Author Topic: Brand new  (Read 175 times)

I_must_stop

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Brand new
« on: October 15, 2019, 07:13:49 PM »
Hi Everyone,

I am a porn addict, of this I am certain. I demoralised myself for years, thinking I was a sick person for masturbating to really messed up content. I found myself masturbating only to be disgusted later. I'm not into it, I told myself but I had evidence to the contrary. All I feel is immense guilt, I don't want to watch this stuff but I haven't had any sucessfull relationships and don't feel that attracted to women in real life anymore. I want to stop, and ideally, find someone or people who want to stop with me and never go back to it. Everything else in my life is great but I am really struggling with this addiction.

Thanks and hello to everyone

Johnny Trailer

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Re: Brand new
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2019, 01:21:36 PM »
Hello to you. Around 80-90% people here are in the similar boat with the same goal as you, so welcome to the group.

There are couple of things to know in the beginning:
-No more masturbating. Nofap is the only way to recovery and the only way to stay recovered.
-Porn use is anything that is any artificial stimulation. That includes, erotic stories, exchanging nudes with your wife, phone sex, magazines, social media, imagination... Anything you use to artificially (no partner involved) stimulate yourself is by definition a porn use. Of course this includes tube sites but thats obvious because you cant really use it, or never really used it for anything else but to sexually arouse yourself.

Those 2 things I find to be absolute fundamentals of a reboot, that people might not get in the beginning and it can take years (through personal experience, trial and error) off someone's life. Some people get stuck in a loop simply because they masturbate after a while or dont even recognize what is porn use.

You felt guilt or you still feel it? Its normal if you felt it but now you know its normal thing to escalate. Its a sign of an addiction and it will go away (porn induced fetishes) with reboot.
My last relapse: 24.Oct.2019 // My total # of relapses in the last 30 days: 2

hooked on monkey fonics

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Re: Brand new
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2019, 09:49:35 AM »

-No more masturbating. Nofap is the only way to recovery and the only way to stay recovered.


What makes you say that? The damage comes from the endless novelty of supranormal erotic stimuli that spike a constant dopaminergic release.
« Last Edit: October 17, 2019, 09:51:34 AM by hooked on monkey fonics »

DoneAtLast

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Re: Brand new
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2019, 09:17:47 PM »
I'll let JT offer his own answer, but my own observation from these boards over the years is that the success rate for people who try to keep masturbation and quit porn is very, very low.  Many relapse back to porn very easily, and the ones who successfully quit porn but keep masturbation often don't reap the rebooting benefits.  They'll report back and still have the PIED and so forth.
 Why that is... well, that's another matter, but anecdotally that is what I've seen.

One thing that comes to mind is that when you masturbate, even without porn or to "real memories", you're still running a little XXX theater in the front of your brain.  Even if it is a real, wholesome sexual experience, you've "put it on tape" and watching it over and over as you masturbate, and it effectively becomes porn. Another thought is that the masturbation likely still occurs at the same times and as a response to the same emotional triggers as PMO did, so lots of unhealthy emotional habits can still thrive in that environment.  Really though, I don't know.  I'm just trying to make sense of what I've seen.

To the OP, welcome!  Stick around.  Ask questions when you feel you want to ask questions.  Explore the threads.  Reading other people's stories and questions/answers can be very helpful.  There are some really good, committed people on these boards.

Johnny Trailer

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Re: Brand new
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2019, 12:42:32 PM »
I'll let JT offer his own answer, but my own observation from these boards over the years is that the success rate for people who try to keep masturbation and quit porn is very, very low.  Many relapse back to porn very easily, and the ones who successfully quit porn but keep masturbation often don't reap the rebooting benefits.  They'll report back and still have the PIED and so forth.
 Why that is... well, that's another matter, but anecdotally that is what I've seen.
I agree. Success rate is very low and those who masturbate does not reap any benefits because they still use porn (just not tube sites or whatever type they used to prefer).

Tell me from your experience of RECOVERED porn addicts, how many are masturbating though. Thats where the real focus should be.

Quote
What makes you say that? The damage comes from the endless novelty of supranormal erotic stimuli that spike a constant dopaminergic release.
Imagination is endless novelty too. Nobody, especially porn addicts, masturbate to the same scene over and over again. After 1 year of reboot, imagination of your wife creates more dopamine spikes than your favorite type of porn that you use now. It reactivates the same neurological pathway because you are doing the same thing only using different type of porn. I suggest you try quitting with masturbation if you dont understand it. Thats the best way to learn.
I speak from mine and other people's experience.
My last relapse: 24.Oct.2019 // My total # of relapses in the last 30 days: 2

hooked on monkey fonics

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Re: Brand new
« Reply #5 on: October 18, 2019, 06:29:22 PM »

Quote
What makes you say that? The damage comes from the endless novelty of supranormal erotic stimuli that spike a constant dopaminergic release.
Imagination is endless novelty too. Nobody, especially porn addicts, masturbate to the same scene over and over again. After 1 year of reboot, imagination of your wife creates more dopamine spikes than your favorite type of porn that you use now. It reactivates the same neurological pathway because you are doing the same thing only using different type of porn. I suggest you try quitting with masturbation if you dont understand it. Thats the best way to learn.
I speak from mine and other people's experience.

I normally quit MO for the first 3 months of an attempted reboot, then let myself do it sparingly afterwards. However, it is almost impossible for me to visualize things in my head and as such I don't generally enjoy doing it, especially during a flatline. I find that if I don't let myself MO, I end up consistently getting wet dreams with associated sexual/porn imagery, which seems far more harmful. Obviously that is just my experience but I don't think you can simply swear off MO as a hard rule.
« Last Edit: October 18, 2019, 06:36:39 PM by hooked on monkey fonics »

DoneAtLast

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Re: Brand new
« Reply #6 on: October 18, 2019, 09:05:36 PM »

Quote
What makes you say that? The damage comes from the endless novelty of supranormal erotic stimuli that spike a constant dopaminergic release.
Imagination is endless novelty too. Nobody, especially porn addicts, masturbate to the same scene over and over again. After 1 year of reboot, imagination of your wife creates more dopamine spikes than your favorite type of porn that you use now. It reactivates the same neurological pathway because you are doing the same thing only using different type of porn. I suggest you try quitting with masturbation if you dont understand it. Thats the best way to learn.
I speak from mine and other people's experience.

I normally quit MO for the first 3 months of an attempted reboot, then let myself do it sparingly afterwards. However, it is almost impossible for me to visualize things in my head and as such I don't generally enjoy doing it, especially during a flatline. I find that if I don't let myself MO, I end up consistently getting wet dreams with associated sexual/porn imagery, which seems far more harmful. Obviously that is just my experience but I don't think you can simply swear off MO as a hard rule.

Yeah, I think that might be a separate discussion.  If I'm understanding you correctly, what you're saying is "better to relapse without porn than to relapse with porn"?  I'd agree with that, obviously.  I don't think swearing off masturbation is as big of a deal as some people make it out to be, though.  Honestly, the idea of it kinda grosses me out now and I don't want to do it at all.  Since rebooting I've had two wet dreams, and both kinda grossed me out... made me feel like I needed to take a shower immediately, though I waited for the morning.  Hard to think that I was doing that in my hand at least once a day for a long time.  But, I digress.

Johnny Trailer

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Re: Brand new
« Reply #7 on: October 19, 2019, 10:35:49 AM »
Quote
I find that if I don't let myself MO, I end up consistently getting wet dreams with associated sexual/porn imagery, which seems far more harmful. Obviously that is just my experience but I don't think you can simply swear off MO as a hard rule.

If you watched porn you would also not have wet dreams consistently, right? At least thats what I find. Maybe just my experience. And that means what? Watch porn to avoid consistent wet dreams? Anyway, since when wet dreams went from being normal and expected part of reboot, to harmful?








My last relapse: 24.Oct.2019 // My total # of relapses in the last 30 days: 2

hooked on monkey fonics

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Re: Brand new
« Reply #8 on: October 19, 2019, 06:42:48 PM »
Quote
I find that if I don't let myself MO, I end up consistently getting wet dreams with associated sexual/porn imagery, which seems far more harmful. Obviously that is just my experience but I don't think you can simply swear off MO as a hard rule.

If you watched porn you would also not have wet dreams consistently, right? At least thats what I find. Maybe just my experience. And that means what? Watch porn to avoid consistent wet dreams? Anyway, since when wet dreams went from being normal and expected part of reboot, to harmful?

True, it's not so much the wet dreams that are harmful but the incredibly vivid dream scenarios that surround them, which often linger in my mind for days.

DoneAtLast

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Re: Brand new
« Reply #9 on: October 19, 2019, 08:40:07 PM »
Yeah, I can remember a phase where I'd have dreams so vivid (but without a wet dream) I'd think I relapsed for about the first hour or two during the day, and then realize after that it was just a dream.  The wet dreams I eventually had didn't have any stand out dreams... I'm sure I did, but I don't remember.

Johnny Trailer

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Re: Brand new
« Reply #10 on: October 20, 2019, 11:05:34 AM »
Yeah, I can remember a phase where I'd have dreams so vivid (but without a wet dream) I'd think I relapsed for about the first hour or two during the day, and then realize after that it was just a dream.  The wet dreams I eventually had didn't have any stand out dreams... I'm sure I did, but I don't remember.
Yeah it happens to me too, there is always that phase. It feels fucking good though because after I realize it was just a dream, I experience the definition of RELIEF. Like a blissful feeling of being so grateful that I am still on track.
My last relapse: 24.Oct.2019 // My total # of relapses in the last 30 days: 2