Author Topic: porn, dating and Grindr  (Read 128 times)

synkk

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porn, dating and Grindr
« on: September 21, 2019, 10:46:42 AM »
Any tips on overcoming addiction to porn and gay hook up apps like Grindr/Scruff/Recon/Tinder WHILE still trying to date?

A little about me, 32, gay, single guy and using gay dating apps to excess. I have horrible luck meeting guys on these apps yet I'm still on them at any given moment. I just learned about PIED in the last week, so this is quite new and I'm still getting my head around accepting that I'm addicted to porn. Plus I think I'm more addicted to the apps than porn itself.

I use these apps because I'm single and feel lonely. I want to meet and date someone but as an introvert, apps are my go-to. Plus I don't want to  hitting on a straight guy at the grocery store, or gym or work or whatever because of the risk of getting beaten up or accused of sexual harassment.

So if I give up porn, what happens when a guy sends me his nudes? Have I broken my pledge? How will that affect the rebooting of my brain?

And if I give up PMO but meet up with this guy, have a nice date and eventually have sex, is that breaking the "MO" part in "PMO"? Again, how's that gonna affect my brain and recovery from PIED?

Or am I just not ready to date yet so should I just delete these apps altogether?

kopp

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Re: porn, dating and Grindr
« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2019, 11:42:43 AM »
go to gay bars and clubs

Those apps will only make you feel lonelier and lonelier. Go get some real connections - it's harder but it's worth it.

PS: having an orgasm will break the "O" part of no PMO, it is a bad idea if you're early in the process but as times comes, having real sex is a good thing and is part of the "rewiring" process (once you unwired your brain from porn, you wire it to real sex again)

synkk

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Re: porn, dating and Grindr
« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2019, 01:25:16 PM »

(once you unwired your brain from porn, you wire it to real sex again)

ahh interesting. so it's better to overcome porn/app addiction FIRST before trying to date?

kopp

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Re: porn, dating and Grindr
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2019, 02:44:27 PM »
Well stopping porn will make dating easier and sex better anyway.
I'd also strongly encourage you to stop apps yes.

I'd encourage you to "meet people" instead of "dating".

It's not about 100% overcoming the addiction first and THEN dating, I'm not even sure you can completely overcome an addiction. But the rebooting process goes much smoother on "hard mode" aka no orgasm at all for a period of time. Then you start orgasming again, without porn, and if possible with another human being.

synkk

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Re: porn, dating and Grindr
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2019, 03:20:41 PM »
ok thank you! that gives me a bit of a roadmap on what i can do, thank you!!

markintosh9

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Re: porn, dating and Grindr
« Reply #5 on: October 02, 2019, 09:14:33 PM »
Thanks for this thread. Glad to know about it. :)

gtl923

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Re: porn, dating and Grindr
« Reply #6 on: October 03, 2019, 12:45:38 AM »
Those kinds of apps are basically activating the same neural pathways as porn. You're getting dopamine from them. As far as dating I'll first say that once you go for an extended period free of PMO you will likely find that you are naturally more social. It's probably best to avoid O at the beginning but other kinds of intimacy (kissing, touching, cuddling, etc.) are all great for rewiring and will actually make the process move quicker.

Lero

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Re: porn, dating and Grindr
« Reply #7 on: October 03, 2019, 06:35:56 AM »
Those kinds of apps are basically activating the same neural pathways as porn. You're getting dopamine from them. As far as dating I'll first say that once you go for an extended period free of PMO you will likely find that you are naturally more social. It's probably best to avoid O at the beginning but other kinds of intimacy (kissing, touching, cuddling, etc.) are all great for rewiring and will actually make the process move quicker.

That's right. It was a big step for me recognizing everything that stimulated my addicted brain. Because like this I could also identify the impulses that it gave me, which they used to make me automatically search for some material without realizing. Now thanks to this, I could see it coming. It's great to understand your porn behavior, from the "softest thing" up to the most "hardcore thing" you've ever engaged in. For example, I realized one day that I read information (on websites without pictures) about actresses and movies. I also read about fleshlights, sexual enhancing stuff. I visited forums where I read about techniques to last longer and stuff like that. I used to think this was harmless cause it included me not looking at any pictures but then I recognized that I got aroused just like porn. Then I said: "No matter how soft this is, it's a stimulant for my addicted brain and I want to stay away from it." BOOM! This is how you starve the fucking brain until it learns to listen to you, not the other way around.