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stepbystep's journal

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stepbystep:
Hi everyone, this is sbs. I’m 32, and I’ve been using P since I was 13. They were mostly pictures initially on the family computer but it quickly escalated to hardcore videos. By the time I was 16 I was addicted and even got caught once by my parents. I stopped briefly before I got back again to watching regularly. I used to even do really crazy things like burn videos on dvd and watch on a bigger screen since I didn’t have my own laptop at the time. Anyway I actually have been trying to stop since 17 when I knew I had a problem. But no matter how much I promised myself, I would always go back after a week or two. Before long, I was in college and still heavily hooked.

I tried a lot of different ways to stop through college like keeping my laptop locked up over the weekend or posting in support forums like this one. But, I always found a way around it like using the college computers to access. Finally after being stuck in this cycle for years, I decided I needed help at 25. I went to online SLAA meetings and got the courage to call to a real person. That was one of the best things I ever did because having an accountability partner means I had to embarrass myself to every time I use. This person became my sponsor and helped me through the 12 steps. I came from a religious family but never really was religious so I definitely felt uncomfortable with some of the 12 steps. But, I didn't need to religious -- I just needed to believe in a higher power and that I could not do this alone. I went through all of the steps and the program and was sober for several years, which was great.

Since then I got married to a woman of my dreams. But slowly I started to think that maybe I don't have a problem. That I could masturbate like everyone else and it was okay to watch a little P. I parted ways with my sponsor and things got worse for me. It wasnt as bad as it was before but I never felt happy. Add to all of that I started experiencing ED and couldn't perform like usual with my wife. I held on to the belief that it has nothing to do with P and MB for many months. Finally I'm back here and ready to give it another try.

stepbystep:
Came here because of a temptation. It's escape from work. Now getting right back to it.

stepbystep:
Another one of those temptation. I'm frustrated about something I have to finish for work.

CB:
Good thing you’ve decided to kick porn and get a healthy view on sex and living. How’s it going?
Hope you’re keeping in there, temptations are many, and I get them everyday, they’re stronger when we tend to feel bad about something or frustrated.

stepbystep:
Thanks for dropping by CB! Definitely, I have temptations every day. They are just thoughts. That does not mean I act on them! Today I had quite a few because I was stressed. Feeling a lot better now. Onwards and upwards.

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