squid's journal

[BlueHeronFan]

Thanks, squid! You put it really well, even sleeping is work on recovery (how many nights of sleep did I lose to binges?)

I'm grateful you've shared your journey with us! Keep it going!

[squid]

Day 149:
40.8% of 2019 with no pmo


I've been feeling a lot of conviction about two things.  My recent poor work ethic at work and my vast amount of time gaming.  If I could, I would dedicate set areas of time to make progress on my dreams.  I haven't been making any progress on Korean or the blog but my relationship and the fitness have been going well.  Without giving up the gaming I don't think I have enough time or focus to make my plan happen.  If it doesn't work out that's something I can accept.  But if the dream doesn't happen because I am spending all my free time hiding in overwatch to appease my internal resistance.  Well, I'm not okay with that. 

[quitforeverthenwin2]

Man congrats on the a solid 2018.

I definitely support your idea of cutting out the video games, man those things are time vampires. Glad you mentioned it, because I have been sacrificing a lot of time to my own time vampires (watching not even so entertaining videos). For me it's like, I can do that stuff for hours and it feels like the time just disappeared, no gratification after, just time gone.

Cutting that stuff can be so gratifying, so much awesome shit out there to do.

[squid]

Man congrats on the a solid 2018.

I definitely support your idea of cutting out the video games, man those things are time vampires. Glad you mentioned it, because I have been sacrificing a lot of time to my own time vampires (watching not even so entertaining videos). For me it's like, I can do that stuff for hours and it feels like the time just disappeared, no gratification after, just time gone.

Cutting that stuff can be so gratifying, so much awesome shit out there to do.

Running to Korea day 1

Time vampires, that's a great name for it.  Yeah it's different when I play with my old friends for a few hours on a weekend after I've gotten what I need to do done.  That's fun.  But when the vampire takes the resources I need to make magic happen and I'm playing alone to zone out, that's scary. 

This weekend was the first one in a while I didn't have plans with other people.  Instead I made a plan to look for jobs and do a volunteer project.  But Friday night I played games and that rolled into Saturday and that into Sunday.  At the end of the weekend I only did like 20 minutes of work on the project and no work on job searching.  And near the end of the weekend I did my old pmo habit of playing for hours and then getting energy from mo'ing.  I didn't pmo, I mo'd thinking about my gf.  But still the habit was too close to old monster when connected to the gaming binges and that scares me.


On the whole I'm doing very well.  But I know starting the process of moving away from the gaming is an important next step.  The gaming binges were always connected to pmo for me but I couldn't leave both at once.  But now that I have pmo on the run, I can turn ba to the gaming. 

I'm am initiating a 90 day reboot of solo gaming and gaming over three hours in one day.  But I'm going to title it differently, I'm going to call it, running to Korea.  Because that time will enable me to train for my marathon and study for going to Korea for Graduate School.

Go chase the dream,

squid

Day

[BlueHeronFan]

I really like the idea of calling it Running to Korea. It's memorable and motivating!

I definitely think you're right to want to cut down on those time vampires, and I think you can really do it.

One other thing to think about is just finding a small amount of time each day to work on a goal. Even without time vampires, it can be hard to fit in the things you want to do because there are so many things you have to do. At least, my goals and dreams are always getting pushed out of the way by the things that I'm required to do regularly.

For me, one of these dreams/hobbies that I have really wanted to do was to write more. I used to write a lot, but life just got busy and I never had time for it anymore. That really got me down since I never had time to do what I wanted to do. But I made a little change and decided that I would take just 5-10 minutes to write every day before I post here. I used to feel like I had to wait until I had lots of time to work on a writing project, but that time never came. Now, I have managed to do a little bit of writing every day for 35 days, maybe not that much each day and not as much as I wish I could do. But, I have managed to write so much more in the last month than I have in the past two years put together.

This is a long way of saying small things add up over time. Don't sweat it if you can't find an hour a day to work on something. Maybe 15 minutes will do the trick, at least while you build the habit. Then you can grow from there.

Keep on running!

[squid]

Running to Korea day 1.

Good day today, work wasn't too bad, got to chat with my roommate, took a bath, and finally sat down and did a ton of work on this volunteer book project.  I need to get this done and then I can focus on studying.  This should be mostly done by Thursday though.  Didn't do any solo gaming besides a few minutes on a mobile game in the bathroom haha.  After work I normally binge overwatch but today I chatted with my roommate who said he only sees me when I take a break from overwatch.  Also I heated up dinner, set up a tablet I bought and did the bath and then worked on the project.  It was great!  Did I run or study Korean?  Nope but I am laying the ground work.  Tomorrow I workout with the gf

Stay free my friends,

-squid

[squid]

I really like the idea of calling it Running to Korea. It's memorable and motivating!

I definitely think you're right to want to cut down on those time vampires, and I think you can really do it.

One other thing to think about is just finding a small amount of time each day to work on a goal. Even without time vampires, it can be hard to fit in the things you want to do because there are so many things you have to do. At least, my goals and dreams are always getting pushed out of the way by the things that I'm required to do regularly.

For me, one of these dreams/hobbies that I have really wanted to do was to write more. I used to write a lot, but life just got busy and I never had time for it anymore. That really got me down since I never had time to do what I wanted to do. But I made a little change and decided that I would take just 5-10 minutes to write every day before I post here. I used to feel like I had to wait until I had lots of time to work on a writing project, but that time never came. Now, I have managed to do a little bit of writing every day for 35 days, maybe not that much each day and not as much as I wish I could do. But, I have managed to write so much more in the last month than I have in the past two years put together.

This is a long way of saying small things add up over time. Don't sweat it if you can't find an hour a day to work on something. Maybe 15 minutes will do the trick, at least while you build the habit. Then you can grow from there.

Keep on running!

Thanks for your thoughts, I think your idea is a good one.  Step by step we'll walk 1,000 miles.

[BlueHeronFan]

Running to Korea day 1.

Good day today, work wasn't too bad, got to chat with my roommate, took a bath, and finally sat down and did a ton of work on this volunteer book project.  I need to get this done and then I can focus on studying.  This should be mostly done by Thursday though.  Didn't do any solo gaming besides a few minutes on a mobile game in the bathroom haha.  After work I normally binge overwatch but today I chatted with my roommate who said he only sees me when I take a break from overwatch.  Also I heated up dinner, set up a tablet I bought and did the bath and then worked on the project.  It was great!  Did I run or study Korean?  Nope but I am laying the ground work.  Tomorrow I workout with the gf

Stay free my friends,

-squid

Hey, even if you didn't quite do everything you wanted to do, this definitely sounds like a better kind of day. Keep laying the groundwork, one consistent step at a time!

[squid]

Hey all, this week got rough.  I had a weird pain and went to the hospital and it took all day to be seen.  They didn't find anything wrong so that was weird.  Then after I played a bunch of solo games and was not very productive over the past two day.  I'm xutting myself some slack because of the circumstances and am starting fresh on the run to korea on Monday.  This weekend I'm hanging out with the gf . 

I got a different size condom and did some light m to try it out and wow it's incredible how I can now get hard without porn or fantasy.  It's worth the effort.

Stay free my friends,

-squid