Author Topic: Ex-edger  (Read 4490 times)

mr.slurps

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #125 on: July 14, 2020, 11:48:26 AM »
Hi Guys,  Day #1.   Joel you're right this is serious. I need to remember that I need to be sincere.
I'm so into my own befuddled head right now these posts sound dreary even to myself. So, I won't be offended in the least if you skim or skip them.
My dilemma is between complacency and crapping on myself.
If I beat the crap out of myself after I relapse (a lot lately), I may end up not posting/reading here. You guys are about all the positive reinforcement I have in this long walk. The face I'm seeing in the mirror lately is not a happy Mr. Slurps. Even a forced smile is good therapy at this point.
But complacency is my slippery slope into the slimy muck. How to be cheerfully vigilant but not complacent, didn't Hamlet say that? lol
UK, Can you give an example of "failing better" for dummies (me)?

UKGuy

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #126 on: July 14, 2020, 01:14:38 PM »
Hi Mr S,
For me ‘failing better’ is taking something from each relapse - identifying a learning, something to work on and strive to improve for next time - closing a loophole if you will. Constantly improving. It could be the identification of an emotional trigger, or an enhancement of the practical elements of your plan. As part of this process, perhaps documenting these learnings so they are not lost (maybe here?). Share them with others who can perhaps relate to them - building on them, or taking a learning for themself (perhaps something you’ve noticed in yourself that they haven’t detected in themselves, but you help them see).
If I was to offer an observation regarding your approach (hopefully I have your permission or forgiveness), you seem to be stuck in a bit of a cycle in terms of your dialogue here - you come with humility and determination (although the latter appears to be often undermined by negative self talk), you hang around for a while and have some good exchanges with the guys which we appreciate (you are a popular guy here in case you didn’t know), you give encouragement (but usually alongside more negative self talk or self deprecating humour about yourself) and then you go off radar for a while as you experience a tough period and relapse. The cycle then starts again. Other than the chat we one had about the comfy chair, and understanding a little bit about some of the pressures that you are dealing with, I never feel I understand what happened with the relapse, what your learnings were from that particular slip, how you are improving for next time. What I don’t know is if you are identifying these and choosing not to share them (which is completely fine) or if you’re just skipping that step and missing those learnings completely in which case you are perhaps just failing, rather than ‘failing better’. I hope this makes sense and it is received with the positive intent that I wrote it. Take care my friend, and let me know what you think.
« Last Edit: July 14, 2020, 02:06:08 PM by UKGuy »

UKGuy

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #127 on: July 15, 2020, 04:47:57 PM »
How are you doing Mr S? I am hoping that my last comments weren’t too direct, and that you are well. Take care.

mr.slurps

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #128 on: July 16, 2020, 11:35:53 AM »
Hi Guys, Today is #3. I can still salvage a .500 average for the month, or better.
As far as failing better, I'm not doing the hard work to do that.
As alcoholics call it, I'm engaging in "stinking thinking". 
Maybe my banter is a mask or maybe it's just me. I don't know.
I know it's not nice to use this forum as a kind of general chat room. It's not fair to you guys.
But please indulge me for a while, even if I'm off track so I at least show my pretty face. (lol there I go again.)

UKGuy

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #129 on: July 17, 2020, 04:21:16 AM »
Well done on day 3 Mr S.
As for the 'failing better' you're smart enough to know what's right for you and when. I just think its like learning any skill - you need to know where you're going right (and do more of that) and where you're going wrong (and do less of that). The challenge is that it's not like baseball where a coach can watch and identify for you - with PMO, we have to look at our own 'swing' and work out where things need tweaking. We can read here about what works for others, but ultimately only we ourselves can diagnose what we need to do, and I think we do need to look inside ourselves a little to do that. Referring back to the exchange on my page, it's probably more the Joel approach than the Slurps/UKGuy approach for this one.
Anyway - we enjoy your banter and company, so don't ever feel the need to excuse that! Take care and good luck for day 4.

mr.slurps

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #130 on: July 17, 2020, 11:28:44 AM »
Day #1.  Thanks UK.  It's nice (truly) to feel welcome here no matter the lousy performance.

addictnomore

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #131 on: July 19, 2020, 09:23:58 AM »
The residual images of porn are still running through my head so I'm in dangerous territory.

That's one of the difficult things. I have 35 year catalog of porn in my brain. Even when I'm not watching, I can recall scenes that bring a bit of that dopamine rush back. And then I want to see that actual scene again. Kind of like virtual PMO.

Georgos

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #132 on: July 19, 2020, 09:49:14 AM »
My biggest fear is divorce. I've seen the pain of childbirth in my ears and I know it leads to depression even if you work hard and then exile :(

Georgos

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #133 on: July 19, 2020, 09:55:33 AM »
I'm not married by the way.

mr.slurps

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #134 on: July 19, 2020, 02:15:49 PM »
Hi Georg, Thanks for your fresh perspective.  You may be on a different cosmic level than me. Divorce without marriage... hmmm. On the other hand, Buddhists have birth without death.
Day #2 hopefully.
Addi, I know what you mean re replaying films.  I'm trying now a different approach for a while, m/o but no p.  The problem is that I don't have a partner/no emotional element. Plus, I do have images in my mind so it's subliminal porn.
But being completely w/out o makes me horny a lot. So, maybe I can eliminate that trigger in order to concentrate on ridding myself of porn.  I figure it's worth a try.

UKGuy

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #135 on: July 19, 2020, 04:04:43 PM »
I'm trying now a different approach for a while, m/o but no p.
I think this is an interesting approach Mr S. I have tried it in the past to varying levels of success. I absolutely know that I couldn't have clocked up 106 days without the release from sex with my wife, and I of course appreciate that not everyone has that option.
The problem I had in the past when pursuing the MO approach is that I actually preferred the marathon dopamine edging sessions to a quick MO, but on the occasions where I had the discipline to just quickly 'get it over with' it did serve its purpose and gave me back hours of my life that would have otherwise gone down the drain.
Definitely worth I try I'd say. Good luck. Stay away from the comfy chair - do it somewhere that you won't want to get settled (and don't take the phone with you! lol)
Have a good week.

Rookie

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #136 on: July 19, 2020, 08:35:43 PM »
The only suggestion I have for this...shower...that's it (Not sure I'm right, like I said, it's only a suggestion, and I don't have any others). It's about the only place you can't bring a phone with you, the only problem is, you risk edging. However, if this is the baby step needed to quit, as UKGuy said...I support it.

I will also admit, without my wife's "help" for release, I may have reached my streak, I may not have. I can confirm, it would have brought the challenge to a whole new level.

UKGuy

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #137 on: July 22, 2020, 11:20:13 AM »
How goes it in Arizona Mr S?

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #138 on: July 24, 2020, 04:27:54 PM »
Hey Buddy, how are you doing? Can you let us know how you are doing?


Keep strong my friend
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

mr.slurps

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #139 on: July 28, 2020, 04:52:09 PM »
Hey Guys,  I've been stuck on Day #1 for a full week.
All my good intentions have come to naught.
The struggles are a distant memory.  I'm not sure if even a sliver of hope remains. (re rebooting, thankfully my life is chugging along just fine)
I've been remiss re contributing/logging my progress- b/c there's been no progress. Unless scar tissue can be considered progress.
If some body broke a 2x4 over my thick skull and gave me a gash, is the scar any use at all? It is ugly to look at. It is a visible reminder of defeat.
That's where my head is at (metaphorically lol.)
I've entered the ring, fought a few rounds, got knocked out of the ring w/ a gash above my eye, gone home, healed...

TheNorman

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #140 on: July 29, 2020, 09:39:15 AM »
You've entered the ring Slurps, that's something a lot of people are too afraid to do. Don't lose hope. If it feels like you can't get through a day then work on getting through past lunch first. In the boxing analogy, you might feel outclassed, you might feel like you don't have the speed or the punching power to even compete, but just get back in the ring and move! Dodge, wrap up, run away even! In this fight you don't have to knock porn out in 30 seconds like Mike Tyson did back in the day, you just need to win, even if it's by decision, even if the first 5 rounds were you running away.

Rookie

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #141 on: July 29, 2020, 11:09:48 AM »
A good friend of mine preached a very good sermon the other day. I'm going to illustrate it here, in perspective to our struggles with PMO...

A guy that walks in the direction of North (pretty generic). And while he's walking, he stumbles, trips...a few more steps, runs into a wild animal, retreats back, then avoids the animal. Pushes back north, glances south, very often, a few more steps...and this goes on, and on, and on...

Looking from over head, from a bird's eye view as they say, the guy only did 5 miles in 30 days...most people can accomplish that in a hour if they walk at a half decent clip.

Here's the point, it was still 5 miles. There were a bunch of twists, turns, trips, set backs, animals to run from, many glances to the south to get that last fix...sometimes, the glances were for a few seconds, sometimes for a few minutes, and sometimes for hours.

But at the end of the month, he got 5 miles in...Next month, he got another 5.5 miles...but from the bird's eye view, there's no mistake, he's going north, not fast, but he's going.

Same holds true here. I don't care how many times you relapse, even if you're batting .300 (in the majors, that's a hell of a paycheque).

Keep posting Mr. S....keep posting, If that's the ONLY thing that gives you encouragement, is too see our responses, I'm sure some of us can post a bit more often. I know my life has been beyond crazy and busy, but I can make a bit more effort...

mr.slurps

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #142 on: July 30, 2020, 01:24:50 AM »
Hi Guys,  Finally made 1 full day w/ no pmo!  I may as well celebrate this little victory. Rook I love that going North metaphor. I can latch onto it b/c that is how this journey's really been. Very little progress but at least I've experienced how good it feels to gain some momentum. And the flip side of how easy it is to do a nose dive.
Because I got 1 day clean, I taste a bit of optimism finally.
There was a nose dive and a crash but I doubt I burned.  I may be able to patch the bruised fuselage and wings. Then I'll give the prop a spin and see if the engine starts, taxi down the runway and... (I like this metaphor as much as the boxing one. Maybe we'll use a British Spitfire to make UK proud. All sorts of possibilities... the Blitz!)  See a little twinge of optimism has Mr. Slurp getting weird again. lol
TheNorm, thanks for your help. I've definitely had the tar beat out of me lately. This month sucked.
I'm heading to Vermont for 8 days w/ family on a lake. Birthday 8/1 (I'll be 61) and looking forward to relaxing, swimming and kayaking. I really really need a better August.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #143 on: July 30, 2020, 04:28:35 AM »
Hey Mr.Slurps buddy,

I'm glad to read you have a full day in the pocket again. Why don't you indeed take it slow, one day at a time. Babysteps and then after a certain amount of days evaluate and start looking a little broader and farther.

The time away with Family sounds like a really nice trip Mr.Slurps. Enjoy it!

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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

mr.slurps

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #144 on: July 30, 2020, 06:25:55 PM »
Hi guys,   Shade, I'm going to take it slow and for the next 8 days do as little as possible.  I've been informed from above that the world will survive without my tinkering and trying to improve it.
I'm seeing a positive side to this failure/blindness I've experienced for 40 years.
All the shame and emotional baggage, the wrecked relationships, broken trust, wasted time... (I could go on but I'm already depressing myself. lol) What could ever be positive re that pile of crap?
Self forgiveness and wisdom.  That's the hidden blessing. It is also what is wonderful re this forum. We can share our crap.  We're all damaged goods- every one of us. (And that's good.)
Anyhow, I'm not going to lose the forest for the trees. (Did I get that backwards? hahaha) Beating this addiction is the goal and it is a virtuous goal. Freedom!


UKGuy

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #145 on: August 01, 2020, 06:20:59 AM »
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR SLURPS!                                                               HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR SLURPS!
Enjoy Vermont and take care.
« Last Edit: August 01, 2020, 06:27:22 AM by UKGuy »

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #146 on: August 01, 2020, 07:54:29 AM »
Happy birthday Mr.Slurps!
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Ex-edger
« Reply #147 on: Today at 01:53:35 PM »
Hey Buddy, how are you doing? How was the trip with family to celebrate your birthday???
--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0