Author Topic: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)  (Read 18096 times)

Jeks

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Meds did not kick in yet. Still i have to do the stuff, which is necessary to keep the ship afloat. Means focusing on a better future and just working through the stuff. I hadnt had a wet dream in nearly two months, which is noteworthy. Normally i would have approximately one wet dream every month. Also morning wood seems to be pretty consistent the last days.

Jeks

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Infection seems not to be the problem and it is just fucking annoying. It really starts to get on my nerves...
I had a wet dream this night, it was not about porn. But i dreamed i would have ED.

This whole bladder thing really stops me from being able to work or enjoy things properly (as if it was not hard enough already...) Anyway, cant do anything about that for now. Best thing i can do for the moment is trying to relax and hoping that its connected to stress or that it will simply dissolve itself with time. I also got something prescribed which might help with that.

Searching for distraction i really spent a lot of my time on the internet and it is just not satisfying. I have to look out how it evolves when my bladder is fine again. But even while being sick, i really want to decrease my consumption, because it just doesnt make me feel good.

I had a pretty good practice session today. That is good. I am proud, that i managed to do that.

For the evening i want to try to study a bit, even if its just reading something for half an hour. And also i want to limit my internet use. Maybe i even have to be very strict and drastic to myself about that and try to not use the internet at all for the rest of the day, except for working purposes. Okay, i will try to do that. I think its a good way to get an impression with what i am dealing here and to get kind of a reality check. The fact that i have to argue with myself so much just to not use the internet for one evening is already pretty telling.
« Last Edit: May 28, 2020, 02:50:45 PM by Jeks »

Jeks

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Damn the whole morning, noon and early afternoon i wasted my time with watching shit on youtube. Holy cow. I have to really take this seriously. I get it, being sick sucks and i need a time out. But if i am deciding to watch less stuff on youtube and it seems like i cant control or get a grip on it, there is definitely something fishy going on.
No youtube for the rest of the day. It cant go on like this. I want to try to study a bit. I can call a friend. I can meditate, i can try journaling. I have to find healthier ways to deal with this situation. I dont want to escape reality anymore. Even if its shitty right now, it doesnt get better by escaping it. It will become worse.

Edit: okay, thats good, i got myself a little bit out of the rut. I had a good practice session and just got some things straight in my head it feels like. I am also now much more motivated to work on other stuff, because of the success i had with my instrument practice. Overall i feel much better, much more fulfilled, confident and hopeful.
I want to install the habit, that i can use the internet for enjoyment purposes only after 8 pm to maybe 10 pm. Even writing this makes me a little nervous, so i think thats a good start. When i discover that i cant regulate myself i have to overthink this strategy. My thought process is, that internet really can have positive effects. But the dose makes the poison. If i am not able to control it and when it has negative consequences for me, then i may have to cut it out entirely. Lets see how it goes.

Edit: okay, seems like i am back. Was able to study and be overall productive. Also my bladder problem seems not as bad as the last days. Its at least endurable.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2020, 12:40:02 PM by Jeks »

Icandoit

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Damn the whole morning, noon and early afternoon i wasted my time with watching shit on youtube. Holy cow. I have to really take this seriously. I get it, being sick sucks and i need a time out. But if i am deciding to watch less stuff on youtube and it seems like i cant control or get a grip on it, there is definitely something fishy going on.
No youtube for the rest of the day. It cant go on like this. I want to try to study a bit. I can call a friend. I can meditate, i can try journaling. I have to find healthier ways to deal with this situation. I dont want to escape reality anymore. Even if its shitty right now, it doesnt get better by escaping it. It will become worse.

I do this after binges too. I feel low in dopamine and nothing really pleases me. I start watching too much Youtube and playing video games, trying to "elevate" myself.

quitforeverthenwin2

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I feel you, over doing the youtube can be a issue. I think keeping it in that 2 hour chunk is a great plan

Jeks

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Thanks icandoit and quit for your support. I think its horrifying how underestimated internet still is as an addiction.

Okey, i have got to continue. Bladder issues again seem endurable, so i have got to take advantage of that.
I worry a little bit that my bladder issues might have something to do with my prostate. But for now i will just wait and observe. When its get worse again, i will see the urologist again.
Again no youtube until 8 pm.
Being depressed, doubtful and lying in bed all day watching youtube is no alternative anymore.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2020, 09:08:47 AM by Jeks »

Jeks

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Dont know right now. Dont feel really good. The day was a little productive, but it just feels like i have no drive. Thoughts about my ex popped up throuout the day. Dont really know what to do with myself. Dont feel like doing anything. Thats why im writing here. I dont know why but journaling on my own doesnt get me the same feeling of contemplating. Maybe its connected with the wet dream i had a few days ago. Or maybe i am just still sick.

anonfromfinance

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Hey man, this could just be the emotions getting to you because of the recent rough patches you’ve been having especially because of the problem with your bladder. Know that this is all normal. With this addiction, while we get to see so many of the benefits over the long run we sometimes still seem to forget that some small setbacks have a way of casting a huge gloom on our daily lives. You’ll make it through, I’m so sure of it. Take some time to reflect on your thoughts and recognise all your efforts so far. You’ve come a long way and you’re in a much better place. Keep that in mind and you’ll be able to get through this. Feel better soon Jeks.

Jeks

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Thanks anon, i feel a little better today. Meds helped a bit. I just hope its nothing serious, but as long as it makes it not impossible for me to handle my day to day life, i can work with it.
Practice session went good, that always helps to be motivated for the other stuff.

Edit: In the end the day went very well productivity-wise. Health-wise i am not too sure. I just hope it will get better soon.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2020, 03:20:45 PM by Jeks »

Jeks

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The last days i lost my momentum a bit. This illness really got to me. I have difficulties to motivate myself properly and medicate myself with youtube. Reality is just very uncomfortable these days. I dont feel very confident about my career, which makes it difficult to motivate myself. I sometimes still doubt, that i will heal from PIED, because there might be an additional reason like venous leak or whatever. In the end its like any difficult situation i faced the last one and a half year. Its required to remind myself why it cant go on like this. I have got to change something and that wont happen when i just occupy my mind with stupid stuff. I know that it can take time to build up continuity again, but i must not forget to keep fighting internally.

Jeks

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I am fucking sick and tired of this. It cant go on like this. No more excuses. When i am doubtful about my life, the only way to change that, is through work. That means i have to change my career or i work on my studies so much, that i become confident about it. Just not doing anything will make this thing worse and worse. When i tell myself that i am tired, thats bullshit. I do nearly nothing throughout my day, so being tired is just something that comes from my sluggish, depressive mindset. its a negative feedback loop. It becomes worse and worse the longer i keep this behavior. Another excuse i am telling myself is, that i am sick right now and even though that my be true to a certain extent, its definitely not like i cant do anything. I can do less, but still accomplish something.
These are just a few of the excuses my brain comes up with, but in the end i will not give in into any excuse anymore. Its like with quitting porn. These excuses are whats killing your commitments you make to yourself.
In the end i want to have a career, which i am proud of and i enjoy to have, so that it wont affect my life in a negative way. I dont care if its the career i am momentarily shooting for or another one. I dont care what i have to do for that. I wont let this stupid behavior interfere with this goal of mine.

Jeks

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Today went a little bit better. I feel relieved.

Jeks

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Psychologically i feel much better today. Had a breakthrough in my studies, which i really needed. I have much more drive towards studying and taking action today.
Still i have to pee like every half an hour, but i hope that it will dissolve itself in the following week. Blood tests indicate that, whatever it is, it seems on its way to get better.

One thing to mention: yesterday i searched for a song on youtube and found a video with a very triggering thumbnail. Still i thought that it might be the song i searched for, so i clicked it. Unfortunately it wasnt the song, but very triggering content. I closed it immediately, but at night i dreamed of it and after waking up i had a hard time not thinking and fantasizing about it. In the end i managed to do it and fall asleep again, but it was the first time in a long time, that i felt so sucked in again, because of triggering content.

« Last Edit: June 05, 2020, 03:04:09 AM by Jeks »

Jeks

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I am still going without pmo. But my bladder problems just dont wanna go away and it just gets to my mood. Its nearly four weeks of this. Doc took a blood sample yesterday again, so we'll see what it says...

Jeks

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I am still going guys. But this whole bladder thing really got its claws on me. Its hard to concentrate and to keep positive. I am sometimes afraid that its something more serious and that it also plays a role with my ED. I have got it now for nearly one month. I had check ups with doctors, i had signs of an infection in my blood, and bloody diarrhea ,but both are gone now, but my frequent urination problem is still there. I just try to keep hopeful but its hard to stay positive. I would love to distract myself, but studying makes is actually more annoying.

I am soon 11 months without p and 6 months without mo.

k-fff

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Hey, Jeks, yea, I can imagine a frequent urination problem is incredibly frustrating. Hopefully, it gets resolved soon and congrats on your continued successes. No matter what you have come a long way and that is something that you should be proud of.

zander13

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How's it going?

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #242 on: August 05, 2020, 04:10:09 AM »
Hey guys,

i am still in it. I still have a tough time with my bladder, but it got a little better with medication.

This night i had a lot of sex dreams and woke up with an erection. After that i started masturbating, which i am not proud of, but i still cant believe it...
It was the first time probably since puberty, that i had an erection while masturbating. Maybe not a 100 %, but at least i got some kind of an response from my body. It was without fantasy and with just very slow and gentle movements. Before that my penis always used to be swollen up after masturbation.

I just wanted to post it here for all the people, who feel hopeless right now. One year ago i couldnt get any kind erection with or without porn and i really thought, that something has to be physiological wrong with me. I also had a surgery against venous leak, which did not help. I am now in it for a little more than one year and it finally shows real signs of improvements.

When i got my bladder problem a little bit more under control, i will definitely start to rewire by starting to date. Also i will keep masturbation at a bare minimum, so i dont losse my progress.

Dont loose hope guys!

Ozuki

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #243 on: August 05, 2020, 07:38:42 AM »
Hi jeks..for venous leaks what symptoms did u have..I have severe pied and recovering for 15 months but still I could get an erection for masturbating while standing up onlyand I don't feel to masturbate too..I get morning wood 80 t0 100% nearly everyday and erection while lying in bed but it fades when I stand erect.is this related to venous leak

Relentless Observer

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #244 on: September 09, 2020, 08:03:38 PM »
Jeks,
I am proud to hear you are feeling progress.
I have followed your journey and I am rooting for you.  I am looking forward to the days we both post our full success stories.

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #245 on: October 06, 2020, 05:39:35 AM »
Hey guys,

first of all i hope you all doing okay considering the circumstances. It is super tough to live under this conditions, but you all can be proud of yourself for trying as best as you can every single day.

I did not write in a long time. The last months were very difficult, because of problems with my bladder. Surprisingly it really seems to be a big coincidence and that my erectile dysfunction and bladder proplems are not related to each other. Luckily i  have finally found a new medication, that seemes to make it much easier. I just started the medication yesterday, so the fact, that its already helping is a very good sign.

Despite of the problems i had the last months i did not fall back into porn. Unfortunately i started masturbating again, but have been able to stop for two weeks now.
At my first attempts of masturbating i noticed a better erection, but it vanished over time, so i am sure it will be best to give my body and brain a time out again.
Nonetheless i will go to a urologist again to get a definite test for venous leak. After 14 months of rebooting, i just want to make undoubtedily sure that there are no underlying physiological problems. I think that will also make it much easier for me to start rewiring.

Other than that i had some succes with my studies, which really help me to get through this tough period.

I just hope all this shit will be over one day.

You all have a good day.

Relentless Observer

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #246 on: October 10, 2020, 09:55:14 PM »
Jeks,
I feel you!  I hope this is resolved for both of us soon.
Keep up the positivity and commitment.
Good luck!
*Right now I am about 40 days noFap atop my 2 years no P... giving up M is tough when it seems like we really don't have much sexual energy at all anyway, but we can do it!

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #247 on: October 13, 2020, 04:47:36 AM »
Thanks for the support observer,

I will make a new try to reduce the time i spent on the internet. I feel like my procrastination is heavily linked to my internet consumption.
More so it becomes more and more obvious to me that in order to see some new results, i have to get myself into the rewiring process. Just staying away from porn and masturbation wont do the trick.


Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #248 on: October 14, 2020, 02:13:58 PM »
Its simple. The less i spend time on the internet, the better i feel and the more productive and enjoyable my days get.
I got now an appointment with the doctor who did the surgery in about a month. I will ask him about a definitve test to rule out venous leak. When venous leak is ruled out i am gonna throw myself out there and start rewiring. When they find something i will have to see how i handle PIED and Venous Leak at the same time. I guess its rewiring with pills or something like that, but i wont think about that until i have a definitive answer.

quitforeverthenwin2

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #249 on: October 15, 2020, 07:22:11 AM »
Sounds good man, less internet = better.

I think you are definitely on the money, in terms of masturbating. I found when I did it the same thing weakening erection over time. For me it is a no-no and in your case the break sounds good at least.

Yeah, it is tough times right now! But awesome you have remained abstinent and glad yo hear your medication is helping you.