Author Topic: Rebooting in 3.2.1 ...  (Read 43 times)

ErasmusH

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Rebooting in 3.2.1 ...
« on: October 21, 2020, 11:10:11 AM »
35 year old guy, have been using porn/masturbating since age 11.

For many years i always thought that my social anxiety, shyness, self isolation tendencies and even my porn/masturbation tendencies were related more from my low self esteem than the other way around (i.e. porn causing all of those)

I have been married for almost 15 years, and i must say that it has not been easy, all this time i have been able to conceal my porn addiction from my wife, still shes always been distrustful of me, a rough thing to handle for this many years for both of us.

I tried to quit more times that i can now remember but i haven't been able to go more than one week without going back to watching porn and or masturbating.

This time i must try something different that's why i'm sharing this post and joined this community, as i always thought i could just deal with this alone and after having a relapse only made things worse as i would end up beating myself for it, thinking i was hopeless, the only remedy binging on my addiction again and again.

Im tired of this cycle and im willing to change today, to get back my life, my health, my brain, my self esteem, my marriage, everything i have lost that i wasn't even aware i had before.

Today for me is day one.


EarthWalker

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Re: Rebooting in 3.2.1 ...
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2020, 01:41:26 PM »
Hi, ErasmusH.

Welcome. Wish you good luck on your journey.

The game is winnable. I fully expect more of us to start breaking the cycle and not just the occasional unicorn. I think as more and more of us will start to break free, it will become increasingly easier for people to quit P addiction. It will still be hard but the odds are becoming free are becoming a lot better.

It would be interesting to have some sort of statistics. Of how many attempted, how many rebooted, how long it took, etc. I have a strong feeling that whatever the statistics are ... they are changing for the better. Higher success rate, less relapses, etc.

EW
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BennyB.

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Re: Rebooting in 3.2.1 ...
« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2020, 10:19:57 PM »
Hello Erasmush,

When I read your post, I said to myself: "15 years of concealing P to his wife must have cost him a lot of energy and produced some anxiety on the side". But when I think about it, I have also done the same with my close family. In fact, I think most addicts conceal their P use to the people they cherish, probably to protect them from all the troubling contents around (and what we used to jerk with during our time as P users).

Good thing that you decided to join this forum and share your story with us. Be sure to post your progress on a regular basis, particularly in the beginning of the reboot. For my part, I found this was an anchor at first. It enabled me to stay focus on the process of sobering up. It still does.
There are three musts that hold us back: I must do well. You must treat me well. And the world must be easy.
Albert Ellis

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Rebooting in 3.2.1 ...
« Reply #3 on: Today at 08:34:48 AM »
Hey Erasmus,

First of all welcome to this forum and congratulations on admitting to yourself and the Mrs that you have an addiction. That is the first (and maybe the most important) step towards recovery.
Keeping things hidden is very time consuming but also you feel ashamed and bad about yourself. I've been there as well.

For now I can only advice two things;

1. Start reading and posting on this forum. There is a lot of information on here that you can use to help you in your recovery.
2. Honesty towards your wife, but more importantly towards yourself. Be transparant and if she's up for it include your wife in the process. She doesn't need to know every detail or kink, but involve her in the whole process so that you can heal together.


I hope to read more of you on this forum.

Take care, I am rooting for you
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

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