Journals > Ages 40 and up

Final straw


I have been on and off the wagon for the last 2 1/2 years. Just want to communicate with others that are going through what I am, so I have come back on this forum. Tried it on my own and it is difficult. I will go for a while without PMO than go for a while with PMO. I have been told by others that I am nice to be around and than just turn on them one day. They don't know what I am addicted to but I understand what they are talking about, I can be hard to deal with when I am on porn and I don't like it when I am that way. My wife and I have since separated, we are still dating but it is not the same. I hope to have found a new strength that has brought me back to these forums.

It has been 4 days now, it usually takes about 4-5 days and I start to feel a change . It is small but still a change. When I went a couple of months a couple of years ago people told me they seen a big change in me. They don't have a clue why, so that meant a lot to me to have them say that. I will focus on that now, how other people see me, just like looking in a mirror. Read a poem once called the Man in the Mirror it talked about the only one that matters is the man in the mirror, to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and be accountable to yourself.

Looking forward to hearing of your progress.  Striving to be accountable to ourselves and to others is a difficult but worthy endeavor.  If you have done streaks of months in the past that means you have the tools and knowledge to do it now.  Best wishes.   


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