Author Topic: Flatline right now  (Read 1228 times)

CB

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Flatline right now
« on: June 02, 2019, 02:12:47 AM »
First of all, was a couple months since I wrote something here.. I’m checking back in.

I made it for 45 days without pmo a couple months back. Since then I have kept myself going without keeping much track on days but my use has been very limited, from once a week to maybe once every two or three weeks.
I told about my addiction to my girlfriend and she was very understanding luckily. What I’ve found the last couple of months is that my libido has gone to about absolutely zero.. I guess this is the flatlining effect of quitting a pmo addiction that’s lasted more than two decades and 3-10 times a days most likely..

I’m going to start my day counter on my phone and start keeping a little track of days and abstaining from p or mo.
The flatline made me anxious about my relationship but then I noticed.. Well I’ve been going pretty much with no pmo at all, so this must be the flatline. My brain wants to pmo right now more than wanting the real sex with my gf.
Anyone who’s recoqnized this too?

MindOverModem

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2019, 02:55:34 AM »
First of all, keep up the good work! I too have noticed limited results when I try to just keep going on my own without checking in here and relying on my support system.

To me, that's what the flatline is all about: still craving porn but not used to natural Os if that makes sense. The brain is confused.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2019, 03:09:03 AM »
Thanks for the reply and thank you!

Yeah I noticed I was in town couple of days ago and I didn’t even look at girls in the way as before. Before it could be like, wow now I know what I’ll be going home and fantasize about. But the last months it’s been like I’m not interested at all in looking. Which is a good thing though.. I don’t want to look at anyone as an object. It’s going to take time for sure. But it’s all worth it, I can’t stand the anxiety pmo brings. I want to put all that energy on my gf instead.

Reformed Fapper

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2019, 10:28:33 PM »
The flatline is a good sign that youre heading in the right direction. I know the symptoms can get a little fucked up though. I had a similar problem during my reboot. I would get excited over the thought of fapping than to slamming my wife. Its a normal part of the process, and will pass soon so just hang in there and enjoy the flatline
Un-fuck your life, quit porn now! Today!

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2019, 10:28:10 AM »
Thanks for the reply! Yeah it is a weird thing feeling like I’m starting to freak out like ”nooo Only sex with one person?” I’m glad it will pass but I will hang in there. This is for something much bigger than just sex.. I’m doing this so I can have a more healthy way of recognizing and handling feelings than to fap off and put the lid on.
It’s a weird thing, I’ve been feeling quite awful to my gf because of the feeling that I can’t choose multiple ways of pmo anymore, and not craving sex with her. The flatline is really a true state we are going through.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2019, 11:01:30 AM »
Went out for a run today, felt good! But I noticed my cravings of pmo is higher short after I do workout.. And also my anxiety is a bit higher today, feeling a little easily angered today. Feelings is definitely not stable yet, I get bouts of feeling irritated and sad. I’m just going to push on through. Right now my addicted self craves of pmo to take care of this worry in my body. I’m trying to think about what the consequences are going to be, and I’m so tired of them. Never worth it.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2019, 12:38:31 AM »
I’m going to write down my withdrawal symptoms I’ve had early on and later into recovery:

1st few weeks:

-Anxiety got higher, feeling worried or on edge.

-Agoraphobia, light and sound sensibility, started to avoid public spaces.

-Dizziness, had to sit down some times when I was visiting crowded areas, this goes with the anxiety and stress, worries about fainting.

-Depression

-Crying spells

-Cravings, strongest while worried or anxious.


Few months:

-Depression, not as bad as before.

-Flatline, my penis feels smaller and dead in some way. No lust for sex, very low libido.

-easily irritated

-Overreacting emotionally

-Cravings to watch P, brain trying to convince me it’s okay to just have a peek.

-Anxiety, it’s getting more manageable, not as much panic attacks or dizziness or agoraphobia.


I haven’t yet gone through 90days straight without pmo, But since I started last August-september I’ve gone longer and longer periods without it. I haven’t done it the hard mode way, but I’m sure I’m getting there. MO’ed once 2 weeks ago. Progress is in every day that goes by, coming from 3-5 PMO a day to this is great, and I’m striving to keep it away for the rest of my life. To regain control of my sex life and not feeling anxious or depressed over failure anymore.


CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #7 on: June 07, 2019, 07:39:47 AM »
Still feeling anxious and kind of living inside my head, but been out in the nature a lot and it feels very refreshing and soothing.
Easily irritable and feeling anxious about sex, it’s kind of like some type of expectation anxiety in a way False expectation, and negative thinking, typical anxiety, easier said than done to break out of.
Had some cravings to look at pics to start edging.. but have stayed away from that.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2019, 02:55:09 AM »
If I’m going to do this and really be commited I thought to myself I have read up on recovery from adfiction in general. I came over some information about the stages we go through when recovering from sex/porn addiction. The writer believed it takes 3-5 years to recover from this addiction. It sounds reasonable to me. My nicotine addiction took about two years to recover from.. as I’ve conpared before.


The Developing Stage (up to 2 years)
The Crisis/Decision Stage (1 day to 3 months)
The Shock Stage (6 to 8 months)
The Grief Stage (6 months)
The Repair Stage (18 to 36 months)
The Growth Stage (2 plus years)

As we get into the 90 day challenge it is only the start of recovery, many of us hope we’ll be cured after 90 days and start to lose hope about recovering when they come to see the cravings and anxiety and grief is still there. I do believe we need to look further than that in a whole, being addicted for many many years is not going to just go away in 3 months, it is a great goal to set us on the way to recovery though. Of course everyone is going to recover differently, some faster some slower. I think it’s important to know how long it would actually take, as I thought that recovery would go quicker when I first joined here.
Hope you all are having a good day, I’m about to go fishing to get my mind set on something else than cravings to pmo.

Here’s the link to the great read: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex-addiction/2014/09/why-sex-addiction-recovery-takes-a-long-time-and-one-possible-exception/
« Last Edit: June 08, 2019, 02:58:50 AM by CB »

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2019, 08:28:41 AM »
Hangover day, today has been harder to keep away from my phone and have a peek at girls. But I’ve stopped myself, there’s been 3 weeks straight now without any pmo or mo. Half a year ago I convinced myself that my body was going to get harmed from stopping masturbating, because I had done it too much for so many years.. That thought is fading away. Just another false belief from my addicted me.
Have a nice sunday guys.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #10 on: June 12, 2019, 01:39:38 AM »
I’m still battling urges everyday to pmo, yesterday I fell into a trap when some friends posted nude pictures of some celebrity in a messenger group. Shortly after I found myself on the web looking at pics, but didn’t pmo. Urges has been stronger since that, but I try to put my mind on something else.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2019, 08:00:20 AM »
Woke up during the middle of the night all anxious feeling ill. But it slowly faded and I drifted off to sleep again having lucid dreams about sexting and PMO. Have been feeling all anxious during the day today.. urges haven’t been as strong but they’re there for sure. I’ll go out for a run to try and easy my mind snd body a little.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2019, 12:39:34 PM »
The stress due to being without pmo right now is taking its toll on me. Not only that but other things in life is stressful right now too.
I’m not going to pmo though, but right now I’m in a pit with anxiety. I’m glad I went out for a run earlier though it made me feel better.
Feeling little like a unstable emotional freak right now. Just going to keep doing something constructive like playing guitar or something..

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2019, 11:34:59 AM »
Today has been pretty good until I came home from work, urges has been strong and get these flashes of pictures or scenes in my head. But I’m keeping myself away still. It’s been a month since I last pmo one time during a stressful day. I’m going to read a book to set my mind on something else than p.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #14 on: June 15, 2019, 09:10:06 AM »
Me and my gf tried to have sex this morning and my little one turned up with about 20% erection, it felt totally dead and I couldn’t even penetrate. As I felt this my mind started racing and the stress and frustration built up. Feeling sad because of this and scared.. I’m not even having morning wood anymore and my lust is gone..

Only way to find out is just to press on, the urge to just mo got higher after this to see if it still works. Of course it does, but yeah it’s difficult, really difficult right now..

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #15 on: June 16, 2019, 02:20:29 AM »
It’s scary how dead my penis is, it’s gotten smaller also. I don’t get morning wood at all, no erections at all in the moment. I hope it will start to show some life life at least soon, this gets me just worried. Haven’t pmo though..

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #16 on: June 16, 2019, 01:01:39 PM »
Definitely had more anxiety and feeling out of it today, had a rough night. Didn’t sleep much and helped some friends moving today. It felt a little better when helping and medting them, and I felt better when me and my gf went for a walk. Just going to take a few deep breaths and read something.

Pete McVries

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #17 on: June 17, 2019, 02:33:11 AM »
It'll get better! Does your gf know about your problems? Try to spend some time with her away from penetration just like you did with her taking a stroll! Things will get better eventually, don't get distressed!
Eight months clean and counting...

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #18 on: June 17, 2019, 02:54:34 AM »
Thanks man, I think everyone comes to the point when they get scared and think ”is this worth it?” or ”will it come back?” at least I’ve been thinking about it the last couple of days. Yeah, she knows everything and is very understanding about it, and that makes me so happy. I will, thanks for the encouragement man.

kenny

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #19 on: June 17, 2019, 06:56:52 PM »
Hey man. Just read some of your thread.  I'm on day 78 right now and things have really changed for me. 
I had been PMOing since I was in my teens.  I'm 37 now.   
I have just noticed lots of the up's and down's during this time, but ultimately I am feeling so much better.
Takes quite a lot of time to re-program your brain after all this time, but it seems worth it.  My main thing is.. "is it worth it"?...  well.. there's really only one way to find out.  You gotta keep going and going and going.

I like the analogy of the bamboo tree..  you plant the seed and water it for, get this.. 5 years before it shoots out of the ground and fires up like 20 feet.
So imagine that you are working hard at this.. and you don't think it's working.. but maybe you were only a few days or few weeks away from feeling fantastic. 

Keep going buddy.. just keep going and don't look back.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #20 on: June 19, 2019, 08:52:52 AM »
Thanks for the encouragement Kenny! Really appreciate it, i relapsed with mo to a girl on instagram this tuesday evening. Haven’t watched porn though.. but still mo to pictures in a way is the same thing.
Urges have been stronger and the fact I have no libido scares me a little, but I’m sure it will come back around someday.

kenny

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #21 on: June 19, 2019, 10:00:26 AM »
Get knocked down 7 times, stand up 8.
Just get back on track and look at the bigger picture.  There is a reason that you want to do this.  Hold on to that reason every time you start to fall back.

And btw.  Yes.. no doubt at all. IG pictures will typically lead to something bigger. 
Really.. if you can avoid any temptations then it makes it easier.  But even if you do catch a glimpse of a photo online or in a magazine, or see a girl out in real life... you just have to work on being stronger than the urge.  Beat the urge.   I'm going through it a lot lately .. now on day 79.   
You know that you have the ability to do this..  and if you keep it going, you will begin to notice some wild changes for the better.
I am noticing so many .. and I feel like I have only just started my journey.

All the best on your journey. Overcome it.

Jones

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #22 on: June 19, 2019, 10:32:35 PM »
The flatline is terrible. Most times i just want to tell my family that i don't think am gonna make it out, i literally cry over this shit almost everyday im 227+ days and still in the flatline. A month ago i use to experience withdrawal so hard i think I'd be better off dead seriously. At one point whenever i wake up a panic attack would come right after id have to try and stay awake to avoid it. I have alot more shit ive been through tbh,still no sign of my sex drive improving. Not much mood swing,these days im just angry for nothing,suicidal and sometimes i literally feel like to just start killing people due to my anger.im 18 I've never had a gf in my life i dont even have friends. I had to give my phone up to reach this far btw cuz i was always fucking up at 3 months. Dont know when shit will change,i pray for a change every night but nothing happens

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #23 on: June 23, 2019, 12:30:30 AM »
Thanks for replying, really appreciate it. I relapsed with pmo and I think the reason was this flatline scared the hell out of me. I relapsed 3 days ago, I let my guard down and of course I had a erection with the pmo. I just got scared and really anxious about my dead penis when me and my gf was going to have sex, and I’m worried this will happen everytime we will have sex. I have ADHD and OCD so it’s just making it worse. I’m ready to get proffesional treatment though.. My gf knows about everything and she is really understanding about it.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #24 on: July 03, 2019, 08:28:13 AM »
I’ve been without pmo for 14 days right now, I relapced one time during a stressful day.
It’s getting easier than before to keep away from edging, and flatline is still the same. Don’t crave real sex but pmo. The brain goes into a grieving mode after a while and thoughts like ”will I never going to be able to pmo to different girls anymore!?” I get these panic type of thoughts but I know this is just one of the thoughts that used to be like, ”just one more time, it’s the last time” or ”Now that I’ve already relapced I could as well do it one or two more times today because tomorrow I’m free’’. Bullshit right? :)

Of to day 15.