Author Topic: Something needs saying here....  (Read 294 times)

Asian_Stone

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Something needs saying here....
« on: June 25, 2020, 11:50:32 AM »
Dear friends,

Something is occuring to me - becoming apparent. I am trying my best to leave porn alone. Yeah, not easy. Its hooks are quite deep. Im a mature man - 48. On this so called no fap journey, I have success, then failure , again and again. Good streaks of abstainence , then a few binges before i begin again in ernest. But , it seems to me that many men, including myself, really beat themselves down harshly if they relapase . It can be soul crushing. I will cut to the chase here and not draw this out. Yes, we all agree, porn is bad news. Addictions are serious and this whole no fap thing is a move in the right direction . BUT, can we as men give ourselves a slight bit of leeway here. Transmuting sexual energy is not fucking easy. We are human. I find increasingly in the no fap commuity, that the people we follow ( on you tube for eg ) make out that slipping up and having a tug is somehow the most despicable thing on the planet. It really isnt. It just isnt. Yeah its no the best thing either - but for fucks sake - can we relax these fucking made up laws ????? Jut my thoughts today ( yeah you giessed it .. I relapsed... damn.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Something needs saying here....
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2020, 01:44:45 PM »
Hey Asian_Stone,

First of all welcome to this forum and that you are fighting against your addiction. Second, you will never hear anyone here say to you that relapsing is bad/evil/etc.. We here understand that a relapse is a part of the tough journey towards and that it is not despicable, but an opportunity to learn. TO learn about your triggers and your emotions.

So please, feel free to share your journey here with us. You will not encounter negativiy or judgement, only support!

I look forward to read more about your journey!


Take care, and stay safe!
--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

Asian_Stone

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Re: Something needs saying here....
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2020, 11:54:35 PM »
Thanks a lot bud. I really appreciate your comment there. As you could probably tell from my slightly angst ridden post (angry at myself) I had a relapse. I really began to wonder why I feel so utterly worthless when i do that. I mean, its worse than ever. The relapse on this journey is kind of like the pretty women on the screen somehow win..... its bad news :( .... triggers for me mostly involve wakng up with a hangover. Its always that way in fact. Im beginnig to thinkabstainence from booze maybe well be the way forward - but thats a whole new other area....... Anyway thanks again. Your kind and measured reply was very much appreciated ..... take care out there.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Something needs saying here....
« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2020, 02:06:37 AM »
Hi Asian Stone,

It sucks that you had a relapse, but it's ok. It's part of the journey as I mentioned earlier. And the feeling down and low is something that is very common amongst us rebooters. I don't know the science behind it, but basically you want to stop PMO, but the addiction makes you crave it so bad. SO everytime you 'give in' you feel like you've let yourself down. And that is the shitty situation here. You want something, and you would feel shit for not having it. So you do it anyway and then feel bad about it. You will never win like that. And that specifically is one of the most nastiest things about this addiction. But you are not alone in this. And you can overcome it by rebooting (but it will be difficult).

You already said that you've identified a most common trigger; hangovers. You said that abstaining from booze might be a whole other area, but when you will read other journals on here you will find that quite some guys encounter the same trigger. And therefore they will abstain from alcohol or decrease their alcohol consumption. Sometimes only for the reboot time.
So if that is one of your main triggers, for the time being it could be quite advantageous to abstain from it.

But, a more deep question is; what do you feel while having a hangover? Obviously you have less defences, feel like shit, etc.. But what are your emotions at that point? This is something that is important to discover about yourself; why do you/did you feel the need to resort to PMO?

For now, take care and keep your chin up. A relapse is just another bump in the road toward a porn free life.
Take care, i am rooting for you!

--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

workinprogressUK

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Re: Something needs saying here....
« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2020, 06:30:11 AM »
Giving myself a hangover is to the chance of relapse, as piling horseshit on flowerbeds is to the chance of growing plants. As Shade says, that connection resonates with sooooo many of us. One of many reasons why I don't get drunk anymore. Fundamentally changed me as a person, but it's hard enough to stay off the P already, without doing stuff that I know undermines every component of my recovery plan.

You had a relapse... a slip, maybe.... and the world didn't stop spinning. The sky didn't fall in. Don't beat yourself up for it. The science is far from perfect and we're all fumbling around for a solution that works for us. I guess you just decide what you're prepared to sacrifice and what you're not.... and then try to stick to it the best you can. Hope you find your way, Asian Stone.

Asian_Stone

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Re: Something needs saying here....
« Reply #5 on: June 26, 2020, 11:16:37 AM »
Once again, thanks a million for taking some tie there to reply. I can tell you that just you saying , your are in my corner, is quite a big thing. I feel now, like Im not in this alone - for the first time. Thats really something.
I have a clear stratgey lined up. I never ever use my phone, ever, for PMO. Never hace done never will I very much doubt anyway. I plan to give my laptop to a pal of mine for a couple of months. To be honest, its not only PMO, but i want a detox from the online world in general. I figure, if and when I wake with a hangover, there is nothing here for me to get involved with. Its my last chance saloon . If there is no laptop - then - there is no porn. Simple as that.
Im not even Pmo ing much these days - just once a week. But that is too much and my ED wont recover unles I reboot properly. I will update you in a week - I hope you stay with me on this. You are very kind . Much respect brother.

Asian_Stone

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Re: Something needs saying here....
« Reply #6 on: June 26, 2020, 11:24:47 AM »
To Workinprogress. Thanks man. Yeah I guess hangovers are a very common trigger. Ive been like that for years. The laptop is going. My pal can keep itDrastic times call for drastic measures. I can keep a line with you men on my phone, which is NEVER used for PMO.  for me while I reboot. Im confident that once the tools are not in my house, then , I can probably manage this path with far greater ease, but I know it wont be easy.... thanks for backing me . Means a lot I can tell you.

Leonidas

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Re: Something needs saying here....
« Reply #7 on: June 29, 2020, 04:51:33 PM »
Just an offhand comment:

As much as relapsing sucks as you said, it can also be a blessing in disguise.  You realize that things aren't "quite right" and that you need to make life adjustments.  It's easy to feel down and out the day after the fact.  But hindsight has shown me that it was in those particularly depressing moments that I finally enjoyed a clear vision: I knew I needed to do something different.  And by doing something different, it was not: "throw the modem out the window".  For me, it was something like: "join a bicycle repair community workshop as a volunteer".

Shake things up, one idea at a time.  Those tiny little steps add up over time.  Soon, the whole porn thing will seem like an after-thought.  But in the meantime, relapsing and feeling bad about it simply means that a part of you is calling for some changes!

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Something needs saying here....
« Reply #8 on: July 24, 2020, 04:32:14 PM »
Hey Asian_Stone,

how have you been doing the past 4 weeks? Has giving away your laptop helped your recovery? Please let us know how you are doing!

Take care my friend
--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0