Author Topic: Is better to have a girlfriend/ or try to get one while rebooting?  (Read 387 times)

Dave the Chemist

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Hi, everyone! I need the advice...

I Just found out I have erectile dysfunction!!!
I grew up in a pretty religious environment, like no sex before marriage, no kissing, no dating e.t.c but I always watched porn, secretly. Finally last week I decided to have real sex and lose my virginity but nothing happened, My penis...I can't even describe it. it was as dead. and I am a completely healthy young man, but after I came home I started searching for answers and now I am here so thanks to Gabe and the community for creating this! 

Now I am in the process of rebooting.

My question is if a girlfriend or getting a girlfriend could help with rebooting processes?

Redfire03

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First off how old are you and when did you start watching porn heavily?

Dave the Chemist

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I am 23,

I was introduced to porn when I was 13.
And I tried to watch it as less as possible so about once or twice a week.

Pete McVries

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Rewiring is essential in becoming healthy again. But I'd advise to go at least 40-60 days without PMO before you start trying having sex. You can date before though and get intimate but my general advice is to take it rather slowly and not put additional pressure on yourself. Who is the person you tried to have sex with? A potential partner? And don't get discouraged, ED is a fucking scary thing but it can be fixed if you reboot properly.
Eight months clean and counting...

Redfire03

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As Pete said I would stay away awhile and give yourself time to heal. First off and dont worry about women right now.. worry about yourself.  The longer you put this off the worse it will get.

Dave the Chemist

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Thank guys for the support!

The girl who I wanted to have sex with... I wasn't considered to have a serious relationship but I feel she really likes me, she is very cool, nice, cute and supportive. She acted so chill during my "Plateau" and pretend it that everything is ok and then really thank me for the evening  :)

But the thing is I haven't had any relationship for more than 4 years. Porn fuckep me up pretty bad so I don't even want to have a girlfriend.

I just don't know if I should ask her out and tell her that I have PIED so she understands so that she could help me with my rebooting process or I should just NOT tell her anything and just say, "let's be friends" or something and then after about two months if she will get a boyfriend or something I will find someone to have sex to test if I healed.
That was pretty scary when a girl who you attracted is laying all nacked in front of you and you can't do anything!!! I don't want to experience that again!




Redfire03

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Man trust me I understand.

Pete McVries

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Thank guys for the support!

The girl who I wanted to have sex with... I wasn't considered to have a serious relationship but I feel she really likes me, she is very cool, nice, cute and supportive. She acted so chill during my "Plateau" and pretend it that everything is ok and then really thank me for the evening  :)

But the thing is I haven't had any relationship for more than 4 years. Porn fuckep me up pretty bad so I don't even want to have a girlfriend.

I just don't know if I should ask her out and tell her that I have PIED so she understands so that she could help me with my rebooting process or I should just NOT tell her anything and just say, "let's be friends" or something and then after about two months if she will get a boyfriend or something I will find someone to have sex to test if I healed.
That was pretty scary when a girl who you attracted is laying all nacked in front of you and you can't do anything!!! I don't want to experience that again!

You could benefit immensely from spending time with her. From your description she sounds like a nice girl and you didn't want to have sex with her by chance, did you? Also, you don't have to decide now, if you want to have a serious relationship with her right away.

Here is an idea: You could tell her that you prefered to take things slow and that you are a little nervous when it comes to sex. Tell her you find her attractive and you like her and you would like to spend time with her but you want to save having sex(or penetration) with her for later. That doesn't mean you can't get intimate with her. You can satisfy her, make her feel good, trust me she won't complain about having a good time.

This will take a lot of pressure of your shoulders. I'd strongly advise against telling her about the whole PORN/PIED shenanigans. Worst case is she won't believe any of it. It's a rather new concept and I suspect it's hard for some people to believe. Stick to being nervous that wouldn't even be a lie. She also might find it cute as it can be interpreted as a complimen (you are nervous, ergo it means something to you).

All the while avoid porn and masturbation like the plague and just try to enjoy spending time with this girl without thinking about performing or pied or so. If you are not meditating, now might be a good time to start it to calm your mind.

Take care! And thanks for involving me in your prayers. I can use any ally available ;)
Eight months clean and counting...

Dave the Chemist

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Thanks for the wise advise Pete!

beni88

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It's easier when you're alone, but better with gf

Decaptare

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Re: Is better to have a girlfriend/ or try to get one while rebooting?
« Reply #10 on: August 06, 2019, 08:59:36 AM »
I think is better to have a girlfriend because it motivates you don't  relapsing. It worked for me. When you are alone perhaps sex is not a possibility, so your brain can't see why you should do that.