Author Topic: Flatline right now  (Read 3926 times)

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #75 on: September 26, 2019, 10:28:14 AM »
Thanks Newstart04!

Today has been tough, cravings still high. Get dreams of sex again last couple nights. But I know this is just another phase of the addict in my trying to get a grip.

NewStart04

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #76 on: September 27, 2019, 06:00:31 AM »
CB

Do you think they were just the result of your addicted brain lashing out, or do you think they were triggered by some stimulus?

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #77 on: September 27, 2019, 02:52:52 PM »
I think they might be tougher because I have been home sick and not been out as much. And the addicted me makes up things so ”maybe I could just try one more time, and then I could make it without it?”. You see where the thought patterns are going. :)
It is easier to notice these feelings and cravings are coming on stronger when I’m not having my normal routines. I went out fishing with a friend today and I wasn’t even thinking one minute about it. It felt great! Thanks for asking! I haven’t been active very much in others posts lately and I feel guilt because of that, but I’ll spend more time on here because we help each other out no matter hhow many days with or without pmo we are. take care

NewStart04

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #78 on: September 27, 2019, 04:20:42 PM »
CB

Thank you for answering!

I am glad to hear you were able to recognize that your addicted brain is trying to use its rational center to trick you into relapsing again. I've been getting better at counter-rationalizing my brain during moments like these. It's been working so far.

I hope you were able to catch some fish. Did you cook something afterward?

I hope you don't feel guilty. You really should post as much as you feel comfortable. If that's 100 posts a day, then wow! If it's 0, then that's totally understandable, or at least that's how I view it.

Hope you have another great PMO-free day.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #79 on: October 11, 2019, 05:04:40 PM »
Day 115

If you as I started to doubt that your PIED is not going away, I can assure you that it will! I thought it wouldn’t go away but this shit works. I have always obsessed about my erection during sex and before sex.. Just need to keep staying away from porn and it will come back. It will take time, and I’m sure I have to let it take time to get better.

NewStart04

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #80 on: October 17, 2019, 01:11:01 AM »
CB

Always an inspiration. Keep on blazing the path forward. I'll be following you in the distance, behind the cloud of road dust you're kicking up while accelerating to recovery.

CB = Clearly the Best at inspiring fellow rebooters in their 30s.

Take care

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #81 on: October 18, 2019, 06:28:59 AM »
Thanks for the support! Haha Wow that’s nice of you! It’s actually day 121 now! That’s crazy!
I hope you guys are doing good! It’s a rollercoaster.. Some days have been really hard and I have to admit.. I’ve gone as far as looking at porn maybe two or three times last three weeks. But no pmo, I have been able to get myself out of the ”just take a peek” behavior and refocus on other stuff. This is going to be a long process.. I’m expecting a couple of years before I’ll be calling myself sober, or healthy.

It kicks up a lot of mixed emotions for sure.. feelings from when I was younger. And social anxiety have been coming back more because I don’t have something to supress those feelings with now.
I’m starting to see how other things than sex is really important in a relationship. Taking care of each other and touching and giving each other encouraging words. Loving each other is not like a movie where you are levitating from the ground all the time. It’s about chosing to be with someone you love and care about, everything is not perfect. I feel more calm within myself with that. Before it has been about black/white thinking from my part.  I’m so thankful to being aware about myself.

Have a good friday guys

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #82 on: December 08, 2019, 03:19:55 AM »
So it’s day 172.

Lately I found myself going in to look on videos/pictures. Been feeling quite low, I’ve been in a flatline for almost the whole time since a week in after quitting pmo.
I have no libido at all, my partner asked me if I’d like to have sex but I turned it down.. She’s okay with it and she knows what I’m going through..
But there is some small windows when I’ll get slightly higher libido, and then it goes back down. Morning woods has been absent for a couple weeks now. I have been experiencing them maybe once a week or less. 100% erection though..
It is a scary pitfall finding that you have no interest in women and or your partner sexually.
I have to stop myself from looking in on sites.. it probably messes with my recovery big time. It’s really hard sometimes to resist these urges..


CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #83 on: December 11, 2019, 03:20:34 PM »
It’s day 175, and my libido is still very low at this point. Today I masturbated to just try to get it going down there, and to release after a couple of weeks since orgasm. I couldn’t get my dick up, it went to 30% and I ejaculated. I guess I’m in a flatline again, it keeps falling in and out?
I hope I can see some light at the end of the tunnel, I’m so glad I haven’t pmo’ed for 175 days. But flatlining for a very long time again is scary. I have no lust for sex at all, no libido.. My OCD is flaring up of course.. ROCD and HOCD thoughts. I know this is not true, and I know this addiction takes a long time to get out of.

Hanging in there..

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #84 on: January 06, 2020, 05:00:52 AM »
It’s now 201 days without pmo. Urges are still coming on when I’m tired or hungover. I have limited myself to masturbating in the shower maybe twice a month. Me and my girlfriend has had great sex, my erection hasn’t been a problem at all. Eventhough I’m scared everytime before sex that it won’t get up. That’s anxiety related.. and not a pmo problem as of now. Morning wood is getting more frequent. The way here has been rocky.. to say the least. But I’m still determined to keep my life clean from porn.

eljoeyjojo

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #85 on: January 10, 2020, 11:14:42 PM »
hey CB

Name is Joey, I'm from Canada and saw a few of your posts and I wanted to see how you were progressing. We're all in the same boat I guess eh? Like you, I have a girlfriend and she has been somewhat understanding but sometimes I feel the pressure from her so I get scared just like you. I've been rebooting for about 70 days now and had only 2 relapses when I watched porn. I thought I was flatlining but recently I met these 2 other girls close to work and one thing let to another and I ended up getting their numbers. The whole "new" feeling came over me and now I am trying not think about those two girls but instead my own girlfriend. It's super sad but thinking about doing my fantasies with those 2 other girls turns me on so much but my gf next to me (we do not live together) does not.

Have you experienced this at all? I don't wanna cheat on my gf and haven't done so yet even though these 2 girls are tempting me but I feel it would be counter productive as I would only wanna have sex with them if my "fantasy" was to be played out. I'm confused about the whole thing. Why am I so turned on by these 2 girls while my gf that is willing next to me does not turn me on? You have a girlfriend so I ask you, have you at all had this feeling and if so, what did you do? Did that feeling finally go away and you went to just being aroused by your girlfriend?

I'm trying my very best not to masturbate as I have not watched porn in over a month easily and I am not craving that as much as I'm craving real sex but my fantasies is the only way I can possibly get an erection. I'm trying to connect with her but it is not working and she is really beautiful. Like honestly, I look at her and I think she's too beautiful for me but why am I only turned on by the possibility of having sex with a new girl? Anyways thanks for you time

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #86 on: January 11, 2020, 12:50:09 PM »
Gratulations on your 70days Joey!

We’ve had successful sex and it was great! What I have been doing that doesn’t help me in the sobering up rebooting process is that I have been watching porn, I’ve sneaked in to look at pictures and short videos, which has only made my urges worse. I haven’t pmo’ed but it is not making me getting fully on my way in recovery. The urges can still be very difficult to withstand.
I can see where you come from, I think that your fantasy about being with other girls are an actual trigger and urge for you. This is sex addiction, wether it’s looking at porn or chatting, or talking on the phone or meeting other girls.
When we are in relationships we are always going to get temptations thrown at us, other girls for example, sexier, cuter or more good looking than our own gf. Wether we want to look if the grass is greener on the other side is up to us. But it is also important to recognize urges and temptatons from our sex addicted self. I have a urge that I want to go and have multiple sex chatting partners again.. But I know the pain and anxiety and blaming myself is not worth those consequences.
I’m really happy with my girlfriend, the sex is not the best I’ve had BUT... relationship and love and caring for someone else, and feeling truly relaxed and feeling good with another person is much more important to me.
Therefore I chose to stay with my partner, I think that is what you have to question yourself.

Getting sober from sex addiction is something that takes many years, what I’ve understood. And coming as far as 70 days is great process! Hang in there.
I’m on 200+ days now and I still get bad urges..
And I still have to get better on refocusing the bad habit to just ”take a look”.
It’s almost as bad as relapsing.

Take care

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #87 on: February 01, 2020, 08:07:18 AM »
Okay back to the drawing board... I watched some pics today and went in the shower and masturbated while fantasizing. I see this as a relapse..
Felt really awful and shameful afterwards. This fucking addiction/compulsive behavior is the worst. I’m so tired of my dopamine kicks right now. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have a phone.

So it is day 0 from going 200+ days..


ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #88 on: February 01, 2020, 10:26:12 AM »
Wow, that sucks CB, but no need for shame. You are suffering from an addiction and so part of your behavior is not in your control. You are only human. Try to remember that, you are just like me and all the other guys and girls here. You are not perfect and that is OK. And going 200+ days is an amazing accomplishment.

Try to forgive yourself, and just keep on going. I, and I'm sure all the other guys, are rooting for you.

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #89 on: February 03, 2020, 05:47:06 AM »
Yep sucks big time, I went on as far as going sexchat and pmo today... This behavior is going to stop now. I’m not going to let this make me give up. I feel stressed lately about events every weekend and me and some friends went to look at super bowl yesterday and hade lots of beer and food, but today while home hung over I caved in..
Feel really anxious about this. I went 200+ days for this.. To only get back to where I’ve been the last 20 years.
I have to come up with some ideas how to get rid of this behavior and compulsions.

Even instagram and facebook become small dopamine resources for me to look at girls. Feeling awful right now.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #90 on: February 03, 2020, 11:37:14 AM »
Hey CB,

Being Hung over can be a real obstacle since you have less defenses. But maybe try to look at it like this: you've gone 200, 200! full days without.if you do another 200, it is an amazing achievement.

Regarding FB/Insta. It may be a bit extreme, but why not delete those? I've done it a few years back and it brought me so much peace to not deal with the non important things on there. I've actually deleted all media that could contain triggers for me.

Additionally I've installed an app called Blokada. It's a very good ad blocker for your mobile phone.

Should ban any ads and also fb and Instagram I've you set it up like that.

In closing, I think you can be proud that you achieved 200 days. I know I am proud that you achieved them.


Good luck man, im rooting for you

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #91 on: February 07, 2020, 10:39:43 AM »
Thank tou man for the encouragement! I’ll definitely look up those apps and blockers. Have gone 5 days now since relapse, and I have been plauged by much more triggers and fantasies.
Thanks again, yeah 220+ days is great. Almost a year, I’ll go for a year this time. But as I’ve said before, just one day at a time, sometimes a minute by minute. :)

Hope you’re going to have a good weekend guys!

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #92 on: February 12, 2020, 03:35:34 PM »
Day 12 since relapse.
I’ve been going hard mode and haven’t been peeking in on instagram or some pics pf any sort. Slept terribly bad last night. TRIGGER WARNING Had a lot of dreams, some of them about a girl I used to have as a sexchat partner some years ago. So here it goes again, my brain is throwing all sorts of things on me during sleep. Hope for it to calm down a bit.

Felt a little out of it today, probably due to bad sleep and some type of withdrawal angst.

Keep on truckin’

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #93 on: March 04, 2020, 03:41:09 AM »
Hey CB, it's been a long time since you've posted. How are things on your end?

Hope you are doing well.


Cheers

CB

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Re: Flatline right now
« Reply #94 on: March 04, 2020, 02:57:14 PM »
Hi! Thanks! Yeah have been off for a while, I just thought about it the other day. Have been pmo free since last relapse. I did moblast week like three days during that week. But have been abstaining from porn. BUT, my problem is still that I get easily drawn into looking at girl pictures on the web. Going to go hard mode, have notice a slightly hightened interest in my gf. We haven’t had sex in a while, but I have been feeling more aroused by her lately. When I have been days on hard mode from looking on any pictures or whatever on instagram or other social media with the phone.
I’ve had cravings and pretty strong fantasies, think they’re part of this sobering process.

How are you doing? Hope you’re keeping doing good!

Thanks again!