Author Topic: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors  (Read 1260 times)

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« on: May 31, 2019, 04:50:55 PM »
Hello RebootNation, I am a former NoFap user who realised not fapping isn't the main point.

I have been journaling my progress at www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/reclaiming-my-dopamine-receptors.223769/

Briefly, I am a 24 year old undergraduate in Tokyo, 3 years late from graduation, and have diagnoses of ASD, ADD, and NPD.

I am on a full year leave until September, and working on my various issues with a psychiatrist.

I live with my mother and older sister, and have a beautiful girlfriend.

A video binge / gaming / porn addict since the age of 15, this is a journal of my recovery.

No video binge  since 27 March 2019
No gaming  since 27 March 2019
No porn  since 8 April 2019
« Last Edit: June 01, 2019, 10:22:40 PM by nazonoxa »

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2019, 04:56:54 PM »
This forum is really clunky. Already doubting my decision to join.

*Edit: most of the clunk was coming from my dark mode add-on. Changed to a similar but better one.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2019, 06:19:17 AM by nazonoxa »

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1041
    • View Profile
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2019, 04:59:30 PM »
It might be clunky, but the community has been helpful for me. Welcome to the forum, and good luck in your fight to reclaim your dopamine receptors!

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2019, 05:12:50 PM »
Fiddled a bit with the settings & my dark mode add-on, and the site feels much nicer.

Going to try journaling here for now.

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2019, 05:15:41 PM »
It might be clunky, but the community has been helpful for me. Welcome to the forum, and good luck in your fight to reclaim your dopamine receptors!
Thanks for the reply! And thank you for the good luck, no-one at NoFap was ever interested in this journal title :)

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1041
    • View Profile
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2019, 05:25:02 PM »
Thanks for the reply! And thank you for the good luck, no-one at NoFap was ever interested in this journal title :)

Oh, that's too bad. I like the title! I've really learned in the last few months that it's not just about quitting porn and masturbation. It's about fixing the way our brains deal with dopamine and healing from an addiction. (That's what I'm here for, anyway)

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2019, 05:46:12 PM »
It's about fixing the way our brains deal with dopamine and healing from an addiction. (That's what I'm here for, anyway)
That is what I'm here for too. Great to be able to talk internet porn in terms of brain health.

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2019, 09:16:48 PM »
Attended my weekly ASD/ADD communication training group. People are genuinely helpful and have useful advice to give.

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #8 on: May 31, 2019, 11:43:33 PM »
Feeling tired in a sustained kind of way. I've been getting outside a lot, seeking help for my problems, and I may be becoming burned out.

I have been making quite good progress, but I'm mentally getting ahead of myself. Can't be thinking too much about the future.

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2019, 11:46:53 PM »
Worrying about getting myself a job and being able to support myself is especially tolling on my physique.

And I guess the little translation project I'm doing is far too much mental work for my current frail state.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2019, 07:09:32 AM by nazonoxa »

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #10 on: May 31, 2019, 11:55:27 PM »
I should decide what I need to / don't need to do now. In this month of June...

I need to : Eat well, exercise, spend time in nature, sleep well. Keep seeing the psychiatrist + ASD/ADD group. Keep track of spending.

I don't need to : Work, study, look for work, think about studying.

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #11 on: June 01, 2019, 06:15:40 AM »
Started accounting on my PC with gnucash. Looks very usable and possibly quite fun.

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #12 on: June 01, 2019, 07:09:02 AM »
My feeling of burnout has subsided. I feel like my Abilify is helping me quite profoundly. Thank you medicine.

LeanAndBop

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 111
    • View Profile
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #13 on: June 01, 2019, 09:29:13 AM »
Hey Naz,
Hope you're OK. Read your original post. I agree that not flapping doesn't seem to be the main issue but part of it. There is more to it than PMO, fir some at least. I'm not an expert but thanks for sharing.
Wishing you the best

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #14 on: June 01, 2019, 05:33:13 PM »
@LeanAndBop Thank you for your kindness. Wishing you the best too.

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #15 on: June 01, 2019, 05:52:39 PM »
Sleep didn't come easily, woke up feeling heavy and stiff.

I feel the disappointment of my family more and more, now that I'm less depressed and talk with them a lot.

Which is probably not a bad thing, because it just means I am more aware. Can't expect their patience to last forever.

It's been a long while since I am making actual* progress, and it's a shame no one at home congratulates me on this.

Even my self report of addiction-induced neurosis/depression was met with a sigh, when it was the greatest revelation for me ever.

Mood : 3 / 10

*Edit: "Substantial progress" was saying a bit too much. I made actual progress, sounds more like it.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2019, 10:36:59 PM by nazonoxa »

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1041
    • View Profile
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #16 on: June 01, 2019, 06:29:23 PM »
Sorry about the 3/10, but hang in there!

I read once a long time ago that it can be hard to experience recovery along with family and friends because you're making such big changes to your behavior and worldview, but they're staying mostly the same. I guess the idea is that it can be frustrating to be making such big strides while other people aren't. And disappointing that they aren't celebrating your progress the same way you are.

I guess that's one of the benefits of a group like this one: we all know what it's like, and we can celebrate the wins together. Keep it going!

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #17 on: June 01, 2019, 10:31:57 PM »
Sorry about the 3/10, but hang in there!

I read once a long time ago that it can be hard to experience recovery along with family and friends because you're making such big changes to your behavior and worldview, but they're staying mostly the same. I guess the idea is that it can be frustrating to be making such big strides while other people aren't. And disappointing that they aren't celebrating your progress the same way you are.

I guess that's one of the benefits of a group like this one: we all know what it's like, and we can celebrate the wins together. Keep it going!
Thank you!

I wouldn't say I'm making big strides, baby steps at best. Sorry my English vocabulary is a bit off (I'm Japanese).

Dealing with a not-well person I imagine gets old really fast, and I've been like that for quite a long time.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2019, 10:39:29 PM by nazonoxa »

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #18 on: June 02, 2019, 03:27:28 AM »
Feeling like this isn't the right place to be journaling either. I feel very much out of the woods in terms of my addiction.

At the core of my issues is a dysfunction in communication, and for this I will need a much different kind of support.

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1041
    • View Profile
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #19 on: June 02, 2019, 06:20:58 PM »
Hey, man, whatever works for you.

Baby steps can be a big deal! It's all a process of finding what works and getting better a day at a time.

Lero

  • Guest
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #20 on: June 03, 2019, 06:14:37 AM »
Hey, man, whatever works for you.

Baby steps can be a big deal! It's all a process of finding what works and getting better a day at a time.

Small steps still move you forward.

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #21 on: June 07, 2019, 04:21:41 AM »
Having some hard-to-ignore porny urges today.

I feel very much out of the woods in terms of my addiction.
This might turn out to be the initial minor slip that eventually builds up into a landslide. Decided to keep track of my addiction a little bit more.

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #22 on: June 07, 2019, 04:29:59 AM »
One of the greater vices of porn culture is how it teaches you to be aroused by non-consensual situations.

I have a hard time being interested in my girlfriend's nude because she is willing to be naked with me.

I am 60 days free of porn but this hasn't changed a bit, maybe even got a little worse.

My libido is so utterly based around porn culture, it seems developing a non-voyeurist sexuality will take a long long time.
« Last Edit: June 07, 2019, 10:56:09 PM by nazonoxa »

nazonoxa

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
    • View Profile
    • My Journal
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #23 on: June 07, 2019, 04:47:10 AM »
Now that I think of it, maybe that's a Japanese porn thing.

I imagine our gendered double-standard about acceptable levels of interest in sex is a strong factor that forms this perverted fetish.

Apparently I too subconsciously believe that it's not desirable for a female to be interested in sex.
« Last Edit: June 07, 2019, 04:57:58 AM by nazonoxa »

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1041
    • View Profile
Re: Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors
« Reply #24 on: June 07, 2019, 06:24:04 PM »
Porn does weird things to our perceptions of sexuality, other people, and ourselves. How it messes us up may be different depending on culture, but it messes us all up. You're not alone in that.

Good idea keeping track of the addiction a little more consistently. 60 days is great progress,  but I read once that "strong" recovery doesn't really happen until after two years. Even then, I would hesitate to say I was out of the woods.

Keep up the effort and reflection. Porn works on our minds as much as our bodies, and this is a great place to straighten out our thinking.