Author Topic: Flatline right now  (Read 1963 times)

Lero

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #25 on: July 03, 2019, 09:17:09 AM »
The brain goes into a grieving mode after a while and thoughts like ”will I never going to be able to pmo to different girls anymore!?” I get these panic type of thoughts but I know this is just one of the thoughts that used to be like, ”just one more time, it’s the last time” or ”Now that I’ve already relapced I could as well do it one or two more times today because tomorrow I’m free’’. Bullshit right? :)

Of to day 15.

This sounds so familiar. When I told myself: "Okay, starting tomorrow no more PMO!" I felt this sadness in me like losing my best friend. It was the sadness of losing the pleasure, the comfort, the "sexually frustrated" excuse... Everything that PMO was for me now I had to leave it behind and instead of feeling good about it, I felt sad as fuck. It's annoying.


CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #26 on: July 08, 2019, 02:21:43 AM »
Yes the sadness about quitting comes and goes for a while it still does for me, it’s probably stronger now than in the beginning, but it is also fading. I have still no libido except for like 3 days ago I felt it getting back a little. Morning wood comes and goes, good and bad days. Erections are not 100% but they’re better than in the beginning. Me and my gf haven’t had sex in a while, but she knows about this, and I have my problems with performance anxiety due to this as well. Taking one step at a time. The seeker/chaser behavior has been less and less, some day ago I found myself looking at nude pics of celebs but managed to put away my phone to do something else.
day 19 now.

Greenzebra

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #27 on: July 10, 2019, 10:06:46 PM »
The rationality that ooohh i could do it today ill be fine. Doesnt work. Its that little voice in your head that slowly gets louder tothat says keep doing your routine. Stick to it and switch that stimulus. You can do it.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #28 on: July 12, 2019, 07:10:21 AM »
Checking in on day 23. Feel a little more tempted today when I’m just at home playing ps4. But I’m way better handling it right now than before. I know the consequences and all the anxiety isn’t worth it. Flatline is for better and for worse, haven’t had sex in a while. But it will come around I guess when I feel ready, no morning wood in a couple of days. Have a nice day

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #29 on: July 15, 2019, 02:42:01 AM »
Checking in on day 26

Me and my gf had successful sex yesterday, and my erection was long and 100% probably. I’m really relieved about that since I was having performance anxiety and intrusive thoughts last time and my penis felt dead.
Since yesterdays sex I got stronger urges though to watch p or pictures of girls. But I have kept myself away from that. I’m going to keep my eyes on the goal, and I never want to give in to the addiction again.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #30 on: July 20, 2019, 03:13:08 AM »
Day 31 free from pmo

Flatline is really tough.. I get urges to go back on sites to watch ”just a little”. I feel actually depressed about leaving it behind, my ”safe zone”.. My lying, back stabbing, false safe zone..
I get days when I feel slight horniness though, about a week ago me and my gf had sex and my erection was really good. And now I’m back down with the zero libido.
There’s times when my brain starts to fantasize about scenes and or sexting text I’ve been part of, and I feel this sadness about leaving it behind. I’m not going back, ever.. This is part of recovering from any addiction I guess. I’m so happy about having a caring and understanding gf though, she really the best.
Flatline is tough, I have never felt like this asexual before and it’s scary. I also know that it will probably take some time before it’s getting better, just hanging on.

Lero

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #31 on: July 20, 2019, 04:37:12 AM »
Day 31 free from pmo

Flatline is really tough.. I get urges to go back on sites to watch ”just a little”. I feel actually depressed about leaving it behind, my ”safe zone”.. My lying, back stabbing, false safe zone..
I get days when I feel slight horniness though, about a week ago me and my gf had sex and my erection was really good. And now I’m back down with the zero libido.
There’s times when my brain starts to fantasize about scenes and or sexting text I’ve been part of, and I feel this sadness about leaving it behind. I’m not going back, ever.. This is part of recovering from any addiction I guess. I’m so happy about having a caring and understanding gf though, she really the best.
Flatline is tough, I have never felt like this asexual before and it’s scary. I also know that it will probably take some time before it’s getting better, just hanging on.

That's something I'm fighting with too. There is this sadness of leaving P behind, like losing my best friend. I have moments when I find myself thinking: "How the fuck am I supposed to continue my life without this pleasure? Without the fun that I used to have with P. I want to go back there and have fun without having to worry about it." Discovering the harms of P was a tough blow to my enjoynment but neccessary because I was trapped in a self-destructive activity while thinking I had the fun of my life. Fucking annoying thing, man. It's destructive but you love it. At the end of the day you have to choose one. I still love P so much. I like it like the best thing on Earth. But I don't want it. I don't need it.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #32 on: July 20, 2019, 09:53:15 AM »
Yeah it’s really tough, at times I really miss it. But it’s so easy to fall down, always easier to take the easy way. And unfortunately that way only leads to despair.. Broken relationships and broken hearts. God knows what.. I’m not going there and I hope none of you on here are going down there.

stepbystep

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #33 on: July 20, 2019, 07:43:51 PM »
Of to day 15.

Nice congrats! Keep going!
Trying to quit since 2004. In recovery since December 2011. Mostly porn-free since August 2012. Completely porn-free since October 10, 2019.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #34 on: July 22, 2019, 09:05:44 AM »
Thanks man! It’s taken many relapses to get this far.. Man.. ten years ago I told myself I can’t keep on doing this.. It’s hard work, and I feel like all the fun is over. But I know when the impulses and urges start to fade, happiness will be stronger.

stepbystep

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #35 on: July 22, 2019, 09:56:46 PM »
Thanks man! It’s taken many relapses to get this far.. Man.. ten years ago I told myself I can’t keep on doing this.. It’s hard work, and I feel like all the fun is over. But I know when the impulses and urges start to fade, happiness will be stronger.

True dat! You will get true long term happiness from staying away from porn. You will experience life and happiness that way. Keep up the great work!
Trying to quit since 2004. In recovery since December 2011. Mostly porn-free since August 2012. Completely porn-free since October 10, 2019.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #36 on: July 23, 2019, 09:17:33 AM »
Yeah, It’s a wonderful feeling, feeling you’ve got no secret to hide. I hope I can stay this way, and keep going forward. Sex/porn addiction has been my biggest fear all my life.. I honestly thought if I would stop doing this that I would go insane, I used to think that like 10 years ago. I have self medicated myself for so long, it’s time to put an stop to it now and face the fear.
It’s tough being an addict.. but it feels good to face the truth.

Day 34 right now.

Pete McVries

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #37 on: July 25, 2019, 07:06:05 AM »
Congrats on being clean for over a month. Keep the momentum going. In a month or so, urges and cravings tend to become a lot weaker and abstaining from PMO will start to become the new "normal" for you which makes your recovery a lot easier!

Take care!
ten months clean and counting...

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #38 on: July 25, 2019, 09:45:16 AM »
Thanks Pete! Doing my best! Actually I had a bad night with less sleep, and my urges and cravings have somewhat skyrocketed today. It’s really tough but I’ve resisted. One of the places where it’s always is tough especially is when showering.. But the impulses are getting a little less powerful, so that’s good.

Day 36 today.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #39 on: July 27, 2019, 03:46:59 AM »
Me and my gf had really good sex yesterday and my erection was lasting forever, I found myself thinking to myself, ”I used to be so worried about you”. :) Damn this feels good. The downside though is that I’ve been getting strong urges to pmo today.
Going out having lunch with my gf and then pff to the beach.

Day 38 without pmo.

Pete McVries

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #40 on: July 27, 2019, 05:07:50 AM »
Good news! :)

I've been feeling the same lately and it's still mind-boggling to me. But a very welcomed feeling. ;D

Keep up the good work!
ten months clean and counting...

stepbystep

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #41 on: July 28, 2019, 01:34:29 PM »
Great job! Thanks for inspiring me that it is possible. I have gone years without porn, but it's back and I'm trying my best to avoid it again!
Trying to quit since 2004. In recovery since December 2011. Mostly porn-free since August 2012. Completely porn-free since October 10, 2019.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #42 on: July 30, 2019, 07:57:46 AM »
Thanks guys!

Day 41 now.

Yesterday was really tough, had really really strong urges to watch p or instagram girls.
I went as far as to google some stuff and just stopped myself. I noticed my libido went higher and the urges too after we had sex, so there’s definitely some pitfalls to look out for.
I’m going out for a run to get my mind more focused.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #43 on: August 01, 2019, 10:12:31 AM »
Day 43 checking in.

I was googling on some girls, but have stopped myself each and every time. I’ll have to put away my phone more during the days. I’ve got a bad period right now, strong urges and compulsions. It’s like impulses and I go kind of like autopilot on google.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #44 on: August 04, 2019, 04:16:07 PM »
The urges have quieted down, and I’m happy to say I broke a record for myself in going 46 days without pmo. I get these longing feelings and the sadness about quitting though. I get these false beliefs that the girls I used to sext with would be good for me. I know this isn’t true. It’s the addict in me whispering.. ”Just one more time, please”
I just feel good about trying to leave this behind. For over two decades held me in its grips..
The addiction hates me, and I’m happy to love myself a little more than before. Step by step..

Lero

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #45 on: August 05, 2019, 04:20:09 AM »
The urges have quieted down, and I’m happy to say I broke a record for myself in going 46 days without pmo. I get these longing feelings and the sadness about quitting though. I get these false beliefs that the girls I used to sext with would be good for me. I know this isn’t true. It’s the addict in me whispering.. ”Just one more time, please”
I just feel good about trying to leave this behind. For over two decades held me in its grips..
The addiction hates me, and I’m happy to love myself a little more than before. Step by step..

Outstanding progress, man! Almost fucking 50 days!

I know about the "sadness". Porn produces a big dopamine raise so of course we feel sad for giving that up. But we must do it, because it's harmful for us.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #46 on: August 05, 2019, 03:13:06 PM »
Thanks a lot Lero!

Yeah 47 day in the bag right now! My libido has been under control today, last days it has been higher, and the urges as well.
Yeah, Takes time, and I’ll gladly be moving towards sober life. Had a dream about me pmo’ing.
It’s crazy what tricks my brain pulls out..I’m feeling more stable today though!

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #47 on: August 09, 2019, 10:17:08 AM »
It’s day 51, no looking back.

I’m working hard on myself, trying to improve myself. But the urges are many. Compulsively going in looking at girls on instagram and fantasizing. This is the behavior I’ve been used to for over 20 years. Looking forward for it droping off little by little.

NewStart04

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #48 on: August 10, 2019, 01:07:02 AM »
CB,

Congratulations on reaching 51 days. I hope to be that far in someday soon, but for now I've only reached 10.

I've been hit with a lot of anxiety as well. This in part comes (at least in my case) from the fact that we can use pornography (or any addiction) as an emotional crutch to deal with stress and difficult emotions, which turns porn use into our default coping response. Also, addiction is a disease that affects our brain, and one of the fundamental brain changes that occurs in addicts is a malfunctioning stress system. What this means is that when we come into contact with a stressor, our body responds with a more exaggerated response than normal, sending our stress system into overdrive and inducing many withdrawal symptoms (including anxiety). I understand that even if we are aware of this, it doesn't make the anxiety disappear. I really wish it did. But hopefully this information provides you with some solace, that is assuming you didn't know it already.

I noticed you mentioned a few times that you felt more cravings after having sex with your partner. Have you ever heard of the chaser effect? After we orgasm, porn addicts may have intense cravings. So you might want to consider avoiding orgasm (either from sex or masturbation without porn) for a longer period to give your brain time to recover. If you still still want to have sex, there is a technique out there called Karezza that allows you to do so without orgasming. Please check it out if you're interested.

Lastly, I think it is important to remember that addiction revolves around dopamine. By fantasizing or looking at images on the internet (not necessarily pornographic, scantily clad women or just women that you find attractive can lead to this as well), we are actually creating spurts of dopamine within us that activate our porn-conditioned circuitry and impede the progress of recovery. I am only ten days in, going through one of the most difficult periods of my life (lots of external stressors), but I have miraculously been able to push past all the obstacles (urges, withdrawals, desensitization) so far, completely PMO free, and I think that this is thanks to the fact that I have been on monk mode (i.e. no fantasy, avoiding any intentional peeks at content that I could perceive as sexually stimulating) almost the entire time. I am still early in my recovery, but I think I feel more recovered compared to my past streaks.

Sorry if my response was a bit long, but I have read and watched a lot on this subject over the past year, and I just wanted to share something that could potentially be helpful to you on your journey.

Wishing you all the best, I am really glad to hear you have a supportive partner. Keep up the good fight!

« Last Edit: August 10, 2019, 05:20:15 AM by NewStart04 »

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #49 on: August 13, 2019, 11:29:48 AM »
Thanks NewStart04!

Some really good advice in there! Yes anxiety hit me as well really hard in the beginning of autumn last year when I decided to quit. I had dizziness for weeks and agoraphobia. The dizziness has gone and the agoraphobia is under more control. I can go and shop things and stuff now on my own without panicking. I think people in general with some sort of addiction is more prone to anxiety and or other mental health problems. I as you have been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. I’ve learnt more about these conditions and how I react in certain situations since I quit pmo.

It’s day 55 now, and I have noticed these dopamine highs I get from watching pictures. Going hard mode just one little step by step. I had to ween myself off this addiction, I relapsed a ton of times and now I’m almost on 60 days. Crazy!!!
But I can never let down my guard, it will always be there.
I have found working out and going out running to be very helpful!