Author Topic: Will I ever?  (Read 477 times)

NewME2019

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Will I ever?
« on: November 26, 2019, 04:07:52 PM »
Call me Mal.. I am 23 years old, and I am a student!! Yes until now I spent 6 years in two different universities in two different countries and yet I haven't graduated!! Not just that!! Now I am at the third university!! Reaching the third level for the first time, not because I am a good student! But because now I'm very experienced with failure, so I know how to avoid it!
You know why??
It's Porn.
I hate to admit it, but I have been addicted to porn for a long long time! And that just made me the worst version of myself living the worst version of my life!
I used to be a debater! A very nice writer! A very caring person who cares about his family and his society! At the same time I was that great person, I was doing PORN, now I lost all that great man stuff, and I'm still doing PORN, and it sucks!

Always when you fall in love with someone, you wish him the best, so as porn addict! When I fall in love.. I leave.. Quitely, she doesn't deserve to be with such a fool! So I am very lonely! Thanks to PORN.
BTW I don't have any PIEDs, not yet!! But I think I am depressed and lonely, I hate it along with myself.

I don't have a job, I totally depend on my parents, they believe in me as all people around me do! But not me, I don't believe in myself..

Now it has been a week,, a week without PMO.. I just wanted to give it a shot for one more time! I'm not sure to be honest.. But I will do it any way..
I'm not sure will I ever debate again?
Will I ever hear people thanking me for what I write?
Will I ever get my degree?
And will I ever allow myself to love? And to be with the one I love??
I miss her so so much btw

Please if you have any thing to say.. Please say it.. I need it

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Will I ever?
« Reply #1 on: November 26, 2019, 08:08:10 PM »
Hey man, I think we've all been more or less where you are now. It's brave and awesome that you're here to get some help.

You definitely can beat this thing! We're all here to help and support each other through it.

Tomorrow is a new day, and nothing that happened in the past has to control anything that happens in the future. This is definitely the place to get good ideas and encouragement for the lifelong journey of recovery from addiction. It's work, hard work sometimes, but it's so worth it.

Welcome to the group. We've got your back!

quitforeverthenwin2

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Re: Will I ever?
« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2019, 04:48:29 PM »
You can do it man! It's just one step at a time.

NewME2019

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Re: Will I ever?
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2019, 06:55:43 PM »
Well.. I am hanging there.. It's my ninth day..
Thank you guys.. Your words were helpful

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Will I ever?
« Reply #4 on: November 27, 2019, 08:03:49 PM »
Awesome stuff, keep it up!

squid

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Re: Will I ever?
« Reply #5 on: November 27, 2019, 09:42:21 PM »
Quote
Always when you fall in love with someone, you wish him the best, so as porn addict! When I fall in love.. I leave.. Quitely, she doesn't deserve to be with such a fool! So I am very lonely! Thanks to PORN.
I've been there.  Feeling like I don't deserve love because I'm bound to hurt someone by being not good enough.  It's not true though.  You really do have something unique to offer and love to give and love to receive.  Other people have that same negative voice in their head just like you have   Often people are so distracted by their own, they don't have the attention to worry about yours.  Fall in love and stay.  You might get hurt but it might work out.  Be brave my friend.  And keep looking for that someone to connect with on a deeper level.

Quote
I don't have a job, I totally depend on my parents, they believe in me as all people around me do! But not me, I don't believe in myself..
I've been there too, unemployed for over a year.  It is incredibly stressful mentally.  Here's the thing about belief and emotion.  Logic will not change it.  Knowing that you should believe in yourself will not change your feeling.  But there is something that will.  It's called action.  If you do the action, you will have the power.  And the power will change how you feel about yourself.  Talk with some friends and mentors, do some research, and go get a job dude.  You can do it.  My life got way better when I got a job, even though it kind of sucks, it is still way better.  I got the job, moved out, got more fit and now have a girlfriend.  The job was a great starting point!  It will be for you too.

And of course, no pmo helps with all the other stuff tremendously.  You start to feel pleasure from little things again - which keeps you motivated.

Stay free my friend,

-squid
« Last Edit: November 27, 2019, 09:43:53 PM by squid »

Freedomisworthit

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Re: Will I ever?
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2019, 06:21:29 PM »
You can do it bro!  The first month of recovery has been the hardest on me, the physical symptoms of restlessness, insomnia, shaking, headaches were difficult to handle.  It does get better though.  The emotional side is what I've currently dealing with - I know that same voice that says I'm not good enough or not talented enough or not smart enough or I don't deserve love or success.  But, as I've combated that voice and resiliently kept repeating positive affirmations - I am good enough, with hard work I will progress, I become a better version of myself each day, it changes how I see myself.  You are unique and are so valuable, just by being you.  It is a process to become comfortable with yourself. But, it is worth it. And leaving PMO behind was a great step to becoming comfortable with yourself.