Author Topic: We can do it if we don't give up  (Read 4369 times)

Orbiter

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #50 on: June 30, 2020, 07:34:20 AM »
Me too Icandoit. As long as we exercise some reasonable caution, I think the break will be beneficial.

Keep up the good work Icandoit. You're going great!

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #51 on: June 30, 2020, 08:12:46 AM »
Me too Icandoit. As long as we exercise some reasonable caution, I think the break will be beneficial.

Keep up the good work Icandoit. You're going great!

Thanks, man. I appreciate it.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #52 on: June 30, 2020, 08:13:14 AM »
June 30

10 days hardmode. I have some urges but they are not hard. As always, porn flashbacks in my head all day.
« Last Edit: June 30, 2020, 08:21:47 AM by Icandoit »

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #53 on: July 01, 2020, 09:22:56 AM »
I relapsed.  :( But it was only 10 minutes, one scene, one PMO. I will try to end the day without more. I want to try something and see if it works.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #54 on: July 01, 2020, 10:07:03 AM »
This relapse made me reconsider my way of dealing with urges. It's clear I'm not doing it right. I really need to make a change. I couldn't resist the urges, they were killing me and I did nothing.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #55 on: July 01, 2020, 12:31:07 PM »
I'm so fucking tired of this fucking cycle. I haven't progressed too much in months. It's ridiculous. All this shit just made me realize I don't have really have much going on in my life. I need things to keep me busy and tire me out so I could eliminate that fucking energy brought by abstinence from PMO. But I don't really know what the fuck to do. I'm tired of all this. My free days are the problem cause I don't know what to do all day. I really need to find some things. Probably making a list and following that could be a start. But what the fuck do you do all day? I mean, I really have a problem with idle time. I can't stay away from relapsing when I have free days.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #56 on: July 02, 2020, 07:05:19 AM »
Day 1

I can't believe I've relapsed again on my free days. I always go to the first day of work feeling like shit after binges. Yesterday I binged of course. Anxiety is high and energy is low. I woke up feeling tired. And everything was going so fucking well, man. I'm so fucking tired of this. I'm tired of binging and resetting myself to the beginning. I haven't really progressed in months. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I've been calm and shit after relapses in the past but now I'm pissed off because of the way I relapsed with no progress, no difference from the past. I've been doing the same fucking shit, same fucking mistakes over and over again, how the fuck am I supposed to quit like this?
« Last Edit: July 02, 2020, 07:12:47 AM by Icandoit »

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #57 on: July 02, 2020, 09:35:11 AM »
I just realized that I've been here for a little over a month and I've had only 1 streak longer than 10 days. I have a fucking hard time even reaching day 10. It's ridiculous. I have something in mind that I want to try for urges. I won't say what it is right now, only if it works.

jixu

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #58 on: July 02, 2020, 10:15:51 AM »
Maybe you have made more progress than you think.  It looks like you have reached a new level of disgust with the stuff that can correspond to a fresh commitment and a good restart.  Don't be overly harsh on yourself and keep going.   

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #59 on: July 03, 2020, 02:58:37 AM »
I just realized that I've been here for a little over a month and I've had only 1 streak longer than 10 days. I have a fucking hard time even reaching day 10. It's ridiculous. I have something in mind that I want to try for urges. I won't say what it is right now, only if it works.

Hey Icandoit,

welcome to being an addict. I can say that on a positive note; it is not ridiculous. Would you say the same about me if I were telling you the same, or would you be supportive and say that it is part of battling the addiction? Please realise that you are dealing with an addiction or according to the oxford dictionary:

Addiction is a psychological and physical inability to stop consuming a chemical, drug, activity, or substance, even though it is causing psychological and physical harm.

See the bold part; inability. If it was easy to quit it would not have been called an addiction. So you've been on the road for a month; that is excellent progress! and in that month how many times have you PMO'd? Probably a lot less than before you were trying to quit. And that my friend, is progress.

I'm also sure that you've read other threads as well. And in there you've also probably read that people are struggling with this for months, even years.. So please take that information with you and realise you've just started. It's a long and very difficult journey. And you will probably relapse again. The key is to understand the relapse, accept it as a moment to learn.

So, don't be so hard on yourself. Show yourself some love and support. You already have our love and support.


Stay safe

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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

Orbiter

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #60 on: July 04, 2020, 02:16:35 AM »
Hey Icandoit

I've little to add here that hasn't already been articulately put by Shade and Jixu but I think you're making more progress than you think. Think of it like exercise as a gradual strengthening of your resolve each day clean. And be wary of overly negative self-talk as well, sometimes it can be about realities that need to faced & discussed but other times it can be our addictive brains laying the groundwork to give up and relapse.

Keep climbing the mountain!

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #61 on: July 05, 2020, 05:48:46 AM »
Thanks everyone for support and advice. It's appreciated.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #62 on: July 05, 2020, 08:30:15 AM »
Day 4

Probably the first thing I should understand is that porn is just a button I push to get high. But because my brain doesn't know how to differentiate it from sex, it feels so real, like porn is my sex life, like the O I get from PMO is what I need. It's like "If I don't have sex for a week, I walk up the walls" a guy says. Yeah, if I don't PMO, I walk up the walls. Over the year, it really got complicated, especially because I started being so active with porn as a teenager. My education is porn. That's all I know. And it's the worst kind of education. It's crazy how it grabs a perfectly healthy guy and it gives him a completely limp dick and makes him asexual. I mean, using porn urges and thinking about porn to get aroused with girls? It's a hard battle to make the difference between my sexuality and porn. Porn is not my sex life, it's not my sex education, it's completely opposite. I probably should find a way to stop craving porn like it's my sex life.

Orbiter

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #63 on: July 06, 2020, 07:34:06 AM »
I don't think there's a single person on this forum who doesn't relate to everything you just said. I certainly know I do. All I know is that it only gets better by starving the addiction of what it wants and day clean by day clean, that's exactly what we're doing.

And yes, it's so insane the way this addiction can just hijack our sexuality like that. These days I view real tactile sexual experiences (even solo ones) and the weird, harsh, artificial novelty stimulus and escalation of PMO as two completely different things. I've known this on varying levels throughout all the years i've been attempting to beat this addiction but i've only truly appreciated this since my most recent relationship where I really had to understand and accept this harsh & horrible reality.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #64 on: July 06, 2020, 01:27:18 PM »
Day 5

Starve the fucking addiction. Hardmode. It's gon be brutal but it is what it is. I accept the suffering. I accept the truth which is: You don't quit porn until you go through its withdrawal. The withdrawal is misery but I prefer this to the misery of binges. There is no other way.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2020, 02:20:46 AM by Icandoit »

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #65 on: July 07, 2020, 02:16:28 AM »
Day 6

Completely starving the addiction. No peeking, no edging to pictures or anything soft, no edging to flashbacks and images from my memory, no MO either. Nothing. Completely avoiding the artificial stimulation. Hardmode, that's what it is. Hardmode is tough but the best thing I could do to myself. It gives the brain a complete rest and shows progress quicker.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #66 on: July 08, 2020, 02:54:18 AM »
Day 7

I had a porn dream where I edged to porn flashbacks and I woke up craving edging. Now it calmed down.

Hardmode.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #67 on: July 09, 2020, 08:35:14 AM »
Day 8

I had a PMO dream and I woke up feeling so sure I had relapsed. It took me good seconds to realized I hadn't. The craving for porn is stronger than yesterday.

Cold turkey.

Orbiter

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #68 on: July 09, 2020, 10:12:12 PM »
Ugh I hate those dreams. Be sure to stay focused and occupied and you'll soon begin to forget about it. You're doing great and I wouldn't want to see you make the same mistake I did on my last 'long' streak.

How's life in general going? Any progress on the self improvement front or are you waiting to get into a clearer frame of mind?

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #69 on: July 10, 2020, 05:14:09 AM »
Ugh I hate those dreams. Be sure to stay focused and occupied and you'll soon begin to forget about it. You're doing great and I wouldn't want to see you make the same mistake I did on my last 'long' streak.

How's life in general going? Any progress on the self improvement front or are you waiting to get into a clearer frame of mind?

My life is pretty shit nowadays, not much change, I know I shouldn't be doing this but... I'll try.

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #70 on: July 10, 2020, 05:15:58 AM »
Day 9

Morning was very very difficult. I barely saved myself from edging. It's getting harder.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #71 on: July 11, 2020, 03:55:31 AM »
Hey Youcandoit,

It becoming harder means that you're making progress. You barely save yourself from edging, but you didn't. Excellently done.
What specific or exact thought made you not go through with it?


Keep up the good work!
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

Icandoit

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #72 on: July 11, 2020, 01:18:48 PM »
I relapsed. I edged for 1 hour yesterday then I edged today for like 2 hours and PMOed 3 times.

Orbiter

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #73 on: July 12, 2020, 12:09:03 AM »
Hey Icandoit,

Sorry to hear of the recent setback. Can you identify any triggers or thoughts going through your head at the time? I know you said you stopped yourself from edging the previous day but your post does not say whether it was involving P, what time of the day, what's been going on, any external triggers etc.

This is your journal and it's entirely up to you, but perhaps with a bit of detail and background of the relapse we could be of better help?

Either way, we're still rooting for you. Time to shake off the binge and get back on track yes?

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« Reply #74 on: July 12, 2020, 05:19:04 AM »
Hey Youcandoit!

Im sorry to hear that man, but we are still rooting for you buddy. Just as Orbiter mentions. Also (like Orbiter mentions) could you elaborate some on what happened? We can offer you better support and help if we know what happened.

Good luck my friend
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0