Author Topic: fresh start...  (Read 1434 times)

OrangeSpider

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fresh start...
« on: January 13, 2020, 08:47:39 AM »
Like many of you I have tried fresh starts a few times and not gained much out of it. Hey, but its a new decade and I dont want to keep on seeing my days go on and not get anywhere. So Im going to give it a another try. I plan on sharing my thoughts and feelings here, as well as were I am on the journey.
« Last Edit: January 14, 2020, 07:49:39 AM by OrangeSpider »

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2020, 03:23:20 PM »
Hey welcome! Excellently done by admitting your problem and coming here. You've taken the first step!

Good for you
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

Wolfman

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2020, 04:16:40 AM »
Hey OrangeSpider! Here's to the best decade of your life yet! I wish you strength and hope on your journey.

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2020, 07:49:01 AM »
day 2...
Well, Im here and not at any Porn website, so thats a win, because usually at this time Im over there wasting my time and sperm.
Right now feeling determined, all my self is united in saying no, mind, soul and body (usually the body and mind are not helping). Hope this can continue through out the day. 

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2020, 08:21:27 AM »
day 3...
Had a few cravings yesterday, but ran away from them. Today I hope it goes the same way, even though there is a part of me that just wants to get back in the rhythm of caving in and feeling the rush. Gotta keep it up!

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #5 on: January 16, 2020, 09:37:03 AM »
day 0...
Just went down the hole  :(

making80y

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #6 on: January 16, 2020, 10:08:27 AM »
Never mind. You are successful for 3 days  8) Then, make another 3 days. It would better than nothing ;) No one can go straight line.

Excellent for 3 day. Let's keep for another excellent. Go on and Go on.
« Last Edit: January 17, 2020, 06:06:17 AM by making80y »

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #7 on: January 19, 2020, 08:22:59 AM »
day 1 (had another relapse yesterday)...

Wolfman

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2020, 09:32:26 AM »
Have you taken note of how you fell into the hole? Was it different this time? Were there unexpected triggers? Do you have a plan on how to deal with it if you find yourself in the same circumstance?

Keep at it man! Take the relapses as opportunities to learn about yourself. You really can do it for several days, you just need to make some tweaks to the system as you go along.

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #9 on: January 20, 2020, 07:53:30 AM »
day 2...
Thanks for the reply Wolfman. I have a base plan and Im planning on tweeking as I go and relapses happen (which I hope are not much).

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #10 on: January 21, 2020, 09:35:44 AM »
day 1...
here we go again, yesterday I went down.
Ive identified its in the morning when nobody is awake. I cant seem to stand the urge when Im alone. So I have decided to wake up at 7, which is hard for me because I am a morning person, but I think it could even help me out get  a few more hours of sleep. Im scared it might put me back in getting some things done, but most of the time Im watching porn just right before 7, so maybe its just my mind trolling me. I hope this works out; just starting to tweek my strategy to see how it goes.

BlackPanther

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #11 on: January 21, 2020, 12:27:27 PM »
I am starting today as well. Best of luck for all of us

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #12 on: January 23, 2020, 08:49:42 AM »
day 0...
well that didn't last long  :(. I woke up early and came downstairs and did my thing... shit!

I need to get this together.

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #13 on: January 24, 2020, 08:53:41 PM »
day 1...
Today I felt remorse of being such a wuss and a weakling.

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #14 on: February 02, 2020, 07:41:26 AM »
its been 1 week...
This is something I want, I really want, but at the same time another part of me really wants as well the shit; what a conundrum!

I got to use my mind, think, think, think, and consider what weighs more.

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #15 on: February 09, 2020, 07:49:35 AM »
2 weeks...
I don't have a clue how the hell I've made it so far, but I'm glad and hope I can continue to make it. Best of luck to you guys as well.

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #16 on: April 14, 2020, 07:56:05 AM »
Heres take 5 to that fresh start I mentioned back in January.

Yesterday I was watching porn, but at the same time thinking I didn't want to do it and I didn't masturbate. That has never happened to me, so I took it as a sign that its enough.

Heres a bit about me, since I didnt share this the last time. Im about to be 36. I've been hooked on Porn since I was 14. Since then the only moment I left in untouched was my first year of marriage, that was 10 years ago. I'm still married and I have 4 kids. Thank God my family does not know about this shit.

For them and for myself I want to be able to get over this. So I would love to make some progress in my reboot this time.

I will try to post regularly, unless I go off on P and M indefinitely.


ShadeTrenicin

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #17 on: April 14, 2020, 04:42:08 PM »
Hey man, great work on stopping first of all!

It is quite a thing to keep something like that hidden from your family. Must be tearing you apart one way or the other.
What made you quit it, you already said that you watched porn but didnt masturbater? What do you think happened that made you not masturbate? It's a pretty significant signal!


Im looking forward to reading more on your progress!
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #18 on: April 17, 2020, 08:53:31 AM »
Thought about going for a pleasure surf  this morning, but instead came here. Almost a week without filling my mind and veins with nefarious gratification, and that makes me feel good.

Hope you guys are fighting the good fight as well, hope you the best.

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #19 on: April 18, 2020, 08:02:57 AM »
Yesterday was tough.
I get to the point where I get so into looking at Porn, thinking its what I need, its the fix for my day, that it just doesnt go away. I pause what Im doing to do exercises, do something that needs be done in the house or play with the kids; I come back and its still there. I hate it!
I did not M yesterday, but I did peeked for P a few times.
Today I feel good I didn't M, but bad I looked at P. Its a battle guys, you know it. I just have to keep on pushing and wanting to be free from this.
Hoping today will be easier, for all of you as well.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #20 on: April 18, 2020, 03:50:36 PM »
Hey man, it is indeed a battle. And it's a constant threat waiting to ambush and or seduce us. I so get the feeling of still having the urge after doing something else.
 The best in these difficult timesĀ”
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #21 on: April 19, 2020, 06:41:57 AM »
I made it yesterday, Im grateful for that. I got a little zoned out a moment in the afternoon and went off for a 4 mile run; that helped.
Im telling myself today that I cant go back, I dont want to go back; its been too long, Ive waisted so much time and energy in this, it has affected so much of my life, personality, performance, etc. I feel like someone who has a eating disorder and just cant stop. I mean, come one, Im going to be 36 in a few months, 22 years doing the same thing at least weekly; enough is enough.


ShadeTrenicin

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #22 on: April 19, 2020, 06:44:08 AM »
Hey Orangespider,

I am glad to read that you made it yesterday! I see that you are also motivating yourself today as well as reflecting on your past life. This can be a powerful motivator; to remember what you are doing it for.

I am rooting for you! Keep it up!
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

OrangeSpider

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #23 on: April 23, 2020, 07:53:12 AM »
I believe today is day #3, I had a fall a Monday.

Im really without words, other than just the desire to get over with this plan, the desire to commit seriously to reboot.

Thats it...

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: fresh start...
« Reply #24 on: April 24, 2020, 06:11:46 AM »
Hey OrangeSpider,

It sucks, big time. But you can only move forward again. I'm rooting for you! Keep your chin up, this was another bump in the road. They occur every once in a while.

Good luck man!
--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0