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On my way to sobriety

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CB:
Hi guys!

I’ve been posting here on and off in the age 30-39 forum. I’ve gone 106 days without pmo now so I just want to say to everyone who like me had worries about erectile dysfunction while using pmo, and worries about not being able to stop.. It is possible! If you just set your mind to it and think about the consequences pmo comes with as your fuel.. Now, everyone is different but this worked for me.

I’m still though not near even cured.. But I’m on my way to sobriety from pmo. And I’m expecting this to be a long way too.. probably years to get my brain rewired from all I’ve seen and done..
I’m fighting everyday but it is way easier staying away now that I’ve gone without it for a while..
I used to relapse everyday.. And I have relapsed a couple of times since last autumn. But 106 days is the farthest I’ve come yet.

Coming from someone who got hooked when I was 14 and the last ten years I have been pmoing probably about 3 times a day at minimum. At worst 10 or more times a day, I started to use sexchatting as a way to get my kicks 2-3 years ago.. And I could see where this addiction was taking me. I’m in a relationship since last summer, with the most fantastic girl I’ve ever met, I told her about my struggle and she was very understanding and supportive. In the beginning of our relationship I was this ED nervous wreck every time we had sex all I was worrying about was my dick keeping it’s erection and many times it didn’t work.. after some time away from pmo going through flatline wich scared me into relapse because I just wanted to see if my dick still worked.. And after going some time more without pmo, maybe 1 and a half month in, I noticed my erection was getting better. Now after 100+ days, erection is not a worry anymore. It stays hard trhoughout sex. Man.. I have been worrying about my erection for 20 years..

I hope this helps and I hope this will keep some of you away from porn.

CB:
It is day 144 and I’ve noticed that for the last week I have been starting to dream again. Every night I dream, this hasn’t happened for years. Morning wood is more present, not every day but most of them during a week. I think my brain is slowly starting to rewire itself, I still get triggers and fantasies about sex and porn but it’s is getting a little easier to handle.
I’m starting for the first time in my life to see what a relationship is about with my gf. Before I’ve numbed myself out with all these years of pmo. I numbed myself into watching more extreme porn and I didn’t like what I was doing to myself. I have been so ashamed all these years about that. I have made massive progress the last months within myself. Eventhough social anxiety has come on full force it is getting a little easier to handle too day by day. Using pmo has put the lid on so many emotions throughout my life.. I recently started to experience emotions and memories from when I was a kid and way back. It feels great to start connecting with myself again. It isn’t a walk on roses but all these thorns are worth every drop of blood I spill if you know what I mean.
It’s better to bleed than being all empty would be my quote of the day, someone has probably said it somewhere but it sums up pretty much how I feel about reconnecting with my real self that I never really got to know until now.

I’ll be back for more on my story.

Thank you so much and I hope this is encouraging some of you guys to stop yourself from pmo, you are all worth a life free of addiction.

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