Author Topic: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)  (Read 3365 times)

Do or die

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #275 on: October 21, 2019, 10:10:08 PM »
You close to one week. It's a great achievement.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Free-man

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #276 on: October 22, 2019, 01:59:20 AM »
Keep going on the struggle man.
1 week is a big step. You're doing great.

Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #277 on: October 22, 2019, 01:05:49 PM »
Keep going dude. I know this point can be really hard but just keep on trucking and it'll get easier with time I promise!

Arthur2

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #278 on: October 22, 2019, 03:57:43 PM »
Thank you brothers. Your encouragments mean a lot.
I dont want to let you down.

Day 7

And i am doing good.


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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #279 on: October 22, 2019, 08:27:33 PM »
Congratulations on day 7. Now keep a new goal of 14 days. And start from today.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Arthur2

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #280 on: October 23, 2019, 03:08:01 PM »
Alright.
Next goal is 14 days. That would be awesome.

I can do it. Many times i have relased around day 10 to day 14, when i lose momentum, but really i shouldnt.

So today was great, i had a few P and M thoughts (which dont necessarily come at the exact same moments. Sometimes i crave watching P but not thinking about doing M, and sometimes i want to M just by touching myself but not with any picture. I fight both cravings that are different though connected.).
But i perfectly let them thoughts go.

I had a good day and am on a good mood even though my knee injury is still not fully healed, and that is a bummer in the rebooting process because i cant do kickboxing which was occupying a lot of my time and keeping me away from staying at home and be bored.

Anyway.
Hereday 8

May your journey be successful.

Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #281 on: October 23, 2019, 04:19:55 PM »
Well done on reaching 8 days. You may start to feel more balanced but be on your guard for sudden and fierce urges that take you by surprise!

Arthur2

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #282 on: October 24, 2019, 03:08:25 PM »
Yes.

Boy i started to have urge right after i reported my 8 days ! So i hardly fell asllep after that; The night was horrible. I am on the slippery slope.

DAMN !

I can't fail again ! NO !

(i havnt watched anything, i just touched myself a lot today)

F-word, S-word !
F-word again !

I am tired of relapsing, i wont relapse tonight.

Day 9

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #283 on: October 24, 2019, 07:03:46 PM »
Just fight your urges till day 9.
After that urges level decreases. And you are able to easily ignore them.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #284 on: October 25, 2019, 03:05:49 PM »
Hey bud. I know how hard it can be when those urges arise like that. Don't look at your devices and just endure the pain dude. Just sit with it if you can. You have been through worse.


Arthur2

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #285 on: November 01, 2019, 07:24:58 PM »
I relapsed i spent basically last week in my old self.

Now finaly i can say day 1 again.
24 hours clean.

Now i want to say this, guys : stop following my journal because it is always the same.

But no, i will eventually make it.

Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #286 on: November 01, 2019, 10:48:02 PM »
You did the right thing coming back on here. This means that deep in your core you know that you have to be free from this addiction, and that there is no other option for you. I commend your tenacity and strength, and always know that we are with you every step of the way, supporting you. Welcome back Arthur, and here's to a happy Day 2 tomorrow!

Arthur2

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #287 on: November 02, 2019, 06:11:51 PM »
Thank you man.
Yes absolutly. As you said there is no coming back.
I wasted a week but I like to be on nofap.
I need to succeed at this.

Now day 2 completed.

And i also feel that my knee is almost healed, so i will soon be able to start kickboxing again.

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #288 on: November 02, 2019, 11:36:32 PM »
Woop woop! :D

Arthur2

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #289 on: November 03, 2019, 07:07:28 PM »
Day 3

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #290 on: November 04, 2019, 05:48:24 AM »
Never demotivate yourself   because you are winner. Just remember the situation of your first attempt of reboot. You are not able to control yourself for just one day.
And now you doing it for 7 days. So you are already a winner. You just need to be permanent at that winner position.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Arthur2

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #291 on: November 04, 2019, 11:11:41 PM »
Damn autopilot.

Actually i am almost never in control. As soon as i have an urge, i yield to it, and either i will edge or will fap because autopilot takes over.

But yes i know i can win this.
Thank you.
So back to day 0.
I will count day 1 only when i have completed a full 24 hours.


What happened is basically i was lying in my bed after my night shift, and i couldnt fall asleep, and i started thinking about S.
I spend the next two hours trying to not think about it and fall asleep, but i couldnt.
And eventually i was so pissed that i just decided to watch a little bit of porn to placate the cravings.

I am insane.

I am literaly insane.

By the definition of insanity, which is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

But far from discouraging me, this experience i find it very interresting, because one part of my brain knows those things and doesnt want to watch P (that is why after the session i added a new website to my friend the cold turkey website blocker) and another part of my brain is that of an insane animal.

I find it very interresting to try and tame that animal. But it is also quite frightening and humbling to be so vulnerable and not in control of yourself.

Guys, dont mess with your brain.

I know a man who has demonic visions all the time every day, like rats climbing al over him, and horrible voices in his head and constant headache, and he says those things have gotten way worse when he started beeing highly involved in watching P.

Beware.
As for me i am trying to heal.
But boy i am starting to get scared.
Today i acted as a complete beast going to the slaughter.
I was helpless.
I has been a habit for soooooo many years !
At a time i wasnt even thinking about PMO (or just MO) as a potential problem and was doing it as a daily natural thing to do for soothing.
How was i misguided !

Lero, where are you ?

Where are you Lero, hero ?

I dont care if you write in your journal or not, but for love' s sake and the sake of God and fear of God, please keep fighting for your life.

Fighting for your life.
I love you people who are weak and human like me.

Arthur2

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #292 on: November 04, 2019, 11:17:34 PM »
i remember one specific time that i have succesfully controled and overcome an urge, and that was awesome, but most of the time i dont, and to be honest, my streaks are more "accidental" than voluntary.
That is to say, i add a 7 or 10 days when i happen to be too busy or just the urge doesnt come.

And dont get me wrong : those streaks are still good and an improvement compared to what i was doing before, but man when the big urge, the real urge comes, the monster, i cower and i get bullied.

That is it. I need to defeat that bully and become a grown man.

Arthur2

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #293 on: November 04, 2019, 11:24:00 PM »
It is kinda like : if i succesfully have a 10 day streak, it is because by chance i just didnt cross the path of that bully at school for 10 days.
But then each time he catches me he beats me up and i am helpless.
Very few times i was able to retaliate and keep him in check.
But i am gettin at it. I am gettin at it.

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #294 on: November 05, 2019, 02:05:11 AM »
You can do it when you learned the nature of each urge. And when you develope a plan for Fight with it.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #295 on: November 06, 2019, 01:42:42 PM »
I also need to defeat that bully, bro. Let's defeat him together!

Arthur2

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #296 on: November 06, 2019, 03:35:11 PM »
Day 2
I just forgat to update yesterday.

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #297 on: November 06, 2019, 08:17:06 PM »
I am also at day 2.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Arthur2

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #298 on: November 08, 2019, 06:00:47 PM »
Day1.
But i mean, at least 40 hours. So almost 2 days.

For me i just like to count when i have a full 24 hours day.

I relapsed just once (without P).
I fapped once.

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Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« Reply #299 on: November 08, 2019, 10:57:55 PM »
Ok keep going.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.