Author Topic: Nofap Consciousness II  (Read 2841 times)

Georgos

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Re: Nofap Consciousness II
« Reply #75 on: May 30, 2020, 03:26:36 AM »
So my thinking is much more about managing my addiction now rather than total abstinence,

I'm going to look at P once per month in order to avoid boom and bust,

I'm abstaining completely from PMO,

Today is day two without P,

Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: Nofap Consciousness II
« Reply #76 on: May 30, 2020, 04:45:41 PM »
So I am still thinking about my fetish and why it makes me ashamed.

As I have said before, no one who is not white can deny the need for their race to compete in the face of white supremacy.

Racial competition is not racism provided it is done in a sporting fashion or in self-defence.

However, for the white controlled media, racism is a sport.

This is the case with the so called "interracial porn" that is produced.

Even the name indicates that it is setting the scene for competition and the narratives betray the racism of the producers who are largely white, however well intentioned they may be.

As I have said before, I initially went to it out of a desire for more diversity in my viewing, but so long as it is white controlled, it perpetuates white fantasy, and watching this for me, whilst gripping, I find shameful.

That is on top of the shame of watching porn at all.

Seeing white fantasy for what it is, trying to ascertain to what extent I am white, this cycle has kept me hooked on the genre, if you can call it that.

I have also found it interesting to observe to what extent non-white participate and how they see it, trying to place myself within the dialectic.

Making porn non-racist is a debateable path to try and follow.

Is there such thing as ethical porn?

I would much rather have nothing to do with it.

It is interesting that whilst I have always dated black women, I don't like seeing them in porn, though I do appreciate their bodies.

The idea of seeing them further debased appalls me.

On the other hand, seeing white women debased has caused me no end of confusion with regards to sexual relationships with them.

I remain very good at Platonic relationships.

I have always said that racism was the most fundamental reason for my sexual dysfunction. Porn was just how I encountered it later on, but there is no doubt that it exacerbated my mental anguish.

Hopefully, by talking about this, I can transcend its grip on me.

There is still a lot of self-justification in my writing, I really do see myself as the victim.

Thank you,

Georgos

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Re: Nofap Consciousness II
« Reply #77 on: June 01, 2020, 08:18:55 AM »
So day four of not looking at P. Still no MO.

If I can get down to looking at P once a month, twelve times a year, that will be better than one prolonged period of abstinence followed by a return to the old ways for months on end. It may not feel as much as an accomplishment compared to abstaining for ages in one go, but it will be, and hopefully be more sustainable.

I think I can be proud of myself if I get to then end of a year having only looked at P twelve times with no PMO.

Thank you.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Nofap Consciousness II
« Reply #78 on: June 01, 2020, 08:34:38 AM »
Hey Buddy,

Day 4 towards the right path. Good going man.

What do you mean that racism is the reason for your sexual problems? Care to elaborate on that?


Good luck today man!

Im rooting for you
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

Georgos

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Re: Nofap Consciousness II
« Reply #79 on: June 01, 2020, 12:13:10 PM »
So some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that I just looked at P after only three days abstinence. The good news is that I realise last time I updated about how many times I'd PMOd in the last year, I miscounted. I have in fact only PMOd nine times in the last year, 9, with three weeks to go. That is still worse than the year before which was four times, but still pretty amazing I think.

On the other hand, it's still once every forty days, which doesn't sound nearly so impressive.

Anyway, this year I want to get it down to zero, which I know I can do.

As far as only looking at P once a month goes, I'm still going to try and do this, just have to reset my counter.

Thank you.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Nofap Consciousness II
« Reply #80 on: June 04, 2020, 04:50:35 AM »
Hey Georgos, 9 times is indeed much better than 13! congrats!

And once every 40 days is still much much better than once every 4 days or every day. Remember; it's a progress in which you will need to find your own way and what works for you. No approach is leak tight and besides abstaining there is also a level of personal development and growth involved. During this process we map out what triggers us and what makes us relapse so it is a continous cycle of growth.

No worries Georgos, you are doing just fine!


I am rooting for you
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

Georgos

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Re: Nofap Consciousness II
« Reply #81 on: June 05, 2020, 02:09:32 PM »
Thanks Shade.

So I've PMOd thirteen times in the last two years, nine times in the last year as of June 21st, I'm going to make it zero times in this coming year.

The challenge now is to control my MO and P viewing separately. I'm confident I can get my MO down to at most twelve times a year.

I'm hoping this will have a knock on effect on my P viewing, but so far it seems to be having the opposite effect. I looked at P today just three days after I last looked.

Nevertheless, getting my MO down to twelve times in a year with zero PMO will be a huge success.

I also want to separate my fetish viewing from general P viewing. Today I looked at a mixture of general P and fetish P, but the fetish always seems to win.

I want to just look at general P if I look at P, or better yet, just look at clothed fashion models if I feel the urge to stimulate my mind sexually.

I don't know how many times I MOd this year. I haven't been counting. But I did manage six months abstinence. I'm pretty sure it is not more than twenty times over the year, so getting down to twelve times in a year should be pretty easy. P viewing on the other hand has probably been quite high.

I feel so much better for not MOing with P, the shame of looking at P is no longer compounded with the MO depressive comedown.

Last year was my second best year, the year before, my best. I'm going to make this coming year the best yet.

Thank you.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Nofap Consciousness II
« Reply #82 on: June 26, 2020, 03:00:47 AM »
Hey Georgos,

How are you doing? We haven't heard from you for quite a while now. Please let us now how you are doing.


Take care my friend!

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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

Georgos

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Re: Nofap Consciousness II
« Reply #83 on: July 10, 2020, 10:23:46 AM »
So I briefly looked at P for the first time in a month and a half today.

I searched for my fetish, which is something I want to avoid. I need to remember not to search for it straight away if I do search.

I want to try and aim for a lower bound of once a month for searching for P this year.

A month and a half is quite good.

I MO'd around the end of last month. Again I want to aim for a lower bound of MOing once a month this year.

Hopefully, by the end of the year I will have MOd and looked at P no more than twelve times respectively.

Thank you.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Nofap Consciousness II
« Reply #84 on: July 11, 2020, 04:18:41 AM »
Hey Georgos,


Great to hear from you my friend and congratulation on 1 and a half month no PMO!
IN my opinion an MO every once in a while is not to bad, if you a weary of the chaser effect.


How are you doing overal?


Good luck my friend
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

Georgos

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Re: Nofap Consciousness II
« Reply #85 on: Today at 02:26:06 PM »
Hi Shade, in actual fact I haven't PMOd for 52 days now. I looked at P two days ago, and I MOd two weeks ago. The aim is to go a whole year without PMO. I just managed a year with only nine PMOs and the year before I managed only four. I'm confident I can go a whole year with none, but not over confident.

I also want to keep my P and MO down to a lower bound of 12 times in the year, and so far I am on track, which is good.

The most important thing for me at the moment is to keep in my mind the idea that I don't go straight to my fetish when I do look at P once a month or less.

I'm doing ok otherwise, been living in cloud coocoo land for quite a while but not paranoid which is the main thing. I'm  feeling a bit more grounded today.

Cheers.