Author Topic: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)  (Read 8208 times)

anonfromfinance

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Hey man, don't worry. These highs and lows are a part and parcel of this addiction. Maybe try to take it a little easy and have a little fun with it. You're doing great, don't get yourself down.

Jeks

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Yo anon thanks. No i wont. Dont know what was going on yesterday. I am much better this morning. I think all the stuff that happened the last year sometimes just goes into my head.

Good news is i had morning wood and pretty close to 100%.

Okay, lets get to work.

Jeks

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Pretty strong "morning" wood while napping. Other than that i still seem just a little off, but i am not too concerned about that.

Edit: had a very good practice session in the evening, which lifted my mood a little. Gave me a bit of a relieve.

Edit: my therapist asked me today, what things my ex might have liked about me. What shocked me, was the fact, that i couldnt come up with a good answer. That was pretty telling, because normally i'd say that i am a pretty confident person, but unconsciously my self image seems to be pretty flawed. I will definitely think more about this question and why i seem not be able to give a good answer to that.
« Last Edit: May 14, 2020, 02:04:52 PM by Jeks »

Jeks

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I am dreaming a lot the last days. They are not really nightmares, but very vivid and therefore often emotionally exhausting and shocking. Insterestingly not much about sex. Usually i have pretty consistently one wet dream per month,  but this time its overdue more than one week. I think its just something to note and maybe a good sign. As the last days i had some morning wood this morning.
Today i will continue to work myself out if this mess. Slowly but surely i feel like i fight my way back to the surface. I am pretty hopeful about my future today, even though i feel a little shaky emotionally.
« Last Edit: May 15, 2020, 02:28:51 AM by Jeks »

Jeks

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Holy shit, again so much dreaming in the night. Its very unusual for me that i can remember so muc the last days. Again a lot of shit about my ex. Also i had a dream about porn-related stuff and there was a short moment, where i thought i might have a wet dream, but i had no orgasm. Arousal was not high enough it felt like.
Yesterday was not really a good day. Unsuccessful and everything just kind of slow. Slept a lot during the day. I have got to find a way to get over myself. I am fairly certain now that i will heal from this shit and when i do, i dont want anything else holding me back from having an awesome life. This whole thing caused me so much pain, without me knowing, what i was doing to myself, but i dont want to fuck it up, because i am not able to do boring and unpleasant stuff, which would be entirely my fault, now that i feel better. I cant blame withdrawals or porn anymore. If i really honor the pain, which i have gone through and what i was able to accomplish, i am not allowed to stop here. I wont stop so close to the finish line.
« Last Edit: May 16, 2020, 03:19:55 AM by Jeks »

quitforeverthenwin2

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Sorry to hear about the tough day! The good times will come back for sure, you are resolved to get there, you have done it before and definitely will!

Jeks

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Thanks for your thoughts quit. I am just sometimes a little extra hard to myself, so that i dont fall for too long into this kind of slacking off state. I am actually pretty alright the last days, but i know how easily that can turn around, when i fall into this hole.
Day went really good. Got much done. I am really satisfied with myself today, which for me is one the best feeling one can have.

Jeks

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Same procedure as everyday.
Did not have much MW the last two days. But i feel like its connected with my problem with frequen urination at the moment. Dont know what thats all about. I hope it calms down a bit, otherwise i will have to do a check up.

Edit: still no wet dream this month and i feel only a little to none sexual energy.
« Last Edit: May 17, 2020, 03:15:56 AM by Jeks »

Jeks

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I am pretty sure i have a bladder infection or something. I will wait until tomorrow, if nothing changes i have to go to a urologist.
I am pretty annoyed with the people from my group projects. They don't get their shit together and my sunday was fucked two ways, because of my bladder thing and them not getting their stuff done. Anyway, there is nothing more i can do about that. I gave her some thoughts and ideas, but she has to finish her stuff. I cant do it for her, especially not one day before dead line.
I will now read some texts for next week and then will try to chill a bit.


anonfromfinance

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Hey man, that sounds unfortunate. Get it checked out and I hope that everything will be fine. Group projects can be a headache sometimes haha, don't let it get to you. Hope you have a great week ahead!

Jeks

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Thanks anon, i was just a little annoyed.
I feel better today. Lets hope my bladder confirms it over the day.
I had also some morning wood today, which i think is a sign that the whole system down there is a little more relaxed than the last days.

Jeks

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man, this bladder thing really slows me down right now. Got nothing done the last two days. Did a check up at the urologist, its most likely i  have got a bladder infection. When it does not get better in the following days i am supposed to see him again. Even though it feels bad right now, i dont want to watch youtube all day. It just makes me feel useless and unfulfilled. I will try to work on some stuff in the evening and get back into a groove.

anonfromfinance

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Hey man, that sucks. I hope you do get better. In the meantime, if you do want... yeah take some time off today to have fun and do something that'll lighten up the mood and make you feel better. Anything except, yes, watching youtube all day. Or maybe try to eat some comfort food or your favorite snack, anything to treat yourself a bit. You're doing great and a problem like that can dampen the mood a bit so there's no need for you to actually let it get to you. Instead, treat yourself to something nice, even if it's just food or listening to a song that makes you feel good.

Hope you feel better soon.

faenoe

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Sorry to hear about the frustration you've been going through Jeks. It's hard to stay productive especially with a thorn in your side. I agree with anon, try to find some way to relax and just accept that you're doing everything you can but you need to take care of your mental state just as much. I've also had some unproductive days during the past week. They're annoying. But I'm trying to learn to be satisfied with progress in whatever form it comes in. I think we don't give ourselves enough credit for the incredible feat of quitting porn.

Stay in control, take care of yourself, and carry on.

Jeks

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Thanks anon and fanoe for the support.
It just gets to my nerves. I have got to pee like every 10 to 15 minutes (i started writing it down, for the case there is some kind of pattern). As you can imagine nearly everything gets pretty much difficult, but especially working and falling asleep gets hard. But other than that i am completely fine, which gives me that feeling, that i have just to get over myself. Anyway, i will try to study, but in a very relaxed manner and being aware of my breathing. If thats not working its also okay. Then i will just try to relax as much as i can.

Thanks again guys

Edit: wow first time in a long time that i had a break of 30 minutes. It sounds sarcastic, but man, its really a good feeling. It also feels a little more relaxed. I think it gets better.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2020, 03:01:22 AM by Jeks »

Jeks

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Feel better. Frequency definitely decreased and its more endurable. I will from now on try to increase my study efforts again day by day. Whats also very important is to limit my consumption of youtube videos again. I will again try the strategy of not watching, when its just out of boredom or in order to distract myself. There are better and much more fulfilling ways to kill time and to get re-energized. Just have to find them by trying stuff out.
I think i also will have some difficulties in getting back into a groove. But i always have to remember and to  refocus why i am doing all this.

Edit: already started unconsciously to watch youtube again. Its crazy how much power this habit has over me.
« Last Edit: May 21, 2020, 05:35:12 AM by Jeks »

Jeks

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Day was a very good first step back to my working routine. Got stuff done, maybe not as much as i could have, but that was expected. I will continue to study the stuff i have missed out on the last days, without putting to much pressure to it.

zander13

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Check this out. https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/p-a-w-s-what-are-they-cure-duration.231859/

Go towards the end of the thread, though the whole thing is good, albeit long.


Jeks

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So true, i have stopped smoking for 2 and a half months now. I smoked around 20 cigarettes a day. Was the easiest thing i have ever done compared to quitting porn. Its so tricky, because cravings to porn really hide and mask themselves as your natural libido. Makes it really tough to convince yourself to fight the cravings. With cigarettes the withdrawals were very easy to handle after 2 weeks. Thanks zander. It makes it easier knowing that other people have the same experiences.

Still not fully back from my bladder problem, but i want to keep working on my stuff. Also i dont want to distract myself with youtube. i want to try to be more focused with my studying. I will set a timer of 45 minutes and in this time i wont touch my cell phone or make tea or do other stuff. That will be hard for me, but its necessary and i think i will get used to it.
« Last Edit: May 22, 2020, 03:03:24 AM by Jeks »

Jeks

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Pretty darn good MW and nocturnal erection. Also bladder seems better. Woke up and did not have to immidiately run to the bathroom.
Again i will try to oncrease my efforts with my studying.
« Last Edit: May 23, 2020, 01:35:37 AM by Jeks »

Jeks

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Pushed trough in the end, so that i was able to finish, what i had planned to do. Now i am pretty exhausted. Did not  pee for more than an hour, which is also very good. Feel a little empty right now. Maybe i am just tired. Dont really know what to do right now. For working out its still a little too early for my bladder i feel like. I will try to enjoy this little victory and maybe meditate a little.
« Last Edit: May 23, 2020, 01:37:18 PM by Jeks »

Jeks

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10 months of no p and 5 months without mo.

Jeks

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My problem with the bladder really slows me down. I will go to my urologist again tomorrow. I hope its just a stubborn infection.

anonfromfinance

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Congratulations man, 10 months!! That is great. Indeed sounds like a lifetime. So happy for your achievements. You’re doing absolutely great, keep it up. :D

Too bad about the infection. I hope you feel better soon.

Jeks

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Thanks anon. It really is a long time. Its sometimes hard to accept that changes take their time, but i am still very happy about the changes i was able to make the last 10 months.

Also finally they found something. I have got something prescribed, so i should start feeling better the next days. When thats the case, i really have to get myself back into a groove. Wont be too easy, i can already tell. I always have to remember why its necessary to put in the work.