Author Topic: 44 years old on the brink of falling  (Read 1033 times)

Dutchguy

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44 years old on the brink of falling
« on: June 25, 2019, 03:12:04 PM »
I am 71 days in at my reboot but I couldn’t resistent watching porn today, probably because of some personal stress. I watchers but didn’t PMO yet. Guess I am here to get some support before i do :-(

Thing is, until a day of 5 back this really was a walk in the park but suddenly heavy cravings returned....

Dutchguy

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2019, 11:29:14 PM »
I relapsed unfortunately :-(. Hard to understand why it went south zo quickly, i was really doing fine until now. Well, i guess i get back on the horse. I do not want to be controlled by porn any longer  >:(

allforone

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2019, 01:21:26 AM »
it is OK you can still do it! But try to learn sth from this relapse.

workinprogressUK

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    I get knocked down but i get up again
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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2019, 07:12:28 AM »
Sorry to read that, DG. Hope you found your horse and got back on already. Seventy days was a great achievement. I'm a little bit longer on my stretch and I understand your surprise that the triggers and cravings can still come thick and fast, even months into a recovery. We all have challenges and slips. Key piece of advice I'd offer you now, my friend, is to bounce.... don't let one slip turn into a longer relapse. Double-down on your efforts to create barriers between you and P, no matter how rudimentary or impractical they are. If you can buy yourself some time, your head will clear, you'll be able to retake control of you decision making, and you can take stock... maybe have a think about the sources of that stress? But the key think is not to throw your recovery in "the fuck-it bucket". You've achieved too much!

BlueSky72

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2019, 10:28:48 AM »
Also sorry to hear about your relapse. You had a great streak though - keep focused on your achievements! You've got to keep chipping away at this thing, eventually it will lose it's power over you.
Keep it REAL!

switched_off_again

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #5 on: June 26, 2019, 06:24:14 PM »
I've fallen off the wagon a few times... The key thing I've learnt is if you get back on quickly, then the impact is minimised. Suppose I'm stating the obvious, but never think all is lost and you are back to square one.
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

Dutchguy

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2019, 02:26:23 AM »
I relapsed 2 times and now have been clean for one day again....it’s a start....Some very stressful events happend in the past few days leading me into a moment of weakness. I will learn from this and be stronger next time

Dutchguy

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2019, 04:18:41 AM »
I am on a 22 days streak now so this is getting a serious reboot, less then 3 weeks I don’t really consider enough time and basically counts as the same relapse. My previous relapse lasted for 2 years so certainly progress is being made.
My triggers are not very different from other guys i think: Alcohol, boredom, sensory overload when seeing too much women on television, stuff like that. However in my case an important trigger, probably the most important one is i am not in a relationship and did not have sex for more then 2 years now. This is making this thing so very hard for me.
How are you other single guys dealing with this?
« Last Edit: July 20, 2019, 04:20:38 AM by Dutchguy »

Jay2019

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2019, 05:38:47 PM »
Hey.  Sorry I can't offer advice at this stage - what do I know, on day zero?!  But I'm inspired by you in having those 22 days behind you after your set back.  Thanks for posting - for what it's worth, I'll be hoping that you keep going.

Dutchguy

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #9 on: August 04, 2019, 03:47:03 PM »
38th day no PMO. But the difficult part is starting now for me. Urges are getting stronger and my Mind is tricking to trick me into “just a little looksy won’t hurt”. I know I can’t but is hard not to give in. But i know as soon as i do relapse is almost unaivoidable. Willforce is keeping me on track but for how long?

Jay2019

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #10 on: August 04, 2019, 04:49:30 PM »
38th day no PMO. But the difficult part is starting now for me. Urges are getting stronger and my Mind is tricking to trick me into “just a little looksy won’t hurt”. I know I can’t but is hard not to give in. But i know as soon as i do relapse is almost unaivoidable. Willforce is keeping me on track but for how long?

Reading about your streak was one of the things that inspired me to start this back on day one of my own attempt to quit.  15 days later and I'm starting to believe I can live without porn...not only that, I can thrive without it.  Why do you want to give up porn?  What is your 'why'?   I'm genuinely interested, but I also think we have to think about our personal motivations for doing something to rid our lives of this rubbish.

Dutchguy

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #11 on: August 22, 2019, 03:42:00 PM »
I am at 55 days today but going to a hard time  :(

One important reason to do nofap is that I finally want to be happy in a meaningful (sexual) relation which I currently don’t have and never have had really. I have always lacked the confidence to get intimate with women, and when I do I often chicken out of the relationship, maybe because I meet the wrong women, i don’t know really.
I was on a holiday the last few weeks and really tried to flirt with women I liked but they always end up liking me as a friend.

Still I was keeping my urges under control quite well. But just now looking out of the window I saw my neighbor across watching porn. Dude probably forgot to close the shutters and I couldn’t look away. Feeling pumped up right now and ready to go. I know it passes but my mind is playing all the tricks in the book again.

I need to keep strong.

Lero

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #12 on: August 22, 2019, 03:55:11 PM »
I am at 55 days today but going to a hard time  :(

One important reason to do nofap is that I finally want to be happy in a meaningful (sexual) relation which I currently don’t have and never have had really. I have always lacked the confidence to get intimate with women, and when I do I often chicken out of the relationship, maybe because I meet the wrong women, i don’t know really.
I was on a holiday the last few weeks and really tried to flirt with women I liked but they always end up liking me as a friend.

Still I was keeping my urges under control quite well. But just now looking out of the window I saw my neighbor across watching porn. Dude probably forgot to close the shutters and I couldn’t look away. Feeling pumped up right now and ready to go. I know it passes but my mind is playing all the tricks in the book again.

I need to keep strong.

Keep strong, man. Don't search for porn material no matter what. I know that you're mind is playing the tricks. I know that probably you have flashbacks with that porn that you've seen earlier, but don't search for porn, stay away from it. Give it some time and it should calm down.

Dutchguy

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #13 on: August 22, 2019, 04:05:18 PM »
Thanks Lero, I will stay clean, I know I can, this streak is 55 days and my last one lasted 72 days.
Basically in this for 127 days with only 2 days of PMO. That’s big

Lero

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #14 on: August 22, 2019, 04:07:38 PM »
Thanks Lero, I will stay clean, I know I can, this streak is 55 days and my last one lasted 72 days.
Basically in this for 127 days with only 2 days of PMO. That’s big

Wow, man! This is outstanding!  ;D

Dutchguy

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #15 on: August 22, 2019, 04:20:25 PM »
Thanks Lero, I will stay clean, I know I can, this streak is 55 days and my last one lasted 72 days.
Basically in this for 127 days with only 2 days of PMO. That’s big

Wow, man! This is outstanding!  ;D

Thanks man  :)

TJ161

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #16 on: August 23, 2019, 01:21:56 AM »
Stay strong brother. You CAN beat this. One thing seems clear: We can never think we're out of the woods. We have to always stay vigilant. Don't think of this like you're back at Day 1! You've done amazing. Pick up where you left off and keep going.

I like Jay2019's comment: Know your WHY. What is important to you about stopping?

For me, I want to get rid of my PIED - so that my wife can enjoy our sex (not that she's complaining). I also want to know that my boys don't struggle with this like I have, and if they do, I want to be able to share with them that I was able to quit PMO, and give them advice. Also, I see how my brain has been retrained to objectify women (every young woman becomes a sex thought for me) - which is pathetic. I'm tired of this crap. I want to take back control of my brain and my thinking. Finally, as a man of faith, I want to please God - which hasn't been happening. I hope these WHYs are enough for me to keep on going.

Dutchguy

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #17 on: August 24, 2019, 03:57:07 AM »
I’m doing a little bit better luckily. Yesterday I almost succumbed but I forced myself to stay on track, went for a long bike ride which certainly helped.
The urges have settled down for no but I need to remain vigilant.
Even briefly seeing some arousing images still has a very strong effect on me, i hope that this will become better over time because avoiding them altogether is so hard in today’s society.

Lero

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #18 on: August 24, 2019, 05:30:02 AM »
I’m doing a little bit better luckily. Yesterday I almost succumbed but I forced myself to stay on track, went for a long bike ride which certainly helped.
The urges have settled down for no but I need to remain vigilant.
Even briefly seeing some arousing images still has a very strong effect on me, i hope that this will become better over time because avoiding them altogether is so hard in today’s society.

That's right, man. I've been struggling with 2 things: Flashbacks/fantasies and seeing something accidently. But I've accepted the fact that I have to endure the withdrawal suffering until it ends and I will keep going. No acting out no matter what happens, no searching for material deliberately and I should be fine.

BigMog

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #19 on: August 24, 2019, 05:52:43 AM »
Hi Dutchguy, Good going. Each time you manage to step away from the temptation to PMO and do some thing else, like your bike ride, it’s a little victory that helps to reprogram your brain in the right way. Thanks for your posts, they help all of us.

Dutchguy

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #20 on: August 26, 2019, 04:09:36 PM »
In one hour I’ll reach 60 days with no PMO, and 133 days in total since I started my reboot I only relapsed 1 time in which I PMO’ed 2 times. The last few days have been smooth sailing again but I know temptations will come again so I am vigilant. Still...I’m starting to believe I will finally conquer this habit.  :)

Iloveicecream

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #21 on: August 27, 2019, 12:17:47 AM »
60 days is a very strong Thing!!!! Awesome!!!

Lero

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #22 on: August 27, 2019, 12:22:20 AM »
In one hour I’ll reach 60 days with no PMO, and 133 days in total since I started my reboot I only relapsed 1 time in which I PMO’ed 2 times. The last few days have been smooth sailing again but I know temptations will come again so I am vigilant. Still...I’m starting to believe I will finally conquer this habit.  :)

Man, this is fucking great! 60 days! The struggle pays off eventually.

Free-man

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #23 on: August 28, 2019, 03:00:09 AM »
Congrats Dutchguy!!!
60 days is an amazing number. I hope to reach that number soon.
Cheers!

Dutchguy

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Re: 44 years old on the brink of falling
« Reply #24 on: August 28, 2019, 04:26:46 PM »
I can do 60 days so i’m Sure you can too, free-man!
Please share, it helps!
« Last Edit: August 28, 2019, 04:28:46 PM by Dutchguy »