Author Topic: it's not over,, until i win !  (Read 135 times)

the zen master

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it's not over,, until i win !
« on: November 11, 2019, 02:08:28 PM »
I am 30 years and 9 months old. I was introduced to porn at a very young age of 14-15 by friends. Very soon, i got addicted to porn and masturbating to porn. Affordable high speed internet and cheap media devices/smartphones ensured that I fell down fast and soon, just in my 20s I started suffering from both PE and ED. I got married couple of years back and I am feeling the heat. So, I am seriously trying reboot now as this whole trap like thing has been screwing my life for too long. And I have decided that if it has destroyed my life, I am gonna destroy this thing. I am not leaving this planet, without getting rid of this thing. I don't care if i will die trying to reboot my life completely. All I know is that reboot is a must, it's a matter of life or death anyway. I have failed at REBOOT a thousand times probably, latest one being 9th November, 2019 but I ain't losing hope. I am in it, to win it. Period. Thanks in advance for all your support.

Update [14th November, 2019]: In 5th day of reboot, no trouble so far. But I know it's gonna hit me soon and I must be fully prepared to hold my ground. But, I should not fight it, i should just allow it to pass like a breeze. The more I struggle, more difficult it will be. :)
 
Update [20th November, 2019]:Last two days have been tough. I am getting those kind of thoughts, like I am full again and need to take it out, like I need to watch or do something. But I am doing good so far, keeping myself busy in productive activities. What also helps is recalling the kind of destruction this thing has caused in my life. I should always remember that. Hopefully, I will allow it to pass like a breeze. Hopefully, I will make it this time.

Update [22nd November, 2019]: The world is full of distractions, you might avoid watching porn but then there are celebrities like Sunny Leone. They are so often shown in news and media and then you start drowning. Boy !! its tough, it's tough being sober these days. Anways, I have held my ground so far, no porn, no fap ! Fingers crossed.

Update [23rd November, 2019]: MISSION FAILED ! :'( Anyways, lets have a look at the recent failures and see what's going on. 19 October (SAT), 30 October (WED), 08 November (FRI), 09 November (SAT), 23 November (SAT). So one thing is clear, SATURDAYS ARE DIFFICULT FOR ME. Another thing, My current streak of 13 DAYS is better than all recent results. So, no need to lose hope, keep going, keep refining, things will improve. and 3 years from now, everything will be changed.

Update [27th November, 2019]: Faltered again, as last 3-4 days were extremely tough (probably one of the toughest phase of life) and I lost my strength. Hoping to make a fresh start. Not depressed, still positive about my future and the results I will achieve. I can, I will.
« Last Edit: November 27, 2019, 01:24:03 AM by the zen master »

cranm329

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Re: it's not over,, until i win !
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2019, 03:33:17 PM »
Hi Zen Master
Good to read about your determination to end the addiction. Humble suggestion: don't try to win,  just die to it and let it die to you. Subconscious submission. Both you and 'it' have to die in psychological terms. You can do it and be free. You have my support.
« Last Edit: November 11, 2019, 03:38:32 PM by cranm329 »

the zen master

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Re: it's not over,, until i win !
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2019, 09:25:06 PM »
That seems like a good suggestion- Leaving it behind and moving on as if "it" was dead to me, rather than fighting and winning. Thanks much !