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Author Topic: Have I Messed Up?  (Read 181 times)

GreenSwampMan

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Have I Messed Up?
« on: August 22, 2019, 03:05:28 AM »
So yesterday was kind of crazy for me and would like to know your opinions. Here’s a not-so quick recap for you:

First, I got a semi-erection and even without touching I could feel that my penis is very sensitive. Unfortunately, I tend to be very self-conscious and obsess about things so I went on Reddit to see how to combat premature ejaculation and then I stumbled upon a blog about tantric sex. Well, as I was reading I got rock-hard (I mean hard as a baseball bat!), got incredibly aroused and started leaking a lot of pre-cum. After that I stumbled upon a pic of female genitalia and immediately noped the hell out. Then, I re-installed Tinder to check if I got any likes. Some hours later, just before going to sleep, I (for some reason that I don’t remember) decided to look up sex techniques. Unfortunately (What did I expect?), the article had some basic drawings of sex and I again got rock hard for ~10-20 minutes and I leaked a lot of pre-cum again and after that I went to sleep.

Right now I feel like my libido is gone and my penis doesn’t really want to get hard. I feel like I have messed up big time and that I have relapsed.

Did I relapse? Or was it just a slip? What do you guys think?

Pete McVries

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Re: Have I Messed Up?
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2019, 04:34:10 AM »
In my humble opinion, it is not so important to classify this incident as a relapse or a slip but to minimize such behaviour in the future or prevent it at all. Focus on recovery any by recovery I mean activities that benefit you and abstaining from activities that hinder your reboot.

Also, try not to worry too much about your erections. From following your journal, it seems like you are getting a lot of 'random' erections even though you don't have a long streak. I suspect, you are closer to recovery as you might think. Hence, it is important to focus on the things you control (your behaviour vs. obsessing over erections or morning wood).

Regarding the precum, I had this 'problem' as well and it can be a precursor for having PE but you can't be sure. I talked about this topic with my urologist extensivly and he said that it's totally normal to leak a lot of precum when you abstain from sexual activities. He said, religious people have this 'problem' for example. And despite my precum leakage, I didn't happen to have PE.

So don't worry about all these phenomenons that you could possibly have and carry on with your reboot and make it as clean as you can. If you should face a problem later on, you can still deal with it then. But please don't waste your precious energy worrying about things you most likely won't have to deal with. I'm telling you this because I did the same and in 99% of my cases, the worry was unjustified...

One thing regarding the tinder. Have you mapped out a rough plan of action regarding your reboot and rewiring? Because, if you are in the beginning of the reboot and only plan to date someone after, I don't know, let's say day 60, why would you use tinder that early? Tinder has a lot of traits that porn possesses as well (arousing images, suggestive texts, novelty!), so you should handle it with care and view it as a (un)necessary evil. Ask yourself: Are you really using tinder to get in contact with potential partners to eventually meet up or are you using tinder as a surrogate for porn to arouse yourself? I know it sounds totally weird in this day and age but it is actually possible to meet girls without tinder and similar apps ;)

Take care and all the best!
nine months clean and counting...

GreenSwampMan

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Re: Have I Messed Up?
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2019, 05:17:51 AM »
In my humble opinion, it is not so important to classify this incident as a relapse or a slip but to minimize such behaviour in the future or prevent it at all. Focus on recovery any by recovery I mean activities that benefit you and abstaining from activities that hinder your reboot.

Also, try not to worry too much about your erections. From following your journal, it seems like you are getting a lot of 'random' erections even though you don't have a long streak. I suspect, you are closer to recovery as you might think. Hence, it is important to focus on the things you control (your behaviour vs. obsessing over erections or morning wood).

Regarding the precum, I had this 'problem' as well and it can be a precursor for having PE but you can't be sure. I talked about this topic with my urologist extensivly and he said that it's totally normal to leak a lot of precum when you abstain from sexual activities. He said, religious people have this 'problem' for example. And despite my precum leakage, I didn't happen to have PE.

So don't worry about all these phenomenons that you could possibly have and carry on with your reboot and make it as clean as you can. If you should face a problem later on, you can still deal with it then. But please don't waste your precious energy worrying about things you most likely won't have to deal with. I'm telling you this because I did the same and in 99% of my cases, the worry was unjustified...

One thing regarding the tinder. Have you mapped out a rough plan of action regarding your reboot and rewiring? Because, if you are in the beginning of the reboot and only plan to date someone after, I don't know, let's say day 60, why would you use tinder that early? Tinder has a lot of traits that porn possesses as well (arousing images, suggestive texts, novelty!), so you should handle it with care and view it as a (un)necessary evil. Ask yourself: Are you really using tinder to get in contact with potential partners to eventually meet up or are you using tinder as a surrogate for porn to arouse yourself? I know it sounds totally weird in this day and age but it is actually possible to meet girls without tinder and similar apps ;)

Take care and all the best!

That makes feel me better. Thank you!

As for Tinder the reason I use it is to boost my self esteem. I had (and still have) issues with feeling insecure and self-loathing. Sometimes I feel like no girl would ever want me but when I get likes from girls on Tinder or Badoo I feel better and more confident about myself knowing that I’m not as unpopular with girls as I thought I was.

Pete McVries

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Re: Have I Messed Up?
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2019, 05:37:29 AM »
...and if you didn't get any likes, would you throw in the towel?

If I may say so, I think dating apps are not doing you any good. At least not at the moment. Come back, once you want to use them for the right reasons. Now is the time to reboot. Reboot = shut down, reset, boot again. That's what you should focus on. And once you feel ready, start looking for a nice ogre lady ;)
nine months clean and counting...

Lero

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Re: Have I Messed Up?
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2019, 06:06:12 AM »
...and if you didn't get any likes, would you throw in the towel?

If I may say so, I think dating apps are not doing you any good. At least not at the moment. Come back, once you want to use them for the right reasons. Now is the time to reboot. Reboot = shut down, reset, boot again. That's what you should focus on. And once you feel ready, start looking for a nice ogre lady ;)

I agree with this, man. I think there are times when we should take a look deep inside, find our real selves and check out what's going on. In my case, I didn't feel "ready" for dating or sex. I felt like I could not function well. I felt that I only saw girls as sex objects who were supposed to satisfy me and then walk away when I was exhausted with it. I felt that I could not feel interested in girls nor that I could be turned on by girls. This being the case, I said to myself: "I think I need to give myself some time and follow this rebooting thing, until those things will change. Right now, I don't think I'm the right guy for girls. It sucks but it is what it is. Patience and time." This being said, stuff like Tinder would only serve me as "jerk off material", looking at girls' pictures and jerking off to death (and is this normal or sick?). If you don't "really need" Tinder (if you are not really serious about finding a girl right now), save yourself from an invitation for stimulating material. And to be honest, many guys are complaining about dating apps. Sometimes real world is the best place to meet people. This is where I would try to find girls, not Tinder. That would only come as the last chance, if my social life really sucked like crazy.

Peace. Take care.
« Last Edit: August 22, 2019, 06:07:48 AM by Lero »

Lero

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Re: Have I Messed Up?
« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2019, 06:13:53 AM »
So yesterday was kind of crazy for me and would like to know your opinions. Here’s a not-so quick recap for you:

First, I got a semi-erection and even without touching I could feel that my penis is very sensitive. Unfortunately, I tend to be very self-conscious and obsess about things so I went on Reddit to see how to combat premature ejaculation and then I stumbled upon a blog about tantric sex. Well, as I was reading I got rock-hard (I mean hard as a baseball bat!), got incredibly aroused and started leaking a lot of pre-cum. After that I stumbled upon a pic of female genitalia and immediately noped the hell out. Then, I re-installed Tinder to check if I got any likes. Some hours later, just before going to sleep, I (for some reason that I don’t remember) decided to look up sex techniques. Unfortunately (What did I expect?), the article had some basic drawings of sex and I again got rock hard for ~10-20 minutes and I leaked a lot of pre-cum again and after that I went to sleep.

Right now I feel like my libido is gone and my penis doesn’t really want to get hard. I feel like I have messed up big time and that I have relapsed.

Did I relapse? Or was it just a slip? What do you guys think?

What I want to say about this is: Stay away from places that have "jerk off" material. Reddit is one of them. Social media, Youtube, even news websites with sluts in a list to the right side of the website. All the places that you know could sabotage you, avoid visiting them, pre-cum or not. Don't go looking for trouble when you don't need it. Right now, we are addicted, we can't control those visuals. Try to see your behavior and think about it before you move yourself toward websites. This behavior has taken me to 32 days. Without this I would've been fucking dead. I've been avoiding social media, reddit, even movies and TV series. I've been staying away from all the things that I knew they contained stuff that could turn me on. It might sound extreme. But in my experience (1000 fucking relapses over and over again every 4th day), visiting those websites sabotaged me. I stoppped doing this and everything really started working.

DoneAtLast

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Re: Have I Messed Up?
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2019, 09:05:10 PM »
I've found with rebooting that if you don't feel like you're going overboard with eliminating harmful things from your life, you probably aren't doing it right.  It is best to eliminate anything even remotely questionable, and then reintroduce them later on if they seem like they'll be okay and not lead to a relapse.  If you want to try dating sites, then give it a whirl some other time when you aren't white knuckling porn addiction.

Relying on any kind of social media for self-esteem is a slippery slope.  It gives momentary highs but ultimately drags you down.  The sense of getting a "like" (or however tinder works) will be a drop in the bucket compared the depression you get by seeing picture after picture after picture of women that, deep down, you think are judging you one at a time.  Better not to look to begin with, then those thoughts don't sneak in.

Lero

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Re: Have I Messed Up?
« Reply #7 on: August 25, 2019, 06:19:10 AM »
I've found with rebooting that if you don't feel like you're going overboard with eliminating harmful things from your life, you probably aren't doing it right.

I know exactly what you mean.