Author Topic: Why do I have no desires?  (Read 676 times)

Redfire03

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Why do I have no desires?
« on: June 27, 2019, 08:50:03 PM »
Soo I am around 450 days no pmo "hardmode". I have siever induced ED. Contact or porn does not do it for me anymore.  Even tho it's been over a year since I have had physical contact.  My big question and concern is thru the past year I have not had any urges or withdrawals from porn. I dropped it cold Turkey... I wonder why it was so easy for me. I also still have zero sex drive I want sex..but like thinking about it does nothing for me. My morning wood is deff improved and I can keep an erection standing up now. Lol hard to pee now in the mornings. But hell for the life of me I am sexually dead I feel. I spend almost every single day at the gym... I have turned my body into a rock. Like just physical rock hard body and never felt better about myself. But I still just have zero libido. Porn overwhelmed my life from 19-26 years old. 18-19 is what killed me sex life. That year I binged so bad I ended up where I am now.. can anyone give me some input. Just really would like to know if there is anything I can try or just keep trucking hardmode.

Tyr

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Re: Why do I have no desires?
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2019, 02:38:33 PM »
450 days no porn / no masturbation is tremendous.

If I were you I would try and rewire. Your morning wood is a very good sign of your brain state.

Find someone to rewire with - you don't even have to have sex (just kiss, hug etc.) You need to re-learn, re-teach your brain to be aroused by Women and with that your sex drive will grow.

If you have an orgasm with a girl keep an eye out for symptoms (libido, headaches, worse morning wood etc.). If you have negative symptoms after orgasm, keep rewiring just limit orgasms, you can even have sex without finishing.

aquarius25

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Re: Why do I have no desires?
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2019, 08:27:37 AM »
My husband never relapsed. He is about three yrs porn free. He walked away and didn't look back. He does from time to time recognize when things come up when he would have turned to pmo but it is not a big temptation. He calls those triggers because he is seeing and realizing that is a time when I would have done that but it doesn't have a strong urge it's more a realization of where changes are happening and a conscious awareness of that change. We have talk about why he was able to quit many times. I don't think there is one answer because every person is different as well as every situation but one big thing sticks out to me. He had a lot to loose, it created a big accountability in his recovery. He experienced a real awareness of the amount of damage his addiction cause and saw first hand how devastatingly crushed I was. He took ownership in that hurt and he saw how it impacted our family. I think when you realize just how much your addiction impact those you love it becomes a lot less tempting to do. It like it removed the fun and allure for him and it just became something that reminded him of how much hurt he had caused. Kinda ruins it really. This is one of the big reasons why it is important in recovery to come clean to those who you have impacted with your addiction. In doing so you are taking responsibility and ownership for your actions and you have to bear the full weight of those actions. It changes the recovery. When it is secret you don't have to deal with the consequences and as a result relapse is easier because "no one will know". You end up hurting your recovery as much as you hurt those around you. There are so many journals on here that i read that you can see this same pattern play out.

As for no desire it could be stress related/ depression. I know you are going through a very difficult time right now and a lot of stress. That has to have an impact on your libido. I wouldn't worry too much about it and if anything think of it as one less thing to worry about. You can focus on being present in all other areas. If you are really concerned then go get check out by a doc to make sure everything is ok but I am sure when life settles down your desire will come back. Lots of people experience loss of desire in high stress or depression. I am sorry again. I really hope that life starts to look up for you! I will be praying for some experiences of  joy to come your way.