Author Topic: Starting Again...the countdown is on  (Read 94 times)

Kubrick316

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Starting Again...the countdown is on
« on: November 24, 2019, 06:27:58 PM »
Hello everyone,

I used to post on these boards a while ago. I left because, generally speaking, I thought I had figured it out. I thought I had a fortified base of knowledge and support that I could care with me into the real world and lean on in a time of need.

I was wrong.

I have read lots of scientific articles about prom addiction and sexual dysfunctions. I have watched videos by Gary Wilson, Gave Deem and Noah Church, as well as many others who would identify themselves as sufferers, addicts and anecdotes. I read my fair share of self-help books in my attempt to get an edge on this thing, to understand how to cope with having an addiction but also some of my personal issues that I felt may be feeding into this battle.

I felt I had the knowledge, knowhow and experience to make it work. But I didn’t. I tried, struggled, relapsed, got back up, and failed in spite of my belief that I could make it work. I’m sad to say that, for myself, I haven’t been able to put all the pieces together. It has been a rough road, and there are moments when I forget entirely why I started this journey in the first place. Recovery in that sense becomes very reflexive and distant for me, and there are moments when the idea of recovery has lost its meaning...

But I’m still here, and I still believe.

I know I have a foundation of knowledge to help guide me. I know I have a ton of experience to show me where I went wrong, and especially in the good experience to remind me that I have had desired success in beating this thing before, and if I commit myself then this success can be attained once again.

As well, I am well aware of the recent lawsuits that have been filed, and am hope those on the side of us, the sufferers, come out victorious on the end. But there are things that bother me. It bothers me that there are still members of the media who rely on incorrect scientific studies and, subsequently, ignore a large bulk of the research that not only discredits those that wish to marginalize our suffering but also confirms and validates much of our arduous journeys, how we as consumers of stimuli have suffered and the dreams we have for ourselves as hopeful, one day recoverers. It’s also disheartening to see the narratives around white supremacy pop up surrounding the methods rebooters use to try and rewire their brains, as if the practice of one automatically confirms agreements with hate speech and hate-based rhetoric.

As someone recovering from this addiction and sexual dysfunctions, I know just how real and scary this entire ordeal can be....why then must these types of connections be made with those who suffer from this addiction?

Regardless, I am going to be here once more; for the rebooters as well as my own recovery. I’ll try to post every single day or most days, chronicling my emotions and my general feelings about my recovery from day to day, if not for anyone else then for myself, to hold myself accountable and keep myself on the right track.

If you have any questions about myself, feel free to ask.