Author Topic: We can do it if we don't give up  (Read 2971 times)

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #75 on: July 12, 2020, 05:19:04 AM »
Hey Youcandoit!

Im sorry to hear that man, but we are still rooting for you buddy. Just as Orbiter mentions. Also (like Orbiter mentions) could you elaborate some on what happened? We can offer you better support and help if we know what happened.

Good luck my friend
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #76 on: July 12, 2020, 07:45:53 AM »
I relapsed again. Situation is shit. I'm in complete free fall.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #77 on: July 16, 2020, 04:54:05 AM »
The struggle is real.

EarthWalker

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #78 on: July 16, 2020, 06:33:57 AM »
Aim low man. Pick something that you regard trivial. Like moping the bathroom floor. There is nothing glorious there. But the success from the action will make you feel better.

My biggest success for the past few weeks is getting up at 7 AM. No glory in that. But for me it is a big deal. A marked improvement in my life.

I think it is important for the psyche to experience some noticeable improvement in our life - daily. It starts with the stuff that there is no glory in and it looks like a trivial thing.

EW

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #79 on: July 17, 2020, 01:27:54 PM »
Aim low man. Pick something that you regard trivial. Like moping the bathroom floor. There is nothing glorious there. But the success from the action will make you feel better.

My biggest success for the past few weeks is getting up at 7 AM. No glory in that. But for me it is a big deal. A marked improvement in my life.

I think it is important for the psyche to experience some noticeable improvement in our life - daily. It starts with the stuff that there is no glory in and it looks like a trivial thing.

EW

Thanks for advice.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #80 on: July 18, 2020, 05:52:32 AM »
5 days today. This is the first milestone. The next is 1 week. I'm doing this in small steps, trying not to think too much about very long streaks that seem so far away and so difficult to achieve right now.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #81 on: July 19, 2020, 09:39:56 AM »
Dopamine raises with the anticipation of a great reward and it makes me crave porn like crazy. Only thinking about it fills my body with joy. Porn promises a great pleasure, making it seem like I could not live without it. Like the "O" will be unbelievable, making me forget how unsatisfactory is in comparison to edging. In this fog, I always forgot that edging has always been what I craved the most. Edging feels better than the "O" because edging is the seeking of the reward at the end. The brain knows how to make some bad things seem like a no big deal. How many times I've been depressed and filled with regret after a relapse? How many times did I tell myself that I would not want to feel like that ever again? And a few days later, that memory means nothing anymore. The pleasure is the one that matters the most, nothing else, not the post-relapse misery, not the big picture where I want to be when I'm done with porn. Only the pleasure. And this pleasure disguises other deep reasons why I PMO and edge that much. I haven't enjoyed a post-O in years. And I've been repeating the same mistakes leading me to the same start. Lately, I've been telling myself I wanted to pass the free days without relapsing yet I've been relapsing constantly in the same manner. The deviation from the routine feels brutal. It's painful, it's annoying, it makes me feel sad and empty. I "love" the misery cause it's all I know and changing seems difficult and scary. There are only two options left for me and the bad one will make me waste more years than I've wasted already. Sometimes I feel like I know what to do but it doesn't work and I can't identify that bad piece. Sometimes it feels easier, sometimes it's so difficult that I can't stop the binges on consecutive days. I need a strategy, something more than what I've had until now because it hasn't been working well.

6 days of cold turkey. Today porn was the dominant thing in my mind. I can't think of anything else, it's only porn, porn, porn. "Think of this picture, think of this scene! Does it feel good? Go search for porn, now!"
« Last Edit: July 19, 2020, 09:43:02 AM by Icandoit »

Readytoreboot

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #82 on: July 19, 2020, 10:05:47 PM »
Hey Icandoit, hang in there man. P has been on my mind all day too and since these lockdowns started 3-4 months ago I havent done much of any dating which is def one of the reasons I havent gone on more than a 7 day no PMO streak Simce Mar. Im currently on a 10 day no PMO and almost relapsed but I found that when I feel vulnerable to watch P I think about how much more damage it has caused me than pleasure. Also I know 10 days doesn’t seem like much but I think about how much it would suck to have to start over again and that motivates me to keep going sometimes. Those things don’t always work which is why I have a back up Safetynet and I keep my phone and computer set up to block P. Doing something creative like drawing or playing an instrument helps me too as well as exercise and meditation. Stay stong and keep going

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #83 on: July 20, 2020, 07:40:13 AM »
Hey Icandoit, hang in there man. P has been on my mind all day too and since these lockdowns started 3-4 months ago I havent done much of any dating which is def one of the reasons I havent gone on more than a 7 day no PMO streak Simce Mar. Im currently on a 10 day no PMO and almost relapsed but I found that when I feel vulnerable to watch P I think about how much more damage it has caused me than pleasure. Also I know 10 days doesn’t seem like much but I think about how much it would suck to have to start over again and that motivates me to keep going sometimes. Those things don’t always work which is why I have a back up Safetynet and I keep my phone and computer set up to block P. Doing something creative like drawing or playing an instrument helps me too as well as exercise and meditation. Stay stong and keep going

Thanks man but I relapsed.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #84 on: July 20, 2020, 07:42:24 AM »
I relapsed this morning. I came from night shift, slept for 3 hours then woke up and starting edging on autopilot. Then I turned on the computer and continued with porn. It wasn't long. I didn't edge too much and I just PMOed once. I'm trying not to binge until the end of the day. I knew this would eventually get me because it's happened before and I don't really know what to do about it. I come home from night shift, wake up after sleeping a little and I can't control the craving for edging. I actually fucking start doing it zombie mode, like I am not even thinking.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #85 on: July 21, 2020, 07:28:27 AM »
One wrong step and I started rolling down the cliff as always, binging 2 days in a row like every god damn time.

Orbiter

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #86 on: July 22, 2020, 02:06:49 AM »
Sorry to hear of the recent string of relapses Icandoit. Do you think the lack of proper sleep from the recent night shifts might be contributing to your difficulties? Is it the stress? What device do you find yourself most commonly relapsing on after these shifts? Perhaps some thought could be given to specific strategies to manage the post-night shift urges?

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #87 on: July 22, 2020, 04:42:07 AM »
Hey Youcandoit,

Okay, so whats the situation right now? You've relapsed and binged a couple of times. That is ok.

Maybe it's best to start small. Just take baby steps. One day at a time. Will it help you if you set a small goal for today/tomorrow. Make a rough plan, anticipate pitfalls and make sure a replacement in place. Maybe you have a room that needs organizing/yard to clean up, i have no idea.
Make a plan such as;today I will stop the bingin cycle and I will do something productive. It does not have to be anything big, but just something to help you kickstart a steak again. Focus on one day at a time and maybe after a couple of days look back and see what has happened.

Good luck my friend! We are still rooting for you
--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #88 on: July 22, 2020, 06:26:44 AM »
Sorry to hear of the recent string of relapses Icandoit. Do you think the lack of proper sleep from the recent night shifts might be contributing to your difficulties? Is it the stress? What device do you find yourself most commonly relapsing on after these shifts? Perhaps some thought could be given to specific strategies to manage the post-night shift urges?

I can't think right now. I'm too fucked up.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #89 on: July 23, 2020, 03:58:10 AM »
I've been doing the same fucking shit. I've told myself several times I was not going to relapse on my free days and go to the first day of work feeling depressed, tired, anxious - in a word: miserable, but I've been doing just that. I've done it again. Tomorrow I have to go to work and I already feel like shit. I couldn't even sleep last night.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #90 on: July 24, 2020, 03:32:36 PM »
Hey youcandoit,

How have you been the last days? It's ok if you've felt like shit or relapsed. But give us an update please, we are still rooting for you. Perhaps we can help in some way?


Take care buddy
--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #91 on: July 27, 2020, 02:01:24 PM »
Hey youcandoit,

How have you been the last days? It's ok if you've felt like shit or relapsed. But give us an update please, we are still rooting for you. Perhaps we can help in some way?


Take care buddy

Thanks, man. It's been hard the past days. I haven't relapsed.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #92 on: July 27, 2020, 02:22:28 PM »
We started PMOing and everything was alright then, as every addiction, we built tolerance and we consumed more until we ended up abusing it. I remember when I watched my first softcore porn movie and one PMO was enough to make me happy and I continued to watch the movie without jerking off again. Now it's different.

Considering that our addicted brain knows abuse, it will not be satisfied with "just a little". It will mess with us until we give it more and more, leading up to what it really wants, the quantity that it loves. Therefore, not touching it is the best option. If you never start, you don't give your brain a chance to lead you to abuse. This translates to: No peeking, no pictures, no music videos etc. Don't touch anything. Don't search deliberately for anything. Don't fool yourself that "a little won't hurt". It will hurt a lot because it messes with your head and it will be a big struggle resisting abuse. That is the addiction's voice trying to seduce you. Another point of concern is "masturbation without porn". If it leads to chaser effect and craving for porn, scrap it. There is time for everything but, until the dust settles, we better give our brain a dopamine rest. 

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #93 on: July 29, 2020, 09:59:05 AM »
A week hard mode. I got triggered hard 2 days ago because of too much ogling but I've managed to survive. Ogling is a big issue for me. I've been doing a good job staying away from deliberately searching for porn material or edging to flashbacks and fantasies but it's difficult when I leave my home. I think it's also that thought: "Shit, man, you're living a sexless life nowadays, look what you're losing. Let's calm down with some PMO." PMO is a bad coping skill that feels like a great one in the heat of the moment, when urges hit hard. The brain forgets about how I feel after a relapse. The misery that I experienced just a week ago after a binge feels like a distant memory for me right now. I need to use a different strategy, something that works. As always, it's simple: Avoid all the porn material and hypersexual thoughts and you are alright. But there are also accidental triggers and we need a plan for this as well. I actually deal better with seeing something by mistake online but ogling has been difficult.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #94 on: July 29, 2020, 10:53:39 AM »
Hey man, great job on reaching a week PMO free.
I do recognize the thoughs you have and it's so easy to let the brain fool you into PMO-ing.
Something that I use to avoid PMO (and has saved me a couple of times in the past weeks is the 6 point plan (i can't remember if i've shared this with you already) so i'll share it anyway; especially point 3 and 5 apply on the situations you describe.

1. Recognize that you have an urge
2. Allow the urge to be there. You cannot will it away, just let it be
3. Find out why the urge is there. Is there something inside of you that makes you want to resort to PMO
4. Recognize that the urge is only temporary. If you switch your focus to something else, the urge will subside
5. Remember the feeling of emptyness after a PMO wank.
6. (Optional if the urge is really strong) Resort to a sort of emergency activity that is anti-sexual. The dishes, ironing your clothes, some chore around the house, working out.. stuff like that.



Good luck my friend


--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #95 on: July 30, 2020, 06:42:44 AM »
Hey man, great job on reaching a week PMO free.
I do recognize the thoughs you have and it's so easy to let the brain fool you into PMO-ing.
Something that I use to avoid PMO (and has saved me a couple of times in the past weeks is the 6 point plan (i can't remember if i've shared this with you already) so i'll share it anyway; especially point 3 and 5 apply on the situations you describe.

1. Recognize that you have an urge
2. Allow the urge to be there. You cannot will it away, just let it be
3. Find out why the urge is there. Is there something inside of you that makes you want to resort to PMO
4. Recognize that the urge is only temporary. If you switch your focus to something else, the urge will subside
5. Remember the feeling of emptyness after a PMO wank.
6. (Optional if the urge is really strong) Resort to a sort of emergency activity that is anti-sexual. The dishes, ironing your clothes, some chore around the house, working out.. stuff like that.



Good luck my friend

Thanks. Point 5 never works for me though.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #96 on: July 30, 2020, 10:10:48 AM »
As always: No peeking saves you from a big craving. Why? Because after years of porn, we ended up abusing it. The addicted brain knows abuse, it will never be satisfied with a little. So if you give it a little, it will bother the hell out of you to give it abuse. Peek and the craving will become uncontrollable. if you want to succeed, you have to starve the addicted brain. Don't give it what it wants. Don't engage in stuff that stimulates the addicted brain. Avoid pictures, Youtube videos, porn, everything. It's going to be brutal but it's the safest, fastest way out of this. It's enough that we have the accidental triggers, we don't need to further sabotage ourselves with deliberately searching for triggers.

Day 8 hard mode for me. No mistakes so far.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #97 on: July 31, 2020, 06:55:56 AM »
9 days of hard mode so far. Urges are increased. The craving for porn is strong. Porn dominates my mind.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #98 on: August 01, 2020, 08:07:52 AM »
I relapsed yesterday. The same fuckin routine. I did a 5 x PMO binge. To say that I am depressed would be an understatement. I feel so low in dopamine that I would do anything to elevate myself.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #99 on: August 01, 2020, 08:12:35 AM »
Hey Icandoit,

Sucks buddy, really sucks. But you did manage to get a 9 day streak. So although it might not feel like it, it is progress.
Good luck in recovering and finding the motivation to get back on that horse again.

Stay safe, I am rooting for you my friend
--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0