Author Topic: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too  (Read 897 times)

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« on: August 17, 2019, 01:53:02 AM »
I'm 39 and I have quite a bit of luck with women until it comes to getting hard with them. I've had a nightmare since around 2001 with my problems getting worse and worse. I used to drink a lot and I think hangovers sent me on an anxiety porn binge the day after partying. I would click and click and open new tabs and then click on another video and another. I had no idea how much damage i was doing to my mind. I'm approaching 40 and I'm absolutely ashamed that I've let it go on for so long. Women I've really cared about have taken it personally and have been hurt by what they see as a form of rejection when i can't fuck them. How can you explain that you want to fuck but can't?
I quit this week and I'm 4 days in and i have changed my diet and started exercising and meditating as much as I can every day. I get morning woods and my erections with porn were actually very good but that counts for nothing really when you can't fuck. I was only on straight porn and sometimes just nudity. I'm hoping it counts for something and i can get my shit on track quickly. I might have an advantage because my brain and mind were developed before high speed porn was available. Before that it was magazines and videos but i could rarely get my hands on them. I already started to reduce my viewing for the past few months and didn't really spend a lot of time edging. I was on vacation a few months ago and I was exercising and walking and site seeing and not jerking off nearly as much and I noticed a little tingle and some life just walking around the cities. I experienced that same tingle today after just a few days so I am praying it won't be a long reboot because I have opportunities with women right now but I can't imagine sharing this starting out in a relationship. Well that's all for now but I'm hoping to interact with people here. I need support and encouragement and I need to know I'm not alone in this. I will go out of my head if I don't. Any advice or tips are welcome. Thanks for being here with me.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2019, 08:17:12 AM by mattdes »

NewStart04

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 83
  • Personal Text
    He who makes a beast of himself...
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2019, 07:16:01 AM »
Mattdes

Sending my support and encouragement your way! I only recently started using this site and YourBrainRebalanced, but they have already been providing me with an excellent additional outlet for dealing with the recovery process. I think a big part of the porn problem for many rebooters is diminished connection with other human beings, and this forum gives us a chance to regain some of that.

Fingers crossed that your reboot is a short one, and I hope you are able to feel stronger connections with women sometime in the near future (in addition to having great sexual experiences with them).

I gave up drinking entirely over a year ago and don't regret it at all. While I am still a porn addict, it doesn't change the fact that my life has been overall better with it gone, and it definitely made recovery a lot harder (I blew some streaks in the past because of it). Not trying to preach. Some people can have a healthy relationship with alcohol, but I couldn't. Regardless of which type of person you are, staying away from booze while you recover will undoubtedly boost the chance of successful recovery, as this substance activates some parts of the same diseased reward circuitry that porn does.

Godspeed! 

Lero

  • Guest
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2019, 07:37:48 AM »
Mattdes

Sending my support and encouragement your way! I only recently started using this site and YourBrainRebalanced, but they have already been providing me with an excellent additional outlet for dealing with the recovery process. I think a big part of the porn problem for many rebooters is diminished connection with other human beings, and this forum gives us a chance to regain some of that.

Fingers crossed that your reboot is a short one, and I hope you are able to feel stronger connections with women sometime in the near future (in addition to having great sexual experiences with them).

I gave up drinking entirely over a year ago and don't regret it at all. While I am still a porn addict, it doesn't change the fact that my life has been overall better with it gone, and it definitely made recovery a lot harder (I blew some streaks in the past because of it). Not trying to preach. Some people can have a healthy relationship with alcohol, but I couldn't. Regardless of which type of person you are, staying away from booze while you recover will undoubtedly boost the chance of successful recovery, as this substance activates some parts of the same diseased reward circuitry that porn does.

Godspeed!

Yes, alcohol makes me relapse too. I don't have a problem with alcohol but I can't keep it in my life either.

stepbystep

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 47
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2019, 09:12:19 PM »
You are doing what most people aren't by fighting this! Now, do you have any help outside this forum? Accountability partner? I've found that connecting with a person in the real world about this makes a big difference.
Trying to quit since 2004. In recovery since December 2011. Mostly porn-free since August 2012. Completely porn-free since October 10, 2019.

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #4 on: August 17, 2019, 11:07:01 PM »
Mattdes

Sending my support and encouragement your way! I only recently started using this site and YourBrainRebalanced, but they have already been providing me with an excellent additional outlet for dealing with the recovery process. I think a big part of the porn problem for many rebooters is diminished connection with other human beings, and this forum gives us a chance to regain some of that.

Fingers crossed that your reboot is a short one, and I hope you are able to feel stronger connections with women sometime in the near future (in addition to having great sexual experiences with them).

I gave up drinking entirely over a year ago and don't regret it at all. While I am still a porn addict, it doesn't change the fact that my life has been overall better with it gone, and it definitely made recovery a lot harder (I blew some streaks in the past because of it). Not trying to preach. Some people can have a healthy relationship with alcohol, but I couldn't. Regardless of which type of person you are, staying away from booze while you recover will undoubtedly boost the chance of successful recovery, as this substance activates some parts of the same diseased reward circuitry that porn does.

Godspeed!



Thank you Newstart. Much appreciated. I don't drink so much these days. I am mostly on a moderate amount of red wine. I heard that can actually help . I'm definitely not going out and drinking myself into a mess anymore so i don't have the day after hangover.

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #5 on: August 17, 2019, 11:11:32 PM »
Mattdes

Sending my support and encouragement your way! I only recently started using this site and YourBrainRebalanced, but they have already been providing me with an excellent additional outlet for dealing with the recovery process. I think a big part of the porn problem for many rebooters is diminished connection with other human beings, and this forum gives us a chance to regain some of that.

Fingers crossed that your reboot is a short one, and I hope you are able to feel stronger connections with women sometime in the near future (in addition to having great sexual experiences with them).

I gave up drinking entirely over a year ago and don't regret it at all. While I am still a porn addict, it doesn't change the fact that my life has been overall better with it gone, and it definitely made recovery a lot harder (I blew some streaks in the past because of it). Not trying to preach. Some people can have a healthy relationship with alcohol, but I couldn't. Regardless of which type of person you are, staying away from booze while you recover will undoubtedly boost the chance of successful recovery, as this substance activates some parts of the same diseased reward circuitry that porn does.

Godspeed!

Yes, alcohol makes me relapse too. I don't have a problem with alcohol but I can't keep it in my life either.

Thanks for the input. I'm not a big drinker anymore and I'm thinking of cutting it out completely just to concentrate on my health. Mostly just drinking moderate amounts of red wine. I know it's good for the blood .

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #6 on: August 17, 2019, 11:19:34 PM »
Hi stepbystep thanks for the post and support. i have told one friend who has been pretty cool about it and seems to understand although his only ed experiences have been from drug side effects and haven't lasted long. I am definitely open to having an accountability partner. I can see how it would benefit. I'm really scared that this shit is going to take a long time. I am probably more scared of that than a bullet. I am going to blow opportunities because of this shit. One opportunity already last week that i won't forgive myself for. This sucks!!!! When you really like someone and you can't act on it or tell her.

Lero

  • Guest
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2019, 03:53:26 AM »
Hi stepbystep thanks for the post and support. i have told one friend who has been pretty cool about it and seems to understand although his only ed experiences have been from drug side effects and haven't lasted long. I am definitely open to having an accountability partner. I can see how it would benefit. I'm really scared that this shit is going to take a long time. I am probably more scared of that than a bullet. I am going to blow opportunities because of this shit. One opportunity already last week that i won't forgive myself for. This sucks!!!! When you really like someone and you can't act on it or tell her.

Yeah, man, losing opportunities feels like shit. I've had that in the past twice.

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #8 on: August 18, 2019, 11:07:55 AM »
Well i woke up with 100% erection . I drank some red wine last night. I didn't have any erotic dreams. Hopefully this is a good sign. I have absolutely no urge to look at porn which is also good. I know this can change very quickly so I'm not being cocky about it. Tomorrow it will be a full week since I've looked at any imagery.

Pdub

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 38
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #9 on: August 18, 2019, 11:50:36 AM »
Keep a tally of how many days it has been.  I have a whiteboard near my computer and will add a day every morning.  For me, it's reinforcement that what I'm doing has a visible effect beyond just not watching pornography.  Posting in this forum also seems to help, as there are many others in the same boat.  Having community around something you're doing is very helpful, as seen with other addiction groups like A.A.

Identify your triggers as best as possible.  For me, it is boredom, loneliness, and anger.  Once you know what they are you can react much better to them.  If alcohol is one of your triggers than cutting back is a great idea. 

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #10 on: August 18, 2019, 03:32:33 PM »
Thanks Pdub. Your support is much appreciated. I am really feeling good today. Trying to concentrate on the good things. I'm going to be more active this week which should help too.

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #11 on: August 18, 2019, 11:36:58 PM »
I've read a few reports denying that pied exists. It is supposed to be more related to performance anxiety from watching top porn performers. I wish that was true because meditation and exercise can fix anxiety. I really can't believe that there are doctors out there trying to play down the problem. No matter what the truth is I'm stopping porn now!!! I feel much better this week without it. I can't say I won't m thinking about women in my life. Is it not beneficial to think about real women in your life? I haven't m'd yet but I'm sure i will but no porn will be involved. Any thoughts from others? Would gently getting a little hard not help to stay away from flatline or dead dick as long as you don't touch porn?
« Last Edit: August 19, 2019, 08:18:29 AM by mattdes »

Pdub

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 38
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #12 on: August 19, 2019, 08:41:00 AM »
You should do what works for you.  There is a wealth of information here and on other websites that will indicate that abstaining from PMO has benefits.  In the end, you need to make the decision as to what kind of life you want to lead.

Many doctors aren't constantly browsing the internet looking for new information on every condition the human body can be afflicted by, so they aren't going to be up to speed on new information.  One good archive can be found here:

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/research/

I was also told that "you can't be addicted to pornography" when I went to couples counseling.  The lady we went to has a doctorate from the late 80's.  Times have changed since then, and quite rapidly in the past decade or so.  It's no wonder many doctors or psychologists are still repeating talking points they learned in school 30 years ago.

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #13 on: August 19, 2019, 10:31:50 AM »
You should do what works for you.  There is a wealth of information here and on other websites that will indicate that abstaining from PMO has benefits.  In the end, you need to make the decision as to what kind of life you want to lead.

Many doctors aren't constantly browsing the internet looking for new information on every condition the human body can be afflicted by, so they aren't going to be up to speed on new information.  One good archive can be found here:

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/research/

I was also told that "you can't be addicted to pornography" when I went to couples counseling.  The lady we went to has a doctorate from the late 80's.  Times have changed since then, and quite rapidly in the past decade or so.  It's no wonder many doctors or psychologists are still repeating talking points they learned in school 30 years ago.


I read you pdub. There is this absolute lack of understanding out there . Porn is gone from my life no matter what so I'm definitely not trying to make excuses for it. A life without porn is definitely the life for me.

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #14 on: August 19, 2019, 10:40:25 AM »
I woke up with 100% erection again today. I'm only 6 days gone . Monday last week was the last time I pmo'd. Is this a sign I'm not as messed up as I thought?? Porn is out the window either way. Is it possible I will have a fast recovery? I'm meditating and exercising and I've made some healthy changes to my diet. I'm drinking more water,eating spinach and other healthy things, I've all but cut out sugar and sodas and artificial sweeteners. I bought L citrulline purely in case I have a sexual opportunity with a real woman. I heard its like viagra or ciallis without the side effects. It's just to give me a little extra in case. If I get aroused with a woman and I feel like I can then I will give it a go. Right now I don't think it's possible but in a week who knows. I'm staying away from the porn anyway. It's gone. It's done!
Any thoughts or feedback from other people are welcome. Have a great week everybody. It's Monday but it's another week . Let's make it a porn free and good one .

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #15 on: August 20, 2019, 12:32:05 PM »
A week porn free. I haven't even glanced at an erotic image since the 12th so that's 8 days. I haven't pmo'd since then. I woke up with a mw again today. Full 100%. This has got to be a good sign. 3 days in a row. Does anyone have any input or ideas about that? Could it be that I am healing faster than i thought I would? I'm not quite ready to try sex I'd like to wait and see. I don't want any mid sex flops. Obviously I'm not cured but all these new sensations and natural highs are definitely better than post pmo.

I've been inside my own head for too long. Making excuses and just trying to drag myself through life. I wonder how many men like us haven't found this forum and have done something drastic and ended their lives. We are the lucky ones now. We know our objective. We know our enemy. We can fight it and win. There is hope
« Last Edit: August 20, 2019, 12:47:48 PM by mattdes »

Lero

  • Guest
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #16 on: August 20, 2019, 01:02:04 PM »
Great, man. A week is a great start. There is no end without a beginning.

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #17 on: August 20, 2019, 03:46:21 PM »
Yeah i feel good. I tried this several times a few years ago and failed miserably. I just kept relapsing. I'd have 6 day streaks and then get dragged back. Something simple would always trigger. A magazine cover. Someone on facebook. You know the drill. But maybe I've learned from it. My gradual decline of use over the last few years too. More activity and less edging and pmo. All these things may have helped me this time around. I am horny but I'm craving reality. I told a girl I like that I was having problems probably stress or anxiety related and that I failed with someone before her a few weeks previous and that's why I didn't attempt to have sex with her. She seemed very cool about that. I sensed she may have felt a bit rejected so i was very happy that she responded so well. Sometimes we can tell white lies that are less embarrassing. If you put it to a girl the right way I think there is a chance she might help you. She even said if I wanted to try again any time to just let her know. That is exactly what I wanted to hear. So I'm going to keep abstaining and I'm going to listen to my body. If I feel a bit more responsive I'll give it a go. She knows the situation and I haven't upset her so it's all good.

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #18 on: August 20, 2019, 03:47:40 PM »
Great, man. A week is a great start. There is no end without a beginning.

Thanks Lero. I tried in the past and i always got to around 6 days before snapping. I appreciate the support and communication. I hope you are doing well.

Lero

  • Guest
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #19 on: August 20, 2019, 03:51:01 PM »
Thanks Lero. I tried in the past and i always got to around 6 days before snapping. I appreciate the support and communication. I hope you are doing well.

Great! Now you've made it past that day 6. My problem was the same. I couldn't go past day 4.

The Unhappy Fapper

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 43
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #20 on: August 20, 2019, 04:11:57 PM »
Best of luck, buddy. Rooting for you man :)

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #21 on: August 20, 2019, 06:06:14 PM »
Best of luck, buddy. Rooting for you man :)

Thanks pal . Same back !! Keep going!

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #22 on: August 21, 2019, 07:53:59 PM »
Another day and although no morning wood today I also have no urges to look at p. No urges no cravings no desires. It's dead to me. Living breathing women are all I crave. No pixels. Again I must repeat that I've been here before only to relapse. It feels a bit different this time though. Maybe I did hit my rock bottom with my latest failed encounter. Good!!! It's going to lead to me being tougher on myself.
In the gym today for a hard session. It definitely cleared my head. I ate a salad . Turkey breast avocado celery and spinach with some olive oil and balsamic vinegar. I'm leaving nothing out here. This is a complete renovation of my mind body and soul and I think that's important. Replace the bad habits with the good. Lot's of people seem to be sitting back and waiting for the urges. That's not the right way to do it. Get out walking. Go to the supermarket. Go to the park . Take a course. All these things add up. The less time your mind is idle the better. I'll do some meditation and stretching later and I'll sleep soundly. Good luck everybody. I hope you all get through another day!

Lero

  • Guest
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #23 on: August 22, 2019, 02:01:12 AM »
Another day and although no morning wood today I also have no urges to look at p. No urges no cravings no desires. It's dead to me. Living breathing women are all I crave. No pixels. Again I must repeat that I've been here before only to relapse. It feels a bit different this time though. Maybe I did hit my rock bottom with my latest failed encounter. Good!!! It's going to lead to me being tougher on myself.
In the gym today for a hard session. It definitely cleared my head. I ate a salad . Turkey breast avocado celery and spinach with some olive oil and balsamic vinegar. I'm leaving nothing out here. This is a complete renovation of my mind body and soul and I think that's important. Replace the bad habits with the good. Lot's of people seem to be sitting back and waiting for the urges. That's not the right way to do it. Get out walking. Go to the supermarket. Go to the park . Take a course. All these things add up. The less time your mind is idle the better. I'll do some meditation and stretching later and I'll sleep soundly. Good luck everybody. I hope you all get through another day!

You know, I've been through brutal days so far in my 32 days streak. One thing I've learned is that I can do more than I think I can. I mean, there have been days when I was this close to relapse. One inch away but I didn't. Then I woke up today and I said: "You know what? There is nothing that could make me relapse now. The hardest fucking thing ever couldn't make me relapse. Only if I am stupid and relapse on my own but the addiction tried to make me relapse and it couldn't." The mindset is important. Be stubborn like a motherfucker. Say "No" over and over again.

mattdes

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 61
    • View Profile
Re: Hopefully the end is in sight....and the beginning too
« Reply #24 on: August 22, 2019, 02:48:50 AM »
Another day and although no morning wood today I also have no urges to look at p. No urges no cravings no desires. It's dead to me. Living breathing women are all I crave. No pixels. Again I must repeat that I've been here before only to relapse. It feels a bit different this time though. Maybe I did hit my rock bottom with my latest failed encounter. Good!!! It's going to lead to me being tougher on myself.
In the gym today for a hard session. It definitely cleared my head. I ate a salad . Turkey breast avocado celery and spinach with some olive oil and balsamic vinegar. I'm leaving nothing out here. This is a complete renovation of my mind body and soul and I think that's important. Replace the bad habits with the good. Lot's of people seem to be sitting back and waiting for the urges. That's not the right way to do it. Get out walking. Go to the supermarket. Go to the park . Take a course. All these things add up. The less time your mind is idle the better. I'll do some meditation and stretching later and I'll sleep soundly. Good luck everybody. I hope you all get through another day!

You know, I've been through brutal days so far in my 32 days streak. One thing I've learned is that I can do more than I think I can. I mean, there have been days when I was this close to relapse. One inch away but I didn't. Then I woke up today and I said: "You know what? There is nothing that could make me relapse now. The hardest fucking thing ever couldn't make me relapse. Only if I am stupid and relapse on my own but the addiction tried to make me relapse and it couldn't." The mindset is important. Be stubborn like a motherfucker. Say "No" over and over again.


That's it!! Exactly. And concentrating on days too. Why bother? This is for life. Bye bye porn and masturbation. Hello ladies!!! Haha. Thanks for the input Lero. Hope you are doing well.