Author Topic: Women's Addiction  (Read 48047 times)

Yelashade

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #175 on: April 22, 2015, 06:23:19 AM »
Hey Kaybee,

Long time no chat. From what I've seen so far, you've been struggling a lot really. You know what I've found, since going off P so long? It's not the act or the triggers so much, but the mental issues we deal with. You're under a lot of stress and with being sexually assaulted, college, this and that... it's all becoming a bit too much.

ntg is right: you're trying too hard to not watch P and you're not addressing the issues at hand directly. That should be your starting point in your MENTAL recovery. Only then can you truly close out your affiliation with P. You've gone through a period of no PMO, so you've seen the benefits. Are YOU ready to see those benefits again? Ready being the subjective word here, of course. When you are, you'll want it more and more.

I hope you find your way again :)
"Take me to a place, where I can't feel my face, and I'm half the man I think I'm supposed to be." - Krizz Kaliko


emctransformer

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #176 on: April 29, 2015, 06:47:06 PM »
Hey K, what's going on?  Fill us in, whatever is happening.  You know we are all here and we are all supporting you, whatever is going on.

powerlift225

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #177 on: May 11, 2015, 01:07:33 AM »
Oh my goodness.  Thank God you're still here with us!  I really appreciated your story.  Your post is literally the first female post I've read.  I wasn't sure what women were going through as opposed to the male side of things.  Thank you so much for sharing.  It is a very good thing for men to see what's happening with women. 

Good share.

Sincerely,

powerlift225
"Know why you do what you do"

"If you really want something, you'll find a way...if you don't, you'll find an excuse"

J

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #178 on: May 25, 2015, 03:42:39 AM »
I'm not doing well right now. I went back to the cams last night. I've been watch P a lot lately and hooking up with so many guys that I'm scaring myself. I feel really out of control.

Hi Kaybee. I want to say that whatever is going on, we are here for you. I am a woman who became addicted to this monster when I was in my 20's. What seemed like an innocent viewing became an escape for all the crap that was happening in my life. Although I am not someone who suffered from any sexual abuse, I did grow up with an alcoholic father and a mother who did her best to protect me from a broken home. We went from having everything to losing it all. A lot of my families emotional burden eventually fell on my shoulders, me being the youngest. It's hard to be forced to grow up quickly.

You are dealing with a lot of baggage. What I want to say is don't take on that burden alone. Whenever we  deal in porn in any shape or form, we are really delaying dealing with the real issues. They are painful to go through, but it's even worse to let them take over.

I was recently looking at some videos about porn addiction when I stumbled on a talk offered by Shelly Ludden, an ex-porn star now dedicated to rescuing those in the industry and with addictions. After viewing this video I feel like a huge tub of ice cold water has been dropped on me. It really is a powerful video, which I have posted the link here.

I hope you find this as helpful as I have.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xGdMi-oC9nM



Kaybee

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #179 on: September 24, 2015, 11:22:11 PM »
I'm back. I'm not sure if my heart is in this yet, but I feel like I'm at an okay place mentally to start trying again. Saturday is going to be my one year mark for my assault. I feel a little more distanced from everything now. I'm in my internship for teaching right now, and everything is topsy-turvy with stress and emotions, but when is life not like that? So yeah. Let's give this a go. Porn free.

BeastMode

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #180 on: September 25, 2015, 12:31:56 AM »
Hi kaybee! Since you are a Christian, maybe this quote may help you.

Quote
Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

I suggest you find an accountability partner who can you can    talk with problems. Cheers!

J

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #181 on: September 25, 2015, 01:39:23 AM »
I'm back. I'm not sure if my heart is in this yet, but I feel like I'm at an okay place mentally to start trying again. Saturday is going to be my one year mark for my assault. I feel a little more distanced from everything now. I'm in my internship for teaching right now, and everything is topsy-turvy with stress and emotions, but when is life not like that? So yeah. Let's give this a go. Porn free.

Welcome back Kaybee,

Don't beat yourself up, honestly there has to be a balance. I don't come here as often as I use to as it becomes a constant reminder that one has a battle. Instead, if you are ready to move forward, yes an accountability partner will help, but I personally recommend a life coach as well. A lot of them as therapist too. A life coach can greatly help in problem areas. I love mine, she deals with helping people get past addictions, but also other factors that impact us everyday life.

Ever since I decided to get help things have changed. It's not about focusing on the problem itself and psychoanalizing everything, it's about learning who you are again and pushing pass the obstacles that are keeping you from the balance you need.

If you are interested in checking it out I will send you an IM.



BeastMode

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #182 on: September 25, 2015, 01:56:15 AM »
J, well said!

Kaybee

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #183 on: May 03, 2016, 03:37:55 AM »
Hello Rebooters, I am back once again.
My life is a little bit more stable now, but of course I still have things that are stressing me out and making me want to head right back to PMO. I need to learn to stop waiting for "the right time" and make the time I have count. I reached a low a few months ago again and was feeling suicidal, but I told my counselor and doctor about it and now I'm properly medicated.  :o 
I purchased a vibrator, which lead to several days of multiple-hour binges with PMO, and a loss of sensitivity in my clitoris. I live alone now, which has been a blessing but also a curse in that I can sleep for 20 hours a day without anyone knowing, and I can watch porn basically any time it crosses my mind. I discovered a new favourite "channel" and actress, which added to the struggle, for sure.
I really don't like what my porn preferences say about me. I got hooked on videos of women acting younger than they are, often with older men or men who tower over them. I definitely don't have 'daddy-issues' (I have a great relationship with my dad) but these videos make me feel like something is wrong with me ... you know, other than the addiction and the depression.
On an important and exciting side note - I had sex. It was very emotional and stressing and overwhelming considering my past traumas, but also really special.  I'm only starting to understand how porn has impacted that part of things, so I'm sure I'll write more about that in the future.
Any way, it's good to be back. I have a lot of reading to catch up on around here!

Kaybee

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #184 on: May 07, 2016, 03:46:01 AM »
Currently drunk and horny af.
#realtalk
85% sure I'm not going to do anything about it.

malando

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #185 on: May 15, 2016, 02:10:27 PM »
Wow, you girls are super supportive of each other! Great to see :)

Unfortunately I'm not getting much feedback on the men's forum. But actually it seems that the issue is the same whether you are male or female, so when I'm looking for inspiration, I'll pop in and read threads like this one.

Best wishes to all!

sm

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Re: Women's Addiction
« Reply #186 on: May 15, 2016, 03:12:49 PM »
Hi Kaybee,
I totally get this part: "I got hooked on videos of women acting younger than they are, often with older men or men who tower over them. I definitely don't have 'daddy-issues' (I have a great relationship with my dad) but these videos make me feel like something is wrong with me ... you know, other than the addiction and the depression", for me It's exactly the same. It is probably because of the porn exposure, but nothing gets me hornier than that, even now that I'm getting better and I usually fantasize about real and normal sex.
good luck with your rebooting!  :)