Author Topic: Novice of my domain.  (Read 1677 times)

Chris Oz

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That's cool. The right music can be therapeutic.
Stay strong for day 6.

hopeful2

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That's cool. The right music can be therapeutic.
Stay strong for day 6.

Well Chris, so far we are now passed day 7 and onto the 10 day mark. And I am still "Master of my Domain".  ;D

So I have been in a good mood for the past 7 days. I have been sleeping well, eating well and my thoughts are clearer. I have been performing well at work.

They say the best way to reduce the power of something is to laugh about it, from now on I am an apprentice to becoming "Master of my Domain." For those of you who do not know what this is look up seinfeld master of my domain, should be trigger free. Its a joke, we should be laughing at how ridiculous pornography is. It's fake. There is no love, no emotion. And as Marie Kondo says " Keep only those things that speak to the heart, and discard items that no longer spark joy." Lets face it, there is no Joy in PMO, or even MO. So discard it. I know I might be speaking flippantly, but it works for me.

So I will leave off with this message, are you master of your domain?

Chris Oz

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It's nice to see you in such a good mood

hopeful2

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Re: Novice of my domain.
« Reply #53 on: September 20, 2020, 02:39:58 PM »
Decided to change the name of my journal to something new, a bit of novelty helps sometimes.

Passed day 11 and starting to get the familiar urges. They are low key but there. This is full hard mode, I find that I'm half a sleep and I have a stiffy and I start to touch myself. Not really in control but then I wake up and bring my hands above my waist.

All in all we are doing well, avoiding triggers and focusing on my self and my own mindfulness.

PIEDPiperThrowaway

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Re: Novice of my domain.
« Reply #54 on: September 20, 2020, 03:10:47 PM »
Hi hopeful, I like the journal name 8)
Sounds like you have a good handle on this streak, I hope to see you graduate from novice to master

hopeful2

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Re: Novice of my domain.
« Reply #55 on: September 21, 2020, 02:48:07 AM »
Thanks PiedPiper! I'm trying to inject a little humour, I find it.helps to stop viewing it as an unclimbable mountain.

I definitely have a better handle on it this time. I think it might be because although I relapsed this time, I didn't go to an extreme in terms of content. If that makes sense. Maybe it doesn't. I'm also not texting girls, or really girl singular. It was a friendship which confused me and wasn't helping with my recovery. I know this sounds like a mess of words but to me it makes sense.

hopeful2

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Re: Novice of my domain.
« Reply #56 on: September 21, 2020, 03:23:47 PM »
So potential trigger warning, I have to say the following because it's on my mind and sometimes you just gotta speak it out.

My tastes have matured, I don't know if it's a result of not watching porn consistently for 6 months, ( I used to be pretty regular). But I was into the classic bimbo type of woman, full figured and it was very base. Only interested in seeing what I get etc. (Extreme fantasy)

Now I notice that when I see a woman in the street all that I need to notice her is her legs. It seems old fashioned and more innocent to see some legs (or gams as they used to say  ;D) and just feel an attraction. But when it comes to my dating a conversation more than anything is what gets me to want to keep dating a person. I like the idea that I'm becoming more mature and in a way more innocent in my attractions. I don't imagine sleeping with any of these women, but I do think of lying with them and potentially kissing one. Its innocent fantasy, and I'm happy that I'm moving towards a more human, old fashioned and normal kind of attraction which is easier to control. I don't feel that hyper active sex drive. Above all else I'm happy, I am moving in a positive direction. If it does not spark joy remove it from your house.

Btw a good tip I found is not to text girls, even girls who are friends a lot if you want to stop masturbation. The reason is your brain doesn't necessarily distinguish between friend and potential partner. I have begun focusing on my male friends. To be fair in my case I developed very strong feeling for one of my female friends, so I admitted it and we agreed it would never work, both of us want to be in relationships with futures. Its easy for her as a girl to friend zone me but it was extremely difficult for me. And it made me resent her, so we agreed to stop hanging out and texting. At one point she began texting me, so I got some cajones to tell her to please leave me be so I can break down the fantasy image I created of her. I used to fantasise about her a lot, i think it became an unhealthy obsession which drove me a little insane. I work with her, but we work in different areas of the building and I think she's respecting my wishes. I'm a little suspicious though, because we were very close and I know she's not used to not having things her way. She needs to feel control. So I just hope she keeps respecting my decision. Lol, I think I'm still a little obsessed. My therapist said, although a good decision to distance from her I should remember she clearly did something for me. I just wish I knew what it was, I think it was comfort, she is the only person I told about my problem. Its funny she's on my mind more than porn.