Author Topic: 100 days goal  (Read 943 times)

Paul96

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100 days goal
« on: January 28, 2020, 04:01:15 PM »
Hi everyone! I'm a 23 years old guy who decided to start my own reboot. English is not my first language and i'm very sorry for the upcoming mistakes :) I started playing computer games since I was 5 years old. By age 10-11 i started looking for pictures of naked women and porn videos on the Internet. Actually i started masturbating earlier while i've watched some casual porn on TV or magazines. I've become really addicted to all this stuff. I could sit at home in front of computer for 2-3 weeks straight without leaving home. Why was my addiction so strong? Well, i don't want to say i've had a bad childhood but there were some personal issues. I grew up without a father. My grandfather was an alcoholic who used to come home drunk for several months straight. At age 12 i've changed school and new classmates started bullying me almost every day and up to age 14 i've had no friends in new school at all. At this situation computer became kind of relief for me. At age 17 i stopped gaming and reduced PMOing beacause i had some really tough exams at my school. However, next year it all started again. I've spent endless amount of time in front of the screen ruining my own life. Parents, teachers and other people always told me that i'm kind of talented guy and i've had good grades in both school and university but not excellent as people expected. Of course i've never had a girlfriend and haven't even been kissed by a girl. And of course severe social anxiety and depression were also big issues. 3 years ago i started going to swimming pool and i've lost 30 kilos since then which is really a victory for me because I used to weigh 100-105 kilos. In October 2019 i've had Gary Wilson's TEDx talk in my recommendations on Youtube. I'm interested in physiology and biochemistry so i really enjoyed the video and started looking for some information on the topic. i've tried to stop PMOing several times since then and always failed after several days of abstinence. This journal will be dedicated to my attempt to stop this nightmare. The last time i've watched porn was on December 28 and also i've stopped playing computer games since January 12. Today i've masturbated twice on my porn fantasies. I hope it was for the last time. My goal is to reach 100 days mark. I'll write here about my feelings and thoughts during this period. I hope i'll get some good advice on my problem. And on my terrible english as well :)
« Last Edit: January 28, 2020, 04:05:06 PM by Paul96 »

Relentless Observer

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Re: 100 days goal
« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2020, 11:17:26 PM »
Paul,
First, I commend you for your commitment to overcoming these negative actions.  It is difficult, but you are fully capable of overcoming this all.
Second, I urge you to read up on this issue as much as possible to help motivate you.
Third, I urge you to read up on body language and interpersonal communication in general.  Sadly, interacting with others does not come easy for many of us, and eventually we feel the pain of isolation.  However, you are meant to be a social being and you can learn to improve your communication and make friendships and romantic relationships.
Good luck

Paul96

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Re: 100 days goal
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2020, 01:35:50 PM »
Paul,
First, I commend you for your commitment to overcoming these negative actions.  It is difficult, but you are fully capable of overcoming this all.
Second, I urge you to read up on this issue as much as possible to help motivate you.
Third, I urge you to read up on body language and interpersonal communication in general.  Sadly, interacting with others does not come easy for many of us, and eventually we feel the pain of isolation.  However, you are meant to be a social being and you can learn to improve your communication and make friendships and romantic relationships.
Good luck
Thanks, man. I'll do my best :)

Paul96

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Day 1
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2020, 01:54:33 PM »
My day 1 has finished. I had no problem today, just one more usual day at work. I'm tired and little depressed which is ok. I started reading a book in public transport just to keep myself busy. I think it will help me distract myself from porn fantasies which is the main cause of my relapses.

Paul96

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Day 2
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2020, 01:28:28 PM »
Day 2. Nothing special, same as yesterday.

Paul96

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Day 3
« Reply #5 on: January 31, 2020, 11:17:11 AM »
Despite the fact that I slept for 9 hours I felt tired and had a mild headache since I've woken up. That's quite normal for me and it happened before during my previous attempts.

anonfromfinance

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Re: 100 days goal
« Reply #6 on: January 31, 2020, 11:30:48 AM »
Hey man. Sounds great that you’ve finally decided to do something about it. I would suggest that you highly stick to reading other guys’ stories here and try to post daily yourself. Reflecting on your thoughts and what’s going on in your mind by posting here does help quite a lot and many guys on here swear by it and say that it’s what helped them stay on track.

All the best on your journey man. I’m sure you can do it.

Paul96

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Re: 100 days goal
« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2020, 10:21:30 AM »
Hey man. Sounds great that you’ve finally decided to do something about it. I would suggest that you highly stick to reading other guys’ stories here and try to post daily yourself. Reflecting on your thoughts and what’s going on in your mind by posting here does help quite a lot and many guys on here swear by it and say that it’s what helped them stay on track.

All the best on your journey man. I’m sure you can do it.
Thanks, man. I won't give up until I reach 100 days

Paul96

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Day 0
« Reply #8 on: February 01, 2020, 10:32:29 AM »
Had a relapse this morning. No porn, just those annoying porn flashbacks. But also good news: I managed to abstain from porn, erotica, girls' Instagram accounts and other stimuli during the whole January, which is a personal record. But I want to do the hard mode which also includes abstaining from MOing as far as I know. That's why it will be my new Day 0.

Travos

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Re: 100 days goal
« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2020, 04:42:56 AM »
Hi, Paul!

As a fellow comrade 96 kid, I feel your pain somewhat. Divide your goal into a smaller manageable divisions, like the first 7 days, 2 weeks, month, half point, etc.

Having a goal of 100 days can seem a bit overwhelming on hard mode, however making it 3 days and then encouraging yourself to extend it to a week after you reached 3 days might be a better option in dealing with it. Keep yourself busy, boredom is the biggest trigger to relapsing. And overall, enjoy the process, it will get easier, it will be fixable - you just have to want it bad enough. Keeping yourself busy and in environments, where it's hard to look at P or have M session, will make it much easier to not do it.

In fact, why not try to become more social and talk to girls, and go for your first kiss. And start a new hobby, so you have something to talk about with them, how you just learned that, found this person to teach you on youtube and/or in your town, next you're going to try to learn that specific thing etc. Also find people that are involved in the same hobby.

Anyway, good luck dude!

Travos

Paul96

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Re: 100 days goal
« Reply #10 on: February 02, 2020, 12:24:16 PM »
Hi, Paul!

As a fellow comrade 96 kid, I feel your pain somewhat. Divide your goal into a smaller manageable divisions, like the first 7 days, 2 weeks, month, half point, etc.

Having a goal of 100 days can seem a bit overwhelming on hard mode, however making it 3 days and then encouraging yourself to extend it to a week after you reached 3 days might be a better option in dealing with it. Keep yourself busy, boredom is the biggest trigger to relapsing. And overall, enjoy the process, it will get easier, it will be fixable - you just have to want it bad enough. Keeping yourself busy and in environments, where it's hard to look at P or have M session, will make it much easier to not do it.

In fact, why not try to become more social and talk to girls, and go for your first kiss. And start a new hobby, so you have something to talk about with them, how you just learned that, found this person to teach you on youtube and/or in your town, next you're going to try to learn that specific thing etc. Also find people that are involved in the same hobby.

Anyway, good luck dude!

Travos
Hi, man! I've already returned to my electric guitar to keep myself busy at home. Also, as I mentioned earlier, I read a book while I'm in public transport, which helps as well. As for the the girls, I'm waaaaay too shy for that. The best decision for me now is just completing reboot in the first place.

Paul96

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Day 1
« Reply #11 on: February 02, 2020, 12:27:33 PM »
Had a day off. I've played my electric guitar, read book. Feel extremely tired and sleepy at the end of the day.

Paul96

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Day 2
« Reply #12 on: February 03, 2020, 01:38:41 PM »
Nothing special. Just usual tiredness.

Paul96

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Day 3
« Reply #13 on: February 04, 2020, 12:47:45 PM »
Had a tough depression at the end of the day because of thoughts about my wasted past. I've almost bursted into tears, to be honest. However, everything at work was quite perfect today. But in general life is black and white for me now.

anonfromfinance

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Re: 100 days goal
« Reply #14 on: February 04, 2020, 01:31:53 PM »
Hey man. Hope you’re doing well. Things can get tough, especially with the withdrawal. I’m sure you’ll be up and about in no time. There’s nothing you can do about the past, except reflect on it and make sure you work to change the future. Keep looking forward man, you’re doing great! Take care brother.

Paul96

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Re: 100 days goal
« Reply #15 on: February 05, 2020, 11:25:27 AM »
Hey man. Hope you’re doing well. Things can get tough, especially with the withdrawal. I’m sure you’ll be up and about in no time. There’s nothing you can do about the past, except reflect on it and make sure you work to change the future. Keep looking forward man, you’re doing great! Take care brother.
Thanks, dude. I try my best to start new life and it's really hard, i must say.

Paul96

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Day 4
« Reply #16 on: February 05, 2020, 11:31:47 AM »
Depression hit me in the middle of the work day and lasted for 6-7 hours. Also I had strong cravings with porn flashbacks in the morning. But, fortunately, no relapse.

Paul96

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Day 0
« Reply #17 on: February 06, 2020, 02:01:15 PM »
Relapsed again. No porn again, just flashbacks in my head in the morning. I have to try again. Next time I'll write here when i reach 5 days.

Paul96

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Day 5!
« Reply #18 on: February 11, 2020, 01:52:08 PM »
Reached 5 days. New record. Depression was not so heavy during this period. Also had some success at work today so this is the first day in 2020 when i'm in kind of good mood. At least not so bad as before. Porn flashbacks still occur, but only in the morning.

squid

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Re: 100 days goal
« Reply #19 on: February 11, 2020, 02:08:34 PM »
Woohoo new record!!  Great work dude paying close attention to how much better you feel off porn.  Record all that stuff.

Paul96

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Day 6
« Reply #20 on: February 12, 2020, 12:59:13 PM »
I had some really strong urge in the morning but I managed to stop myself. Also felt very nervous today. It wasn't even anxiety. It was some kind of desperation or something.

IamMayor

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Re: 100 days goal
« Reply #21 on: February 12, 2020, 01:20:57 PM »
Congratulations on your 6th day bro, I hope you keep it up until you reach your goal. Use this time to also make some important assertions of yourself I'm sure it will happen naturally though. All those things you used to avoid, if they were as important to you ,you now have the strength to face them and conquer. I recommend you download these two apps Reboot and Blocker X. I use them to keep track of my progress and also rid my social medias of pixel stimuli.

Paul96

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Day 0
« Reply #22 on: February 13, 2020, 02:58:06 PM »
New relapse. Masturbated once in the morning. No porn again.

Jeks

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Re: 100 days goal
« Reply #23 on: February 14, 2020, 02:29:04 AM »
Dont touch, dont fantasize. Dont peak. Look out for trigger. Urge to masturbate isnt your real libido, but cravings, when tehere unbearable. Keep this in mind. Dont let your mind play tricks on you.

There is a analogy i found really useful for dealing with porn fantasizing. Fantasizing of porn is like a rabbit hole. Once you start to scoop around in it, you will loose yourself in it, until you will relapse again. The deeper you go, the harder it will be to find a way out. So as soon as you see the rabbit hole you have to look away and not even glimpse at it, but focus on the trees and your path and so on. So in other words, youve got triggers in your own head and once you allow them to blossom it becomes automatic. So as soon as you identify a trigger, just look around you. When you see something, a chair for example, start thinking about a chair. Start thinking about wood, start thinking about trees. Start thinking about what else you can do with trees, until you passed the rabbit hole.
Or, when you able to, just start doing something.

This becomes easier with time and the pictures will start to fade more and more.

Youre doing good. Most important thing in the beginning is to not come back to porn. Your urge to masturbate will slowly decrease over time without porn.

Paul96

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Re: 100 days goal
« Reply #24 on: February 15, 2020, 01:11:07 PM »
Dont touch, dont fantasize. Dont peak. Look out for trigger. Urge to masturbate isnt your real libido, but cravings, when tehere unbearable. Keep this in mind. Dont let your mind play tricks on you.

There is a analogy i found really useful for dealing with porn fantasizing. Fantasizing of porn is like a rabbit hole. Once you start to scoop around in it, you will loose yourself in it, until you will relapse again. The deeper you go, the harder it will be to find a way out. So as soon as you see the rabbit hole you have to look away and not even glimpse at it, but focus on the trees and your path and so on. So in other words, youve got triggers in your own head and once you allow them to blossom it becomes automatic. So as soon as you identify a trigger, just look around you. When you see something, a chair for example, start thinking about a chair. Start thinking about wood, start thinking about trees. Start thinking about what else you can do with trees, until you passed the rabbit hole.
Or, when you able to, just start doing something.

This becomes easier with time and the pictures will start to fade more and more.

Youre doing good. Most important thing in the beginning is to not come back to porn. Your urge to masturbate will slowly decrease over time without porn.
Thanks, dude!