Author Topic: squid's journal  (Read 1563 times)

Lero

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Re: squid's journal
« Reply #175 on: August 12, 2019, 04:49:04 AM »
Yeah, you know I think that's something that everyone has to decide for themselves. I can't separate MO from PMO (one always leads to the other), so it just doesn't work for me

I realized that if I MO, I get a hard chaser effect that wants porn. Vanilla MO is low in comparison to the chemical hell of porn. Sooner or later I guess I would go back to it so I don't want to play with fire. I've had a hard chaser effect yesterday after the MO session. I fought to stay away from another MO or P. I'm actually not a fan of it for a few reasons.

squid

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Re: squid's journal
« Reply #176 on: August 12, 2019, 06:57:49 AM »
I stayed away from the chaser yesterday :).  It was tough but I did it.  My body is definitely changing and I am in a new phase of the reboot where I have a libido again.
« Last Edit: August 12, 2019, 10:53:46 AM by squid »

Lero

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Re: squid's journal
« Reply #177 on: August 12, 2019, 09:15:33 AM »
I stayed away from the chaser yesterday :).  It was tough but I did it.  My body is definitely changing and I am in a new phase of the reboot were I have a libido again.

Good job, man. I did that too.

pichaelthompson

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Re: squid's journal
« Reply #178 on: August 12, 2019, 02:24:38 PM »
Congrats! Libido is definitely a good motivator for me when I'm on a streak, regardless of my girl situation. Knowing that it is something I have earned and worked for makes it that much more valuable to me, especially knowing that I can lose it at any time after a relapse. Keep it up!

squid

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Re: squid's journal
« Reply #179 on: August 12, 2019, 10:09:10 PM »
Day 37 - 8/12/19: 11pm

Thanks for the support everyone.  Did well at work today, I haven't been listening to music while working over the past few weeks and it's made a difference in my ability to focus.  On Wednesday I'm leaving for a five day vacation to the mountains of Colorado and I'm super excited. 

I found an old post by Gabe where someone asked him if he considered MO a relapse.  He said no.

 http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=1283.msg12398#msg12398.

I agree.  That doesn't mean I'm going to do it often or that I won't be careful.  But I think it was a sign of recovery feeling that strong feeling and being able to get hard super easy just to light touch.  That never would have happened a month ago.  Also I used a condom so I got more familiar with them.  They aren't so scary after all lol.  In many ways, I'm becoming more accepting of the idea of getting in an intimate relationship again.  And knowing I can get hard without p or fantasy and can put on a condom quickly and correctly, it gives me confidence. 

I did my Korean lesson tonight.  It was rough, I really need to practice and find a new plan.  I have one, instead of two 1 hour lessons a week.  I will do 4, 30 min lessons a week and study a little before and after during each of them.  I think that's realistic.

Today I didn't have any urges. 

Stay free my friends,

-squid

Lero

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Re: squid's journal
« Reply #180 on: August 13, 2019, 05:26:27 AM »
After my MO session (without porn), for two days I haven't had urges either.

achilles heel

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Re: squid's journal
« Reply #181 on: August 13, 2019, 01:58:24 PM »
Great to see you're heading towards 40 days, MO isn't a relapse, but it might lead to stronger cravings - stay aware and keep advancing!  :)

Lero

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Re: squid's journal
« Reply #182 on: August 13, 2019, 02:00:28 PM »
Great to see you're heading towards 40 days, MO isn't a relapse, but it might lead to stronger cravings - stay aware and keep advancing!  :)

Maybe because of my habit to binge on PMO and edging, the chaser effect is real. I MOed on Sunday but I had a crazy chaser effect. I'm staying away from MO too.

squid

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Re: squid's journal
« Reply #183 on: August 13, 2019, 07:36:24 PM »
Day 38 - 8/13/19: 8pm

Today, my friends, I go on the offense.  What do I mean?  I mean, I am going to play to win the game.  I am no longer playing not to lose the game.  I am switching my mindset from a defense state of mind to an offense state of mind. 

In the context of my reboot, a defense approach is clear.  It's an approach focused mainly, solely and absolutely on avoiding pmo.  It's an approach that, like a player in a sport, analyzes the opponent, identifies weaknesses in the defense, and strengthens those weaknesses.  It's a hunker down, bunker down, we will not let them score at any cost approach.  The thing is, with this approach, to use a metaphor, I will never score any points in the game.  Even if my defense is the best in the world - eventually, the opponent will score.  And the defense will weaken and weaken over time.  A defense approach identifies triggers, thinks a lot about personal struggle, and focuses mainly on avoiding pmo.

On the other hand, an offense approach to my reboot looks way different.  The life I want is to lose 30 pounds, learn Korean, find an awesome outdoorsy girlfriend, and create online content and community around exploration, confidence, bravery, travel, immersion in other cultures, sailing, long distance backpacking, goal setting, and so much more.  This new approach means I make a plan, a yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily set of goals to get to the dream.  It means my entertainment, my friends, the books I read, my focus - is on activities I value.  It means I become very intentional.  It means I become like a barnyard dog with my teeth on the ball daring anyone to stop me from running it across the goal line.  It means I become more confident, more aggressive.  It means I stop giving my power to other people, placing other people in positions to rule over me.  I refuse - I will rule me.

My values remain, but I am no longer escaping, I am running into the fear, through it, and into the life I want.  The stuff I want.  The job I want.  The body I want.  The woman I want.  I have a voice and a song to sing and I will not die with it still in me.   


I am going pro.

-squid



ps. I will be offline for 7 days while backpacking through the beautiful mountains of Colorado with a girl I am interested in.  I think she likes me too, I will find out.  Once I return, I will be switching to a one day a week posting on here.  This will give me time to create my other blog.  I'll leave you with this video of the famed Philip Zimbardo talking about why boys and men are failing.  It inspired this post along with the book "Turning Pro" by Steven Pressfield.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgAu1i6aChs

Lero

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Re: squid's journal
« Reply #184 on: August 14, 2019, 04:06:11 AM »
Good job, bro! This forum definitely needs more emoticons. A thumbs up I would like.

Re: squid's journal
« Reply #185 on: August 14, 2019, 04:43:07 AM »
Wishing you nothing but the best on your trip  :)

BlueHeronFan

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Re: squid's journal
« Reply #186 on: August 14, 2019, 05:44:07 PM »
On the other hand, an offense approach to my reboot looks way different.  The life I want is to lose 30 pounds, learn Korean, find an awesome outdoorsy girlfriend, and create online content and community around exploration, confidence, bravery, travel, immersion in other cultures, sailing, long distance backpacking, goal setting, and so much more.  This new approach means I make a plan, a yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily set of goals to get to the dream.  It means my entertainment, my friends, the books I read, my focus - is on activities I value.  It means I become very intentional.  It means I become like a barnyard dog with my teeth on the ball daring anyone to stop me from running it across the goal line.  It means I become more confident, more aggressive.  It means I stop giving my power to other people, placing other people in positions to rule over me.  I refuse - I will rule me.

This is awesome! If all we do is quit PMO, we'll just have empty space in our lives. But if we fill our lives with good habits and activities, there won't even be room for PMO. Going on the offense is a great way to put it, and it sounds like you have some awesome plans!

Especially once you start to get a longer streak going, the defensive mode becomes more automatic and doesn't require as much constant effort. I think going on the offense is exactly the right thing to do to avoid stagnating.

Lero

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Re: squid's journal
« Reply #187 on: August 15, 2019, 02:36:23 AM »
Good things, Squid. Now you can score some points after keeping the addiction's score at 0.

rob24

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Re: squid's journal
« Reply #188 on: August 15, 2019, 06:34:36 PM »
What a great idea! Instead of thinking of it as another day of hanging on, choose instead to thrive and grow! Choose new areas to concentrate on. What a good mentality, and one by which you will succeed in the long run. You have a great mindset, squid. Looking forward to catching up upon your return!