do you like to read? When I quit porn years ago I found reading at my worst times helpful
Kaybee, your post on the 19th was great. Half your brain saying this and half your brain saying that has got to happen to all of us , especially until we get it sorted out and take control. Don't look for 100% yet. Tomorrow strive for catching your "hey good looking..." A second earlier, next week a few seconds earlier. I caught mysel today driving down the street and saw woman who's behind caught my eye. I consciously said to myself, "...stop that!" And one second later down the street thought, "It's working, I'm gaining." Sharing your perspective as a woman is really helpful for me. I thank you? Keep talking and everyone will keep talking back and we will help you too! We are all in this together.
24 days! My best so far, and so so so close to my goal! It's cool to be able to say that each day is beating my personal best. 31 days? I've got this. My only question is how to choose a new goal after I beat this one?
I feel amazing right now
Right now it's really hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that this is an addiction and I will never be able to go back to watching porn casually. As much as I hate everything about it, in this moment I also really miss it. I told a friend about my porn addiction yesterday. He talks about porn constantly and is always making me cringe with his stories. I started by saying, "You know, porn addiction is a real thing. Do you ever think that you watch too much?" and he replied with something like, "You can never have too much!" He changed the subject and after a while porn came up again and I said, "I have to be honest with you, I suffer from porn addiction, I'm 40 days clean, and you talk about porn waaaay too much". He went, "Are you serious?" then said, "Well you don't have to be ashamed, you know" which was very nice. But then he said that he figures only religious people like me are bothered by it, and we're the only ones who claim to have an addiction. So I told him about this group, and how there are a lot of guys here who quit because they got E.D. and he changed the subject so fast I got whiplash. I don't see him bringing it up again, and I kind of regret telling him.
No worries, people! I'm still here and still going strong. I've been keeping myself busy and earning some extra money by working six or seven day weeks. Needless to say I have been way too tired to write a new post lately, but I have still been coming on here and reading journals. I've been listening to the YourBrainOnPorn radio show too; if you haven't heard it you should check it out. It's really cool to hear other people talking out loud about this issue.5 days to go until I reach 2 months! I'm kind of in awe. It feels like so much longer. The last update about my friend I told is pretty much in the same place still. We haven't had time to hang out lately, but we've texted so I guess he wasn't too weirded out. He hasn't brought anything up about porn though. I had an interesting encounter three days ago. I work at a place that lets me meet a lot of people from all over the world, and I met three young women from Quebec. I was excited because I speak French but I don't have a lot of opportunities to use it. As soon as I finished my first interaction with them however, my coworker informed me that they were prostitutes. Apparently we get a lot of young women from Quebec, and nearly all of them are sex workers. I was so, so, so disappointed to learn that because I had really gotten along with them. Unfortunately as the night went on I saw them come back wearing skimpy outfits, with men following them. It made me realize that I have a very strong connection with women in that situation because of my experience with webcams. I see us as both being sex workers, which is something I never really thought about myself before. I just wanted to talk to them and make sure that they were okay, and to tell them that if they wanted to get out that there are ways to get out. I wanted to tell them about how I hated myself, and wanted to kill myself, but how I made a change and now I love my life. I called my fiancee and told him about them, and we prayed for them and I just started bawling. It made me realize that I have a need to help women in that kind of situation. I've always known that God allowed me to put myself through that horrible experience for a reason. I used to think it was so I could warn other girls, but now I wonder if I'm supposed to help sex workers. It's a scary thought, and I don't even know where I would begin! On a personal level, I haven't been too tempted to watch pornography as of late. Obviously I've been tempted, but not TOO tempted. I have been M'ing more frequently (#awkwardthingsyouonlyadmitonline) but I'm glad to say that the unwelcome images I mentioned before haven't come back. If my mind wanders it's because I'm allowing it to, and I can quickly make myself stop. I gotta say, it feels good to be back in control.
There is this saying that water seeks it's own level. Through your lens, these 3 young women seemnormal because for you at one point, that was normal. At least at the webcam level but even you say yourself youwere a sex worker of sorts in a way.My advice on helping prostitutes is reaching out to organizations who's mission is to help these ladies turn their lives around.It's not as easy as befriending them and trying to convince them that they're living a destructive life.
Author
Topic: Women's Addiction (Read 50334 times)
