Author Topic: Women's Addiction  (Read 48484 times)

Wanttobebetter

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #50 on: May 22, 2014, 12:03:03 AM »
Kaybee, your post on the 19th was great. Half your brain saying this and half your brain saying that has got to happen to all of us , especially until we get it sorted out and take control. Don't look for 100% yet. Tomorrow strive for catching your "hey good looking..." A second earlier, next week a few seconds earlier. I caught mysel today driving down the street and saw woman who's behind caught my eye. I consciously said to myself, "...stop that!" And one second later down the street thought, "It's working, I'm gaining."
Sharing your perspective as a woman is really helpful for me. I thank you? Keep talking and everyone will keep talking back and we will help you too! We are all in this together.

Wanttobebetter

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #51 on: May 22, 2014, 12:16:50 AM »
That one tiny victory for me today was huge.

Kaybee

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #52 on: May 24, 2014, 12:27:53 AM »
do you like to read? When I quit porn years ago I found reading at my worst times helpful
I do like to read, that's a great idea!

Kaybee, your post on the 19th was great. Half your brain saying this and half your brain saying that has got to happen to all of us , especially until we get it sorted out and take control. Don't look for 100% yet. Tomorrow strive for catching your "hey good looking..." A second earlier, next week a few seconds earlier. I caught mysel today driving down the street and saw woman who's behind caught my eye. I consciously said to myself, "...stop that!" And one second later down the street thought, "It's working, I'm gaining."
Sharing your perspective as a woman is really helpful for me. I thank you? Keep talking and everyone will keep talking back and we will help you too! We are all in this together.

I read your suggestion when you posted it a couple of days ago and I've been thinking that now when I catch myself doing it. The best thing is that it's really not that hard to stop once I catch myself. The problems only begin when I allow them to.
I've been working a lot lately. This coming Tuesday will be my first and only complete day off this month. I feel really good about keeping busy. I'm tired, but it's a good kind of tired and I feel like I accomplish something each day. Back when my addiction was at its worst, I was only working around 20 hours a week and I still felt stressed all the time. I guess it shows what a difference applying yourself instead of locking yourself in front of a computer screen can make. I'm happier and more confident than I've felt in a while. The only stress in my life is that my fiance and I have had very little time to spend together. We have been arguing, but it's only little things that could be remedied by more emotional intimacy. It's tough because I know my second job is taking time away from him, but I also feel that it's taking time away from porn.

Wanttobebetter

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #53 on: May 24, 2014, 08:09:02 AM »
Kaybee, great to hear it's working. I still find myself spotting an anatomy, or the hair, or the face, but now I immediately say to myself, "no! Don't do that!" It breaks the cycle of the moment. And that moment is one our minds have learned to seek and revel in over for years. Now we have to be stronger than that moment and make it stop right there. That object over there is a woman, not just a curvy anatomy! Selfishly, taking control of that moment really gives a sense of normalcy in my life which leads to increased self worth and self confidence. And it is also a great feeling to simply respect that other human being rather than  ogle and fantasize like the stereotypical hobo with nothing on under his raincoat.
The whole rewire is a total win. We win because we are taking back control. We win because the victory helps our image of self. We win because our brains are rewiring to see humanity, not just sexuality. And perhaps most importantly, we win because women win. Bless women. Bless the woman in my life. She brings me stability and guidance and balance. Now I will be able to give her undivided attention and respect and focused love.  I am clearly not there yet, but dammit I'm making strides and success comes from success!  I encourage others to try this approach. It is honest and it causes the pauses. And pauses are all we need, for now. Pauses give us moments to just think.
« Last Edit: May 24, 2014, 10:19:47 AM by Wanttobebetter »

Questions

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #54 on: May 25, 2014, 11:13:43 AM »
Hello, Im new to the forums, and I really need some help....could anybody here read my post that I made today in this section of the forums? I really need help...please...thanks

Wanttobebetter

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #55 on: May 25, 2014, 11:59:46 AM »
We're here for you, Questions. Where is your post ? Or just write your problems here and we can understand what ails you and your fears and get about giving you some help!

Kaybee

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #56 on: May 27, 2014, 02:54:17 AM »
Here we are, day 18!! :D This was around the same time I slipped up last time, so I am proud to report that I am going strong. I did have a little lapse in my mind today. I was reflecting to myself how I always used to search for the "perfect" video. I obviously never found it because the nature of pornography is to keep you searching for new images and to not settle with one image forever. But thinking of that made me remember two videos that I had considered "near perfect". I let myself remember them for around 30 seconds before I mentally slapped myself in the face. Then just now as I was writing this I remembered them again and allowed myself around 10 seconds. So thanks to Wantobebetter for the advice on stopping yourself quicker each time! I'm competitive, so making it a challenge like that really helps.
Now, I had made a comment on Question's journal talking about how I have been avoiding the topic of my watching lesbian porn. It was something that made me really uncomfortable as a heterosexual woman and I didn't know how to address it. I want to be clear that I am attracted to women within the context of pornography (which is designed to entice) and not in real life. I view this as a symptom of porn addiction, as it wasn't present in my life before that. I just think it's really funny that I was debating how to admit it when Questions left her comment, then I admitted it, and then this VERY NIGHT, I was flirted with by a lesbian woman! Never in my life have I experienced that, but it was a relief to me that other than being very flattered, I felt nothing for this woman who was admittedly very pretty. Talk about God's perfect timing and sense of humour! Admit it was a struggle and immediately be presented with an opportunity to overcome the struggle. LOL!  So suffice it to say that I feel more confident than ever that porn changed my personality, but I am changing it back.

Kaybee

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #57 on: June 02, 2014, 02:50:50 AM »
24 days! My best so far, and so so so close to my goal! It's cool to be able to say that each day is beating my personal best. :P 31 days? I've got this. My only question is how to choose a new goal after I beat this one?

Bibbity

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #58 on: June 02, 2014, 11:16:50 AM »
24 days! My best so far, and so so so close to my goal! It's cool to be able to say that each day is beating my personal best. :P 31 days? I've got this. My only question is how to choose a new goal after I beat this one?

Booya!!!!!
In order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn.”
― Octavia E. Butler

Gabe Deem

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #59 on: June 02, 2014, 12:48:34 PM »
@ Kaybee
Quote
24 days! My best so far, and so so so close to my goal! It's cool to be able to say that each day is beating my personal best. :P 31 days? I've got this. My only question is how to choose a new goal after I beat this one?

Congrats Kaybee! We are all rooting for you and believe in you. You and I both know life and pleasure are better experienced away from porn. Don't ever forget the fact that giving up porn is not about missing out on pleasure, but about experiencing more pleasure and joy.

You are doing great!

My advice on choosing a new goal is double it. Go for two months. Then four and so on. At some point I would stop setting a goal and except the mindset that porn is something you simply won't ever intentionally watch again because you simply do not desire it.

Much love
« Last Edit: June 08, 2014, 08:53:36 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Mojo

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #60 on: June 03, 2014, 10:15:48 AM »
Hi Kaybee, read through much of your journal this morning.  So many of your posts hit the nail square on the head for me.  Thank you for sharing and good luck meeting your goals.

Kaybee

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #61 on: June 08, 2014, 12:21:08 PM »
;D  :o WOOPWOOP! :D  ::)
I did it! Thanks so much for supporting me through this first month, every body! I already feel like a different person than I did a month ago. I feel a lot less angry and frustrated, and I've noticed a difference in the way that I look at other people. I have urges to look at porn a lot less, and when I do it gets easier to say no.  I cannot believe how incredibly long this month felt. At the beginning of my reboot I said that it would be no problem to go a month without, but I was clearly wrong. It makes me wonder when the last time I went a full 31 days without porn really was. Scary! But I think you are right Gabe, I'm going to double my goal for this next portion. I should work towards my lifetime as the goal, but for right now the competitive part of me is enjoying the challenge of 62 days. Mojo, I'm sad and glad to hear that you relate to my journal. Sad because my story really sucks, and glad because I feel amazing right now and you have to chance to feel great too. Where are you at right now? Are you starting a reboot?

Bibbity

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #62 on: June 08, 2014, 08:26:47 PM »
I am so happy for you!!   ;D ;D
In order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn.”
― Octavia E. Butler

Gabe Deem

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #63 on: June 08, 2014, 08:58:21 PM »
@ Kaybee
Quote
I feel amazing right now

Congrats on a month! Keep the ball rolling for 62.. and life. Remember the amazing feeling, because life has ups and downs, so it is important remember how you achieved your "ups" and what led to your "downs."
Twitter and Instagram @gabedeem

Kaybee

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #64 on: June 13, 2014, 01:54:36 PM »
I've made a series of missteps lately, but fortunately none of them have ended in a relapse. Unfortunately, the images in my mind have come back and we all know how hard those are to get rid of. In the past 35 days or so I've only M'd 3 times, all without O-ing. The first 2 times I was able to keep my thoughts on my fiancee and I, but this last time an image came into my mind that was so disturbing it made me stop and cry. I am sick of having these thoughts. I thought I was over it. The idea that part of my mind would find that arousing disgusts me to my core. To try and get it out of my head, I resorted to looking at bikini pictures - bad call! I stopped myself after a minute and did not MO. So this has been a week of ups and downs, just like Gabe predicted.  Okay - what lead to my downs? M-ing, which was caused by flirting with men who I shouldn't have been looking at.  What lead to my ups? Sticking strong and not allowing myself to ruin all my progress. Learning how to say no to myself. Not letting myself slip into apathy again.
I dunno... still feels like downs. This image in my head is making me feel like I watched porn recently and I have trouble believing I didn't.

Bibbity

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #65 on: June 14, 2014, 12:16:07 PM »
This is what I like to call "extinction bursts".  When you are getting rid of a habit your brain will go through a sudden resurgence of stimuli to get you to go back to the "old ways".  It comes on strong and intense so you are doing amazingly well!!  Even though you made a poor choice to try and get rid of the image you managed to still hold strong. 

Those images will fade in time and don't judge yourself for it popping up.  YOU are in control now.  They aren't going to make you do anything and they aren't going to make you feel bad about yourself anymore.
In order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn.”
― Octavia E. Butler

Kaybee

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #66 on: June 19, 2014, 12:41:37 PM »
Right now it's really hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that this is an addiction and I will never be able to go back to watching porn casually. As much as I hate everything about it, in this moment I also really miss it.
I told a friend about my porn addiction yesterday. He talks about porn constantly and is always making me cringe with his stories. I started by saying, "You know, porn addiction is a real thing. Do you ever think that you watch too much?" and he replied with something like, "You can never have too much!"  He changed the subject and after a while porn came up again and I said, "I have to be honest with you, I suffer from porn addiction, I'm 40 days clean, and you talk about porn waaaay too much". He went, "Are you serious?" then said, "Well you don't have to be ashamed, you know" which was very nice. But then he said that he figures only religious people like me are bothered by it, and we're the only ones who claim to have an addiction. So I told him about this group, and how there are a lot of guys here who quit because they got E.D. and he changed the subject so fast I got whiplash. I don't see him bringing it up again, and I kind of regret telling him.  :-\

Bibbity

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #67 on: June 19, 2014, 09:29:32 PM »
Kaybee I would say your friend probably had a 'lightbulb' moment there when you mentioned ED.  He might be in YBOP right now ;)

Anyway I don't think you should feel bad about telling him.  Vulnerability and honesty are always the best policies when battling addiction.  Letting the light shine in, instead of the shadowy secrets is the way out.  You did great!
In order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn.”
― Octavia E. Butler

PMOVictory

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #68 on: June 29, 2014, 07:21:23 PM »
Hi Kaybee
Thank you for sharing your story. It sure made it easier for me to give more detail on my story. Hope it is going good with your reboot.
I'm so glad to have read about how you just did not give up, and how you after each relapse just picked yourself up and went for it. Surely it is a great inspiration for everyone and all can learn a valuable lesson from it.
It's been a while since your last post. Hope that you are still keeping it up, especially now that you are so close to your 62nd day goal.
 8)


lilnavadaa

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #69 on: July 02, 2014, 01:11:19 AM »
Hello sister I too am a fellow christian and have felt that extreme shame of my involvement in porn read my story lilnavadaa life in darkness.. don't kill yourself that won't be good when u go before the Judge.. I have also felt that despair its sucks so badly.. NEVER give up!! Thank you for sharing your story ..really it helps with my struggle..

Good luck sister .. there is light:)

LarrySheets

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #70 on: July 02, 2014, 01:13:57 PM »
Right now it's really hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that this is an addiction and I will never be able to go back to watching porn casually. As much as I hate everything about it, in this moment I also really miss it.
I told a friend about my porn addiction yesterday. He talks about porn constantly and is always making me cringe with his stories. I started by saying, "You know, porn addiction is a real thing. Do you ever think that you watch too much?" and he replied with something like, "You can never have too much!"  He changed the subject and after a while porn came up again and I said, "I have to be honest with you, I suffer from porn addiction, I'm 40 days clean, and you talk about porn waaaay too much". He went, "Are you serious?" then said, "Well you don't have to be ashamed, you know" which was very nice. But then he said that he figures only religious people like me are bothered by it, and we're the only ones who claim to have an addiction. So I told him about this group, and how there are a lot of guys here who quit because they got E.D. and he changed the subject so fast I got whiplash. I don't see him bringing it up again, and I kind of regret telling him.  :-\

You shouldn't regret telling him! I wish a girl friend of mine had brought that up with me. It would have moved me to start making changes years before I have. Good for you for being corageous!

Kaybee

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #71 on: July 04, 2014, 05:53:42 PM »
No worries, people! I'm still here and still going strong. I've been keeping myself busy and earning some extra money by working six or seven day weeks. Needless to say I have been way too tired to write a new post lately, but I have still been coming on here and reading journals. I've been listening to the YourBrainOnPorn radio show too; if you haven't heard it you should check it out. It's really cool to hear other people talking out loud about this issue.
5 days to go until I reach 2 months! I'm kind of in awe. It feels like so much longer.  The last update about my friend I told is pretty much in the same place still. We haven't had time to hang out lately, but we've texted so I guess he wasn't too weirded out. He hasn't brought anything up about porn though.

I had an interesting encounter three days ago. I work at a place that lets me meet a lot of people from all over the world, and I met three young women from Quebec. I was excited because I speak French but I don't have a lot of opportunities to use it. As soon as I finished my first interaction with them however, my coworker informed me that they were prostitutes. Apparently we get a lot of young women from Quebec, and nearly all of them are sex workers. I was so, so, so disappointed to learn that because I had really gotten along with them. Unfortunately as the night went on I saw them come back wearing skimpy outfits, with men following them. It made me realize that I have a very strong connection with women in that situation because of my experience with webcams. I see us as both being sex workers, which is something I never really thought about myself before. I just wanted to talk to them and make sure that they were okay, and to tell them that if they wanted to get out that there are ways to get out. I wanted to tell them about how I hated myself, and wanted to kill myself, but how I made a change and now I love my life. I called my fiancee and told him about them, and we prayed for them and I just started bawling. It made me realize that I have a need to help women in that kind of situation. I've always known that God allowed me to put myself through that horrible experience for a reason. I used to think it was so I could warn other girls, but now I wonder if I'm supposed to help sex workers. It's a scary thought, and I don't even know where I would begin!
On a personal level, I haven't been too tempted to watch pornography as of late. Obviously I've been tempted, but not TOO tempted. :P  I have been M'ing more frequently (#awkwardthingsyouonlyadmitonline) but I'm glad to say that the unwelcome images I mentioned before haven't come back. If my mind wanders it's because I'm allowing it to, and I can quickly make myself stop. I gotta say, it feels good to be back in control.

Viper

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #72 on: July 06, 2014, 11:02:12 PM »
No worries, people! I'm still here and still going strong. I've been keeping myself busy and earning some extra money by working six or seven day weeks. Needless to say I have been way too tired to write a new post lately, but I have still been coming on here and reading journals. I've been listening to the YourBrainOnPorn radio show too; if you haven't heard it you should check it out. It's really cool to hear other people talking out loud about this issue.
5 days to go until I reach 2 months! I'm kind of in awe. It feels like so much longer.  The last update about my friend I told is pretty much in the same place still. We haven't had time to hang out lately, but we've texted so I guess he wasn't too weirded out. He hasn't brought anything up about porn though.

I had an interesting encounter three days ago. I work at a place that lets me meet a lot of people from all over the world, and I met three young women from Quebec. I was excited because I speak French but I don't have a lot of opportunities to use it. As soon as I finished my first interaction with them however, my coworker informed me that they were prostitutes. Apparently we get a lot of young women from Quebec, and nearly all of them are sex workers. I was so, so, so disappointed to learn that because I had really gotten along with them. Unfortunately as the night went on I saw them come back wearing skimpy outfits, with men following them. It made me realize that I have a very strong connection with women in that situation because of my experience with webcams. I see us as both being sex workers, which is something I never really thought about myself before. I just wanted to talk to them and make sure that they were okay, and to tell them that if they wanted to get out that there are ways to get out. I wanted to tell them about how I hated myself, and wanted to kill myself, but how I made a change and now I love my life. I called my fiancee and told him about them, and we prayed for them and I just started bawling. It made me realize that I have a need to help women in that kind of situation. I've always known that God allowed me to put myself through that horrible experience for a reason. I used to think it was so I could warn other girls, but now I wonder if I'm supposed to help sex workers. It's a scary thought, and I don't even know where I would begin!
On a personal level, I haven't been too tempted to watch pornography as of late. Obviously I've been tempted, but not TOO tempted. :P  I have been M'ing more frequently (#awkwardthingsyouonlyadmitonline) but I'm glad to say that the unwelcome images I mentioned before haven't come back. If my mind wanders it's because I'm allowing it to, and I can quickly make myself stop. I gotta say, it feels good to be back in control.


There is this saying that water seeks it's own level. Through your lens, these 3 young women seem
normal because for you at one point, that was normal. At least at the webcam level but even you say yourself you
were a sex worker of sorts in a way.


My advice on helping prostitutes is reaching out to organizations who's mission is to help these ladies turn their lives around.
It's not as easy as befriending them and trying to convince them that they're living a destructive life.


Kaybee

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #73 on: July 10, 2014, 03:56:22 AM »
Quote
There is this saying that water seeks it's own level. Through your lens, these 3 young women seem
normal because for you at one point, that was normal. At least at the webcam level but even you say yourself you
were a sex worker of sorts in a way.


My advice on helping prostitutes is reaching out to organizations who's mission is to help these ladies turn their lives around.
It's not as easy as befriending them and trying to convince them that they're living a destructive life.

I didn't mean I think that being a prostitute is normal, I meant that they are just average women. If life had been different for them, they could have been anything and anyone. If you help them get away from the bedroom, they can be anyone the want to be. Conversely, any one of us, if placed in their situations, might have chosen the same career.

Kaybee

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #74 on: July 10, 2014, 04:17:10 AM »
2 months!!!  Did I think at the start of my reboot that I would get here? Heck yes, I thought it would be easy. The surprising part was how long it took, and how hard it really was. I think I thought that the start would be easy and it would get harder the longer I went, but it's turning out to be the opposite.  I just typed "some days I don't even think about porn", but I had to erase it. That's not true yet, but I feel like it will be in time. Each day has its ups and downs, with an overall trend towards recovery. I'm reading more, I'm working harder, I'm exercising ... I'm still putting off laundry, but nobody's perfect.... and I just feel all-around better about myself. I look in the mirror and don't think about other women's flat stomachs and awe-inspiring bottoms. I also don't think "BBW", I just think "Nice. Nice work, genetics."  Is that due to quitting porn? Who knows, but it's new and it's nice. 
So that friend I told about my addiction? He's probskies reading this update sometime soon. (Hey you! Thanks for supporting me!) We talked again, and he told me again how he doesn't think I need to be embarrassed to tell people. I know that in theory, but it's still nice to be reminded. Now the only thing I need to be embarrassed about is that I showed him my journal and then realized a few hours later that I totally have updates about M-ing..... Haha... Awkward!  Oh well, it's just good to have more support.  If you guys reading this haven't told anyone, I suggest doing so. It takes away that feeling of alienation, and honestly I think most people would understand. So far I'm shooting 3 for 3. Don't be a chicken, just do it!