Author Topic: Its time to really change  (Read 3299 times)

Do or die

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Its time to really change
« on: June 02, 2019, 09:12:50 AM »
Started at 7 pm at June 2
I checked my fapping frequency today. And its 16 times a month. Its horrible .really horrible. And from now i really need a strong plan to recover mentally as well as physically.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Lero

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2019, 09:37:02 AM »
This is a good step. You now know how many times you PMO in a month. Small steps still move you forward. You don't have to take big steps if you can't right now. A better approach now is to reduce the number of PMO. It's 16 a month, next month try to have fewer. Your brain will get used to less PMO. Less PMO sessions means less damage.

Lero

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2019, 09:52:44 AM »
By the way, I forgot to say this: I used to PMO between 20 and 30 times a month. So 16 is better than me. Don't be hard on yourself. Reduce the number.

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2019, 01:56:01 PM »
Relapsed again.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2019, 06:19:11 PM »
Have you started to work out a plan? It's been helpful for me to think through the benefits I get from PMO (escaping from negative emotions) and then to find healthier ways to get similar benefits (meditation, watching comedy shows). Dig deep and think about why you relapse and then start to find ways to meet that need in a healthier way.

One of the things I've started to notice in the last few months is that my relapses start happening way before I realize they're happening. I have started to learn more about my early triggers, like feeling frustrated or stuck in life, which happens way before I start having sexual fantasies that lead me to PMO. If I can catch myself when I'm having a few sexual thoughts here and there, it's way easier to correct myself than when I wait for later triggers. Once I start googling stuff, I've already lost.

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2019, 01:46:26 AM »
Thanks for reply.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2019, 01:47:28 AM »
Day 1
Want to really change myself.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Lero

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2019, 05:57:55 AM »
Do you actually have a plan that you've been following? If not, you really need to put a plan on paper and start doing it. Like this, you will keep relapsing regularly until you burn yourself out. I know because I'm coming from there. Any little success is worth noticing. Like this, you will understand that you move forward and make steps toward the recovery. Small steps still move you forward. Even crawling moves you forward. Slow progress is still progress. Even if we don't make big progress, it's not like we don't progress at all. Take me, for example. By following the plan I've advanced a little bit. It's been only 19 days since I've started this new attempt and, of course, it's been too little time to actually be completely healed. It won't work that fast. It takes some months, I guess. Those 19 days have been hectic for me. I've binged 3 times. I've PMO-ed about 20 times. It looks like a fail, right? But it's not a fail because I've learned new things. I've identified triggers and bad habits. I've seen mistakes that I will try not to make them again. It's a small progress but progress is progress at the end of the day. I will get better and learn more with time until I have all the tools to beat this. But you need a plan. You don't learn how to run a marathon without learning how to run the first mile. You get tired after the first mile so you consider the marathon a fail? How it could be a fail if you are not prepared yet? If you haven't completed the plan until the end? Willpower could carry you only a little. Do you actually think that by saying: "I will beat this, I will fight the urges" etc. you could actually do it? You need more than that. This forum, Youtube and other websites are full of advice and strategies. Read them and apply them.   
« Last Edit: June 06, 2019, 10:34:58 AM by Lero »

LeanAndBop

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2019, 09:59:10 AM »
Started at 7 pm at June 2
I checked my fapping frequency today. And its 16 times a month. Its horrible .really horrible. And from now i really need a strong plan to recover mentally as well as physically.

It could be aaa looot worse! I'm in a similar position. My plan at the moment is to seek extra support. But it is hard to know what to do, let alone put it into practice. When I relapsed today I got a real sense that I am wasting my life. I could die today... PMO makes me miserable.
Keep experimenting until you find the system that works, I think seems rational.
Wishing you all the best.

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2019, 12:55:12 AM »
Do you actually have a plan that you've been following? If not, you really need to put a plan on paper and start doing it. Like this, you will keep relapsing regularly until you burn yourself out. I know because I'm coming from there. Any little success is worth noticing. Like this, you will understand that you move forward and make steps toward the recovery. Small steps still move you forward. Even crawling moves you forward. Slow progress is still progress. Even if we don't make big progress, it's not like we don't progress at all. Take me, for example. By following the plan I've advanced a little bit. It's been only 19 days since I've started this new attempt and, of course, it's been too little time to actually be completely healed. It won't work that fast. It takes some months, I guess. Those 19 days have been hectic for me. I've binged 3 times. I've PMO-ed about 20 times. It looks like a fail, right? But it's not a fail because I've learned new things. I've identified triggers and bad habits. I've seen mistakes that I will try not to make them again. It's a small progress but progress is progress at the end of the day. I will get better and learn more with time until I have all the tools to beat this. But you need a plan. You don't learn how to run a marathon without learning how to run the first mile. You get tired after the first mile so you consider the marathon a fail? How it could be a fail if you are not prepared yet? If you haven't completed the plan until the end? Willpower could carry you only a little. Do you actually think that by saying: "I will beat this, I will fight the urges" etc. you could actually do it? You need more than that. This forum, Youtube and other websites are full of advice and strategies. Read them and apply them.
ty
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #10 on: June 09, 2019, 12:55:35 AM »
Started at 7 pm at June 2
I checked my fapping frequency today. And its 16 times a month. Its horrible .really horrible. And from now i really need a strong plan to recover mentally as well as physically.

It could be aaa looot worse! I'm in a similar position. My plan at the moment is to seek extra support. But it is hard to know what to do, let alone put it into practice. When I relapsed today I got a real sense that I am wasting my life. I could die today... PMO makes me miserable.
Keep experimenting until you find the system that works, I think seems rational.
Wishing you all the best.
ty
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #11 on: June 09, 2019, 06:19:17 PM »
Several years ago when I first started my recovery, someone explained to me that there's a difference between wishing for something and actually desiring it. When we wish, it never leaves our thoughts. When we desire something, we actually get to work and make it happen.

Let me just say that I spent a lot of time wishing I could kick this habit without actually doing specific things to hold myself accountable and make progress. It took a long time, but I eventually started to realize that I didn't really want to give up porn and that I was quietly trying to hold onto it still. When I realized that, then I could start to deal with the part of me that didn't want to give it up. I made a plan, kept track of when and why I was slipping up, and learned from what was going wrong. Like the other guys said, willpower won't do it (because, at least in the early days, a big part of you won't want to quit, so you'll have to have a plan to deal with that addicted part of you).

Just keep working and learning. Progress is possible. I'm learning that now more than ever before.

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #12 on: June 09, 2019, 10:21:40 PM »
Relapsed 2 times @ 9 and 10 june
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #13 on: June 10, 2019, 12:25:43 AM »
Started From 10 am today
Plan:
90 days planning
Day 0 : 10 june 2019
Day 1: 11 june 2019
Day 90 at 11 September
With 5 years of relapsing experience going start again with faith . with confidence on myself
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

achilles heel

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #14 on: June 10, 2019, 02:28:41 AM »
What is it that made you relapse? What are you going to change this time to make this reboot successful? And maybe it's more motivating to go step by step in terms of number of days? Start with small steps...

Try to do something different and eliminate the obstacles that made you relapse lately to get the result you want, all the best on your journey!  :)

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #15 on: June 11, 2019, 01:32:50 PM »
Relapsed again
But i less frequently relapsed this time. In past i relapsed three times a day. Now i relapsing one time a day.
Relapse is an indicate that i am addictive . so first day is very hard for me. From now 12 june is my first day. Started at dot 12 AM.
I always remember that how badly i addicted and what i lossed and missed because of this addiction. Today is first day a very important day for me. Started meditation from today. It can help me. Reading causes of this addiction daily.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

LeanAndBop

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #16 on: June 11, 2019, 02:34:32 PM »
Relapsed again
But i less frequently relapsed this time. In past i relapsed three times a day. Now i relapsing one time a day.
Relapse is an indicate that i am addictive . so first day is very hard for me. From now 12 june is my first day. Started at dot 12 AM.
I always remember that how badly i addicted and what i lossed and missed because of this addiction. Today is first day a very important day for me. Started meditation from today. It can help me. Reading causes of this addiction daily.

Hey sorry you relapsed. It is tough. I relapsed twice today. But not three times so there's a positive! You're seeing the positive and believe you are making progress so that's sounds good.

You're not alone!

I just mediated and feel calmer. Lots of people say it has helped. It sounds like you are in a good mindset!

Wishing you all the best. You can do it!

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #17 on: June 14, 2019, 12:03:03 AM »
Thanks
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #18 on: June 14, 2019, 12:06:18 AM »
Day 2 at 14 june
Nightfall today. I think 6 years addiction is not going to be fully cured in 30 or 90 days. I think it take more longer. So i am prepared for reboot time.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #19 on: June 14, 2019, 06:50:46 PM »
Day 2 at 14 june
Nightfall today. I think 6 years addiction is not going to be fully cured in 30 or 90 days. I think it take more longer. So i am prepared for reboot time.

That's good! This definitely isn't a quick fix. It's a lifestyle change, and it often involves fixing a lot more about our lives than just PMO.

Congrats on another day, and here's to succeeding for one more!

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #20 on: June 16, 2019, 01:04:53 AM »
Day 4 at 16 june
Less headache today. Focusing on work again. Urges are very strong but not like as day 1. Now using the knowledge i have from past relapse. Going to start a fight again. Day 4 is a biggest success for me.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

achilles heel

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #21 on: June 16, 2019, 05:57:48 AM »
Well done! Keep going day by day, 4 days is a good start already!  :)

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #22 on: June 16, 2019, 10:48:41 AM »
Well done! Keep going day by day, 4 days is a good start already!  :)
thanks
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #23 on: June 16, 2019, 01:52:11 PM »
Relapsed....i had a reason to over my data so i fapped.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

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Re: Its time to really change
« Reply #24 on: June 17, 2019, 03:22:48 AM »
Day 1 At 17th june
Feeling depressed. Writing this journal at afternoon i am out off home now to resist the urges. I can do it. Need to only complete the day 1 successfully
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.