Author Topic: The greatest challenge ever told  (Read 696 times)

Unbreakable

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #25 on: August 29, 2019, 02:55:55 PM »
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Damn sorry to hear about that one man. The midnight attacks are the absolute worst as they creep up on you at your weakest moment - I've often failed in those moments. Hang in there man. And those mood swings and changes in perception of reality are also tough to deal with especially if they are recurring.

Have you got anything or any activities you can use to distract yourself?

Thank you. From what I read we are in very similar situation. I have my training/exercise. I use to walk pretty long distances, but last time my route was blocked by some road work, and I had to turn back. The exercise happens provided I have the energy.

I MO'd today. I got about 80% erect and it was hard to keep an erection. I should not do this often or at all, but right then and there I had to releave some of the mental pressure that has been building. My duty now is not to keep it up, and by all means, avoid any chaser effect.

One of the previous days I had a horrible experience. That is to say, I had the entire day by myself, but since I didn't have the porn, which my mind was constantly seeking, I got completely lethargic. I was unable to do anything at all, and it was a terrible feeling. Giving up on porn creates a void you have to fill with something. To me it's something physical. Training and eating, basically.

My health paranoia is still there. I fear I have a retraction in my ear drum due to an accident. I will have it checked out in three weeks time. In the meantime, I can't let the fear and anxiety dominate me.

I'm also in touch with an interesting woman. She seems to be quite interested in me, and I've told her about my condition. With that in mind, I must treat my affliction with due seriousness.

So, back in the saddle it is. One MO, nothing more.


Lero

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #26 on: August 29, 2019, 02:58:12 PM »
My health paranoia is still there. I fear I have a retraction in my ear drum due to an accident. I will have it checked out in three weeks time. In the meantime, I can't let the fear and anxiety dominate me.

I actually suffer from something like this too. Some kind of hypochondria-like manifestations.


Unbreakable

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #27 on: August 29, 2019, 03:18:51 PM »
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I actually suffer from something like this too. Some kind of hypochondria-like manifestations.

Some of it is real. Some of it is not. I have a tendency to hurt myself due to my neuroticism, and the neuroticism makes me ruminate more. I've read that neuroticism and anxiety gets worse with low serotinin, something a porn addicion deprives you of, since your body doesn't learn how to produce serotinin in a natural way. During a porn reboot, you can be hit by it all. Depression, lethargy, anxiety ... The good thing is that it will pass, given time. I'm prepared for a rough ride, but I will make it to the other side.

Unbreakable

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #28 on: September 01, 2019, 01:27:13 AM »
It is now the 1st of september. Autumn has begun in earnest. I've now been porn free for 14 days. During that time, I only MO'ed once. The next 14 days, I will not do it even once.

It's a long road to be healed from this evil. I will always have this addiction, and my sexual function will gradually get better. But we're talking months and years.

These 14 days will turn into 14 weeks, and then 14 months, because porn is no longer an option. I recognize this evil and what it has done to me, and I must get rid of it. It's a spiritual battle, and
I must show myself worthy.

So my short term goal now is to reach the 15th of september, and not having MO'ed once. I have very little money right now, so I can't really reward myself. My self discipline must be it's own reward.

I wish luck to all my fellow souls who go through this struggle. We are good people, because we want something that is better. Let us crawl out of this pit. There is hope knowing it can be done!

Unbreakable

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #29 on: September 01, 2019, 09:57:21 PM »
Just received some stressful news, and discipline is lapsing. Hard times ahead, friends. Hard times ahead.

I'm a fighter. I can fight. I will fight.

The Unhappy Fapper

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #30 on: September 02, 2019, 01:10:21 AM »
dude hang in there man! We're rooting for you! Dun give up pliz

Unbreakable

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #31 on: September 02, 2019, 07:33:50 AM »
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dude hang in there man! We're rooting for you! Dun give up pliz

I had a little glitch, I admit it. I don't even know what happened. By afterthought it was a trigger that spoke to me at the deepest level of this sickness. I'll be generous with myself and not reset the counter, as long as I'm adamant with myself now. The nature of this beast is indeed treacherous. It is your own mind making war against itself. I will let this surge of dopamine subside, and move forward. Not all progress is lost. As of now, I will avoid triggers all week, and give a report when it's done. That will be sunday the eight of september.

If I analyze myself. There was a trigger, sure. But behind that, I got some very bad news from someone. Nothing too serious, I think, but potentially bad. It is the stress and pain that makes my discipline collapse. And how do I fix that? I don't know. There will always be stressors, pain and triggers.

I deal with alcohol by avoiding it. (it is a trigger) With this ... every time I feel stressed I need to get out of the door. I must develop an awareness of myself in such regards. Just walk it off physically, instead of sitting indoors.
« Last Edit: September 02, 2019, 07:48:14 AM by Unbreakable »

Unbreakable

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #32 on: September 02, 2019, 07:41:58 AM »
I'll be completely honest. Again it strikes me how little functionality I have. The problem doesn't seem to be physical, it happens because my brain is completely fried. Makes me think how much I must have damaged myself through the years. This is a far cry from how I functioned in my youth. The change was gradual, it snuck upon me, but when the consequenses showed themselves, they were absolute in their mercilessness. Oh well, I will do nothing but move forward.

Lero

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #33 on: September 02, 2019, 08:45:47 AM »
I'll be completely honest. Again it strikes me how little functionality I have. The problem doesn't seem to be physical, it happens because my brain is completely fried. Makes me think how much I must have damaged myself through the years. This is a far cry from how I functioned in my youth. The change was gradual, it snuck upon me, but when the consequenses showed themselves, they were absolute in their mercilessness. Oh well, I will do nothing but move forward.

I'll be honest as well. I think that my brain is fried too. I mean, even masturbating without P fucks me up. I need time to "repair" my fucking brain and I need the absence of P, PMO and MO too.

Unbreakable

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #34 on: September 05, 2019, 09:17:38 AM »
As I get deeper into this, I realize it's true what they say. When you remove the negative that is porn you need to replace it with something positive. I definetly should get an entrance card to the local training center, but right now I'm completely out of money, and it's sabotaging me. Oh well, more walks then. Hope the knee gets better.

The Unhappy Fapper

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #35 on: September 05, 2019, 09:40:40 AM »
Unbreakable my man, are there any public park gyms near you? Or places with suspended bars and parallel bars where you can chin or dip? Here in Europe they are pretty common and i try use them when i can't find any decent gyms. Also pushups and situps are a good distraction i find.

Anyway man, i hope you're good. 

stepbystep

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #36 on: September 05, 2019, 11:26:11 PM »
Yes, public gyms are great if you have access nearby. Otherwise, there are lots of good youtube workout videos. Keep going. You can do this!
Trying to quit since 2004. In recovery since December 2011. Mostly porn-free since August 2012. Completely porn-free since September 12, 2019.

Unbreakable

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #37 on: September 06, 2019, 05:10:51 PM »
Thanks guys.

Pretty high emotions. All the repressed feelings I masked with porn are coming up. Mostly sadness and a feeling of emptiness and despair. Made a 15 km walk today. Came back home and too tired to do anything. Tomorrow I won't walk, but try to do some work in front of the computer. I imagine training every other day would be a good way to go about it.

Unbreakable

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #38 on: September 07, 2019, 12:29:26 PM »
I think I have a bit of an unusual reaction to the flatline. In the middle of the day I suddenly get very tired and have to sleep for like 4 hours. Must be the reward system and the dopamine thing.

Free-man

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #39 on: September 07, 2019, 12:35:41 PM »
You could have a low pressure blood, or acumulated stress these days…

Unbreakable

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #40 on: September 07, 2019, 12:45:08 PM »
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You could have a low pressure blood, or acumulated stress these days…

I would think I'm in decently good physical health. Accumulated stress is possible, but I had the entire day open to me.

Free-man

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #41 on: September 07, 2019, 12:57:01 PM »
It could be the system reward as you said. anyway, rest a lot while you can.
How many days of reboot you have?

Unbreakable

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #42 on: September 07, 2019, 01:26:40 PM »
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How many days of reboot you have?

7 days. Would have been three weeks, but I made a glitch. Looking forward to report I have 14 days, and then a month.

Free-man

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #43 on: September 07, 2019, 01:31:26 PM »
Congratulations! it's better litlle goals and milestones.
You're doing well.
Cheers!

Unbreakable

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #44 on: September 07, 2019, 09:01:00 PM »
Crazy withdrawal symptoms. I'm shaking, shivering, hyperventilating and experiencing extreme mood swings, mostly feeling darkness and despair. I will let it pass through me. I wonder how long this will last. It's impossible to concentrate or get anything done.

The Unhappy Fapper

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #45 on: September 08, 2019, 04:44:21 AM »
Sad to hear that Unbreakable man. The depression is agony man as are the mood swings and withdrawal symptoms. I have never felt such emotional pain in my life and cannot tell how long it will last (some reckon it 40-50 days). I guess that is the cruel punishment we face for having gotten involved in this BS in the first place.

But keep strong man; it's just like Shawshank Redemption - got to swim through a sewer full of shit before you reach Mexico and eternal bliss with Morgan Freeman.  :)

Free-man

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #46 on: September 08, 2019, 06:02:16 AM »
This list is taken from the video: How Internet porn affects the brain (YBOP)
Withdrawal symptoms:
  • Anxiety
  • Restlessness
  • Irritability
  • Insomnia
  • Fatigue
  • Poor concentration
  • Depression
  • Mood swings
  • Social isolation
  • Headaches
  • Several loss of libido ('the flatline')

Unbreakable

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #47 on: September 08, 2019, 10:10:43 AM »
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This list is taken from the video: How Internet porn affects the brain (YBOP)
Withdrawal symptoms:

    Anxiety
    Restlessness
    Irritability
    Insomnia
    Fatigue
    Poor concentration
    Depression
    Mood swings
    Social isolation
    Headaches
    Several loss of libido ('the flatline')

Ah, that's very informative. Thank you. I've experienced the mood swings before, but kind of forgotten about them till I had this reminder.

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Sad to hear that Unbreakable man. The depression is agony man as are the mood swings and withdrawal symptoms. I have never felt such emotional pain in my life and cannot tell how long it will last (some reckon it 40-50 days). I guess that is the cruel punishment we face for having gotten involved in this BS in the first place.

But keep strong man; it's just like Shawshank Redemption - got to swim through a sewer full of shit before you reach Mexico and eternal bliss with Morgan Freeman. 

Yeah, man ... it's a punishment for many years of mismanaging our lives. In my case, probably over 25 years. As it is said, men are not punished for their sins, but by their sins. I'm a living example of that.

Update: There have been some complications. After the extreme period of mood swings, which I overcame, I needed to write. I'm a writer amongst other things. I can't afford to be unproductive week after week after week. I MO'd once, and it worked. I got two big paragraps down late at night/early in the morning. Problem is, when I got up, I also MO'd once.

There was no porn involved, just caffeine ... I know it will slow my reboot down, but I believe this is an acceptable compromise when I really, really need to write, and I can't afford the many weeks in full standstill. As long as I can keep it limited. My decision to use ED drugs to try and have sex after 3 months of abstaining from porn is also a compromise. Not ideal, but I must have a goal, this woman, and I must try to get it done now. It's a world of becoming, not being, philosophically. I know by experience I couldn't take 2 years of abstinence with no sexual prospects, and no hope. I believe this method will work for me, who is no stoic by any stretch of the imagination.

The Unhappy Fapper

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Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« Reply #48 on: September 11, 2019, 02:13:49 AM »
Unbreakable my man, i am also a writer (chronic fapping seems to be a part of our job description i guess :P ). In the past, how have you coped with brain-fog during a reboot? I have really struggled with it of late as it saps all my strength and motivation to work.