly open up to a doctor about it, mainly because I don't really trust shrinks around where I live, most of whom got their degrees long before Internet porn addiction was even a thing. Secondly, I don't feel like coming out to a doctor, again, here where I live, and the only time I had to talk to a doctor about it (it was during a hormonal test, to check if the T levels are OK, etc) I had to explain the story as if I were a straight male. He lazily prescribed some erection pills and that was the end of it. So I had to do my own a research and I ended up discovering I suffered what they call PIED. I still doubted that as even with porn sometimes it would go limp unless I used my hand. Then I found out that if a man can have nocturnal erections and morning would, it means that organically speaking, everything is working. I do get firm morning wood and very healthy hard-ons during the night. But as soon as I wake up to pee, they disappear;

Long story short, I have gone through several NoFap attempts and always ended up breaking the streak. The longest was 4 months, at the end of which, with a partner, I still couldn't get an erection; I have however read that during a reboot, one should not edge, fantasize, through pictures or even mentally, or the reboot wouldn't be so efficient. Other than that, I am in a good shape, eat very healthy, exercise everyday, sleep well, don't smoke, don't drink and don't take any other form of drugs.

Now here I am, a desperate 33 yo virgin man who wants to recover. I broke a 1 month streak 2 days ago and masturbated 4 times since.

How much should the reboot last, does peeking on Instagram, Facebook, and outside count as relapse? How long should I go Hard Mode before experimenting with a partner? Does using pills help the recovery process? Is it really possible to recover???

Please help.
« Last Edit: July 16, 2020, 11:56:13 AM by linton170 »

metal22

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Re: 33 yo gay virgin with PIED. Please help...
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2020, 08:06:13 PM »
Hey man,  sorry about your troubles.  I'm straight,  but I believe whatever our sexual orientation the results are the same.  I'm about 4 years into recovery.  I still have to be extra careful.  Triggers are everywhere,  and a peek stimulates you just like porn does.  At least that was for me.  I have to basically stay away from all triggers,  and when I do encounter triggers I need to have a plan on how to handle them. 
I had a really bad case of PIED.  I had it for like 15 years,  and wasn't sure it could be fixed.  After about a year in hard reboot mode I started to get back to where I could function,  but unfortunately when you've had PIED for so long performance anxiety can kick in even when you've been recovering well.  Stick with the reboot,  avoid all triggers that you can,  and don't give up.  You can recover and be a normal human!

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: 33 yo gay virgin with PIED. Please help...
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2020, 09:05:08 AM »
Hey Linton170, welcome to RebootNation!

Although you've already attempted multiple NoFap quests, you are still here on the forum. This shows dedication to ridding yourself of the addiction.
Now, even though I do not have experience with ED, i do see on a lot of the other guys threads that i can take months to go away.. But don't fear; it really IS possible to recover from it. But you need a plan and to realize that it's going to be difficult. It is an addiction we're talking about after all.

So my recommendation for you is to just keep journaling here and read the other guys' threads. You will recognize things and this will make you feel less alone. Orientation has nothing to do with it, Porn is Porn and we are all addicted to it. So I hope that you will keep on posting your journey here and post in the other guys' threads so that we can learn from eachother.

The one thing i do wan't to advice (but it's your call in the end) is that you rid yourself from social media as much as possible. Because a lot of the times social media are the first triggers, a sort of gateway. Social media in itself may be innocent, but it can start a certain train of thought.

Also, try to find out your triggers, when/how/why/time/emotional state, etc. Anything that will make you resort to P. Because i believe that in the end P is a substitute for something that you are missing in your life.


Stay strong, stay safe. I am rooting for you man!

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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

linton170

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Re: 33 yo gay virgin with PIED. Please help...
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2020, 01:49:15 PM »
Hey man,  sorry about your troubles.  I'm straight,  but I believe whatever our sexual orientation the results are the same.  I'm about 4 years into recovery.  I still have to be extra careful.  Triggers are everywhere,  and a peek stimulates you just like porn does.  At least that was for me.  I have to basically stay away from all triggers,  and when I do encounter triggers I need to have a plan on how to handle them. 
I had a really bad case of PIED.  I had it for like 15 years,  and wasn't sure it could be fixed.  After about a year in hard reboot mode I started to get back to where I could function,  but unfortunately when you've had PIED for so long performance anxiety can kick in even when you've been recovering well.  Stick with the reboot,  avoid all triggers that you can,  and don't give up.  You can recover and be a normal human!

Thank you for your message. Triggers are bloody everywhere, it's quite tough to control oneself in today's sex driven society. I applaud your courage, a year is quite an accomplishment, and I wish you good luck for the future. I often questioned why do some people indulge in triggers and not have their sex lives compromised because of it but I eventually came to realise we're all different and it doesn't do to compare oneself with others. At least we're in this together.



Hey Linton170, welcome to RebootNation!

Although you've already attempted multiple NoFap quests, you are still here on the forum. This shows dedication to ridding yourself of the addiction.
Now, even though I do not have experience with ED, i do see on a lot of the other guys threads that i can take months to go away.. But don't fear; it really IS possible to recover from it. But you need a plan and to realize that it's going to be difficult. It is an addiction we're talking about after all.

So my recommendation for you is to just keep journaling here and read the other guys' threads. You will recognize things and this will make you feel less alone. Orientation has nothing to do with it, Porn is Porn and we are all addicted to it. So I hope that you will keep on posting your journey here and post in the other guys' threads so that we can learn from eachother.

The one thing i do wan't to advice (but it's your call in the end) is that you rid yourself from social media as much as possible. Because a lot of the times social media are the first triggers, a sort of gateway. Social media in itself may be innocent, but it can start a certain train of thought.

Also, try to find out your triggers, when/how/why/time/emotional state, etc. Anything that will make you resort to P. Because i believe that in the end P is a substitute for something that you are missing in your life.


Stay strong, stay safe. I am rooting for you man!



Movies, music, pictures on the Internet and social media. I feel like I'm surrounded by temptation. Even outside, I often feel like I have to hold myself from staring at people in a certain manner.

I'll be coming back as much as possible and share with you guys, as I'm also planning on cutting down on my Internet "consumption".

Next month will mark my 34th birthday, I feel so sad and my heart aches at the thought of having lost my twenties wanking to pixels, which, ultimately, didn't only ruin my sex life, but also my personality as an individual. Who would have thought watching porn and masturbating in your room will affect the way you talk and behave around people?

Thank you for your support. Means a lot to me.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: 33 yo gay virgin with PIED. Please help...
« Reply #4 on: July 24, 2020, 03:36:15 PM »
Hey Linton,


Next month will mark my 34th birthday, I feel so sad and my heart aches at the thought of having lost my twenties wanking to pixels, which, ultimately, didn't only ruin my sex life, but also my personality as an individual. Who would have thought watching porn and masturbating in your room will affect the way you talk and behave around people?

This is recognizable for a lot of people on here. You are not the only one. But let's turn it around. Okay, so up until now porn has been a big influence on your life. But your life is far from over. It is now in your early/mid thirties that you're starting anew, with a full life ahead of you. All the more reason to cherish it and go and enjoy it.

Good luck my friend
--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

linton170

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Re: 33 yo gay virgin with PIED. Please help...
« Reply #5 on: July 31, 2020, 12:32:58 PM »
Hey Linton,


Next month will mark my 34th birthday, I feel so sad and my heart aches at the thought of having lost my twenties wanking to pixels, which, ultimately, didn't only ruin my sex life, but also my personality as an individual. Who would have thought watching porn and masturbating in your room will affect the way you talk and behave around people?

This is recognizable for a lot of people on here. You are not the only one. But let's turn it around. Okay, so up until now porn has been a big influence on your life. But your life is far from over. It is now in your early/mid thirties that you're starting anew, with a full life ahead of you. All the more reason to cherish it and go and enjoy it.

Good luck my friend

Thank you! It's Eid around here so I went home to celebrate with the family. This morning, I believe my mother walked in on me with a huge boner whilst I was sleeping. By the time I woke up, she had left, I took a look down on my tool, smiled then went back into slumber, haha!

I feel good about this time. Will come here every now and then to share updates. Thanks brother for the support, I appreciate it  ;D

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: 33 yo gay virgin with PIED. Please help...
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2020, 08:17:05 AM »
Hey Linton,


I wish you all the best time with your family in celebrating Eid (is Eid al-Adha celebrated or is it ceremonial?)
And please keep us updated on your progress man.


P.s. might be sensitive question; but I am assuming that you are from an Islamic country? I can imagine that can be very difficult if you are gay.


All the best to you!
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

linton170

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Re: 33 yo gay virgin with PIED. Please help...
« Reply #7 on: August 01, 2020, 01:11:16 PM »
Thank you my friend.

The ceremony consists of sacrificing the animal (it's always been sheep for us), donate one part to the needy and gather with the family around the rest over the course of a few meals. For our part, after slaughtering the animal, we follow the traditional air skinning technique, and my brother being abroad, the task of taking of the Udhiya fell to me. This year, I was very happy that I could blow the whole animal up with 4 blows. 3 years ago, I couldn't blow a simple balloon without feeling my eyes about to pop out. My face would turn red and I would start panting like a medieval whore on the run. If you are familiar with the technique, you can assume the person's lungs are very healthy to say the least; And I feel so proud of this achievement :D

I come from a Muslim country, yes. But as to it being difficult, I would say not as difficult as it was for me to accept it. I had a major issue with "Islam being against gay people" which, to me, meant that I had to abandon one or the other. I obviously couldn't 'un-gay' myself, despite the hell I put myself through. As for Islam, I did a lot of digging and research and guess what, turns out there is no proof Islam hates gay people. In the Quran (the holy book in Islam) there is nothing incriminating gay people or "promising eternal hell" to those who are gay. And without even delving into religion, I always found it illogical that the creator would punish the creation for something they were born with. So I started thinking I might have "caught" it. I have a friend who has an identical twin brother. They grew up in the same house, ate the same food, got the same type of affection, shared pretty much everything in the exact same amount. One is straight as a broom stick, and the other gay. I did a lot of research as to the possibility of homosexuality being something an individual learns to become and came to the conclusion that I was born gay; As simple as that. I embraced who I am towards the end of university.

Nowadays, religion is used as a powerful tool to control the masses and achieve all kinds of goals. If you don't care enough to do your own homework, educate yourself and ask (the right) questions, you are bound to be a sheep, just like the one we sacrificed yesterday. The majority of people here don't bother to read and look for answers, contenting themselves only with what's dictated to them. So you can imagine the number of closeted men trapped in unhappy marriages, depressed, confused, frustrated youth our society is made of. I once got into a debate with a religious person regarding this topic, and the amount of biased nonsense that came out of his mouth made me realise that nothing tops being your own judge. Religion is a personal, private business between you and your God, nobody else.

What I find ironic is that all the bad deeds that are clearly prohibited in Islam (stealing, raping, lying, killing, bribery, disrespecting parents, neighbours, etc.) are overlooked for the benefit of unverified hadiths (Prophet Muhammad's sayings) a lot of which have been falsified and played with, like the one saying the veil is mandatory for women in Islam -- nothing says that in the Quran, yet today you can't say Muslim women and not imagine a person covered from head to toes like some Japanese ninja. Or the hadith talking about the antechrist, a one-eyed evil being who will come down to earth during judgement day. Again, nothing of the sort in the Quran, yet everyone believes it and associates it with Islam, etc., etc.

Back to the matter at hand, part of my trying to cure my ED is improving my fitness level. When I first started doing cardio and HIIT, it was because of the physical benefits (I was neighbouring 100kg in weight) to cure my ED, as I read that having a poor blood circulation in the body, eating unhealthily, having a gut could lead to weak erections. I also had to change my diet along with daily exercise in order to lose fat and improve blood flow. Today I realise the "non-visible" benefits are far greater than what I would have imagined. Better focus, better memory, better responsiveness, better mood, better sleep, more energy. I feel fresh, alert and light! Same with my penis: unconsciously, I feel it is in excellent shape, I get boners during the night and when I wake up but when I consciously think of it or try to do something with a partner, nothing happens. This gives me hope.

Sorry for the long post, I just felt like venting, hihi. Thanks again for your support; Please call me Mohamed.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: 33 yo gay virgin with PIED. Please help...
« Reply #8 on: August 03, 2020, 03:55:12 PM »
Hi Mohammed,

It seems like you've already found a good place to be in your head on being gay in a Muslim country. I also like that you've did the research in the Quran and found nothing that indicates an anti-gay point of view :) I am also glad to read that despite putting yourself through hell that you now know that you are simply born gay. It is who you are and you cannot change that. I'm just happy for you that you're not struggling with that (anymore).

Nowadays, religion is used as a powerful tool to control the masses and achieve all kinds of goals. If you don't care enough to do your own homework, educate yourself and ask (the right) questions, you are bound to be a sheep

Yes! Just yes!!!! :)


Also glad to read that you've taken steps into improving your own personal health. This will indirectly help with beating the addiction, just as you've described; better sleep, better focuse, better everything. Also with the young gentleman ;)


Keep us updated my friend!
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0