Author Topic: Matthew's Journal  (Read 2473 times)

Matthew074

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Matthew's Journal
« on: June 03, 2014, 04:21:12 PM »
Hello  everyone just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Matt and I have been using PMO since age 12. Last October I realized I had a problem and quit for about 70 days. Relapsed and went another 70 days while reading stories and lurking around nofap. Now after another binge of relapses I realize I can't do this on my own. I was wondering if this site has accountability partners? Because I could sure use one.

 I also plan to get active on here to help support everyone else as long as I can get support from others when tough days come about! Let's all overcome this and live life the real way!

I made this account and started yesterday. Porn is not an option. Canceling my internet again and and not allowing to go on my computer in my own home. I have to go out into my apartment lobby or to a library. I've made this sacrifice before and I have made it to 70 days twice because of it. But both times around 60-70 days my brain started saying, "you're recovered, you're in complete control, you've achieved your goal, you can now have your computer back in your apartment again now that you're in control" But after both times temptations crept in and kept coming in until inevitable relapses. This will not happen again. Period.

Matthew074

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: Matthew's Journal
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2014, 09:49:14 AM »
Good morning world. My ultimate goal is to be completely celibate until I attract and marry a beautiful loving woman. My mini goal is 100 straight days and I have the nofap revolution app on my phone as a counter so that I can check my progress everyday.

 I'm reading a book called awaken the giant within and it states that the majority of the time humans don't use logic and the only reason humans do anything is to change how they're feeling. Us humans only do things to the avoid pain and to gain pleasure.  Author also has a step by step formula to break any bad habit such as this or smoking or drugs etc. He says the best way to kill a habit is to tie enough emotional pain to your bad habit so that you hit your emotional threshold and never want to do it again. Examples in the book include a pair of overweight women who couldn't stick to their diet. Then after a few failures they couldn't take the misery anymore so they both declared that if they do not stay to their diet and succeed, they will both eat a can of dog food. They succeeded because the idea of eating dog food was more painful than not working out and eating right.. It goes way more in depth in the book but that's the basis of it. It's a great book thus far and I'd recommend it in a heartbeat.

Didn't use pmo, however had sexual dreams last night. Going to try and find a way to stop these dreams.
My motivational quote of the day. If you think you can, you can! If you think you can't, you can't!

Bruin1992

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 4
    • View Profile
Re: Matthew's Journal
« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2014, 08:14:45 PM »
Are sexual dreams bad? I look at them as a good thing. My brain telling me it wants sex. Just as long as I don't do anything about it in the morning I should be good right? I remember as a 14 year old having sexual dreams just about every night.

Matthew074

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: Matthew's Journal
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2014, 10:20:01 AM »
I'm religious so sexual dreams of women I'm just lusting for is bad to me. But even when anyone is using PMO they are imagining engaging with what they're watching. So in my opinion it's the same although you don't always have control of what you're dreaming.


Had a P talk at church community group last night and I'm not sure how accurate the info is but they said  85 percent of all men in the USA ages 18 to 30 look at P once a month and 50 percent of women also look once a month. P is also a 13 Billion dollar industry which is more than highest professional sports revenue which is the NFL around 8 billion.. Every click we make and every vid we watch is a dollar and more traffic sent which means more ads and even more vids. Pretty crazy to me since we have kids starving in the world yet we spend 13 billion on this nightmare.

Motivational quote of the day is from the book I'm reading: Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins. "The secret to success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that,  you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you. "

Have a blessed day!

Rainiegirl

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 77
    • View Profile
Re: Matthew's Journal
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2014, 10:58:26 AM »
For more horrible facts on what each click does watch this.
http://youtu.be/KhcjLLhwZjc

Matthew074

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: Matthew's Journal
« Reply #5 on: June 07, 2014, 11:22:30 AM »
YouTube is blocked on my phone. What's it about?

Feeling really fatigue today. I remember during my longer streaks I only needed 6 to 7 hours of sleep to function while off PMO. I'm still sleeping 9 to 10 hours a day just to be able to get up so hopefully within a week  or two this will change.


Quote of the day, "Things do not change; we change. " Henry David Thoreau

Matthew074

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: Matthew's Journal
« Reply #6 on: June 08, 2014, 09:58:39 PM »
Starting to have dreams of doing great things in life.  I wanna be a multi multi millionaire and run a full iron man triathlon one day.  I also just wanna start living a life of excellence and I wanna live to I'm 100! But first I must kill this habit that RUINS EVERYTHING! Is anyone else having dreams or day dreams of doing great and amazing things with their life?

Quote of the day. "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." Aristotle

Matthew074

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: Matthew's Journal
« Reply #7 on: June 10, 2014, 11:24:07 PM »
Catching myself drifting off into sexual fantasies but I instantly jump up and scream or do something weird to break the habit! I wonder how long it will take for me to take back control and rewire my subconscious.

I grew up religious going weekly but I never really believed in it 100 percent, I was just forced to go. I'm starting to read the Bible and there is so much profound wisdom to be found. I thought this whole time it was just a story about ancient times and people's claims, but wow was I wrong.

Also had a little mini mood swing with a strike of depression for a few hours but a solid nap took care of that.

91 days to go to for my first goal!

Matthew074

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: Matthew's Journal
« Reply #8 on: June 14, 2014, 11:16:06 AM »
Doing well urge wise. Killing a lot of time doing nothing though. On the fence about many things and noticing other weaknesses of mine such as indecision.



Matthew074

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: Matthew's Journal
« Reply #9 on: June 16, 2014, 11:11:44 PM »
FINALLY! Finally had a dream! A dream that I remembered! A dream that I remembered that wasn't all about girls and having sex! Not one part had to do with chasing women or having sex at all, and it was amazing! I noticed on my earlier 70 day runs that I still had wet dreams and dreamt of having sex with multiple girls all the time.  No matter what I did, it eventually tied back to having sex.

BUT! This dream! Absolutely epic! I was a master bartender on roller blades and I could entertain people and out perform everyone! It was sick. Then a girl who is very attractive that I work with fed me an appetizer in a private area and she leaned in like she was ready to kiss me.. And I leaned to about an inch away from her lips and BAM! I SMILED! Not just a little smile, my biggest smile! Then roller bladed away and she was astonished! I then kept kicking ass in my dream.

Remembering this dream from last night was eye opening for me. As I pondered across it today, I realized all my dreams I've ever had were always about girls or having sex with girls since around 5th grade-which is when I started PMO. And normally, I probably would've when in for the kiss in my dream and actually take her home or something. When I was a kid I dreamt of being a cop, a millionaire, an NBA basketball champion, and even a soldier that saved lives! I honestly felt like a kid again and it felt great!

Motivational quote "Conquer self, or be conquered by self."

Berens

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 414
    • View Profile
Re: Matthew's Journal
« Reply #10 on: June 17, 2014, 01:22:25 AM »
Wow, this is the most positive thing i have read on the the forum. Keep going and sure you will get a lot more than dreams that make you smail. Is this Anthony Robbins book is helping you to reboot?

Matthew074

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: Matthew's Journal
« Reply #11 on: June 17, 2014, 05:50:25 AM »
Hey Berens thanks for the compliment! One of my goals is to be ultra positive, help others, and lead by example. The book is helping tremendously and has a lot of insight about emotions and the human brain that just isn't common knowledge. Are you a reader? I'd recommend it although it is a longer read.

Matthew074

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: Matthew's Journal
« Reply #12 on: June 18, 2014, 01:22:45 AM »
Starting to think I have an internet and computer/cell phone addiction too. I'm finding myself always trying to get on the internet and check my emails and look at just random crap to kill time even though I just checked it all and have other stuff to do. It's like it's my escape.  Could technology and merely just the internet be ruining/rewiring all of us?