Author Topic: Pushing back!  (Read 4471 times)

wwalker19

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #100 on: August 18, 2020, 05:43:10 AM »
Hey Chris, keep it up, you're on the right track.  I find just being away from my technology is by far the biggest hurdle.  If it's not accessible or I'm not using it, that makes a huge difference.  Otherwise, I never use my phone in bed anymore, because I know that is a massive danger zone.  Ihave added parental controls on top of the filter I already have for my phone and laptop, which has made them basically glorified typewriters, they can't do much anymore.  But I also know I cannot in any way rely on a blocker.  There is always a way around it, so that should be your absolute last line of defense.  In fact, I get more out of the blocker by knowing I don't have access to pornography rather than it actually blocking me in the moment.  By then, it's too late.

Chris Oz

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #101 on: August 19, 2020, 12:24:39 AM »
I relapsed yesterday morning. I've started the clock again. It's hard to not be able to move past the starting point but I have faith in the process.

I started reading this book which talks about hope and also how to work with the two sides of our brain to achieve what we want.

Book - Everything is fucked by Mark Mason. It's an awesome book I tell you.

wwalker19

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #102 on: August 19, 2020, 05:19:08 AM »
Hey Chris,

It can be really hard to truly get back on the horse after a few slips, especially if they lasted a long time.  But what is important is pulling yourself together, learning from your slip, and using it to do better.  Why did you slip?  Did you put yourself in a risky situation?  Were you stressed, upset, anxious, etc?  Did you have way too much free time you hadn't accounted for?  You've gotta plan how you're going to succeed.

Chris Oz

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #103 on: August 20, 2020, 12:56:33 AM »
Day 2| No PMO and No Fap

Thanks @wwalker. I'm learning to observe the patterns.

Today I had urges this morning and I was thankful my phone wasn't close to me. When it comes early in the morning when I'm still half asleep,not gets hard for me to control myself......real hard.

Then woke up and while going through my phone, I was thrown into another battle with the content a new app on my phone was giving me from Big brother naija, I later uninstalled the app. Then I went to read a book on my phone. After some couple of pages, with flashbacks coming in and out. I decided to hold up and just read my why in my sobriety count|r app. Did that untill the urges went away and I normalized and then came here to just read the forum.

I'd soon I go out to work thankfully. And the rest of the day would be occupied. Well that's all.

Keep pushing!
Chris

reclaimingmylife

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #104 on: August 20, 2020, 11:39:37 AM »
Day 2| No PMO and No Fap

Thanks @wwalker. I'm learning to observe the patterns.

Today I had urges this morning and I was thankful my phone wasn't close to me. When it comes early in the morning when I'm still half asleep,not gets hard for me to control myself......real hard.

Then woke up and while going through my phone, I was thrown into another battle with the content a new app on my phone was giving me from Big brother naija, I later uninstalled the app. Then I went to read a book on my phone. After some couple of pages, with flashbacks coming in and out. I decided to hold up and just read my why in my sobriety count|r app. Did that untill the urges went away and I normalized and then came here to just read the forum.

I'd soon I go out to work thankfully. And the rest of the day would be occupied. Well that's all.

Keep pushing!
Chris

Hey Chris good look on your journey as well:

I made a post about
Positive Replacement Activities
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=18898.0

Feel free to post yours in there if you want to.

 If we stay consistent with good habits:
Working out, meditation, socialization, staying on this form, researching about the effects of PMO, we can truly stay on track and use our energy wisely for good.

Take care.


Sanders

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #105 on: August 20, 2020, 02:02:13 PM »
Hey Chris,

I'm happy you're not giving up, you're fighting a tough battle! I trust you can find your way out of these relapses and continue on the path you were before! If you add up the days without porn and the setbacks since you've started, you'll still have like 80-90% of the days without porn right? Instead of starting from zero, think that your already so many days in the process and it's just another hurdle to overcome.

You can do it man!

avi

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #106 on: August 20, 2020, 09:51:17 PM »
Hey Chris,

It is nice to see that there is an entire community rooting for your success and you are learning as you go forward. It appears that you are really into reading books. My recommendation, if you haven't already checked it out, would be Atomic habits by James Clear. I had a system but what I learned from this book really helped me stop relying on my will-power (which waxes and wanes periodically) and fixing those tiny pieces to not having to rely on willpower as much. Hope this helps and Good luck! Rooting for your success!

Chris Oz

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #107 on: August 25, 2020, 04:42:52 AM »
Relapsed again.

I had gone 4 days without PMO.
Today I just decided to go on Reddit and quora as I hadn't been there a while. And viola, vanilla questions about sex and experiences led to frantic searches and then binge-watching actual porn. I'm pretty sure I've finished my data

But great thing is that I managed to go 1 day up from my previous relapses. Tiny int bit of progress. I'm pretty sure I would have gone far if I had masturbating part of the recovery, but just being honest with myself, that's not real progress.

So I'd start again and again until I get this right.

Looking forward to a porn free day. Good luck guys.

Chris Oz

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #108 on: August 25, 2020, 04:51:06 AM »
Just thinking, porn addiction has been a major hurdle in my life. I figure that if getting rid of porn is the only reasonable thing I'm able to do this year, I'd be pretty satisfied. Although I hope I'm a able to achieve more though, lol.

And Avi, I've read atomic habits before, I didn't finish it though. If go back and check it out again later on. I'm reading this cool book currently by Rick Riordan, so addicting to read. I love this kind of addiction.
« Last Edit: August 25, 2020, 03:49:05 PM by Chris Oz »

mousemat1

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #109 on: August 25, 2020, 04:52:07 AM »
We have good runs and bad runs. The most important thing is not to give up. Just keep pointing yourself in the right direction and make progress, one step at a time.

avi

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #110 on: August 25, 2020, 09:27:43 PM »
Just thinking, porn addiction has been a major hurdle in my life. I figure that if getting rid of porn is the only reasonable thing I'm able to do this year, I'd be pretty satisfied. Although I hope I'm a able to achieve more though, lol.

And Avi, I've read atomic habits before, I didn't finish it though. If go back and check it out again later on. I'm reading this cool book currently by Rick Riordan, so addicting to read. I love this kind of addiction.

Can't leave that space empty. Redirecting your mental faculties towards healthy obsessions is the only way to go. The reason I mentioned that book because I have gotten more value after reading it the second time than I did the first. I believe, when you are looking for answers, you'll find the right channels to answer them.

Chris Oz

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #111 on: August 26, 2020, 02:57:10 PM »
We have good runs and bad runs. The most important thing is not to give up. Just keep pointing yourself in the right direction and make progress, one step at a time.

Thanks @mousemat

@avi, I will go and read it up after my current books. Thanks for the suggestion.

Day 1 came with it's urges late in the afternoon, it wasn't easy but I'm thankful I withheld myself from acting.

Looking forward to another porn free day.

Sanders

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #112 on: August 27, 2020, 01:44:37 PM »
Hi Chris,

Good to see you're on track again. Just curious, have you thought of getting some decent blocker software for your device(s)? The better software might cost some money but I think it's worth it to spend some on overcoming this addiction. Either have someone that can hold you accountable to control the software or have the password, or just set it up and change the password to something you won't remember. Unfortunately there will always be a way to porn, but it might help you when urges hit.

Best of luck to you!

glacier

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #113 on: September 08, 2020, 06:29:48 AM »
Hey Chris, how is it going?

Sanders

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #114 on: September 10, 2020, 03:50:09 AM »
How are you doing Chris? Hope all is well!

Chris Oz

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #115 on: September 11, 2020, 12:36:56 AM »
Hey guys... I'm alive.

But all really isn't well. I just relapsed some minutes ago. Stupid Ad.

I was trying to get some sort of momentum before posting again. Did a couple of 3 and 4 days consecutively and relapsed in-between.


I dunno.. I feel dirty right now. I mean I'm trying and all but it seems the universe is just adamant on letting me improve in this part of my life.

I just had to come here and reach out again. Breaking the cycle is just hard.

Sanders thanks for the advice. I would love to consider a great blocker but it seems all the good ones are premium and I'm not really employed right now, that's why I never considered it. But if you have anyone for mobile that you feel would really be helpful and is a low budget... I'd be happy to consider it. I mean if I can subscribe monthly for internet I should be able to afford that somehow. Maybe just being open to it has been the problem.


I partly hate my life. I wish there was a button I could push and just be able to switch off porn thoughts.

I wonder if this would even stop if I get a girlfriend. Or am I just a nymph, is it just the hormones as a 23 and half-year-old male who's never had sex or a girlfriend, and maybe it will go naturally. But I know the truth it won't. Why can't I just be normal?


Aggggh, I wish I had robocop on my tail every minute.

The problem is I can't stop using the internet. And the internet is the source of my fucking addiction.

I hate saying that word "addiction". Looking at me I don't even feel like I am addicted. But I just can't stop looking at porn once in a while. and it's fucking ruining my life and self-esteem. So yes, I guess I'm addicted.

In the moment I can't even control my thoughts....its just click click and click, yes yes... Go in until you have that orgasm. And when I do...silence. My whole body and mind reset. I mean it's the hormones but can I blame them.

God is silent, it's not alright for people and the Bible to tell me he loves me regardless, I need him to change my predicament. I need him to intervene. I've prayed the way I could, I've asked for answers, I've asked for signs. The only thing that comes back is a reassuring word that I can never be successful without get rid of this addiction. But how!!!

 Sometimes I get the feeling that maybe he's using this pain to teach me something.....but what. I think I've learned enough. Just break the chains already.

The thoughts keep coming haunting me in my sleep, in the day, when I bathe, read. I'm tired.

I'm tired

Sorry guys, I just needed somewhere to let out my frustration.

It really really seems I've never made progress one bit. But somewhere I'm just trying to believe so.

I don't want to compare myself, but most of the people I started with are far out of this already. I cannot finish 2020 still hooked to porn.

I refuse it.
I just can't let this happen.

Imagine if the people looking up to me found out. I can't even imagine it.

I need to go and sleep. I know it would make me feel better but don't just say it's going to be fine... I need a fucking way out of this. I'm sick and I need a cure.

Sanders

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #116 on: September 11, 2020, 07:37:06 AM »
Hey Chris,

Great you've decided to post here, even though life seems to be really hard on you now. I trust you don't give up, you've had some really good streaks without porn, and hopefully you may return to that. Just a few things I've learned since starting to rid myself of this addiction that might also help you:

 - This is most likely not your real sex drive. I don't know if you've read through YourBrainOnPorn but it really gives great insights. It argues that your body is creating these urges simply because it knows that the stimulus is readily available. There's basically an infinite number of women ready to have 'sex' with you through internet porn. Of course it isn't real, however the brain perceives it that way. Cutting porn will likely reduce your sex drive and return it to its normal state after enough time.
 - I don't know about your personal situation but I think I've said it before but I would strongly urge you to involve someone in this. A family member, religious leader, a friend, just anyone you can trust with something like this. It's really embarrasing to do so, I know. However it's been essential for me to overcome this to have people that know about the situation and can give some perspective.
 - Regarding blockers, there's a list on YourBrainOnPorn with blockers for these situations, paid and free ones. Phone apps that are free that I had are BlockSite and BlockerX, they were pretty helpful. Either give the access to someone else, or just set it up and change the password to something impossible to remember. I've since changed to a paid one, Norton, which is 60€ a year. A one-off purchase and it's worked great to be honest. Blockers of course aren't forever, but after some time you'll have hopefully developed the skills and maturity to avoid porn.
 - The 'trying everything to get rid of it' part is tough. 12-step programmes have the first step which is to accept that you're powerless over your addiction and only with help (of a higher power) you can overcome it. It's really a difficult thing for myself since I don't really believe that I was powerless over the addiction. There was always the opportunity for me to find information and talk to someone about it, but I hid it for 12-13 years. We're responsible for our own actions, we can't blame the porn industry, society or anything else, we did it. What helped me was to understand the porn industry in-depth. The hurt that many of the girls go through, the exploitation, the violence, anger, degrading and so much more. Porn is just disgusting.
 - You write "I can't stop using the internet", do you mean that you need it for work or personal use? If it's not neccesarily for work, take a detox of internet for some time. Switch to a cheap phone that can text and call, see what that does for your addiction.
 - One final thing that might help is this 6 point plan, it's created by one great guy on this forum ShadeTrenicin. Write it down, read it when the urges hit.
1. Recognize the urge
2. Allow that the urge is there (you cannot will it away, let it be and analyze it)
3. Investigate why the urge is there (is there something inside of you that makes you resort to PMO?)
4. Realize that the urge is temporary
5. Recall the feeling of emptiness after a PMO session
6. (optional if the urge is really strong) Resort to an emergency activity such as coming to the forum, sports, anti-sexual activities, other hobbies.

I hope you don't lose hope and keep the fight going. If you check the days with PMO versus the days without over the last months I'm sure it will be a lot better than the year before. Progress may be slow or difficult, but it's still progress. You have the motivation, try to get all the tools you need to overcome this.

Don't give up man, you can do this. Vent all you like on this forum, nobody judges you. If you think whatever I'm saying is useless, then feel free to call me an idiot :)

 

 

Chris Oz

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #117 on: September 12, 2020, 11:11:44 AM »
Thanks Sanders. I really appreciate the suggestions.
I'd implement them as much as I can.

With regard to your question about the internet. Yes I use the internet for work. I'm a blogger and I'm also trying freelancing and servicing a social online community. So the internet is pretty much part and parcel of me.

I'd see how I can find blockers that can help.

Aive told few people I trusted - friend's. They were accepting of me, but didn't really take it as serious helping with my recovery. And sometimes it seems like I'm bothering them, reminding them to check up on me and all that. So I stopped.

Family do not talk about personal stuff. The only person that might have helped is my dad. But with the few things I have told him about, he always seems to use it against me at other times. So I don't talk much with him.

I feel better, I'd keep trying to fight.

Day 1 came with urges in mid afternoon. Work distracted me from it so ,I'm grateful.

I'm looking forward to Day 2.

Chris Oz

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #118 on: September 13, 2020, 06:22:57 AM »
Day 2

I had morning wood this morning, it felt great but there was the danger of getting too excited and stroking. Also, some thoughts and urges came on but I managed to fight it off, using the last steps offered by sanders. It helped.

Its still mud day but I'm pretty sure I will make it porn free to the next day.

I did something funny today though, I started measuring my dick; was just wondering how I stacked up and whether I was average, large, or small.

I was satisfied with what I found out, 6.5 inches, but then I'd love to  it a few inches over to 7.

I checked a few exercises for elongation. Honestly, I didn't even know they existed but I saw it while browsing... And I'm beginning to consider trying them out and seeing if it works.

I know it really doesn't make much difference in sex. The technique is what matters but I'm just having fun.

Alright, happy Sunday everyone.
Keep pushing back!
Chris

Chris Oz

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #119 on: September 13, 2020, 11:36:55 AM »
Just relapsed. Seems I couldn't last till tomorrow.
I saw it coming.... But I kept toiling with my phone. Big mistake.

Still on track though. Not going to bitch about it. I'd analyze what happened and start again tomorrow
« Last Edit: September 14, 2020, 05:52:55 AM by Chris Oz »

hopeful2

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #120 on: September 13, 2020, 06:25:08 PM »
Don't sweat it! You got this Chris!

Chris Oz

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #121 on: September 14, 2020, 05:54:59 AM »
Day 1

Today seems a good day... Feeling low in energy, had an issue with my blogs url after adding custom domain.

I installed some blockers on my phone. It seems promising.

Looking forward to Day 2.

Chris Oz

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #122 on: September 15, 2020, 08:07:43 AM »
Day 2

Today has been tough, really rough. Lots of flashbacks and strong urges. But when it got too much, I had to run here. I read lots of encouraging stories that has made me better. And also encouraged others. I feel stronger.

I hope to have a better half day. Looking forward to Day 3.

Pushing back
Chris

hopeful2

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #123 on: September 15, 2020, 04:37:53 PM »
Hey Chris, your words of encouragement helped me so I'm gonna pay it back. You got this, try music when the thoughts come back. I found catchy songs which stick in your head are great. Right now I've got never gonna give you up in my head.

Above all you got this, three days is the hard part.

Chris Oz

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Re: Pushing back!
« Reply #124 on: September 16, 2020, 12:40:59 AM »
Day 3

Thanks for the suggestion @stansfield. I'd try it as time goes on.

And you're right about day 3, it usually is the hardest. I already got morning wood and a stupid urge of checking out the size if my duck, which led to stroking to see it at full length, which was leading to flashbacks, and then I came on here... Even then I still wanted to go to "you know where". But my blocker x app stopped me.

I don't know why I keep being intrigued about dick size. It's crazy... I feel it's just another way my mind us making to lead me back to porn.

But if try the music. I still have lots of more into the day; it's still morning.

I'm really looking forward to day 4... It's always been very hard crossing this day

Pushing back
Chris